I'm living Benzo free
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
On Wednesday I slipped and had a few beers. Of course the panic/anxiety came back tenfold so I took an extra dose of Ativan, and another extra dose yesterday.
I have no desire to drink right now, I am getting a lot of support on my sobriety and I plan on staying sober.
But all these extra doses of Ativan made me really depressed. I spent the last 15 hours in bed and right now I have no motivation to do anything. Getting dressed in the morning was a huge struggle.
I keep telling myself that it's my brain, it's all messed up with alcohol and benzos, that life is really not that bad, that it will get better...but I'm having a hard time believing it...
I am at that point where I think "This is it. It's never going to get better"
I have no desire to drink right now, I am getting a lot of support on my sobriety and I plan on staying sober.
But all these extra doses of Ativan made me really depressed. I spent the last 15 hours in bed and right now I have no motivation to do anything. Getting dressed in the morning was a huge struggle.
I keep telling myself that it's my brain, it's all messed up with alcohol and benzos, that life is really not that bad, that it will get better...but I'm having a hard time believing it...
I am at that point where I think "This is it. It's never going to get better"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Mi
Posts: 1,318
I'm really sorry you had a really rough day, Patricia, but Dees right, what you need to believe is life's so much better clean and sober. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but have faith & believe in yourself.
When I quit opiates and benzos, I knew what I was in for ( from trying yrs ago. ) But I went into w/the mind that even if it took a yr., I was going to live a drug free life. And I thought "what's 1yr outta my entire life?" I thought "okay, I know I'm going to feel like crap for awhile & after, things will be good." I did know how "good" would feel, being in the state of mind I was in. But I was determined to find out.
Don't beat yourself up too much. Everyone slips up. You can do this hun!
(( Hugs ))
When I quit opiates and benzos, I knew what I was in for ( from trying yrs ago. ) But I went into w/the mind that even if it took a yr., I was going to live a drug free life. And I thought "what's 1yr outta my entire life?" I thought "okay, I know I'm going to feel like crap for awhile & after, things will be good." I did know how "good" would feel, being in the state of mind I was in. But I was determined to find out.
Don't beat yourself up too much. Everyone slips up. You can do this hun!
(( Hugs ))
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,486
Hey all,Thanksgiving was fine Kzaug,a little anxiety just cuz of all of the work involved, a little depression kicked in by the afternoon but I know that's holiday related too,how was yours? Wonder how Isamybella is doing,hope she checks in,I'm curious if I would be able to drop as fast as she did and be ok,anyways I wish you all a wonderful Saturday, be well😊
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Mi
Posts: 1,318
Hi Winslow,
I had a really good Thanksgiving, ty. I always have more anxiety around the holidays too, but I'm working on trying to change the way I think around the holidays...positive, positive, positive! Lol!
I hope Isamybella is doing okay too & Sharon & everyone else too. If you guys read this, plz check in!
I'm on day 6 of quitting sugar. I did pretty good. I allowed myself 1 piece of piece of pie on Thanksgiving and I had a couple of glasses of Squirt. But, no chocolate or ice cream ( my downfalls...yikes!) And I lost 3lbs! Imagine that...no sugar=loosing weight lol!
Some day, I'd really like to quit GMO food also. I know it's linked to disease, well being & generally feeling crappy. I rarely eat processed food, so that's good. I also just bought a mini stepper, so I can get in better shape.
((Hugs)) to everyone!
I had a really good Thanksgiving, ty. I always have more anxiety around the holidays too, but I'm working on trying to change the way I think around the holidays...positive, positive, positive! Lol!
I hope Isamybella is doing okay too & Sharon & everyone else too. If you guys read this, plz check in!
I'm on day 6 of quitting sugar. I did pretty good. I allowed myself 1 piece of piece of pie on Thanksgiving and I had a couple of glasses of Squirt. But, no chocolate or ice cream ( my downfalls...yikes!) And I lost 3lbs! Imagine that...no sugar=loosing weight lol!
Some day, I'd really like to quit GMO food also. I know it's linked to disease, well being & generally feeling crappy. I rarely eat processed food, so that's good. I also just bought a mini stepper, so I can get in better shape.
((Hugs)) to everyone!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
I feel a little better today, probably because I got to leave my little town and do some Christmas shopping.
I don't know if it's all in my mind or what...but I started to feel depressed again right after I took Ativan in the morning...by mid afternoon I was feeling fine again. I know Ativan lasts around 6 hours. Like I said I don't know if it's psychological or a coincidence that once the effects of Ativan wears off the depression lifts?
Maybe I'm overthinking...
((hugs))
I don't know if it's all in my mind or what...but I started to feel depressed again right after I took Ativan in the morning...by mid afternoon I was feeling fine again. I know Ativan lasts around 6 hours. Like I said I don't know if it's psychological or a coincidence that once the effects of Ativan wears off the depression lifts?
Maybe I'm overthinking...
