long term anxiety, recovering alcoholic, can't hold down a job. Help!
 

Hi all,

I am 38 years old and have suffered from various forms of anxiety since my teen years. Beginning in college, I turned to alcohol to self-medicate, and it seemed to work for a little while, but it turned on me.

I've been to several doctors, therapists, rehab for for anxiety and alcohol. I've had periods of sobriety: 3/ 1/2 years at one point and another 3 years at another point. In sobriety, with AA and counseling, I did everything recommended but the anxiety did not go away.

I just left my job of 4 years because I couldn't take the stress anymore. I had wanted to leave since about 6 months after I started, but I was too scared to try to leave, and too scared to stay! It was a very stressful job, working customer service. I had to sit 3 feet away from my overcritical boss who was always monitoring everything I did. I relapsed on alcohol on and off for the past year ago to help me deal with the stress of work and my DH getting laid off.

My DH, daughter and I recently moved. He was still jobless at the time, so the house/mortgage is in my name. This put tremendous pressure on me, being the breadwinner. Moving lowered our living expenses but increased my commute from 10 minutes to 1 1/4 hours each way And spending $500 a month on gas and tolls. I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt if I kept working there I'd drink myself to death. So I quit.

Part of me feels a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, but part of me is scared to death. My DH is still out of work, collecting unemployment, but it is not much here if Florida. And now I am getting...nothing. I feel I can't work, even if I do by some miracle find a job. I have left other jobs due to anxiety, performance/social in work situations.

I am so scared I won't be able to find a job in my area. The unemployment rate is a 14% here. My DH can't find anything, but I really don't think he is trying very hard. He is suffering from clinical depression, and probably anxiety too.

I guess I just needed to vent. Has anyone else had trouble with anxiety and/or addiction and had trouble/felt scared about working again.

I hope this all makes sense. Thanks for reading all of this. I am also putting this under the alcoholism board, in case someone can read it there too.

fragile flower

DOS 5/8/11

You are not alone. I have been sober a little over 10 years now and my anxiety has gotten worse rather than better during that time. I work the program of AA for my alcoholism but I have found that I need to work with a mental health team for my mental health issues.

I have been unable to work since October 2006 due to my anxiety and mental health issues. I have been fighting the disability system for nearly 4 years now. I have no idea if I will be able to work again. There are times when I am better but I know it is a matter of time before I hit bottom once again due to my illness'. I do hope that you find a solution to your anxiety. I encourage you to advocate for yourself and make sure your doctors work with you as a team member rather than just a patient. It is essential that you have a say in your healthcare. I have found when I finally realized that I needed to have a say in my healthcare I have received better care. Today I am fortunate to have a healthcare team that takes a holistic approach to my care.

I don't know if what I have said makes any sense but that has been my experience. I do hope you find something useful in it.

Im only 21 and i cant imagine what your feeling. Even after taking a year out of college i am brickn' it to go back. But im gona do it. Im gona push myself to go coz i need to. I have a good technique that can help with worrying and it really helps but only if your prepared to put the work into it. I worry, i worry ALOT about several things at once and im sorry to hear what your going thur coz i dont understand, i can only imagine. You mite think its childish to do some excercise but i highly recommend it. Do it once a day and you will notice the difference after a while. I have also been noticing my ANT's more easily and been able to catch them easier and change them around. The link is: www.http://www.psychinnovations.com/mrehears.htm
I found it very difficult to focus on it but what it done is help me to visualize myself in a situation being okay. To make it even more powerful dont imagine yourself being 'okay', imagine yourself being 'amazing'. See the difference even with the power of words. I know its not suited for everyone but it has REALLY helped me to have the push needed. It takes work, but its powerful. There is also other types of mental rehearsal if this one doesnt suit.

Dont really have anymore advice but i wish you luck.