Stobert

For me there can be no "normal" drinking. I was always thinking about the next drink, and that's not "normal." I know I would be back to that way of thinking in very short time, on and on through an endless string of "next drinks." No thanks.

CarolD

Why bother?
If I can't drink all I want
I don't want to drink at all.

2dayzmuse

Every time I drank, I tried to moderate. I couldn't do it. I never stopped until I was either passed out or everything was gone. If I were still standing, I was on my way to the store to get more. If I were out to dinner with friends or family, we would have only a couple, they would go straight home. I would head to the store for more. After abstaining for a short time I relapsed, twice. Each attempt at moderation turned into day long binges. I quit trying to entertain moderate drinking. I quit for good. Drinking is no longer a part of my life. The trade off sucks. Drinking just isn't worth it to me. I'm perfectly happy without it and much better off for it.

Kellye C

I tried to moderate my drinking EVERY DAY for the last day of my drinking. Every morning when I woke up puking and shaking I would vow that I wasn't going to do that today, that I wasn't going to drink AS MUCH, that even though I bought a pint I'd only drink HALF tonight, I switched to wine, or beer when desperate. I could be moderate in public because I didn't want to appear out of control to people and I didn't want to get stopped for drinking and driving but as soon as I got home it was black-out time!

I was a "normal" drinker most of my life. I rarely if ever drank and as soon as I'd get a buzz I'd stop. I drank alcoholically for 3.5 years and have been sober almost 2. My disease would have me believe that since I didn't drink that long that maybe I could do it on occassion and control it. The thing is that I remember how I felt when I got sober and went through withdrawals and there is nothing in the world that is worth risking going through that hell again. I hear too many people say that when they relapsed even if they STARTED at just two or three it wasn't long til they were back at where they left off and worse. That alone scares me enough to not want to see if it would work that way with me as well.

Life is too good sober. Why risk it all?

I hope you find the answers that you seek,
Kellye

MNGirlyGirl

Too many times to count. I still sort of fantasize that I could drink "normally". Intellectually, I know better, but that evil addict tries to convince me otherwise. I know that once I "give in" to that "just one more time" ... what will stop me from another... and another... The fact that I want it so much, makes me realize how "unnormal" I really am. I try not to entertain those thoughts at all.

paulmh

A friend of mine says - I know I have another drink in me. I don't know if I have another recovery.

c'est la vie

When I faced the fact that my drinking was out of control, I decided to quit for 30 days and follow the Moderation Management plan. My problem was that I wanted to twist the plan so that one bottle of wine in one day was equivalent to one drink a day over 4 days. I tried controling my drinking for about 6 months and while I did drink significantly less, my emotions were wild. I was horribly sad and morose, full of regret each time a drank outside the limits. It was torture. But I had to follow that path or I would have always felt like something was taken away from me unnecessarily (rather than it being my choice, I'm very much like a toddler that way).

Now I have made a determined decision to not drink or even entertain the thought of moderation. I haven't had a drink for a little while (about a month and a half) and I don't feel nearly the self pity or self hatred that I did before. I plan to stay on this path because it doesn't hurt as badly and I can see the improvements.

Anna

What a great post C'est la vie!

It reminds everyone that we are all on the path of recovery, but not at the same place. And, that each of us has to find her own pace along this path. And, I relate so much to what you said about moderation. It was such a relief to give up attempting to drink moderately - the obsession disappeared.

michaelj

Doodlebug,
I think that you have asked the wrong question. Instead of asking other alcoholics how often they tried moderation you should be asking yourself why you would consider it. IMHO your question may be your addiction speaking, it is trying to get you to rationalise your way back to drink. Now you can take any amount of advice from others who tried moderation, speaking for myself I tried it so often it was pathetic, but only you know what the risks are and what the potential damage may be.
To me moderation for an alcoholic is just a dream. The reality is that for an alcoholic like me to try to be a moderate drinker is simply my addiction's path back to fulfillment.
Michael

Mongo

This is so true for me.

I really did not know if I was gonna make it through my last withdrawal.

Mongo

Carol87

When I got my chip a few days ago I was reminded that while I was struggling to decide if I was or was not an alcoholic, someone suggested I tried controlled drinking. I laughed out loud then and still do ... if I could control my drinking, I wouldn't be here today!!

Clarity4me

That seems like playing with fire to me. Its too easy to have the next one, then the next one, then oh what the heck, then your hungover in the morning depressed because you have to start all over again. Not worth it to me. Normal drinking is like one drink, I never wanted one drink. I wanted to PARTY! LOL. So I guess something would really have to change for me to be able to have just one drink every so often. I dont think I could do it.

scootinbabe

Ditto to many of the above messages.

Ten years ago I considered myself a "normal" drinker. I probably was "normal" for most of my life, but this disease is sinister and sneaky. It creeps up on you. I am not the person I was 10 years ago and my disease is soooo much stronger than it was back then.

As for moderation, I tried to control my drinking many times over probably 5-8 years. I usually did succeed for some time. I would abstain except for a glass or two of wine for sometimes as long as 9-11 months. But almost every year there was a nasty blackout or I'd drink heavily for a week or two --or three--can't remember ;-). Then I noticed each year was getting worse. Like two blackouts in one year. A blackout around friends or family--which had never happened before. The disease was progressing. I was losing it.

After the last blackout, I simply couldn't take it any more. Life is too short to cause me and my family this pain. I won't do it. I hate myself when I drink like that and I am totally powerless to know if I can stop at 1 or 2 or drink myself under the table. Enough. I can't even touch the stuff and I know that with more certainty than I know just about anything else about myself.

One thing that I read that truly scares the bejaysus out of me is that apparently each time you slip or relapse, it is harder to get sober again. The effect is cumulative. Goodness knows, it's hard enough this time. I never ever ever ever ever want to slip. The difference this time is that this is the first I've reached out to someone for help. (That would be AA, a therapist and this board.) I'm reading all I can and trying to get through my day. It's now 17 days since my last drink and I hope it's forever.

No one can help you make your decision. You will know your truth for yourself in time.

All best,

leviathon

Hi Scoot, welcome to the sobre side of life. That's awesome stuff you wrote and very insightful. I am sure you will help yourself by writing about it and know that you are also helping others by sharing your thoughts!

Congrats on your sober time. That's awesome.

Peace, Levi