I'm living Benzo free Part 2
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
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I was also going to say that some Xanax in the short term is not a Federal Offence melki and can help when used wisely. I was a bit reluctant to say as didn't want to be seen as encouraging drug use, but it's what I believe.
I used to work as a printer a long time ago and mixing paint colour seems the same as mixing ink. There is a chart that shows the different quantities of ink to combine to mix a particular colour. It's not easy and people would sometimes complain about it not being the exact colour. It was annoying because I used to get pretty close.
I enjoyed printing but got out when I became aware of the fully toxic chemicals contained in ink and solvent. They say that printing gets into your blood, and it does.
Winslow in the great scheme of things this lape, not relapse is a drop in the ocean and now you're moving forward as before with the prize undiminished. We are all in this together.
Hi Jenses hope you are doing well.
Hi to sleepy, Soberwolf and Dee too. And now it's time for smoko. This ain't easy but it's interesting.
I used to work as a printer a long time ago and mixing paint colour seems the same as mixing ink. There is a chart that shows the different quantities of ink to combine to mix a particular colour. It's not easy and people would sometimes complain about it not being the exact colour. It was annoying because I used to get pretty close.
I enjoyed printing but got out when I became aware of the fully toxic chemicals contained in ink and solvent. They say that printing gets into your blood, and it does.
Winslow in the great scheme of things this lape, not relapse is a drop in the ocean and now you're moving forward as before with the prize undiminished. We are all in this together.
Hi Jenses hope you are doing well.
Hi to sleepy, Soberwolf and Dee too. And now it's time for smoko. This ain't easy but it's interesting.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Originally Posted by Steely 
I was also going to say that some Xanax in the short term is not a Federal Offence melki and can help when used wisely. I was a bit reluctant to say as didn't want to be seen as encouraging drug use, but it's what I believe.
Can I make another confession? I don't think a therapist would help. It would take a very special and talented and good specialist. From my experiences with them, and being closely familiar with many of them, I don't find just talking and turning it back "and how do you feel about it?" helpful. I am sure there are are some really good psychologists out there who can hone in on issues, dig them out, and offer concrete help. But with having extremely limited time and little faith, I find it hard justifying a therapist...
How are you doing, Steely? What's a smoko?
You smoke? I started back up too. 
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That is the trick we have to out trick melki but personally think that short time therapeutic use can help.. I can understand your reluctance to see a therapist.
Smoko is an old term developed by (mainly) working class men when taking a break from labour.
A group might be working together and one will yell "smoko" and everyone downs tools and has a smoke. Sort of like a tea break. Not used much anymore but some of us die hards refuse to relinquish. I like to keep old Australian lingo alive.
I tried to stop smoking recently but relapsed and will give it another go when I feel more able. At the moment it all seems too much and quitting is now sitting on the back burner.
Do you have a partner to give you support melki?
Smoko is an old term developed by (mainly) working class men when taking a break from labour.
A group might be working together and one will yell "smoko" and everyone downs tools and has a smoke. Sort of like a tea break. Not used much anymore but some of us die hards refuse to relinquish. I like to keep old Australian lingo alive.
I tried to stop smoking recently but relapsed and will give it another go when I feel more able. At the moment it all seems too much and quitting is now sitting on the back burner.
Do you have a partner to give you support melki?
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Smoko! Love it.
Yes, I have a husband and things are at a decent place between us now. That said, we don't have time to connect and haven't been intimate in months. Daily stresses with the jobs, kids, issues, family obligations... We're exhausted and snappy. But I am grateful for having him, the person who knows and cares about what happens to me.
Steely, how are you? Do you have support?
I am afraid of my emotions sometimes. I seem to be chugging along fine and then a tidal wave of devastation rushes in and kicks me down. Never have I ever been even-keeled, but it's scary when it's so intense and unpredictable.
I'm pretty happy with myself for calling both of my friends yesterday who sort of phased me out. Even if nothing comes of it, at least I told them that I felt hurt when they didn't respond to my efforts to reach out and I miss their friendship. So it's out there. I have no regrets.
Yes, I have a husband and things are at a decent place between us now. That said, we don't have time to connect and haven't been intimate in months. Daily stresses with the jobs, kids, issues, family obligations... We're exhausted and snappy. But I am grateful for having him, the person who knows and cares about what happens to me.
Steely, how are you? Do you have support?
I am afraid of my emotions sometimes. I seem to be chugging along fine and then a tidal wave of devastation rushes in and kicks me down. Never have I ever been even-keeled, but it's scary when it's so intense and unpredictable.