((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,486
Patricia, I'm the opposite with the klonopin,I feel low between doses but when I take it,my mood lifts,these drugs are so bizarre aren't they? I was gonna mention the 5 htp cuz I know you mentioned you use it,my experience was that when I first started it I felt great,after about a year I felt like it made me more depressed somehow so I stopped taking it regularly, however I keep some on hand for a bit of a boost here and there and alcohol withdrawal (which I don't plan on going through again!) Hope everyone is having a peaceful night😊
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
I'm going to try cutting from 0.25 to 0.125 today. I know it's a big cut but I really want to see if I can get rid of this depression and this feeling of hopelessness.
Ugh I can't wait for this nightmare to be over...
Ugh I can't wait for this nightmare to be over...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
And as soon as I posted the message above I started to feel very anxious...I am scared of making this cut. I'm scared of living without benzos, but they're ruining my life...am I ever going to feel calm and relaxed without this horrible drug? Im feeling hopeless...
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 609
Hiya Patricia (and everyone ),
Distraction is what helped me more than anything.
I've got a lengthy reply to you that I'm still writing but
wanted to ask
how are the benzo's ruining your life?
Do you mean while you're tapering? Or do you mean them plus the drinking?
(((((hugs)))))
You're so close to taking the leap from them...just hang in there.
),Distraction is what helped me more than anything.
I've got a lengthy reply to you that I'm still writing but
wanted to ask
how are the benzo's ruining your life?
Do you mean while you're tapering? Or do you mean them plus the drinking?
(((((hugs)))))
You're so close to taking the leap from them...just hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
Originally Posted by Shining~Again 
how are the benzo's ruining your life?
Do you mean while you're tapering? Or do you mean them plus the drinking?
Do you mean while you're tapering? Or do you mean them plus the drinking?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Mi
Posts: 1,318
Patricia, you can do this. It's going to take time, but the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is soooo worth it. I really can't emphasize that enough.
I've done nearly every drug known to man, starting with marijuana & alcohol, graduating to acid, ecstasy, coke, meth, aderal, then methadone, norco and klonopin & finally, at the age of 49, heroin. Klonopin was the hardest for me to quit. I probably could have gone to a psychiatrist to get another prescription. And they're super cheap to buy on the streets here ( .50 from the connect I used to have. ) But I made up my mind that I was not going to grow old being a slave to these drugs.
After the initial withdrawals subsided, I needed to find activities to do to take my mind off me. My main objective was helping my hubs get off heroin, at 1st. So that's not much use to anyone here. But after he got clean, I kept him ( & me ) very busy w/mainly outdoor activities ( luckily it was spring. ) We got back to all the things we used to love to do when we were younger...fishing, boating, walking through the woods, art fairs, etc..
The point is to find activities you used to love to do & find new ones too.
I highly recommend deep breathing. It forces your body to calm down, which in turn calms your mind down. I also quit caffeine & only drinking water now.
Other people do yoga, meditation, adult coloring books, walking, healthy diet. Some sort of support system is key too. I use SR as my support & started to study CBT ( cognitive behavioral therapy. )
Keep posting. We're here for you.
(( Hugs ))
I've done nearly every drug known to man, starting with marijuana & alcohol, graduating to acid, ecstasy, coke, meth, aderal, then methadone, norco and klonopin & finally, at the age of 49, heroin. Klonopin was the hardest for me to quit. I probably could have gone to a psychiatrist to get another prescription. And they're super cheap to buy on the streets here ( .50 from the connect I used to have. ) But I made up my mind that I was not going to grow old being a slave to these drugs.
After the initial withdrawals subsided, I needed to find activities to do to take my mind off me. My main objective was helping my hubs get off heroin, at 1st. So that's not much use to anyone here. But after he got clean, I kept him ( & me ) very busy w/mainly outdoor activities ( luckily it was spring. ) We got back to all the things we used to love to do when we were younger...fishing, boating, walking through the woods, art fairs, etc..
The point is to find activities you used to love to do & find new ones too.
I highly recommend deep breathing. It forces your body to calm down, which in turn calms your mind down. I also quit caffeine & only drinking water now.
Other people do yoga, meditation, adult coloring books, walking, healthy diet. Some sort of support system is key too. I use SR as my support & started to study CBT ( cognitive behavioral therapy. )
Keep posting. We're here for you.
(( Hugs ))
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 609
Kzaug's post is gold.
The folks I know that are off benzo's and aren't in hell are the ones that made efforts to change their current life and affairs. In small or large, but steady ways.
I took the time to read over past thread's Patricia and what I saw a lot of in your posts were problems with anxiety. Not small bits of anxiety either.
For what it's worth....my doctor explained to me that ativan given to a person for a "event" like divorce, death of loved one, traumatic happening, that they would just go back to base line self.
That benzo's weren't going to forever change them.
I believe with all my heart and head that my mindset has everything to do with being okay with no benzos.
