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I'm living Benzo free Part 2

Old 02-29-2016, 09:11 PM
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Thanks kzaug and welcome melki. This is a good crew here.
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Old 02-29-2016, 09:13 PM
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Originally Posted by kzaug2014 View Post
Welcome aboard Melki! We're glad to have you!
Have you been taking xanax on a regular basis?
I fried my brain on klonopin for 10yrs. I say "fried" because I literally thought I was in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's. It took about a yr., but I eventually got my memory back.
Congrats on getting sober! How long has it been?
(( Hugs ))
I've been sober 1 year and 8 months. I ROCK!

I never took benzos on a regular basis but had a filled prescription for Xanax from a few years back. It helped me with the withdrawals then and I've been dipping into it occasionally when the going got tough. But going through an emotional crisis recently I took two of them to numb the pain and have been eyeing the few pills at the bottom and considered asking for a refill. Danger. Danger. I am pretty sure it's my AV looking for another way to feed itself.
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Old 02-29-2016, 10:21 PM
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Originally Posted by melki View Post
I've been sober 1 year and 8 months. I ROCK!

I never took benzos on a regular basis but had a filled prescription for Xanax from a few years back. It helped me with the withdrawals then and I've been dipping into it occasionally when the going got tough. But going through an emotional crisis recently I took two of them to numb the pain and have been eyeing the few pills at the bottom and considered asking for a refill. Danger. Danger. I am pretty sure it's my AV looking for another way to feed itself.
Well done on 1yr. 8 mo's Melki!
Danger...with a capital D! Benzo withdrawals are the worst and last forever. You don't want to go there, I promise.
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Old 03-01-2016, 04:14 AM
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I followed your recent crisis melki. Maybe you are looking for a way to bury those feelings and it is those very feelings you need to feel, so that you can let them go?Your red light is true. I think you made a very wise decision melki.
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Old 03-01-2016, 04:23 AM
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Nice work on that house, Blacky!

I went to Harbor Freight and bought more sanding pads. Didn't use them yet, but at least it's a step in the right direction
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Old 03-01-2016, 03:54 PM
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Hi all! How's everyone doing today?
Melki, I read up a bit on your story & wanted to let you know I'm really sorry you had to deal w/a few insensitive louts! I think some people just need drama in their life & feel the need to try to drag other people into it. That won't happen on this thread....we're all sweeties lol! And, personally, I'm a Christian who believes that God is the only one who should have the power to judge. Period! So don't listen to the imbeciles...you rock!

So my hubs said to me today "a yr ago, all I could think about is getting more drugs, but all I'm thinking about today is I need more paper towels!" Lol...I thought that was great!
I'm in a post grunge alternative type of mood today, so I did my workout to Seether, Stone Sour and Foo Fighters...and I'm listening to Temple of the Dog now....I love Chris Cornell! I'm thinking of breaking down and finally buy that scale I've never had....haven't made up my mind yet.

Squishy, compassionate (( hugs )) for everyone! Peace!
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Old 03-01-2016, 10:17 PM
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Ditto as to what kzaug said melki. Huge day for me taking my mum to the doctor she has to use a walker and weighs only 36kgs and afraid she is going to fall so will close and crash on couch. Just wanted to check in. My best to everyone.
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Old 03-02-2016, 03:23 PM
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Hey Steely, I hope your mum is okay. I looked up kgs to lbs and she's light as a feather! 79lbs...she could blow away.

Blacky and Winslow, are you guys okay?

So, I've been selling a bunch of things at auction lately to make much needed room in my house. I sold a bunch of vintage art pottery last wk. & a pair of gold earrings last night..yea, I know earrings don't take up much room lol. Let me tell you, jewelry sure sells better than pottery! I only made $50 on my pottery, but my earrings brought $139! I put a $125 reserve on the earrings & they sweeked by.
Nothing else new around here. Still exercising & cutting back on refined sugar. One of these days, I need to quit smoking.

