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Old 01-23-2016, 09:54 AM
  # 141 (permalink)  
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P.s.s...

I see you are more than 7 days clean....sorry bought that...

Anyway...it still takes months to mentally heal....fight like your life depends on it...

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Old 01-23-2016, 01:41 PM
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Well I made to the airport and back......Yes Ive had moments where I wanted to freak out but I just breathed normally and it passed quickly. This happened several times on the way there and I had a lump in my throat the whole way.

On the way back was a little less hectic and the lump in my throat went away. Bout quarter of the way back I began to feel good and calm. By halfway and all the way back I felt as though I could turn around and go back for another run. It really told me something about why I was feeling anxious in the first place!

I Needed Exposure!

Exposure was something I forgot was needed when I was practicing CBT years ago! Cognitive Behavioral Therapy was my strongest way to deal with and squadh my anxiety for long driving trips.....

Sigh......

Looks like Im out of practice so Ive got my work cut out for me to get back in cognitive shape.

I need to get out of the house more especially when Im faced with going on a long drive..... yeah....I gotta do this.
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Old 01-23-2016, 03:47 PM
  # 143 (permalink)  
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I have faith in you Introvrtd...sometimes all we need to do is get there - it doesn't necessarily have to be graceful

D
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Old 01-23-2016, 06:25 PM
  # 144 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I have faith in you Introvrtd...sometimes all we need to do is get there - it doesn't necessarily have to be graceful

D
Thanks Dee!
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Old 01-23-2016, 06:26 PM
  # 145 (permalink)  
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I think there is a direct correlation between anxiety and high blood pressure.....Im just not sure which one causes the other...
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Old 01-24-2016, 02:31 PM
  # 146 (permalink)  
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Theres something about sunday late afternoons that give me a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach I haven't had since I was a kid in grade school.....The thought of the weekend winding down to a close depressed me and had me so not looking forward to the mundane existence of going back to school. Its not that I didn't enjoy school, it was something about the weeknights that were labor intensive, homework, then bedtime that had me in such a depressive state. Weekends were fun-filled days of joy with sunshine, laughter and play, but when sunday afternoons rolled around, they started to feel a lot like those weeknights all over again .....

There is this small simmer of anxiety and depression sitting in the pit of my gut right now on this late Sunday afternoon....Its not big at all...Just a marble-sized bit , as compared to basketball-sized bothersome anxiety and depression that would have me pacing the floors and doin major chores to keep distracted. Im talkin just small enough not to let itconcern me or even notice its there....

But just enough to know its there....does this make any sense?

On one hand I should be glad its not bothering me too much and I should just sit down, relax and enjoy the good while I can....On the other hand, Im waiting for it to go from a very very low no concern, to a low simmer, to a low boil, and possibly to a medium boil....as if I have no right to feel good...sigh

Well I want to keep it at a 'no concern' level as I just wanna let it pass.

I look back on those childhood days and apply it to my life today with all the complications of job, family, money, environment, society, and public.....

It all gives me an anxiety that remains on a low level. Wheres that fun?! Wheres that happy vibrance I once had as a kid in grade school.. Life to me didnt have a care in the world...I guess I let alcohol, although euphoric as it may have been, take all that away....
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Old 01-24-2016, 02:54 PM
  # 147 (permalink)  
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Well, its back to the stressful grind tomorrow.....Used to be I binge drank on weekends usually ended by Sunday nights followed by going to bed drunk and waking up at 4am going to work feeling like crap all day....

That used to be the norm so much so that by wednesday, withdrawal insomnia turned to a decent nights sleep and the yukky feelings of anxiety and depression were gone only to look forward to another binge weekend by friday...

It seems now I have depression and anxiety on another level but theres a big difference......

This is the healing process rather than the destructive one....
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Old 01-24-2016, 03:00 PM
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Its weird.....I can't tell you all enough how this anxiety can fluctuate from one end of the spectrum to the other....

Some days are good some are bad.....I like to think my bad days are becoming few and far between..... I haven't noticed yet how often....

Someone tell me again at what point was their anxiety so few and far between that they've all but forgotten they had it?
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Old 01-24-2016, 05:40 PM
  # 149 (permalink)  
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Intro,

The boost is knowing you are sober. That works for me.

Sober as a saint.

My anxiety was maddening for months. Plus, the first month or 2, I was still healing physically. I was exhausted all the time.

