Scott1970

I am a recovering alcoholic, been sober for about 8 months now. For the last year or two I was suffering from depression and anxiety which I was in counseling for. Well, due to the great world of insurance I recently switched counselors..My new one is actually in recovery herself and has been great and has a better understanding of me than my last one did. OK, she started digging into some issues from my military past the other night. Things started coming up that I basically squashed several years ago (either drank away or just back burnered). The occasional jumpiness and vigilance has been with me for yours, but the nightmares ended. When she started asking questions I went off telling things long since forgotten..now the sleeplessnes and the nightmares are back, the images, constantly on guard, jitters. I have been on edge since this..I want it to go back where it came from. But I am facing it again. I tried to talk to my sponsor a bit and he tried to understand but did not have a true understanding..I am praying to god for it to go away. I am supposed to meet with my counselor again tonight and am scared to go...not because of her, but I don't want to see the relive the evil again..There is also a piece of me scared that I will go back out (either drinking or whatever I can find). I do not know that I am reching out here to hear it is all for a good reason..or to hear run away...or just to get it off my check...arggggh

checkmate1

Hey Scott

I'm an alcoholic also... I've had some sober time but drinking again. What I've learned is that no matter how much I can convince myself drinking is a good idea it never is. You have options.....you can tell your counsellor that the stuff she is talking about is upsetting you and you no longer want to talk about it...... Or you can tell her what's exactly is on your mind and you can work things out together. A problem shared is a problem halved.

When anxiety and depression hits me everything is so overwelming. It feels like a good idea to run away. Sometimes confronting your worst feelings can help. Anxiety is part of my life and always will be but how I deal with it makes all the difference. I know how it feels to be on edge all the time I've been there your not alone.

FarawayFromCars

Hi Scott,

I relate to your post. I am in therapy for anxiety / PTSD, and I experienced a lot of what you are experiencing--the nightmares, the jumpiness, anxiety. Like you, I had "squashed down" a lot of the memories of the traumatic experience I went through as a child, and for awhile, the nightmares went away. When I started talking about the experience in therapy, however, back they came, and in full force. I would dream about the actual experience happening, or dream about it in different, symbolic forms. I was afraid that they wouldn't go away, but with continued discussion in therapy and processing, they have calmed down again and I don't have them anymore. I still get triggers when I am in an experience that is similar to the traumatic experience, but I am learning ways to process my feelings of anxiety and stress and learn how to work through them, rather than trying to bury them.
So....hang in there; I think what you are experiencing is well within the realms of a normal reaction (at least, within my own experience it is). I would suggest talking about your increase in nightmares in therapy and work through the reasons for having them. Opening up in therapy can be difficult, but that's what the therapist is there for, and it can do wonders.
Sending you good thoughts.

Scott1970

Well my therapist did back off a bit which I am thankful for. Last Monday though, I was on my way back from a meeting on a back road. Emotions started coming out of nowhere and I started thinking about crossing the road into oncoming traffic. Thank God I did not not only for me but for the innocent passerbys. It took me several days of dwelling on this negative experience and finally I shot my therapist a note and told her. Well the next night I was in her office. Not a bad thing actually the opposite. She really has gone out of the way for me. Talked to her Saturday and Saw her on Sunday-her day off. Today back at work I am a little skittish but checked in with her and am meeting my sponsor tonight. See her tomorrow morning. I know I am rambling..sorry.

I guess what I am trying to say is thanks to her and my good friends I made it through last week..and this week I think I'll be OK. I made it last week without drinking or drugging..came close but made it!