Midweek (( hugs ))
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Old 03-02-2016, 07:33 PM
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I'm doing fine, well maybe a little lethargic.
Not much else to report at this time ..
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Old 03-03-2016, 02:01 AM
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Hi everyone just did a shitload of work around the flat and feeling really good. Picked up cigarettes again but will be back on track tomorrow. Going harm reduction and have bought nicotine chewing gum. I think I need a corner of my Linus blanket. I'm doing similar kzaug gathering up all of the crap that I've collected over the years never use and don't want and am going to bung on a garage sale and make a few bob. Seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow and feel heaps happier about it as now I am sober. The poor thing has been working with me for years and has never given up on me throughout all of these years of my drinking. It's good to be able to talk with him knowing that I really am sober not just conceptualising. It's a cool balmy night in Sydney and look forward to another day. See what happens tomorrow.
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Old 03-03-2016, 07:07 AM
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Coffee and cigarettes .. I went back to regular cigs instead of the ecig because the after taste was making my mouth weird .. now of course I am wheezing and realize this is not good .. I will come up with a plan here soon to quit all of it somehow.
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Old 03-03-2016, 07:22 AM
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Have you seen the batteries explode in those e-cigs Blacky? It really wasn't funny but saw a bloke on the news the other night where one exploded in his pants pocket. Poor thing he was Jumpin' Jack Flash and some bystanders had to put him out with foam. A funny image if it were on Itchy and Scratchy but it was for real. He was OK but went back to smoking.
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Old 03-03-2016, 07:56 AM
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I've seen that vid and heard of folks having their teeth blown out etc.
I think most of these are modified sorts that have more powerful batteries.
I have seen the giant gizmo's some use .. jeez ..

It would be great to not be addicted to nicotine .. at least I am sober so that is good ..
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Old 03-03-2016, 02:38 PM
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Yeah,I've read they modify them to have a bigger vape cloud,sometimes doubling up the battery that's how they explode,however mine makes me nervous cuz it does get pretty warm when I use it for awhile, plus it gives me dry mouth and a tingly tongue,nothing new to report here,in a pissy mood from work, hope all are well😊
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Old 03-03-2016, 05:39 PM
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Hi guys, I had a super busy day & I'm just kickin back, watching American Idol now. But, I wanted to pop in, say howdy, hugs n peace! Hope everyone has a wonderful night.
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Old 03-04-2016, 07:14 PM
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Hi kzaug, Winslow and Blacky and all the drop-ins. All good here and hope you have a good weekend. Had to crawl back to Quit Nicotine thread and 'fess that I'd smoked. Going to give it a miss for a while until I get a handle. Get too stressed when I relapse on cigarettes and have to admit my failings, but guess it's better than lying which dreadful to say did cross my mind. How stupid is that? Also as weak as widdle. Might have something to do with always thinking that I'm in trouble or have done something wrong. Well, I guess there is a case for me to think that way, but no longer.
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Old 03-05-2016, 07:37 AM
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Steely, be gently on yourself. I find it amazing that we're all here because we admitted we were powerless over something, anything. I myself ended up in recovery after 27 years of denial.

One day at a time. Any day we make an effort is a beautiful day.
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Old 03-05-2016, 02:17 PM
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Steely, I agree with Astro completely. I know you probably feel guilty about the things you've done in the past. If I were to make an educated guess about the percentage of people in early recovery that feel guilt, I'd say 100%. But, you need to let go of your guilt and insecurities hun. No more crawling anywhere for you! Stand tall and be proud of what you have accomplished because giving up drugs and alcohol is no small feat, quite the opposite.

So, my 3 children live in 3 different cities. My son lives w/us. My oldest daughter lives 50 mins away. And my youngest daughter lives 1 1/2 hrs away. Yet, they all still hang around each other at least 3-5 times/mo. Tonight they're all going to watch monster trucks w/their fams. When they were growing up, I asked God for 1 thing...to please let my children grow up to be healthy and happy. He answered my prayers. Thank goodness I didn't get on opiates and benzos until they were older. I feel like I have succeeded in life because not only are they all happy and healthy, they're best friends with each other. I'm very blessed.

I just received a Rogers and Hammerstein Collection of 6 dvds, so we're going to have a musical movie marathon today, much to my hubs distain lol. We're starting off with South Pacific, then Oklahoma, The King and I, Sound of Music, State Fair and finally Carousel. I'm waiting for Iron Maiden to come out with a rock opera like The Who's Tommy lol. Some day maybe?

Happy wkend and ( hugs )) everyone!
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Old 03-05-2016, 04:20 PM
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Hi friends, thank you for the warm welcome. I am not well and need help. Have been white knuckling it. I want to escape everything and everyone and slip into oblivion for at least a week. I know I can't afford to do that. I am very tempted to pick up Xanax. I am very tempted to lose my sh*t with my kid who just doesn't learn and refuses any help. I have lost it and broke down into helpless crying fits at work and at a social function last week. I need to get through tonight.
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Old 03-05-2016, 04:59 PM
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Melki, what's going on w/your kid and work? Is your anxiety internal or external, caused by outside forces? I'll be here if you need me k?
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