I'm living Benzo free Part 2
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,591
Kzaug finally got back. Your post so familiar. If I allow it like a movie reel of battered women.
And it does escalate e and they can stalk and kill. I don't think it's only wanting to believe the man will change, its also some women become the abused wife. It's horrible and equally traumatic for children.
An appalling stat goes to show that woman are more risk of DV when pregnant. Youch!
You are right about dumping the weight. We all have our own ways of doing that and so happy that you have found your way. A drummer! Makes sense.
Agree on the PTSD stuff in that I think it's treatable. It's what I'm working through now that I am sober I suppose.
I guess humping ya bluey is OK for a while but there there comes a time .....
lol
And it does escalate e and they can stalk and kill. I don't think it's only wanting to believe the man will change, its also some women become the abused wife. It's horrible and equally traumatic for children.
An appalling stat goes to show that woman are more risk of DV when pregnant. Youch!
You are right about dumping the weight. We all have our own ways of doing that and so happy that you have found your way. A drummer! Makes sense.
Agree on the PTSD stuff in that I think it's treatable. It's what I'm working through now that I am sober I suppose.
I guess humping ya bluey is OK for a while but there there comes a time .....
lol
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,591
Hi kzaug,
Have been sitting here languishing over my last empty post and the magnitude of your experience. For some reason my mind went into lockdown and hope I've found the key.
Wanted to say that your get-away was fantastic, and you and the kids so brave. Top mother.
He would have killed you. Once the gun is produced chances of it ending in death are increased big time.
Women squirrelling away a small bag of clothes, a coin for a phone call, waiting for the perpetrator to be out of sight but terrified to leave. You made it out, and not only out, but you rebuilt your life. Not an easy thing.
And always it was about power and control. How weak's that?
My experience with DV is my father's violence toward my mother when he was drunk, and which included me for some reason too. He didn't hit any of the other kids. Idk.
Anyrate, I just wanted to say that I really respect what you have been able to do and achieve. Go girls.
Maybe that dumb little sports car at end of my last post was really the mid life crisis emoticon. haha.
Wishing everyone well.
Have been sitting here languishing over my last empty post and the magnitude of your experience. For some reason my mind went into lockdown and hope I've found the key.
Wanted to say that your get-away was fantastic, and you and the kids so brave. Top mother.
He would have killed you. Once the gun is produced chances of it ending in death are increased big time.
Women squirrelling away a small bag of clothes, a coin for a phone call, waiting for the perpetrator to be out of sight but terrified to leave. You made it out, and not only out, but you rebuilt your life. Not an easy thing.
And always it was about power and control. How weak's that?
My experience with DV is my father's violence toward my mother when he was drunk, and which included me for some reason too. He didn't hit any of the other kids. Idk.
Anyrate, I just wanted to say that I really respect what you have been able to do and achieve. Go girls.
Maybe that dumb little sports car at end of my last post was really the mid life crisis emoticon. haha.
Wishing everyone well.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,591
Also wanted to thank you for the reference to freedom. Does seem like I've been carrying weight for decades. Lucky I'm strong, we had to be from where I came from, haha
It does feel good to drop the bricks but takes time for it to become familiar.
Have you heard the saying: "I knock off work to carry bricks?" I'm aiming for permanent reflective smoko. And I haven't had a cigarette for 6 days. It doesn't feel so bad this time. Seemed impossible.
It does feel good to drop the bricks but takes time for it to become familiar.
Have you heard the saying: "I knock off work to carry bricks?" I'm aiming for permanent reflective smoko. And I haven't had a cigarette for 6 days. It doesn't feel so bad this time. Seemed impossible.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,591
Kurt Cbain was right when he talked about empathy. Thanks Soberwolf..
He was one of the saddest cases I've ever seen in lots of ways too. And Hole, oh no.
Met a young bloke in rehab who really reminded me of Kurt Cobain we became friends. He used to ask me to watch the Simpsons with him,
I went to group one morning and we were told he had been found dead, heroin and Xanax in a Bondi park. Felt grief filled and guilty because he had come on to me the night before and I declined because he was so much younger. Have sometimes thought.....maybe if? I have a tiny cupid statue of him. Dead Unfair.
His father was a big hoof headed Irish seaman and J the complete opposite. I felt empathy for him too. Thanks Soberwolf.
He was one of the saddest cases I've ever seen in lots of ways too. And Hole, oh no.
Met a young bloke in rehab who really reminded me of Kurt Cobain we became friends. He used to ask me to watch the Simpsons with him,
I went to group one morning and we were told he had been found dead, heroin and Xanax in a Bondi park. Felt grief filled and guilty because he had come on to me the night before and I declined because he was so much younger. Have sometimes thought.....maybe if? I have a tiny cupid statue of him. Dead Unfair.
His father was a big hoof headed Irish seaman and J the complete opposite. I felt empathy for him too. Thanks Soberwolf.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,591
And totally contraindicated. Whoever filled the script is criminal ....the doctor knew his habit, grrrrr
Thanks Dee, I know I did the right thing and I don't regret it as the right thing to do. I suppose it is the memory of such a really beautiful person being crushed in such a way. His father was a pig.
I went and got drunk following his death and finished up in an argument with the the psychiatrists about if dependence being a disease, why did they kick J out at the peak of his disease? He muttered something, and I got booted out for drinking. And J's dead.
Thanks Dee, I know I did the right thing and I don't regret it as the right thing to do. I suppose it is the memory of such a really beautiful person being crushed in such a way. His father was a pig.
