How do get through the hurt?
 

Tonight has been a rollercoaster ride for me. My husband is an alcoholic and he is bipolar. Me? I suffer from PTSD from a past husband who was very abusive. Today started off very normal. A kiss goodbye and out the door he went on his way to work. His sister called to tell me that a friend of my husbands had passed away last night. My husband came home at lunch and I told him. I took off to Lowes to buy paint for our kitchen and when I came home his mood went from blah to rage. Utter confusion to say the least.He was ranting a raving about how he didn't have anything to wear to the funeral home tomorrow night so like a good wife I went out and got him a pair of pants and a belt. No big deal to me. When I got home I could tell he was drinking. I didn't say much to him even though I wanted to. I had stopped by the video store and rented some movies for the weekend for me and the kids. I layed on the couch and put in the first movie. He was wandering aimlessly around the house. I got the feeling that he was talking himself into an argument. The next thing I know he was screaming in my face rambling on about why I didn't have the kids in bed yet. Whatever he could yell about he was saying it. I found myself feeling like I was dreaming...literally. Like I was totally in the twilight zone. I started picturing my ex-husband doing some of the things he used to do to me. I felt the agony of trying to escape and couldn't. I felt like I was smothering. I was trying to fight my husband. He finished me off by destrying the house. My kitchen table is broken. I had milk all over the floor from where he dumped the table. Broken glass everywhere. Most of all my heart is broken right now. I can't stop crying and I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like I'm going to be sick to my stomach. How do I get past the hurt so that I can move on? I can't stop trembling. I know that this should probably be on Alanon but I don't know how many people over there have flashbacks.


2many

First of all I have to say that this is more than hurt. This is an event that threatened your safety and it is something that you should not have to endure. I know that it triggered a flashback, but that isn't the real problem right now.

I too went through physical abuse and when my son is just a little grumpy I go into fight mode because it triggers my fear from the past. Last year my son was in a rage from drugs and the fear that I felt was not from the past. It was from that event. You can't heal from the hurt when you are still in the middle of it. You can't live in the threat of harm and expect to heal from fear and anxiety. If I were you I would start with some support from a domestic violence counselor. You need support right now. You can't see clearly when living in fear like this.

I'm really sorry you are hurting. I know how that hurts. How did the kids deal with all of this? How often does this happen?

2many,

I just have to add that your husband is not going to get better until he stops drinking and gets treatment for his bi-polar. This is also very abusive to your children to watch this kind of violence. If you are so scared just imagine how scared they must be. Something needs to change. I remember another post when your husband broke the table and pushed your child. This stress is so bad for you and so bad for your children. I hope you begin taking steps to make your life safer. Please go see a counselor.

Hugs,
MG

2many, I am so sorry to see you in this pain. My heart aches for you. I am sending hugs and prayers your way.........

Check in 2many!

We want to know it you are ok.

Hugs,
MG

(((2many)))
My heart goes out to you and your children. I know that what Morning Glory has said is true, maybe hard to hear but true. I made the mistake of living your life with my children when they were younger. God help me, I wish I could take it all back now. We just cannot know what our decisions are doing to us and our childen while we are in this situation. We cannot see the smoke because of the fire. I am not judging you by any means, just relating and hoping for the best for you and your family.

2many....

Hang in there, darling. I think you posted in the right place... many of us here get falshbacks, and quite often its because something in our current life triggers something that happened int he past.... the safest way I have found to make it all stop is to stop putting myself in the situations that might trigger them... not dating or being around men that are similar to the ones that have hurt me... not that we can ever be 100% safe, but that we can take actions... we dont have to sit around and wait to be hurt again.

Please listen to what MG and the others are saying.... get help, get him help, or get out....

Hugs and support,

Laven