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I'm living Benzo free

Old 11-09-2015, 04:52 PM
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Hey all,today was sort of hard,sleep is an issue still(as I know it will be for a bit) I woke up so foggy and hungover feeling, it gave me the creeps!got a little of the jelly legs and a headache,however I just started my monthly so it could be that,it always screws me up and makes me anxious and weird,I always used it as an excuse to drink in the past...no more😊 I'm just gonna hold where I'm at for a bit,I don't want to be an anxious wreck during the holidays,eeks,just taking it slow,luckily I have the option to do that,any ideas on handling anxiety during a taper?and what about after?I always wonder how people cope without the safety net of a benzo or alcohol, hope everyone is having a nice night😊
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Old 11-09-2015, 05:13 PM
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That's absolutely insane, BlueWisteria! Talk about a drug pushing doctor! I'm so glad you made it through.
I had 3 different doctors in the 10yrs. I was prescribed methadone, norco and klonopin ( 3 different cities. ) All 3 of those doctors had me sign what I called a"death contract." It essentially stated that no one would sue, if I were to die from the combination of meds I was on. I had to sign a new contract every year, which goes to show exactly what lengths I would go to to get my scripts. I knew I could die, but just didn't care. That's insane too! I just never realized how nuts that was until I got straight ( maybe my doctors were medicated too, because they never saw anything wrong w/practice either lol. )
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Old 11-09-2015, 05:53 PM
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These type of doctors don't really care about their patients addicted
to the lethal narcotics they prescribe us, as long as we keep paying them for prescriptions. I've had different doctors do the same thing with the medications and prescriptions.
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Old 11-09-2015, 06:04 PM
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My former drug supplier psychiatrist was a patient at my next clinic and
apparently she was being prescribed some heavy duty pharmaceutical narcotics herself. She originally introduced me to the xanax-klonopin combination. 4 mgs of xanax per day and 2 mgs of klonopin per day. Totally comatose.
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Old 11-09-2015, 06:50 PM
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Hi Winslow!
I think sleep ( or lack thereof ) is particularly irritating as it exasperated all the other symptoms. I won't even go into how much sleep I didn't get lol.

In recovery, I've tried to change my way of thinking. E.g. If there's a situation that I'm particularly anxious about, I'll look at "why am I anxious about this?" Then, I'll ask myself "is the reason I'm anxious about this likely to happen the way I think it's will?" The answer is, more than likely not. So essentially, I am worrying about something that likely will not happen.
I also look for the positive in everything. If I start to get depressed about something, I'll think, "well, there are so many people that have it so much worse than I do." E.g. I saw a family on the morning news that lost their son in a hit & run last night. It makes my problems pale in comparison.
I also ask God to help me overcome what I can't on my own.
A good diet, exercise, meditation, therapy, deep breathing, yoga are all used to combat anxiety. And....no caffeine lol.
BlueWisteria, are there any techniques you used that I haven't mentioned?
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Old 11-09-2015, 07:02 PM
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Hi Winslow!
I think sleep ( or lack thereof ) is particularly irritating as it exasperated all the other symptoms. I won't even go into how much sleep I didn't get lol.

