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I'm living Benzo free Part 2

Old 03-05-2016, 05:02 PM
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Originally Posted by kzaug2014 View Post
Melki, what's going on w/your kid and work? Is your anxiety internal or external, caused by outside forces? I'll be here if you need me k?
Thank you so much. I started venting on the weekender thread and calmed down slightly. It feels like everything snow balled into the state of constant overwhelming frustration. I am mostly worried about my kid, who is displaying very worrying behaviors.
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Old 03-05-2016, 05:16 PM
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I just wrote about how proud I am of all 3 of my kids today. But, all 3 of had some immense struggles when they were younger.
My oldest daughter struggled for yrs w/drugs, alcohol & boys/men...today, she is a devout Christian, owns her own business, and is struggling a bit w/her marriage, but they are working on it.
My middle daughter started having sex at the age of 14, smoking pot same age, drinking and xanax a few yrs later...today, she has a wonderful man, an awesome 5yr old son & owns her own business.
My youngest, son, overcame an adderal addiction 2-3yrs ago, gave it up when I gave up drugs in Aug. 2014....today, he is very happy, single and has a great job.

I'm telling you this because kids can get better. I know it's just about impossible to not worry about them, but you must learn to.....leave it in God's hands if your a Christian.....or find ways to calm your anxiety, like meditation.....preferable, both.
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Old 03-05-2016, 05:44 PM
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Not worrying is hard... In the meantime, it's not just worrying, but so much time and energy goes to help with very basic things. Managing time is darn near impossible. Plus I'm going through an emotional time and feel like I don't ever have the time for that and for myself.
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Old 03-05-2016, 07:02 PM
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I know you've recently been through a very emotionally draining experience and that, alone is enough to become overwhelmed. Is there possibly anything you can drop from your schedule? I think you should make time for you. An afternoon or evening out by yourself...getting your nails done, getting a massage, ect.
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Old 03-05-2016, 07:22 PM
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Originally Posted by kzaug2014 View Post
I know you've recently been through a very emotionally draining experience and that, alone is enough to become overwhelmed. Is there possibly anything you can drop from your schedule? I think you should make time for you. An afternoon or evening out by yourself...getting your nails done, getting a massage, ect.
Yeah, and in addition to that my kid went through a major crisis this week, we are all exhausted. I will plan a day off next week, I will have to call in sick. Hold me to it next Saturday please.
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Old 03-05-2016, 07:45 PM
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I sure will hun! You sure you can't take Monday off
Emotional exhaustion sucks! I'd rather pull my fingernails out than do that ( & pulling my nails out sounds really painful lol. )
(( Hugs ))
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Old 03-05-2016, 08:11 PM
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Thank you again.
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Old 03-05-2016, 09:29 PM
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You will get through this melki you are strong and good and really hope you are not anguishing or feeling guilty about your recent wise and considered decision to put yourself and your family first. Your decision was based on compassion, empathy, wisdom and a lot of difficulty. I admired you so much when following your posts melki and when I saw some of the naysayers step in it made me really angry for you, me and women in general. You are my hero melki for having the guts to speak out and be honest about what was going down. At the risk of appearing patronising (I'm not) you did good melki. You have been through a lot melki and it makes sense that there would be aftermath. Perhaps that's what your feeling now? I'm feeling a little that way myself as just having to have both my daughter and my brother (both with schizophrenia) Scheduled into two different psych units, facing a mental health Tribunal on behalf of my brother, then working my arse off to have my daughter rehoused and still working on housing for my brother who, in a good but still sad way thinks he is married and is David Bowie. He's neither, but you've got to give him credit for picking Bowie. Poor dear thing. Now that I have gotten over most of these huge hurdles it seems a great void has opened and I am back to just little old me. Eek! Lots of emotions, feelings and the dreaded past come looming up and which I can no longer ignore. For some reason I feel that you could be going through similar. I could be wrong. The aftermath, but that's OK because we will grow. At least that's what I'm telling myself, and it does make sense. I was wondering about your kid is s/he just being a standard little d/head kid or is there some other problem? Whatever melki, I agree with kzaug and think maybe make a bit of time for yourself, and savour it. And I know that's hard when you've got kids. I'm here for you too melki and what with kzaug onside we will rock the world. And even if you are white knuckling it at the moment so what, you are sober feeling the feelings and pushing on. Love you melki.
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Old 03-05-2016, 09:35 PM
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Thanks everyone for backing me up too with my recent gutless guilt trip. And now to take my own advice. I'm chilling on the lounge shooting the breeze with a beautiful zephyr wafting through my balcony door. A beautiful day in old Sydney town. You guys are great.
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Old 03-05-2016, 10:12 PM
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Afterthought melki, your knuckles will eventually relax and go pink.
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Old 03-05-2016, 10:13 PM
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Hey Steely, it's very late here 1:10am, and I'm very tired but I wanted to say I'm very sorry about your brother and your daughter. I have a lot more I want to talk to ya about, but I must hit the hay for tonight.
Love and (( hugs )) KZ

P.S. Did you order that book yet lol.
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Old 03-06-2016, 12:39 AM
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Goodnight kzaug, sleep tight. Thanks for your kind words my brother and my daughter. It has been a nightmare but as in my post to melki I'm over the hump and sorta just sittin' shell shocked but sober. I am so grateful to have been sober through the the most part of the trial, I know I would not have handled it while drinking. I can see me now turning up at psych units DRUNK - Aaaggghhh! I sent you a PM re the book and can get it through Amazon. Sweet dreams kzaug
hugs D.
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Old 03-06-2016, 06:17 AM
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I'm not up on all what's going on but I wish everyone well.
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Old 03-06-2016, 07:44 AM
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Steely, your response really touched me, thank you. I don't regret my decision, my family requires so much of my time and attention, there's truly nothing else left.