Distraction, new hobbies, new job, new anything; continued therapy, definitely no drinking (though it seems you went from heavy to very light? over the past 4 years?) mainly due to the anxiety it causes you...and most of all, for the love of god woman - you are sooooo much further ahead now than I think you even realize!!!
Trust me, I know anxiety and I know withdrawal feelings. It's hell when you're in the midst of it. I'd want you to help yourself by seeing that you've come far over time. Not perfection....but a lot more progress than you're crediting yourself with.
I'll stop now.
The folks I know that are off benzo's and aren't in hell are the ones that made efforts to change their current life and affairs. In small or large, but steady ways.
I took the time to read over past thread's Patricia and what I saw a lot of in your posts were problems with anxiety. Not small bits of anxiety either.
For what it's worth....my doctor explained to me that ativan given to a person for a "event" like divorce, death of loved one, traumatic happening, that they would just go back to base line self.
That benzo's weren't going to forever change them.
I believe with all my heart and head that my mindset has everything to do with being okay with no benzos.
Distraction, new hobbies, new job, new anything; continued therapy, definitely no drinking (though it seems you went from heavy to very light? over the past 4 years?) mainly due to the anxiety it causes you...and most of all, for the love of god woman - you are sooooo much further ahead now than I think you even realize!!!
Trust me, I know anxiety and I know withdrawal feelings. It's hell when you're in the midst of it. I'd want you to help yourself by seeing that you've come far over time. Not perfection....but a lot more progress than you're crediting yourself with.
I'll stop now.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 609
Originally Posted by patricia68
My drinking got out of control once I started taking benzos. I find quitting alcohol was difficult but quitting benzos is really a nightmare...
Problem was as I got older I couldn't trade off one for the other, back and forth, like before. Have no idea if age stopped the heavy drinking, sugar issues, hormones or what not. I just know that booze = benzo use after or during. A terrible combo....a dangerous combo.
My anxiety is something I can handle as long as I don't put booze in the mix.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,486
Shining,I agree on avoiding alcohol when it comes to anxiety, we think its a fix but it just fuels the fire! When I think of the mess I got myself into,I'm just baffled,I never knew what anxiety was until I started drinking casually at 31,started having anxiety and the doc gave me Zoloft and klonopin,that's when the super heavy daily drinking started,I think it was the Zoloft cuz I didn't even take the klono back then,gof off Zoloft after a 50 lb weight gain after 2 years but by then the drinking was such a habit plus I was physically addicted,started tapering off and would quit for weeks but that's when I started taking klono on a daily bases,just.25 but then I started taking them as prescribed 2 years ago,I never knew these drugs were addictive,I know addicts say that but I SWEAR I was just going by what my long term doctor said,jeez,what a roller coaster this has been
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
Thank you so much guys. You have no idea how much better I feel after reading your posts.
I think I'll force myself to do something to get my mind off the anxiety. I like crafty stuff, I bought a coloring book today. Everything seem blah right now but you guys are right, I have to make an effort.
I think I'll force myself to do something to get my mind off the anxiety. I like crafty stuff, I bought a coloring book today. Everything seem blah right now but you guys are right, I have to make an effort.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 609
Winslow- I don't understand either how the meds, whether antidepressants or benzos, seem to have the affect on some people and not others.
I gave up trying to get a firm answer. There isn't one.
Definitely don't agree with the "addict" term either.
Dependent, yes.
There is a huge difference in those 2 terms or none...depending on how one looks at it.
The other term I'm struggling to remember is when you inadvertly get "addicted" via a doctor who either isn't paying much attention (refilling benzos for months and years) or who doesn't feel withdrawing is a big deal.
I know my doctors did the best they could considering my circumstances.
Hang in there and keep moving forward. You seem to be doing really good with the alcohol withdraw? Surviving Thanksgiving makes us all heros in my eyes. And those that had a bad time or fell off can hopefully shake off that negative feeling and keep going forth.
Patricia - so glad to see you feeling more positive! One step at a time.
Keep posting when things go wonky!
take care and sleep tight! Ha! I know..sleep can be difficult for many of us
I gave up trying to get a firm answer. There isn't one.
Definitely don't agree with the "addict" term either.
Dependent, yes.
There is a huge difference in those 2 terms or none...depending on how one looks at it.
The other term I'm struggling to remember is when you inadvertly get "addicted" via a doctor who either isn't paying much attention (refilling benzos for months and years) or who doesn't feel withdrawing is a big deal.
I know my doctors did the best they could considering my circumstances.
Hang in there and keep moving forward. You seem to be doing really good with the alcohol withdraw? Surviving Thanksgiving makes us all heros in my eyes. And those that had a bad time or fell off can hopefully shake off that negative feeling and keep going forth.
Patricia - so glad to see you feeling more positive! One step at a time.
Keep posting when things go wonky!
take care and sleep tight! Ha! I know..sleep can be difficult for many of us
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