I'm pretty happy with myself for calling both of my friends yesterday who sort of phased me out. Even if nothing comes of it, at least I told them that I felt hurt when they didn't respond to my efforts to reach out and I miss their friendship. So it's out there. I have no regrets.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
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The psychiatrist is keeping me on klonopin,she says since I've been on it so long and never had to increase the dosage she thinks its fine,I dunno,she also thinks I have low dopamine,had me feel out a questionaire and I had nearly all the symptoms, wanted to give me Ritalin I said no,she prescribed a tiny dose of wellbutrin sr,I dunno again
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Mi
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Hi guys,
I think I jinxed myself yesterday when I said "nothing new here." My hubs has been battling insomnia since he quit heroin almost a yr ago. He's been prescribed xanax in the past for his insomnia and they gave him valium when he was in rehab, so he knows benzos help him sleep.
Anyhoo, last night his sister gave him the remainder of an old script of ativan...13 of em. The result was, yep, he slept, but he also did a Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde on me today...a complete 180°! He went from being the sweetest, most caring man to the biggest monster, overnight. Did I mention, he took all 13 of em?!
I don't have the highest threshold for bulls___ from the men in my life. My 1st hubs starting beating me 7yrs into our marriage and I was gone before the yr was out. My current hubs was actively using heroin 8mo's after I quit and I had told him get clean or get out. It's like a switch turns off in me & I go from love to extreme dislike, just like that. I'm sure it has something to do w/my dysfunctional upbringing, but it's like I'm not willing to give up my happiness for anyone but my children.
I also think he suffers from a seasonal type disorder because any time we've had any problems in the past, it's been in March. I used to dread this time of yr because he would become increasingly moody and angry.
The irony of it all is not lost on me. I started a benzo free thread and hubs really wants to use them now ugh.
Melki, have you ever tried CBT ( Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? ) Its not your conventional "what's bothering you?" therapy. It's more about retraining your brain to reduce anxiety.
Winslow, remember, you don't have to be quitting benzos to post here. We'll always be here for you.
Steely, how have you been faring? Has it been 3wks yet lol.
Blacky, what project are you currently working on?
Hi Wolfie and Astro! Have a great day!
(( Hugs )) and love!
I think I jinxed myself yesterday when I said "nothing new here." My hubs has been battling insomnia since he quit heroin almost a yr ago. He's been prescribed xanax in the past for his insomnia and they gave him valium when he was in rehab, so he knows benzos help him sleep.
Anyhoo, last night his sister gave him the remainder of an old script of ativan...13 of em. The result was, yep, he slept, but he also did a Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde on me today...a complete 180°! He went from being the sweetest, most caring man to the biggest monster, overnight. Did I mention, he took all 13 of em?!
I don't have the highest threshold for bulls___ from the men in my life. My 1st hubs starting beating me 7yrs into our marriage and I was gone before the yr was out. My current hubs was actively using heroin 8mo's after I quit and I had told him get clean or get out. It's like a switch turns off in me & I go from love to extreme dislike, just like that. I'm sure it has something to do w/my dysfunctional upbringing, but it's like I'm not willing to give up my happiness for anyone but my children.
I also think he suffers from a seasonal type disorder because any time we've had any problems in the past, it's been in March. I used to dread this time of yr because he would become increasingly moody and angry.
The irony of it all is not lost on me. I started a benzo free thread and hubs really wants to use them now ugh.
Melki, have you ever tried CBT ( Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? ) Its not your conventional "what's bothering you?" therapy. It's more about retraining your brain to reduce anxiety.
Winslow, remember, you don't have to be quitting benzos to post here. We'll always be here for you.
Steely, how have you been faring? Has it been 3wks yet lol.
Blacky, what project are you currently working on?
Hi Wolfie and Astro! Have a great day!
(( Hugs )) and love!
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,592
I'm glad your husband is supportive and cares melki, and to be expected with all that is going on that you might get snappy. When does your litigation end? To have that resolved should open up some free space?
I'm afraid of my emotions and feelings too and I know I try to block them, once through alcohol now through simple fear. It all starts to look TOO REALLY REAL and I can easily become overwhelmed and scared.
Optimist that I am and good advices here do believe that this will change with longer term sobriety. Sometimes though I can't even get a feeling up like I've anaethetised my entire feelings system and sit here like a lump of lard.
No, I have been divorced for a long time and live alone. I like it that way as no underpants hanging around or man flu ha ha. The equal division of labour was always a bit of a problem too. I know there are real benefits to a good partnership but I think I missed that boat and I'm good with it.
I have a good neighbour friend who I can talk openly and honestly with, and she with me. Got lucky with a real friend. Can't stand BS small talk even though I rave on here like a jerk.
