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Old 01-29-2010, 09:24 PM
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If you have a new hubby and is starting over, JUST LIKE I AM IN BOTH AREAS! Why do you want to screw it up by drinking?
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Old 01-29-2010, 09:25 PM
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hope not triggering everyone, safe now doors looked, cops not here...not putting up with crap...

Hope all of you are good and safe,
good night all. hope all of you are safe
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Old 05-05-2010, 05:57 PM
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I just posted on the alcoholism form not sure where is better to post there or here as one PTSD feeds the other, another relationship crashed and burned. Alone again so need lots of support for help to not relapse into binging. Feel ready and resolved today but don't know about tommorrow. Think I'll be online a lot over the next while. Here and on the alcoholism forum as well as over at uncommun forums, lots of great coping articles there.

All programs state alcoholism must be treated first yet I know I need to treat both simutaniously if I have any hope at true recovery. I'm being brutally honest with myself. I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship and chose an pot addict so it was doomed to fail from the start. Addicts can't be with addicts It just doesn't work.

Think I will be on my own for a long time before I attempt another relationship. Need to be healthy first. Posting here always triggers panick in me and I'm always so scared to post. I see my panick posts and scare myself silly. Hoping I don't get too hypersensitive and scare off again.

Need you guys more than you know
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Old 05-05-2010, 06:39 PM
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(((Gail)))

I was wondering how you are. Iīm sorry about your break-up, but if he was a pot head then you did the right thing. I know itīs sounds easy, itīs anything but.

Glad to read about your self awareness, keep posting and seeking support.

Maybe itīs good to take some time alone to work on yourself and ask yourself what you really want. It can be very confusing, I know.

Are you in therapy? Do you have good support system?

Hugs
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Old 05-05-2010, 07:03 PM
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You guys are my support system lilya, I am trully on my own in a land of drugs and alcohol. The was a newspaper article in our local paper stating how alcohol in our area was not only the highest in canada but one of the top 5 wordwide.
Still not giving up hope, thanks for still being here.
The breakup was bad, two robberies from me including rings I've had 20 yrs. gone. destruction of property including my mothers dining chairs, guys on my back porch setting up drug deals and utimately a fight leading to assault charges on the boyfriend.

I should be devestated but suprisingly I am neither devestated or depressed. Relieve that the stressing triggers are gone. The cops for once did the right thing, arrested and charged him and that my home is safe.

I'll miss him he did love me and tried hard, don't know if depression and emotion will hit harder this week or not. weird
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Old 05-06-2010, 05:42 AM
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I'm still here today and still sober. Heavy heavy chest cold on the eighth day now. First day I've eaten solid food in five days, been with juices and soup mainly, sleeping and coughing up a storm. Hoping this is the last day for it, really dizzy and weak but it'll get better. Was going to go to hospital but seems to be easing as the morning passes so I'll just go get some more cold medicine when the drug store opens up and rest.
The boyfriend has not tried to contact me at all, think the cops have forbiden him any put a temporary restraining order against him, which is probably for the best.
As much as I know I did the right thing, I'm disappointed and sad the way it ended. I did trully care for him deeply.

Your right about it being confusing, my emotional numbness scares me, one of those maladative life learned coping mechanisms, like thinking I know but not being sure what real love is. Is it disassociation???? Sorry I'm just rambling on now and worried that the emotional dam may burst any time.

Will try not to worry, heading to the drug store...then to bed again. Will post later on.
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Old 05-06-2010, 06:40 AM
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Take care of yourself, Gail.

Get well soon.

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Old 05-06-2010, 07:10 PM
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arggggg I had three friends over today. Thought that was great, untill I found the cops made the assault public and posted the story in the paper............................................. .................................................. ...........................AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA
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Old 05-06-2010, 07:44 PM
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Damn it Damn it Damn it. Flippin out, the cops made my assault public in the papers and I Thought those visitors today were trully concerned. I didn't know till now that my assault is now town public knowledge. I fightin a losin battle, housebound with illness, now gettin drunk AGAIN. For what for town gossip...................................how can I win, How can I fight this and not relapse into another binge.

Unbeleivable
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Old 05-07-2010, 09:23 AM
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Sorry for the slip yesterday, back on the wagon. Talk about emotional meltdown. Those cops promised me they would keep it private. Then put it in the paper anyway. Talk about triggering. Small town everyone knowing uggg.
I'm a little better today pick myself up, dust off. The chest cold is still pretty bad but I'm eating. Still really weak and the binge didn't help at all. Going to give the rest of the beer away to the neighbours so I'm not tempted to drink again.
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Old 05-07-2010, 11:15 AM
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did go to the hospital, broncial pnemonia, two puffers and 5 days antibiotics. Hope this is the last bad thing to happen for a long time.
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Old 05-07-2010, 06:49 PM
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I hope you got things under control now, Gail.

Get well soon.
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Old 05-08-2010, 08:46 AM
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Still knocked out by chest but comin around. Things all quiet, hot steamy bath and sharing some tunes on you tube through facebook and my space. Lots of rest and journals. 2nd day sober
Trying not to dwell and get caught in the thinkin spirals.
Thanks for checking in on me Lil
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Old 05-08-2010, 09:15 PM
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Ok I just read the PAWS articles over on the alcoholism site, I can see all the similarities to PTSD symptoms aside from the flashbacks. Problem I'm having is that I had all the same symptoms long before I drank, from the PTSD without any substances.

