kzaug2014

Winslow, you don't need to apologize for not liking Michael Bolton lol. I think we addicts get used to apologizing for everything because we've done a lot of naughty things, which leaves us feeling guilty. It gets better with time. I think that I've been able to heal quite easily because as a Christian I know that when I ask God for forgiveness, I am forgived. I'm not trying to preach, but just saying why I'm so happy.

I don't think catastrophes need to happen for your AV to get the best of you hun. I know there are tools to combat your AV, I'm just not familiar w/them because I've never gone to AA or NA. I would think distraction must be one. Any time the thought of buying drugs has crossed my mind, I'm able to push them out somehow ( another thing I attribute to God. ) I think posting more would help you to become accountable & help deter you from drinking. Does your husband drink? I don't remember if you've mentioned it.
I know I've read that with each relapse, withdrawals become worse. I hope you feel better soon. (( Hugs ))

Steely

Hi kzaug,
Can't tell you how much your post helped in reminding me that emotions can be all over the shop in these early days, even up to a year or more.

It makes complete sense but was still feeling confused thinking that it was just me and I'd drawn the short straw. Got me back on track.

Had a big day today so will close with a big thank you and hi to all my fellow travellers.

Soberwolf

Hello gang wishing everyone a good day & evening & a great start to the week

Steely

Hi Soberwolf.

Steely

Hi melki, how you doing?

It will improve with time melki we just gotta keep hanging in like a little white cloud. Prepubescence really sux so I've worked a plan. That's the advice isn't it?

How about you tell your boy that Aunty steely will not send him an Easter egg if he's not a good boy. Not perfect, but good. A mysterious long lost aunt, boy would we have him thinking. Imagining. Tell him I have a kangaroo in the backyard.

You could buy the egg and say it was from long lost Aunty steely but he's got to be a good boy. I'm lovin' it, kids always go for the breaks so why can't we?

Thinking of you melki.

kzaug2014

Hi guys, I had another long day today...tomorrow too. I have my ultrasound at the hospital 1st thing tomorrow...happy, happy, joy, joy!
(( Hugs )) & Ttytt!

Steely

You sound happy (good) about the ultrasound kzaug is it to do with the health worries you had a bit back? Hope all goes well.

melki

I've been taking Xanax. All I want to do is sleep and not deal with any of this. It's not just my son. My dad is dying, I'm involved in a litigation, my job is depressing, my other kid is completely overlooked because she's not actively problematic. I am overwhelmed and handling it all wrong.

Aunty Steely, you are adorable, thank you.

kzaug, I appreciate your response too. You are right on all counts, and I seriously need a therapist. At this point, I honestly don't know when I can work it in.

I am up, determined not to take anything tonight. I will get through the appointments and the day today. My best to everyone.

melki

-

Steely

Hi melki,

I felt like a bit of a dill with my last post and Easter Egg strategy. Sometimes I get such ding-bat ideas but I like giving kids a run for their money.

A friend of mine went through a similar experience to your own (previously) and she was swamped with loss and sorrow. She did go to her doctor to discuss and was referred to a psychologist.

It has really helped her and kzaug's advice to see a therapist sounds really good. I doubt you will receive Easter Egg Theory, that's going to take a while for mainstream psychotherapy to adopt.

Please try to make the time for yourself to see a therapist melki you are dealing with a lot and having the space to concentrate on youself and your needs can only help.

I am so sorry about your Dad.

Winslow

Hey all,Melki you've got a lot on your plate right now,my goodness makes me feel like the stuff I whine about is basically stupid,I'm sorry you're going through this all,Kzaug,please keep us posted on the ultrasound, I'm sure everything is fine,my relapse was so stupid! Everyone says not to beat myself up but damn I had a good thing going,posted on the Oct thread that I feel weird posting there cuz I'm not an Oct quitter anymore, why didn't I stop, think,think,think? There was no alcohol in the house,there never is,I had to physically get in my car and drive to get it,so stupid and for what?over what? Not a darn thing, I wasn't in pain,I wasn't anxious, yada yada,hope all are well

kzaug2014

Hey guys,

I'm a day late, Wolfie, but Ty and you have a great day & week too!

