So much going on and so scared
 

Hi, ive been on this site a few times but mainly in the 'alcohol' section as I do have a drinking problem, but alongside that I have awful anxiety and panic attacks and also depression (I was diagnosed with all these before my drinking became out of control).
I have a lot going on at the moment personally, I'm 21, I find it so hard to work because I just get so anxious, so paying my bills every month is a nightmare, I'm in so much debt but whenever I get jobs I spend my whole time panicking and end up being sacked because im just a nervous wreck.
I have a court case coming up at the end of the year which involves my dad, I've never had much of a relationship with him but always loved him, however I am now a complainant and character witness against him, I'm so anxious about the trial (it's a 5 day trial for some very serious crimes). I was always close to my dad's parents (my grandparents) and they've since disowned me for going against my dad but I know it's the right thing to do so... I'm doing it. But I do miss my grandparents sooo much and wake up crying in the night dreaming of them and the court case, I'm just having a horrible time.
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, it is long distance but I usually go to him (4 hour train) at least once a month for a week or so, I get so anxious travelling but I don't want to lose him. The alcohol problems are making me paranoid and worried over every little thing, I trust my boyfriend but at the same time there's this voice at the back of my head telling me 'what if...'
Now to top all of this off my boyfriend called today with the news his mum has breast cancer and is staying chemo soon. He was obviously upset and crying which was hard to hear because he never usually shows his emotions! I'm not close to his mum but we do get on well so Obvs I'm upset by the news too. But I feel like I have so much on my shoulders at the minute and I don't know how to support my boyfriend as well as myself!
Right now I am putting him first, but I'm so worried about everything else going on and finding the money to travel to get to him if he needs me for support and getting a job I can hold down and just everything is weighing me down!
I don't know what to do with myself except drink (which is Obvs another problem)! I'm having constant panic attacks and just don't know how to cope with everything!

Hi Sjc.
I suffered bad with anxiety until I found a good CBT therapist. She really helped me understand my thinking around my anxiety and taught me that I was making it far worse.
It really worked for me and my anxiety is not a huge issue anymore.
I really wish you well.

Hello sjg,

I'm sorry you have so much going on for you right now. I think anyone would struggle in your circumstances, even those without problems with depression and anxiety.

You say you've been diagnosed with depression. I've had that in the past too. Have you seen your Doctor recently? There are treatments, good ones, available for that. I would be honest with him/her about your drinking too. When I gave up alcohol my depression improved significantly.

There is help available. Counselling also helped me very much.

I'm glad you reached out for support here too.