I went and got drunk following his death and finished up in an argument with the the psychiatrists about if dependence being a disease, why did they kick J out at the peak of his disease? He muttered something, and I got booted out for drinking. And J's dead.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Hi 
I don't even know where to start but I am back from the trip. To say that it took a lot out of me emotionally and physically is an understatement... I broke down twice. Didn't drink but smoked a LOT and took Xanax several times. Surprisingly, didn't need it to sleep on a plane and took the long flights and drives much better than when I drank. When I came home, I took Xanax and slept for two days and nights straight. Now back into the mummy mode. Heart aches but I am moving forward.
Thank you for thinking of me.
I hope everyone is well and will try to catch up.
I don't even know where to start but I am back from the trip. To say that it took a lot out of me emotionally and physically is an understatement... I broke down twice. Didn't drink but smoked a LOT and took Xanax several times. Surprisingly, didn't need it to sleep on a plane and took the long flights and drives much better than when I drank. When I came home, I took Xanax and slept for two days and nights straight. Now back into the mummy mode. Heart aches but I am moving forward.Thank you for thinking of me.
I hope everyone is well and will try to catch up.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Mi
Posts: 1,318
Hi all,
Steely, 1st of all...I love the race car driver lol! Super cute! Secondly, I think you did the right thing w/your rehab friend too, not so much because of his age, but because it's never a good idea to start up anything w/another addict straight outta rehab. I'm sorry you've felt so much pain & guilt over what happened, but truthfully, there really wasn't anything you could have done. The only thing that we'd all can control is how we deal w/our own lives and how we react to adversity. That's why I think it's so important to keep a positive outlook & to avoid pessimism at all costs. Optimism breeds happiness!
I've found that most doctors will prescribed nearly anything, even if it could kill ya. In the 10yrs I was prescribed methadone, norco and klonopin, I had 3 different doctors in 3 different cities have me sign contracts stating that no one could sue them if I died from the combinations of drugs I was prescribed. Haha!
It sounds like we may have had similar upbringing. I never met my mum's 1st husband, who was my father. My mum's 2nd husband adopted me, but never treated me the same as my brother and sister, the children he had w/my mum. He was an alcoholic & my mum was a pill popper and there was plenty of DV. I remember the cops telling my dad to "not go so hard on my mum the next time" lol. They divorced when I was 13 and all I felt was relief. But, the damage had been done and I was 1 mixed up adolescent lol. I actually can't remember much of my childhood, which is fine w/me, I guess. The last 22yrs have been violence free for me and I've healed a lot. I'm nearly normal lol!
Btw, you're doing great w/your smoking! If I knew how to add emotions, I'd add one w/o big thumbs up lol.
Winslow, so glad to hear your not drinking. Maybe you could think of your recovery in steps? Like...step 1, quit drinking and take a year to solidify that position...step 2, quit klonopin and concentrate on that for a year. Maybe if you got a year under your belt w/alcohol 1st, you'd be less likely to relapse. Idk, just an idea.
Melki, glad to have you back w/us! Great job on not drinking during what must have been a very stressful visit to your dads. How's everything with your immediate fam going?
Dsmaxis, great job on your taper. I totally understand not wanting to turkey it. Can be very dangerous and the withdrawals last forever! Ugh!
Wolfie, have a wonderful day!
Astro, your last post got me in an Eagles mood today. Man, I just love I Cant Tell You Why, Desperado and Take it Easy! Also listened to Kansas and Styx! I really think music is very therapeutical and everyone should try it!
D, I hope you're healing well after your fall.
(( Hugs )) & much love to everyone!
Steely, 1st of all...I love the race car driver lol! Super cute! Secondly, I think you did the right thing w/your rehab friend too, not so much because of his age, but because it's never a good idea to start up anything w/another addict straight outta rehab. I'm sorry you've felt so much pain & guilt over what happened, but truthfully, there really wasn't anything you could have done. The only thing that we'd all can control is how we deal w/our own lives and how we react to adversity. That's why I think it's so important to keep a positive outlook & to avoid pessimism at all costs. Optimism breeds happiness!
I've found that most doctors will prescribed nearly anything, even if it could kill ya. In the 10yrs I was prescribed methadone, norco and klonopin, I had 3 different doctors in 3 different cities have me sign contracts stating that no one could sue them if I died from the combinations of drugs I was prescribed. Haha!
It sounds like we may have had similar upbringing. I never met my mum's 1st husband, who was my father. My mum's 2nd husband adopted me, but never treated me the same as my brother and sister, the children he had w/my mum. He was an alcoholic & my mum was a pill popper and there was plenty of DV. I remember the cops telling my dad to "not go so hard on my mum the next time" lol. They divorced when I was 13 and all I felt was relief. But, the damage had been done and I was 1 mixed up adolescent lol. I actually can't remember much of my childhood, which is fine w/me, I guess. The last 22yrs have been violence free for me and I've healed a lot. I'm nearly normal lol!
Btw, you're doing great w/your smoking! If I knew how to add emotions, I'd add one w/o big thumbs up lol.
Winslow, so glad to hear your not drinking. Maybe you could think of your recovery in steps? Like...step 1, quit drinking and take a year to solidify that position...step 2, quit klonopin and concentrate on that for a year. Maybe if you got a year under your belt w/alcohol 1st, you'd be less likely to relapse. Idk, just an idea.
Melki, glad to have you back w/us!
Great job on not drinking during what must have been a very stressful visit to your dads. How's everything with your immediate fam going?Dsmaxis, great job on your taper. I totally understand not wanting to turkey it. Can be very dangerous and the withdrawals last forever! Ugh!
Wolfie, have a wonderful day!
Astro, your last post got me in an Eagles mood today. Man, I just love I Cant Tell You Why, Desperado and Take it Easy! Also listened to Kansas and Styx! I really think music is very therapeutical and everyone should try it!
D, I hope you're healing well after your fall.
(( Hugs )) & much love to everyone!
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