Awww, Jenses that knocked me for a sixa (six runs in cricket, big hit) did your husband come to his senses and realise he'd made a mistake or is he intent on continuing? The fact that he took the entire 13 doesn't have a real good look.
Glad to hear you say that you don't take any BS from the men in your life because it would become intolerable if ongoing.
I'm so sorry kzaug and hope that it was a one off and he will remember the things he said about how good it felt to only have to worry about getting the shopping (?) now, not getting on. Everyone can make a blue let's hope it was an aberration.
My best to all.
I'm afraid of my emotions and feelings too and I know I try to block them, once through alcohol now through simple fear. It all starts to look TOO REALLY REAL and I can easily become overwhelmed and scared.
Optimist that I am and good advices here do believe that this will change with longer term sobriety. Sometimes though I can't even get a feeling up like I've anaethetised my entire feelings system and sit here like a lump of lard.
No, I have been divorced for a long time and live alone. I like it that way as no underpants hanging around or man flu ha ha. The equal division of labour was always a bit of a problem too. I know there are real benefits to a good partnership but I think I missed that boat and I'm good with it.
I have a good neighbour friend who I can talk openly and honestly with, and she with me. Got lucky with a real friend. Can't stand BS small talk even though I rave on here like a jerk.
Awww, Jenses that knocked me for a sixa (six runs in cricket, big hit) did your husband come to his senses and realise he'd made a mistake or is he intent on continuing? The fact that he took the entire 13 doesn't have a real good look.
Glad to hear you say that you don't take any BS from the men in your life because it would become intolerable if ongoing.
I'm so sorry kzaug and hope that it was a one off and he will remember the things he said about how good it felt to only have to worry about getting the shopping (?) now, not getting on. Everyone can make a blue let's hope it was an aberration.
My best to all.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Mi
Posts: 1,318
Blacky, I can't see the pics you posted, for some reason?
Steely, not sure what will happen now. He's sleeping again. I'm not dumping him in a week or anything like that lol. He yelled at me all day long, then left to rake his uncle's yard. Then came home...words slurring.
I think I start guarding my emotions immediately, just in case....some sort of survival technique on my part.
On a cheerier note, I just found out Adam Lambert is fronting Queen now and wonder where I've been? Lol.
(( Hugs )) and xoxo!
Steely, not sure what will happen now. He's sleeping again. I'm not dumping him in a week or anything like that lol. He yelled at me all day long, then left to rake his uncle's yard. Then came home...words slurring.
I think I start guarding my emotions immediately, just in case....some sort of survival technique on my part.
On a cheerier note, I just found out Adam Lambert is fronting Queen now and wonder where I've been? Lol.
(( Hugs )) and xoxo!
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,592
I heard the bass is it you playing the electric guitar? Whatever, it was really good. It sure wasn't watching paint dry.
I like Queen but don't know much about Adam Lambert. I can remember my mother hearing him on the radio and really loved "I've Got to Break Free". UNTIL SHE SAW THE VIDEO! It was very funny. Got her. lol
My thought disordered brother once gave her a necklace with a marijuhana leaf on it and pretended that it was a just a pretty leaf and she fell for it. She wore it for months until someone informed. That was pretty funny too. Funny family mine but very dysfunctional. Politics to Pergurtory. Fair dink.
Hope your husband pulls up kzaug. Bet he does.
(that was a joke, say NO to Domestic Violence). Sister.
I like Queen but don't know much about Adam Lambert. I can remember my mother hearing him on the radio and really loved "I've Got to Break Free". UNTIL SHE SAW THE VIDEO! It was very funny. Got her. lol
My thought disordered brother once gave her a necklace with a marijuhana leaf on it and pretended that it was a just a pretty leaf and she fell for it. She wore it for months until someone informed. That was pretty funny too. Funny family mine but very dysfunctional. Politics to Pergurtory. Fair dink.
Hope your husband pulls up kzaug. Bet he does.
(that was a joke, say NO to Domestic Violence). Sister.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
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Hey all,I'm still gonna be tapering Kzaug,at least now I know I'll have enough of a script to do it a my own pace,what do you guys think of that wellbutrun script? Isn't it sort of stimulating? I asked her if it would cause anxiety, she said she hopes not but try it,has any body here used it? The whole house has a lingering cold that doesn't want to lift,makes for a sneezy, snotty day grrrr,hope all are well,Kzaug,have you and hubs talked about all of this yet? Big(((hugs)))
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Hi Winslow,
My attitude to all psychotropics is to not take them unless absolutely necessary. Its a long struggle getting off as you would know, and they do not really address the underpinnings to your/our alcohol and other drug use.
