patricia68

I ended up not taking ibuprofen or anything yesterday. I had a very strong urge to take benzos or drink alcohol though. My husband is at home on holidays and his mood swings are killing me... He's just miserable and the only way he feels relief is to make everybody around him miserable...

So I guess that's what I need to learn. To stay calm and positive, to mind my own business, to try and find my own happiness and not be affected by my husband's depression/PAWS/midlife crisis whatever it is...

Shining~Again

Aha! I see I just missed you Patricia yesterday. We posted minutes apart.

I've been in the same situation where someone else's moods were a slam to my general cheerful moods. I'm going to probably be happily single forever due to last relationship I was the consummate optimist living with someone who seemed to enjoy ruining holidays plus normal days......
I cannot tolerate someone turning a good day to crap out of boredom, selfishness, or whatever reason. I've been lucky as that was the only relationship in my life that I got 'stuck' in for a while.

Also, as much as I HATE saying this...much of my benzo use was trying to be someone I'm not. Like....I am not a stead,y level mooded person. I never get low/depressed so that's good...but I'm generally between normal and what I like to call "passionate".
Yet I come from a family of steady, low pitch, no excitement folks.
eh....take all kinds, right? Eventually I learned to take my 'passions' to people like myself and keep things around family to a dull roar.

Good luck with hubby! Holidays are soon over! yay!

Shining~Again

That sounds scary as heck! I don't care for the storms we generally are hit with. So far we're having a most calm, warm (not today!) winter ever and you guys and so many others are having beyond lousy weather.

I'm near upstate NY, right on the gulf stream(?? why does that not seem like the right word?). In the hills. No more huge trees around the house but I still make a clearing for the cellar many times during the spring/early summer storms.
Be careful!
xx

Winslow

Hey all,sorry I've not been posting, I've been having yuck sleep issues again and it makes my mood not to good,I'm back up to my full dose of klono cuz I take 1/2 in the middle of.the night to get some sleep,not good,sounds like you all are doing great though😊

patricia68

Hi Winslow! I've been having trouble sleeping for the past few days too. Since everybody is on holidays our bedtime routine is all messed up. So I plan on going back to what it worked before the Holidays.

-Go to bed at the same time every night
-Turn off all electronics (TV, phone, computer) two hours before bedtime
-No caffeine after 3pm
-Meditate, meditate, meditate!

kzaug2014

Hi all!
Great tips, Patricia! I've had absolutely no problems falling into bed exhausted as I'm not used to the hustle and bustle of young boys lol. My grandsons are going home tonight & as much as I adore them, I'll be glad for things to get back to normal.

Winslow, I'm really worried about your taper. Are you on your last prescription? If you are, you're really going to wish you'd stay w/a taper. I don't mean to come across as negative or mean in any way, I'm just worried about you.

Shining, I'm a bit like you when it comes to letting someone get to me. My hubs didn't get clean until 8mo's after me. At 1st, I was so sick & I had problems thinking straight. I think I was in a bit of denial. Plus, my hubs manipulated me, saying he needed to take care of me, so he would go into rehab after I felt better. A mo. later, he went to rehab. I wasn't better yet, but at least I could walk to the kitchen w/no help.
He continued to relapse & after 8mo's, I finally told him to shape up or ship out. He was ( & is ) the love of my life, but I wasn't willing to spend the rest of my life with a heroin addict, no matter how much I loved him.
On the other hand, I realize that I depend on him to a certain extent for my happiness. After my grandsons leave, I plan to start reading Brene Brown's The gift of Imperfection, Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.

SW, Intro & Sizzle, how are you guys doing?

(( Hugs )) to everyone!

Steely

I was prescribed Valium by my psychiatrist after getting Serotonin Syndrome with too soon introduction of Lenxepro from Mirtazapine. Serotonin OD. Thought I was going to die and still don't feel fully recovered from it nearly 2 years later. I could not stop shaking and had seizure, unusual body movements, horrible. Freak.

I am finding it hard to drop the last 5mg of Valium but intend to follow the Ashton Manual and cut 10% each 2-3 weeks at the start of 2016. I cut down to 3.75 but had to updose to 5 as was finding it too difficult what with the drinking and long difficult WD from Mirtazapine. I am no longer on any anti-depressants YAY, am sober just on 10 days and just need to drop this last 5mg Valium. Slow and steady, and really good to hear people talk about the freedom they feel when no longer using benzo's

kzaug2014

Welcome to Sober Recovery, Steely!
Congrats on 10 days, quitting antidepressants & tapering valium!