I can't imagine what you went through with your brother and daughter... The void you describe is very similar indeed. I hope you find relief and feel better. It means a lot that you're getting through it clean.

My kid... He is really struggling. He already has depressive tendencies, very down on himself, very impulsive and completely oblivious to social cues, which makes him so lonely it makes me want to cry every time I think about it. He also has this addictive pleasure-seeking side, very addict-like behavior. He's been sneaking and lying about little things and not so little things for as long as he can remember. I've tried everything. Our latest plan has been like in AA: please come to me when you feel tempted to do something you know is wrong (steal, cheat, lie). I won't punish you, I won't be hard on you, I will help you stop and you will feel better. He agrees and really means it at the time, until the moment comes and he sneaks something again. He does this so many times a day and doesn't even know why, he says it's part of his nature. We've talked to counselors, but it's been useless. Talking it out doesn't work. I really wish we found someone who could actually help. But so far it looks like he's headed down a dangerous path and it's really killing me.

Thank you again very much for the support. I am so glad I posted last night.

So, my anxiety-prone friends, what methods do you use to cope? I recently started having trouble sleeping, waking up in cold sweat mind racing... I tried meditation, but I'm not able to stop the thoughts. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough, but so far I've been unsuccessful. So deep breaths, walks, exercise?.. I guess there's no other magic pill to make it all better?
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Old 03-06-2016, 07:45 AM
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Originally Posted by kzaug2014 View Post
We're starting off with South Pacific, then Oklahoma, The King and I, Sound of Music, State Fair and finally Carousel. I'm waiting for Iron Maiden to come out with a rock opera like The Who's Tommy lol. Some day maybe?
Wow! Growing up, my Mom used to listen to the albums of a few of these.

Have you heard the classical versions of Maiden's hits?
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Old 03-06-2016, 07:49 AM
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Originally Posted by melki View Post
So, my anxiety-prone friends, what methods do you use to cope? I recently started having trouble sleeping, waking up in cold sweat mind racing... I tried meditation, but I'm not able to stop the thoughts. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough, but so far I've been unsuccessful. So deep breaths, walks, exercise?.. I guess there's no other magic pill to make it all better?
I'm a big advocate for fresh air, the outdoors, sunshine, healthy eating, exercise, church, fellowship, and AA meetings. But that's just what works for me. I think we need to develop a routine that fits us and our daily life.
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Old 03-06-2016, 02:26 PM
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Good morning everyone. Melki out of the limited amount of research I have done on anxiety reduction the things that Astro suggested appear to be the most efficacious. I know that when I do apply those strategies I feel better. Also trying to accept that I cannot change what is happening to my daughter or brother only give support where I'm able and try to be a good role model (my daughter) and that means demonstrating that I am looking after myself. My daughter and brother are both adult so the situation is different than if they were children. How old is your son melki? I know you say that you have taken him to counsellors but have you taken him to a paediatric psychiatrist? On the other hand some kids do lie, cheat and steal as part of their development and it passes with maturation. So, what's on the cards for you today melki? Hope you do something nice for yourself. My neighbour friend and I have invented (she has a problem too) a new national holiday we've called FED (day) meaning
F**K EVERYONE DAY. So one day a week is dedicated entirely to our needs and what WE want to do. This is novel territory for me but am intent on following through. Me, watching and listening to really old Blues produced by Martin Scorcasi goes right back to to the 1800's. I was surprised by the number of women (I knew there were a lot) that were involved and long forgotten. It was great and we have 4 more to watch. She lapsed the other night and must admit it was very tedious sitting listening to a drunk rave on and repeat herself. Had no desire to drink myself as saw the results before my very eyes. Take care melki and stay posted. FED lives!
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Old 03-06-2016, 04:01 PM
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Hi guys,
Melkids, in regards to anxiety, I agree w/all of Astros recommendations and I'd like to add 2 of my own.....music and adult coloring books. I listen to my fave music for 4-6 hrs everyday. And adult coloring help take your mind off you. Adult coloring books held the 2 top spots at Amazon recently, so they do work. I'm sorry you're having a rough time with your son. I hope you're having a more relaxing day today.

Hi Blacky! Hope you're doing well.

Steely, I told you about the 2 schizophrenics in my life in the pm I sent you. I'm looking forward to your response. Have you ( or anyone else ) ever seen the movie Neverwas? It stars Aaron Eckhart, Ian McKellen, Brittany Murphy, William Holden, Jessica Lange, Nick Nolte and Alan Cumming and its an incredible movie about schizophrenia and mental illness. It's pretty hard to watch at times if you've ever dealt with mental illness in your family, but one of the best movies I've ever seen.

Astro, my love for Roger and Hammerstein movies came from my mother too. It's my favorite memory of my mom, along with the music she listen to....Simon and Garfunkel, The Seekers, Peter, Paul and Mary to name a few. She was addicted to prescription drugs her entire life, so I don't think I ever got to meet the "real" her.
No, I've never heard the classical version of Iron Maiden, but I'm going to Google it for sure! Thx! I do listen to classical music around Christmas because it reminds me of 2 of the most wonderful people I've ever met, my grandparents.

Winslow, I hope you're having a good wkend.

Wolfie, get better soon and come back to us soon.

Healing (( hugs )) everyone!
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Old 03-06-2016, 04:32 PM
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Oh Melki, I wanted to add 1 thing regarding anxiety. Caffeine and sugar...2 of the worst things for anxiety. I gave up caffeine a yr & a half ago, but man oh man, still struggling w/sugar lol.
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Old 03-06-2016, 06:48 PM
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I'm doing ok, have another rotten place on the house to investigate tomorrow
and another house coming up that needs work before it goes on the market.

Weather is supposed to be nice this week which is good.
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