In recovery, I've tried to change my way of thinking. E.g. If there's a situation that I'm particularly anxious about, I'll look at "why am I anxious about this?" Then, I'll ask myself "is the reason I'm anxious about this likely to happen the way I think it's will?" The answer is, more than likely not. So essentially, I am worrying about something that likely will not happen.
I also look for the positive in everything. If I start to get depressed about something, I'll think, "well, there are so many people that have it so much worse than I do." E.g. I saw a family on the morning news that lost their son in a hit & run last night. It makes my problems pale in comparison.
I also ask God to help me overcome what I can't on my own.
A good diet, exercise, meditation, therapy, deep breathing, yoga are all used to combat anxiety. And....no caffeine lol.
BlueWisteria, are there any techniques you used that I haven't mentioned?
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Old 11-10-2015, 03:48 AM
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I went to 2-3 meetings a day for the first year.
Its the only thing that helped me with the anxiety.
The first 30 days are crucial.
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Old 11-10-2015, 10:19 AM
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Originally Posted by BlueWisteria View Post
These type of doctors don't really care about their patients addicted
to the lethal narcotics they prescribe us, as long as we keep paying them for prescriptions. I've had different doctors do the same thing with the medications and prescriptions.
So true. I'm glad I switched doctors about 4 months ago and have one with a new perspective on meds as opposed to keeping me connected to Xanax.
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Old 11-11-2015, 04:46 PM
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Hey all,I've decided to put my klono taper on hold for a bit,anxiety and insomnia are just too much right now, I have a busy life and it sux to be wired yet tired,I can't believe that such a tiny cut can make such a huge difference!maybe cuz I'm only 19 days of the booze too,who knows,hope everyone is well😊
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Old 11-12-2015, 02:33 AM
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Congrats on 19 days sober Winslow
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Old 11-12-2015, 08:33 AM
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Hi Winslow,
Wishing you well and congratulations on day 20!
You're doing great & you don't need to be quitting benzos to post here. Even though alcohol isn't my DOC, sometimes of the craziest things I've ever done were under the influence of liquor. Yikes lol!
Have a great day!
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Old 11-12-2015, 09:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Winslow View Post
Hey all,I've decided to put my klono taper on hold for a bit,anxiety and insomnia are just too much right now, I have a busy life and it sux to be wired yet tired,I can't believe that such a tiny cut can make such a huge difference!maybe cuz I'm only 19 days of the booze too,who knows,hope everyone is well😊
If you work with your doctor, he / she might have some alternatives for you. Each night, I take a little Trazadone to assist with my sleeping. I no longer have insomnia and it's not an addictive medication. I'm happy my doctor recommended it. Ambien wasn't good for me - didn't do much and it's a controlled substance, so the risk of addiction to that med is possible.
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Old 11-12-2015, 02:48 PM
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I guess I am still tapering, just at a snails pace,I have talked with the doc before about this and she was thinking of a quicker taper than what I have in mind,I think more AF time will help me tolerate this bettertoo,aalcohol and benzos are the only drugs I've taken,except a hit of weed here and there,which I hated! I actually wish I did like it since its becoming more legal but I don't,it doesn't have the calming effect on me as it does some people, ho him,hope everyone is doing well😊
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Old 11-12-2015, 03:18 PM
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Hi Sizzle & Winslow,
I'm prescribed tradition too, Sizzle. Works great for me! I've heard horror stories about ambien's side effects, like sleep driving, waking up in jail w/no idea how they got there.

Sizzle, as long as you have a doctor's that's willing, I'd go as slow as you need to w/your taper. Yea, I've never cared for weed too much, but I'm all for legalizing it....especially for its medicinal attributes. Anything that can be prescribed instead of all those narcotics is A Ok in my book.

Sharon5, how are you feeling these days?
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Old 11-13-2015, 03:54 PM
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Hi! I'm doing pretty well, kz! Saw my doctor on monday and discussed tapering.. i felt his taper might be too quick so he told me just to take it at my own pace and what I felt comfortable with. So I'm going very slowly with very little sleeplessness or anxiety so far. I know that can change as I drop my dosage. I was taking .5 of xanax only once a day so I've dropped to .375 I'll try that another week .. then to .25 etc. I'm hoping it won't be too bad since it was not too big a dose.. we'll see...
Winslow, congrats on being AF... that's great news! I had no problem srinking a pint of vodka every nite after work.. ugh! We can do this! Sizzle and kz, if i start having too much trouble eith insomnia maybe ill mention the trazadone. Thanks so much for all your support.. I'll keep u posted... such a great thread
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Old 11-13-2015, 04:25 PM
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Hey all,thought I posted this morning, oops😊 had alcohol on my mind today,such a yucky feeling, I made it through though, still holding at the 1/4 cut,Sharon,sounds like you have a supportive doctor,that's great😊 hope everyone has a lovely night
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Old 11-13-2015, 10:59 PM
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Hey Sharon,
It's great you checked in & I'm glad you have such a great doc! Just curious, how long have you been taking xanax? You know, I've heard about people that have gone through very little withdrawal before. Everyone's chemical make-up is different & I guess some people are more susceptible to withdrawals than others. It also helps that you were on a very low dose. Xanax also has a short half life ( the time it takes to leave your system. ) I would taper all the way down to .125 & like you said, at your own pace.

Hi Winslow,
That's okay...in my previous post, I thought I called you by your name, but accidentally called you Sizzle lol. Typo...Oops.
I'm sorry your AV was playing havoc w/you. Do you have any counter measures you employ when that happens?

Congrats to both of you on your sober time! I'm super proud of you guys!

When I 1st started this thread, I was going through suboxine withdrawals ( didn't taper from that either lol. ) I just wanted a place to journal my thoughts, feelings, story, ect...Now, I'm coming up on 15mos clean & look forward to seeing how you guys are doing, your thoughts, your stories. I also really enjoy hearing people's success stories, like BlueWisteria & others before her.

I've never really thought of it before, but if I had found benzo buddies before I quit benzos, it probably would have flipped me out too. When it came to quitting opiates & benzos, I did EVERYTHING wrong ( not entirely my fault. ) I could have stayed w/my subs doctor & weaned properly, but I was on such a low dose, I thought it would be a piece of cake. Huh! Not lol! But, besides a 10 day stint in rehab last yr., I had never joined any support group, so I had little information on addiction, withdrawals, support, etc... SR is my 1st & only support system & I've learned more about addiction here than all my previous, collective yrs. put together. And for that, I'm very grateful!
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Old 11-14-2015, 09:25 AM
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KZ, I was taking .5 Xanax every night before bed for about 6 to 8 months. Before taking it daily, I was probably taking it maybe a few times a week for about six months - sometimes .5 - sometimes breaking the pill in half for .25. The only thing I have so far as withdrawal is a foggy head, a slight headache and my teeth hurt! Doc said I will probably have some anxiety and sleepless nights as I go lower in dosage. I do plan on breaking it down to .125 as I taper. KZ, my brother did the same thing you did -- cold turkey from suboxone - He said it was one of the toughest things and some of the toughest months he faced.