I've never heard of Serotonin Syndrome, so I looked it up. How horrifying! You could have died. I'm so sorry you went through that.
I know what it feels like to feel like you're going to die. When I was cut off methadone and klonopin cold turkey ( twice ) that's precisely how I felt. I remember thinking that I wished I could just go through childbirth 20 times & be done w/it ( & I'd know that after the 20th birth, at least I'd feel better. Lol! ) If someone put a gun to my head & said "take these benzos" I'd say fire away lol. No way I'll ever take a benzo again.

Stick w/us & we'll be here for support or just to shoot the shitz, if ya want. Patricia just finished her taper a few wks ago. Winslow is tapering as we speak. Shining quit benzos a couple of yrs ago ( I think? Is that right Shining? ) Sizzle is tapering, but is on holiday right now. Intro quit drinking about 16-17 days ago. SW is our supportive friend, along w/Astro & Dee, our moderators. And I quit opiates & benzos 16mo's ago. I know I'm forgetting someone, but can't remember who? Ugh! Lol!

Big welcoming (( Hugs ))

kzaug2014

Jay...that's who I forgot ( sorry Jay. )

Sharon5

Hi guys! I'm back!!! Been away for a month or so. Went back to my almost daily vodka drinking. .. so I haven't been taking the xanax regularly since I started drinking. So here I am back again...been feeling really unhealthy... Winslow and kzaug, how are you doing? Happy New Year!

Winslow

Hey all,Sharon what happened? I'm soooo scared of drinking that's why I've been draggin this taper out,drinking turns me into a monster that I can't control😈 glad you're back,hope everyone had a nice New Year's Eve, I was asleep by 9:15 haha,I really hope this year is a great one for us all,things happen but I know at least staying off the grog I can make it better

Soberwolf

Welcome bk Sharon

kzaug2014

Hi Sharon!
I'm sorry ya relapsed him, but I'm really glad you came back!
Have you quit drinking yet? Or is the plan?

We spent New Yrs Eve w/my oldest daughter's fam & had a great time! We played board & card games til midnight, then did the countdown w/noisemakers & goofy hats! Lol! She lives 50 minutes away, so we didn't get home til a bit after 1am.

Happy New Yrs (( Hugs )) to everyone!

P.S. Wolfie, luv your Jack Russell rules! Same rules apply to our Chi & our chi-poo lol!

Soberwolf

LOL so true isn't it ? he's beside me now lol

kzaug2014

Where's all my peeps!?
Plz check in & let me know how you're all doing?
I've been in a bit of a posting slump, mainly reading different posts. I hope you're all well!
(( Hugs ))

Sharon5

Hey kz! I'm here. Just been lurking around the boards and joined the January 2016 class. On my third day alcohol free. No bad withdrawals just so friggin tired!! But so much better than being hungover!

Winslow

I'm here too,just hormonal again and it totally wipes me out,still tapering,I'm trying to figure what works what doesn't,what's calming without making me groggy etc,trying to squeeze in exercise cuz Ikeep reading that it's helpful in benzo tapering, hope all are well😊

patricia68

Hi Winslow. I am hormonal too. I had a drink last night. I felt like I was losing my mind, I even had labor kind of pain while I was laying in bed. It freaked me out. I am going to make an appointment with my doctor. My blood test come out normal, but this doesn't feel normal!

kzaug2014

Hi gals,
Sharon, I completely understand lurking...been doing a bit myself lately. I'm really glad you came back!
Winslow, that time of the Mo. wipes me out as well ugh lol. It sounds like you're doing really well though.
Patricia, I'm sorry you've been in so much pain. 1 drink is a small slip up, so don't beat yourself up over it k?
(( Hugs ))

Sizzle

Hi all. Happy New Year. I've been away for a few weeks with travel over the Holiday. My doctor changed my taper a bit on the Xanax. I was on Imipramine and Gabapentin while doing the Xanax taper. However, last week, I had an episode at night where I blacked out while walking in the hall at home, fell face first and broke my nose. The doc pulled the Imipramine and bumped the Xanax back up by .25mg a day until we can get this sorted out. It appears it was primarily caused by dehydration, but the doctor wants to ensure it wasn't a drug interaction - thus, trying to pull one med from the mix and see how things work. Also, I will get some bloodwork done and an EKG as well as seeing a cardiologist to ensure the heart is functioning correctly. I had felt good on my progress, but certainly didn't expect that incident. While on travel, I got out of my good routine. I was drinking less water and more caffeine, which likely was my issue. I hope all of you are doing well in 2016 so far.