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Shut Down

Old 09-07-2006, 06:59 PM
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dream
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Question Shut Down

I usually post on on the friends and Family forum. However, again this "disorder" my SO has is splitting us up again. He has 10 years of sobriety and a childhood to match the problems. He is very well liked great personality and very outgoing. He does well for awhile maybe 3to4 mnths now. Then he shuts down outside of work and meetings he has to go to he stays in his house reads plays on the computer. Complaints of constant headaches and back pain and sinus problems. I sit in the house with him to not be spoken to he doesn't say anyhitng unless I speak to him and the responses are very one word so as not to start a conversation I guess. I know that when life sometimes gets too much he goes through this. He says it has nothing to do with me I have learned to not take it personally it just hurts to watch him be so sad. I try to keep my distance and not comment or force the issue. BUT PLEASE!!!! This has been an ongoing battle. We split up over this 6 months ago. It was very difficult for me. However, with the help of new friends and a new life I learned that I loved him enough to let him go. Then he came back for me and we talked somethings out some concerns he had I made sacrifices with certain friends I had to have a level of respect for his wishes. He agreed to try o nhis end. Less 1 mnth later he starts to complain about the illness then stops going out with friends and me. Then comes the locked down inthe house. It is like amovie I have seen I know how it happens it is a cycle. I the ass sit and watch it so as not to stir it up and make it worse and then he leaves. I guess the other day I tried to approach with caution and talk to him I asked him to talk to me about it. NO!!!! I said I was coming over and again NO!!!! I did anyway thinking if I put in his face he would crack break something have some kind of emotion. He turned into a whole different person. LAst weeek we were talking about our future and children. When I showed up he finally put down the book shut off the comuter and the TV after I asked numerous times. I requested that he just raise his hand and say I am scared I am this I am something find a balance with me so I can back or we can communicate something. He did admitt that he cried that night I hope maybe because he will recognize he is sad this is not ok he needs help. I accept he has to go through this but he does nothing to prevent stop or alter it. He just shuts down for months at a time. He said I do not love you I do not want to be with you. He says when he gets close to someone he pushes them away as fast as he can. I get it I do. Just let me stand by your side and love you I iwll go through this bad and good uncondtionally. But he just does not think he can do it. I want to help him I want to stand there for when he is ready. I do not know what to do. I cannot continue to this I lose him every feew months and it destroys me. I have to move on with my life and I wanthim in it. I asked he see a doctor to get medication just for the episodes he claims he has and it makes him worse. Does anybody know what the hell I am talking about??????? Please someone tell me how to approach this what is this short of manic depression with psychosomatic symptoms. I am at a loss I cannot do this forever but do not want to lose something so very special to me because he gets so lost sometimes HELP PLEASE.
ps
Sorry if this was confusing but imagine how I feel. Does any part of this sound familiar to anyone?
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