Winslow, my AV was creeping in last night ... Friday night and I really felt like getting my pint of coconut vodka (ugh!) as my husband went off to his AA meeting!!! Drove straight home without stopping and the craving went away quickly! Might give AA a try again. I won't go to my husband's meetings - he has his own group of guys he hangs with. He doesn't mind if I go along but I don't want to. They have a few women's meetings locally I may try out again. Let's hang in there and support each other to continue being AF! It's only been two weeks for me!


Thanks for everything! The support here is amazing!

PS: reading benzobuddies is terrifying! Won't read anything else about benzo withdrawal except soberrecovery!
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Old 11-14-2015, 12:47 PM
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Hi all,Sharon I think posting here is a good way to get support while were tapering,kinda compare notes and cheer each other on,good for you on avoiding the coconut vodaka(bleh) haha! I tried AA and I just don't think its for me,I know I won't do the steps and I know that I won't commit as much time to it as they want,funny my very first meeting I had would be sponsors on me like flies,kinda made me feel weird,but whatever works to keep sober I say😁 hope everyone is well
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Old 11-14-2015, 03:02 PM
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Hi all, I hope everyone is having a good day! I've been fighting a cold & cough for the last few days & the coughing is really messing w/my sleep ugh...lol. I don't normally post here in the middle of the night, but since I was up anyways....

Sharon, Good for you! You shut your AV down last night! If you think going to AA would help, I'd definitely go for for it.
I'm really glad you weren't on xanax for that long ( still too long in my book. I don't think doctors should prescribe benzos much longer than 8wks, unless it's for a seizure disorder like epilepsy. )
So you're brother did the whole "jumping" from subs too. When I 1st started on it last Aug., my doc prescribed 16mgs/day. Every time I put 1 of those films under youngest, I got really sick ( nausea. ) So I tried 8mgs....same thing. Then my doc switched me from the films to the dissolving tablets. That was a bit better for me, but I only took 4mgs/day. 3mos in, I reduced my dosage to 2mgs. And 3mos after that, I decided wtheck, I'll quit. The withdrawals weren't as severe as opiate or benzo withdrawal, but they lasted forever! Every 1wk., I'd say to myself, "ok, I'm not feeling better yet! I'm pissed!" Lol! I can laugh about it now, but back then...noooo way! I think 1 of my very 1st posts here was "does anyone know how long subs withdrawals last???" Haha! Glad that's over with!

I'm sorry you guys' AV was messing w/you, but posting here anytime those urges come should help. Truthfully, my AV didn't mess w/me until the subs withdrawals ( I honestly think I was just too sick during the other withdrawals. ) My hubs had relapsed for the 4th time on heroin & I was extremely irritated about the longevity of those subs & I relapsed...for 1 day. Not on opiates or benzos, but on crack ( that was a new 1 for me. ) I was PO'd at my hubs for relapsing again, when I had been basically suffering the whole darn time! So I had him get me some ( a lot ) of crack so I wouldn't be sick for 1 lousy day. After all the withdrawals I'd been through ( methadone, Norco, heroin, klonopin & finally subs ) I figured crack wasn't physically addicting, so I did it that 1 day & never again. I didn't start my time over. I figured it was 1 day & I wasn't going to loose my previous 7mos over 1 day. My recovery definitely hasn't been conventional. I made up the rules as I went, along w/techniques I had learned here.

I'd like to add 1 additional thought about the withdrawals, then I'll drop it ( remember, you guys are tapering, so your experiences won't be anything like mine. ) I'm actually grateful for those "shoot me in head already" withdrawals, because the memory alone will keep me clean forever!

Sharon, Winslow & Sizzle, just outta curiosity...married, single, engaged, kids, grandkids, pets, jobs ( I know you're a hair stylist Winslow...how long, you like it? ) ect???
I've been w/my hubs going on 22yrs ( married 21. ) We have 3 adult children ( under 30yrs of age. ) Two girls & 1 son, who still lives at home. And we have 2 awesome grandsons! We also have a 2yr old chi that's spoiled rotten, a Siamese mix cat that my son rescued from being roadkill 3yrs ago ( & she thinks she's a dog lol. ) And last, but not least, my son has a 1yr old chipoo ( our chi's daughter. )
To be cont.... Lol!
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