Anxiety, OCD, Normal, Over thinking? Dating and General Life Scenario
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 28
Anxiety, OCD, Normal, Over thinking? Dating and General Life Scenario
Hey All,
It has been a while since I posted and it is good to be back. I have made big strides in my recovery and can happily say I no longer have a drinking problem. There is one thing I can't seem to figure out regardless of how much therapy I partake in.
If this helps, I am an ACOA, father drank, mother has some type of personality disorder, and brother also has some mental health problems. I was a substance abuser from 14-24. I dropped out of school, went back, and I am now finishing my masters degree after next semester. Life is headed in a good direction other than the dating arena. For as long as I can remember, I would worry and over analyze everything; especially in regard to dating and relationships. I know it is somewhat normal to have anxiety in the beginning stages of dating, but I literally drive myself up a wall. I get physically Ill, am very sensitive, and anxious. I create catastrophe in my mind. I recently had been seeing a woman for about 5 weeks, all was going great, then she just pulled away and went cold. Now, I went into crisis mode on the inside. I felt a shift in her responses to me.
I decided to back off until she got in touch with me. She did two days later, and I didn't ask her what the reason was for (because I didn't want to appear needy).
Two years ago I would have gotten wasted and sabotaged it.
Over the years I have gotten better at making it less known and visible. I have gotten my heart broken enough and have dated long enough to realize this is not an attractive trait.
I guess I am looking for an answer as to what steps I could take to improve myself in this area. I am still in touch with her (she is on vacation) but I feel a disconnect. I feel lost. Please advise in any way possible. Best wishes ahead of time.
It has been a while since I posted and it is good to be back. I have made big strides in my recovery and can happily say I no longer have a drinking problem. There is one thing I can't seem to figure out regardless of how much therapy I partake in.
If this helps, I am an ACOA, father drank, mother has some type of personality disorder, and brother also has some mental health problems. I was a substance abuser from 14-24. I dropped out of school, went back, and I am now finishing my masters degree after next semester. Life is headed in a good direction other than the dating arena. For as long as I can remember, I would worry and over analyze everything; especially in regard to dating and relationships. I know it is somewhat normal to have anxiety in the beginning stages of dating, but I literally drive myself up a wall. I get physically Ill, am very sensitive, and anxious. I create catastrophe in my mind. I recently had been seeing a woman for about 5 weeks, all was going great, then she just pulled away and went cold. Now, I went into crisis mode on the inside. I felt a shift in her responses to me.
I decided to back off until she got in touch with me. She did two days later, and I didn't ask her what the reason was for (because I didn't want to appear needy).
Two years ago I would have gotten wasted and sabotaged it.
Over the years I have gotten better at making it less known and visible. I have gotten my heart broken enough and have dated long enough to realize this is not an attractive trait.
I guess I am looking for an answer as to what steps I could take to improve myself in this area. I am still in touch with her (she is on vacation) but I feel a disconnect. I feel lost. Please advise in any way possible. Best wishes ahead of time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 92
I can relate 100%. I have OCD and anxiety issues which have drained me of my self confidence and made me a the shell of the man I use to be. When it comes to dating or relationships I become needy, question everything, overthink everything, etc. have you read up on R.O.C.D at all? I have that... It is the worst. Well, there are other forms of anxiety I have that are just as bad but I'll stay on subject. I haven't found a solution for my inability to date successfully with my issues. I truly know that once I fix myself, I'll be able to have a strong relationship. You're not alone. By the way... i'm a musician! You?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
You mentioned she went cold on you....but two days later contacted you. Correct me if I'm reading this wrong, but if its only been two days and she didn't call you....and she's on vacation.....could be that her going "cold" on you is all in your head.
Perhaps you are projecting what you think she is feeling....because of your own issues. She chose to call you while on vacation...that's a pretty good sign that she in fact has strong feelings for you.......much "warmer" feelings than you think.
Have you ever thought that she might be thinking the same as you since you didn't contact her for 2 days? She may have been waiting for you to call her.....idk, maybe I'm old fashioned, but if I were her I would be expecting you to call me.....she could have been waiting and wondering what's up with you?
Perhaps you are projecting what you think she is feeling....because of your own issues. She chose to call you while on vacation...that's a pretty good sign that she in fact has strong feelings for you.......much "warmer" feelings than you think.
Have you ever thought that she might be thinking the same as you since you didn't contact her for 2 days? She may have been waiting for you to call her.....idk, maybe I'm old fashioned, but if I were her I would be expecting you to call me.....she could have been waiting and wondering what's up with you?
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