I still get anxiety with every new experience sober. Almost 9 months.

For example, last weekend I went to rake some leaves in the yard. It caused me anxiety. Weird.

I get anxiety when my carpool buddy gets in the car. Fight or flight. It used to be a pure nightmare. To and from work. This lasted for about 6 months...but it got a bit easier each time...but it was very tough.

My safe place is home. Thank God. I have little anxiety sitting around the house.

Without SR, I would have self medicated the pain away. Booze. I did that for years and years. Now I faced it, and am better for that.

Facing the pain, I pray, is burned into my soul. This reminds me of the horror of alcohol.

The commercials with girls in bikinis drinking a cold beer on the beach don't tell the truth at all.

Right?
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Old 01-24-2016, 05:42 PM
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Wow.......

Its amazing how hot showers make me feel so much better.....so relaxing.
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Old 01-24-2016, 05:45 PM
  # 151 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by D122y View Post
Intro,

The boost is knowing you are sober. That works for me.

Sober as a saint.

My anxiety was maddening for months. Plus, the first month or 2, I was still healing physically. I was exhausted all the time.

I still get anxiety with every new experience sober. Almost 9 months.

For example, last weekend I went to rake some leaves in the yard. It caused me anxiety. Weird.

I get anxiety when my carpool buddy gets in the car. Fight or flight. It used to be a pure nightmare. To and from work. This lasted for about 6 months...but it got a bit easier each time...but it was very tough.

My safe place is home. Thank God. I have little anxiety sitting around the house.

Without SR, I would have self medicated the pain away. Booze. I did that for years and years. Now I faced it, and am better for that.

Facing the pain, I pray, is burned into my soul. This reminds me of the horror of alcohol.

The commercials with girls in bikinis drinking a cold beer on the beach don't tell the truth at all.

Right?
Heh heh! No they don't! Those beer commercials lie! Besides their number one goal is to sell beer!!
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Old 01-25-2016, 03:27 AM
  # 152 (permalink)  
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Strange......Sleep wasn't bad....but woke up this morning with a calm feelin, at the same time, like I was on the verge of anxiety.....

Hard to explain....but again, it was like very low anticipatory anxiety....calm, but like I would've been more comfortable freaking out and coping with some form of anxiety.....

hmmmm
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Old 01-25-2016, 03:49 AM
  # 153 (permalink)  
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Sigh.....

5am.... at work.....back to the grind....my biggest worry is the drive to work....it was ok but there was the minute worry about anxiety rising up.......fortunately it didn't.

My other worry is being at home after work this week.... I just hope I'll be ok.....
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Old 01-25-2016, 04:18 AM
  # 154 (permalink)  
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I've never forgotten the anxiety, intro, and I still get low-level attacks at times. But those are little alarms for me, letting me know that I need to work on my recovery whether it be a meeting, service work, church, or maybe prayer and meditation. Any of those things will get me refocused and centered on my purpose in life, to stay clean and sober.
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Old 01-25-2016, 08:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Astro View Post
I've never forgotten the anxiety, intro, and I still get low-level attacks at times. But those are little alarms for me, letting me know that I need to work on my recovery whether it be a meeting, service work, church, or maybe prayer and meditation. Any of those things will get me refocused and centered on my purpose in life, to stay clean and sober.
That's for sure Astro...
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Old 01-25-2016, 12:33 PM
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Started my workouts again.....Usually do the stationary bike for 30 mins a day after work.....starting slow with 20 mins every other day this week. Don't want to rush right into it. Trying not to get anxiety worked up in the process....

I know that exercise is good for managing anxiety but Im trying not to be counterproductive....
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Old 01-25-2016, 01:14 PM
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20 mins on the bike done.....nothing too strenuous....did a cool down....finally stopped and sat for a few mins....after I stood up I felt a panic welling up......uugghh.....walked slowly around till it passed......i know my bp was up and that's usually what does it.....
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Old 01-25-2016, 04:03 PM
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Day 43.....

I can do this.....Looking for that 60 days.....Then 90....
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Old 01-26-2016, 05:03 PM
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Talking things out here on SR sort of helps me release....

I hope this isn't becoming mundane for readers looking for help, advice, and support...Its just that reading the daily posts of others about possibly the same things Im going through is helpful....
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Old 01-26-2016, 06:09 PM
  # 160 (permalink)  
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I love reading your updates Intro😊
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