Aunty Steely, yep, the ultrasound was about those previous concerns & I try to be positive about everything, but happy, happy, joy, joy is a sarcastic play on words. Like, "oh, an ultrasound? Woo hoo...ugh, yippee...not." Anyhoo, I'll get my results in 3-5 days.

Melki, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. You have so much going on. I feel for you hun. Litigation would be enough to put me over the edge. I hate going to court so much that I let my ex husband slide on his child support the entire 18+yrs!
I hate to say this, but I think that xanax is normally prescribed to people w/situations like yours ( 8wks tops. )

My hubs need to use my phone, so I'm going to post what I've written so far & I'll be back ( said in my terminator voice lol. )

melki

Got through the day without losing my s**t and taking anything, yay me. I absolutely hate being in the middle of this. If I could throw money at it to make it go away, I would in a second. I can't even...

Thank you so much for being here.

Blacky

Hang in there Melki !

Blacky

Positive thoughts to everyone !

Blacky

So I saw the pill PA today and told here I was off the lexipro. She interrogated me a bit as to my reasons and how the med. made me feel to jot in her log.

I said I was going to see how I felt over the next month or so and if I started to feel unusually down I would maybe try a different med. So no more scheduled appts. with her.

Otherwise plodding along with the job I am on. The homeowner who stays in another house on weekends saw the color I used and all is good with that.
I wasn't worried really given the house is being put on the market and an off white was what I said I would use. Just not an exact color formula .. ha ha ..

I have had customers that picked out a color and brand of paint and then later asked to see the can .. as if I used something different .. showed them their color choice right on the can. I learned some people are funny about colors so I make sure it is all on them if they don't like their choice.

Maybe tomorrow I will have some more motivation.

kzaug2014

I'm back!

Melki, getting through 1 day at a time is the best we can do. You rock, girl!

Winslow, sometimes...we just screw up. What's important is you're back with us hun. I'm sure everyone in your Oct will welcome you right back.

Blacky, I was just going to inquire bout you lol. I'm glad you had your appt. & I hope things go well for ya this next Mo. Yea, I don't think some people don't realize how paint can look different from what they imagined on the wall & that their color choice can change color depending on the time of day ( when different light hits it. ) I'm sure you get "well, that lime green looked great in my House Beautiful magazine. Why doesn't it look good on my walls???" Lol! Umm, well, ya need to have the furniture and accessories to match? Hehe!

(( Hugs )) my friends!

Winslow

I painted my living room"chocolate drizzle" in my old house, I loved it but everyone said it felt like a cave haha,go to the real psychiatrist tomorrow, a little nervous about what she's gonna say,I think the therapist thought I was beyond his expertise so I scheduled this appointment on his advice months ago, hope all are well,too quiet here

kzaug2014

Yea, it is quiet Winslow. I love the paint combination of chocolate brown and navy blue together. I'm thinking of doing our bedroom in those colors, but will probably go w/a cross between navy & slate blue so it's nots so dark. Good luck at your new psychiatrist tomorrow!

Nothing much new around here except my hubs hasn't been sleeping and is driving me up the wall lol. I'm telling ya, when he's not feeling well, he complains and then he complains some more. What a wuss lol.

I finally finished organizing all my cd's today. Only took me a week lol. I organized them according to genre, but that won't last long because the hubs and my son don't seem to know what a genre is and just put em back randomly ugh. I also scored a dozen new one's for a whopping $4 this week. Yay!!!

I've traded my treadmill in for taking walks w/our chi and chi-poo now that the snow is gone. I can't wait for summer! I'm going to live outside lol.

Where's all my other peeps? You guys okay?

(( Hugs )) & much love!

melki

Good luck with the psychiatrist, Winslow, hope you find a good one.