I'm not a pharmaceutical nazi and do understand their necessity sometimes but if you can avoid them I would. Doctors can sometimes be overly keen to medicate it all away, simple. Not.
Why do you think you might need Wellbutrun? Thinking of you Winslow.
My attitude to all psychotropics is to not take them unless absolutely necessary. Its a long struggle getting off as you would know, and they do not really address the underpinnings to your/our alcohol and other drug use.
I'm not a pharmaceutical nazi and do understand their necessity sometimes but if you can avoid them I would. Doctors can sometimes be overly keen to medicate it all away, simple. Not.
Why do you think you might need Wellbutrun? Thinking of you Winslow.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Mi
Posts: 1,318
Originally Posted by Steely
My thought disordered brother once gave her a necklace with a marijuhana leaf on it and pretended that it was a just a pretty leaf and she fell for it. She wore it for months until someone informed. That was pretty funny too. Funny family mine but very dysfunctional. Politics to Pergurtory. Fair dink.
Hope your husband pulls up kzaug. Bet he does.
(that was a joke, say NO to Domestic Violence). Sister.Just to clarify, it was my ex who was abusive. My hubs now has never laid a hand on me. I really have a hard time understanding why people stay in abusive relationships, but I feel really bad for them. My love for my ex quickly turned in hate when he started throwing me around. Then, that hate quickly turned into apathy because I believe that hatred only hurts the person doing the hating.
How have you been doing lately w/your continuing sobriety?
(( Hugs )) dear.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Mi
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Originally Posted by Winslow
Hey all,I'm still gonna be tapering Kzaug,at least now I know I'll have enough of a script to do it a my own pace,what do you guys think of that wellbutrun script? Isn't it sort of stimulating? I asked her if it would cause anxiety, she said she hopes not but try it,has any body here used it? The whole house has a lingering cold that doesn't want to lift,makes for a sneezy, snotty day grrrr,hope all are well,Kzaug,have you and hubs talked about all of this yet? Big(((hugs)))
Yea, I talked to him yesterday and he told me didn't give a rat's butt what I thought. Today, however, he told me he didn't like ativan because it made him feel spacey and itchy. Whew! The real test will come when he can't sleep for a long time again. So time will tell. But, at least he knows how I feel about the situation lol.
How are you doing w/your A/V?
(( Hugs )) hun!
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Location: NSW - Australia
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It was funny kzaug.
Poor Mum, she was really proud of it and showed it to all her friends.
.
Some clue on my mother. Two of my brothers used to use heroin and some electrical goods had been knocked off from up the street, the cops came to our house.
My brothers used but they did not steal. It's a fallacy to believe, as a lot do, that all injectable drug users are thieves. It really annoys me. Judgemental.
Cops came and poor old Mum hid fits (off her own bat) in her apron pocket to protect her sons. She has never taken an illicit drug in her life and doesn't drink, and she's not an alcoholic. Images of Mum getting dragged off for self-administration. Gimme a camera.
I did understand that it was your former husband who was violent. My use of that stupid club wielding emoticon was supposed to demonstrate you clouting your current partner if he didn't cease and desist his current wayward behaviour. It was only a weak joke. I hate violence of any kind.
I'm doing OK. Still struggling with finding some sort of meaning but try to keep the faith. Anxiety and depression still know my name. I just gotta know theirs and one day I will. I'll have 90 days soon.
Bat on over the fence into the crowd. Huge six. That's my hope at anyrate, even though I am a bit naive.
Best to all, steely.
Poor Mum, she was really proud of it and showed it to all her friends.
. Some clue on my mother. Two of my brothers used to use heroin and some electrical goods had been knocked off from up the street, the cops came to our house.
My brothers used but they did not steal. It's a fallacy to believe, as a lot do, that all injectable drug users are thieves. It really annoys me. Judgemental.
Cops came and poor old Mum hid fits (off her own bat) in her apron pocket to protect her sons. She has never taken an illicit drug in her life and doesn't drink, and she's not an alcoholic. Images of Mum getting dragged off for self-administration. Gimme a camera.
I did understand that it was your former husband who was violent. My use of that stupid club wielding emoticon was supposed to demonstrate you clouting your current partner if he didn't cease and desist his current wayward behaviour. It was only a weak joke. I hate violence of any kind.
I'm doing OK. Still struggling with finding some sort of meaning but try to keep the faith. Anxiety and depression still know my name. I just gotta know theirs and one day I will. I'll have 90 days soon.
Bat on over the fence into the crowd. Huge six. That's my hope at anyrate, even though I am a bit naive.
Best to all, steely.
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