This is confusing and frusterating as I hope this PAWS is not becoming a blanket term for many, many conditions which can have the same results and effects on the nervous system, our physical conditions, and our emotional responses as addictions do. That being said and hoping not to offend anyone I am still not completely convinced that you can not recover without being enrolled in a 'recognized' treatment program even though I agree with 98% of how to combat PAWS and anxiety similarily as stated in the arcticles.

I may be being a little arrogant without realizing it as I've dealt with both substance and mental disorders through family and friends long before I ever became one myself. Been through numerous therapys, religious meetings and doctors/specialists because of the same. As well as suffering from ptsd for so many years. I keep saying fifteen but I highly suspect it goes many years even before that without me having realized it. My abuse started at 5 years old and I had social anxiety as long as I can ever remember.

I still find talking here with other addicts, anxiety sufferers and continuing to research proven self help methods that I can put into practice on my own ie meditation/relaxation/journalizingand nutrition to be the most effective solution for me, at the moment. After all don't we all have to go home and face ourselves in the mirror daily.

I'm really just venting I guess and still deciding the best course of action for 'myself' to recover. Was planning on writting tonight on irrational fears and various ways to combat them in rational ways when they are triggered tonight,while I'm still mainly bedbound with this pnemonia.

The goal planning I wanted to start is too complex for me to start just yet beyond just getting my house in order, getting more energy to exercise, getting out of the house and staying rational and resolved in recovery.

Even just that seems overwhelming at the moment. As I said just venting thoughts. Not meant to disagree with anyone on whatever is working for them..

Any thoughts or unconventional ways that are working for others here????????
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Old 05-08-2010, 10:01 PM
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I'm glad to see you're still hanging in there Gail.

I'm not much of a thinker when it comes to recovery I'm afraid - my drinking nearly killed me and I decided to live instead.

Not so much strong will involved as me finally accepting alcohol was, and always will be, poison to me.

I do think finding new ways to cope with life is a fundamental key tho.

Never stop looking Gail

D
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Old 05-09-2010, 07:16 AM
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I believe in keeping things as simple as possible when dealing with issues from the past and working my way to the future.

Being clean and sober is a priority for me, in order to work on what is wrong in my life. That should be the first order of business.

Are there groups you could work with to help the ptsd and social anxiety? I know youīve been in therapy, but have you contacted a psychiatrist who uses this methods? You would have to attend group with people who is affected by the same problems.

It can be a heavy drawback to carry the past with us. It slows down quality time in the here and now. Forgiving and letting go can be very liberating. For me itīs vital so I can progress.

I also think itīs vital to get involved in projects. It takes the focus off the past and can give you a purpose in life.

Hope this helps. Get well soon.
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Old 05-09-2010, 03:40 PM
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hugs ... I have PTSD too , that's hard. Wow they published about your assualt that's crazy I would hate that. I'm sorry that happened. hugs...
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Old 05-09-2010, 05:46 PM
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I do try to keep it simple when it comes to the PTSD causes, too easy to get caught up in repetative thinking, I resolved a lot of reasons why I have become the person I am, the sources, the blame and so on. Now it is the triggers which I can't control which I still need work on, the ones that cause the total panic such as seeing violence in any way in any form. It's that delayed response which doesn't hit till days later and you think you dealt with it have it under control then bam, your irritable, panicky, hiding and it seems to come out of nowhere.

Only after the dam breaks and I end up binging, running in panic, totally irrational and unreasonable or locking away in silence.

Hindsight is almost always 20/20, it is the meltdown moments I need to learn to control. Obviously being only 3 days sober I have a long way to go.

I am still trying, slept mostly since yesterday, still sick, a friend came over and helped clean the house since I am still to weak to keep house.

I would like to involve myself in more projects, little attainable stuff I can manage, Now that things have settled down and the druggies know to stay away from here I will have more time to do some. This house is a cheap rental and there are never ending projects I can accomplish as soon as I am feeling better.

The psychiatrists here were not much help at all, the detox help refuses to help with the anxiety therapy and only addresses the detox by outpatient and bloodtests.

I would have to move to city to get the proper structured help I trully need.

So sobriety is still number one and looking into online therapy. Searching for my fit still

Thanks all will keep you filled in. Feel free to let me know how your dealing
talk later bye
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Old 05-10-2010, 10:25 AM
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Still sober, lungs are better today, was looking for some online self help tools last night, not too much luck. looking for a good exercise video, some meditation vids, will have to look more today.

Shakey might be the pnemonia, could be??? some alcohol withdrawls but the heads clearer, the dizzy spells are almost gone, and don't feel like blacking out. So that helps.

Even remembered to take my B12's and my multivitamin. Since I've been to weak to stand and prepare food the last couple days I had hungry man TV dinners. I hate processed food but at least I handled two yesterday and one for lunch today. It's only been three days since I could handle anything solid because of being sick for the last two weeks. So at least the tv dinners have meat, potatoes, veggies and a desert.

My kittens are keeping me entertained, One little girl and two boys, their about 7 weeks now and pouncing everywhere.

Still resolved to stay sober, get healthy and get back into an active life. It's never too late to turn your life around. No one reminds me more of that than all the success stories and struggling recovery folks who keep on trying even after they fall a few times that I read here.
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Old 05-12-2010, 03:15 PM
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six days sober and no cravings, found a yoga video I like so tommorrow morning I start getting back into exercize. The pnemonia is a lot better, still coughing after puffers for about 20 minutes then I'm good. Thinking a lot clearer too. You tubing old movies, Watched Young Frankenstein with my ex? boyfriends neice. She's still visiting me after school every day. She so refreshing to have for company, Being a positive role model for her is really helping me keep my resolve. Have a great day all, and hugs to those who aren't
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