kzaug2014

What's 5htp? I've seen other people talk about, but not what it does?

patricia68

Well I finally found out what's wrong with my husband at work. He came home and I confronted him. We have a problem but at least now I can deal with it instead of panicking because I suspect there's a problem.

We had an argument and I told him I don't like being lied or not told the truth. It wasn't nice of him to do that even if he wanted to protect me.

kzaug2014

I'm glad you confronted him & got the truth out of him. I've learned over the yrs., that no matter how dismal things may seem, we always land on our feet. Sometimes sooner, sometimes later & sometimes, much later lol, but I always know that God will take care of us.

Have you guys ever heard the song "Thank God for unanswered prayers" by Garth Brooks? Such a great song & soooo true.

patricia68

My husband is trying to flip everything upside down, now I am the problem. He can't tell me the truth because I add to the problem, because I'm not compassionate. Because I'm too emotional...now he's blaming it on me...I can't say I'm surprised...he's way of dealing with this is to blame me, he's been doing it for years...

kzaug2014

How long have you guys been married, Patricia?

patricia68

Dated for 3 married for 14 years

kzaug2014

Oh wow, so you guys have been married for a long time.

You remember when we were discussing self love books? And we both said that we depended on our spouses for our self worth? The reason I want to learn how to love myself is because my hubs will most likely die before I do ( from diabetes. ) And I want to be as prepared as possible. Actually, I really need to learn a lot of things, so that I'll be able to live alone w/out sinking into permanent depression.

When I was on drugs, I always said that I'd have a nervous breakdown when he goes. And I'm sure I'll fall apart for awhile from grief, but that's normal. I thought I'd conquered my insecurities because I have felt confident all these yrs since meeting him. But when I went to rehab, I felt like a scared little girl again. I hated ( & loved ) rehab! And I realized that I had just buried all my insecurities.
As I'm starting to get to know you a bit better, I'm realizing that you are in a very unhealthy marriage. If I'm wrong, let me know, k?
Your husband is verbally abusing you & I don't think you know how to love yourself enough to tell him that what he's doing is wrong. Again, if I'm wrong, please tell me.

Big (( Hugs ))

patricia68

You're absolutely right kzaug, I don't love myself enough. I am terrified. And when my husband belittles me, I end up believing every word he says. When he's in a bad mood, I think I'm not good enough to make him happy. And the odd times he compliments me I have a hard time believing it. My parents were overly critical, all my love relationships were/are overly critical too...why do I attract this, I don't know?

I think you're right...if we don't love ourselves first we can't receive love and respect from others...

patricia68

I did some more research today, they say that Louise Hay is the queen of self love. I'm listening to one of her audiobooks on Youtube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0CZBpAZHn0

kzaug2014

When you're raised by critical parents, you end up marrying a man w/the same characteristics. My 1st husband was verbally, physically & emotionally abusive. I married what I was used to. I just got super lucky the 2nd time around.

I have to run to the gas station for some pop for the hubs ( his sugar is low. ) But, I will be back w/in 20min., k?

kzaug2014

Thx for that link, Patricia. I still don't know how to do that lol. Can it be done on a phone?

Has your husband been belittling you during your entire marriage?

patricia68

Yes you can watch it on your phone. You can download the Youtube app or watch in on the browser.

And yes, my husband was always very critical. It started as joking/teasing and it got more serious over the years. To the point that I get so much anxiety when I start cooking supper, because he's a picky eater and I've lost count of how many times he left the table because the food wasn't good enough

kzaug2014

What do you guys think about starting a new thread entitled "self love", maybe in the Book Club forum? We could discuss books ( or u tube lectures ) there.
We could concentrate on benzos here & on self improvement on the other forum.

I looked up the books that GhostFace, Soberwolf & Anna recommended at a used online book store I use to shop from. They have over 7 million books & are pretty inexpensive, plus you get free shipping w/$10 spent! It's called Thrift Books dot com.
Please let me know what you think. (( Hugs ))

Winslow

Good morning😊 Kzaug,I'm not much of a reader anymore but I think that would be a good thread for a lot of people,ugh,I'm starting to get a bad attitude😈this always happens,not sure if its PAWS,PMS or what,grr,I just strive for positivity, I hate negative moods and when they hit,I'm so used to happiness I don't know how to cope with the yuck feeling, anyways,you guys sound good have a nice Thursday😊

Soberwolf

books I believe are massive to this topic

Seat of the soul by Gary Zukav

You can heal your life by Louise Hay

Love yourself heal your life workbook also by Louise Hay

kzaug2014

Hi Winslow,
It's sucks that you don't like reading because, books like the ones Wolfie recommended would be extremely helpful in learning coping skills & ways to keep yourself positive. I just ordered 2 this morning ( Seat of the Soul was 1 of them. Lol. )

But for today, just tell yourself that's it's okay to have bad moods and tomorrow is a new day. Think about those less fortunate than you, maybe by watching a movie. And feel good movie!

I hope your spirits lift.

(( Hugs ))

Anna

I love the books mentioned by SW, and I would add, as a book of self-love, "A Return to Love" by Marianne Williamson.

kzaug2014

Ty Anna! I'll look it up!

Winslow

My poopy mood left the building😊 a lot of what I've read in the Rational Recovery book about recognizing the AV,can also be used for other things I guess, it worked to turn my frown upside down anyways, I may try those books in the future,Patricia, how are you feeling today?better I hope,will check in later gators😊

kzaug2014

Yaay! So you do read huh lol. I'm so happy you're feeling betty, Winslow! I've heard Rational Recovery is good stuff! I think there's a forum here on RR ( or maybe thread. )

Have a great night hun!