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Why not AA?

Old 07-25-2006, 04:26 AM
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Why not AA?

Please.... Please.. Do NOT use this thread to fight or debate AA vs no AA. I am really only interested in those who choose to Not attend AA meetings and their reasons. I'm only interested in that. I have read lots or reasons why people have chosen AA and appreciate that input, then the treads seem to deteriorate into an argument. I am not anti AA. I am only trying to see if other people have the same reasons for not going as I do. Please just state why and try to remain as dispasionate as possible. Here are my reasons.

I have not attended AA because the thought of it is embarrassing to me. I am very very private and do not want to share anything face to face about my drinking.

The 12 steps scare me. Especially 8 and 9 They don't seem to have anything to do with staying sober, and I'm not going to do them.

I have been sober now 78 days. I started reading and posting here and it has helped me immensely. I like being annonomous. I don't mind sharing, but none of you can see me. None of you know me, and that's basically why I haven't gone to AA Some of you seem to have other reasons. But I have no predjudices against it. Basically the two reasons I have listed are the only ones I have.
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Old 07-25-2006, 04:36 AM
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I just dont agree with a lot of what is said in meetings thats all.

And that really wont get you very far in AA. So I left.

Peace, 5
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Old 07-25-2006, 04:45 AM
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At Step 1 I thought 'but I thought you were able to control and have power over what's happening to you' and at Step 2 with the Higher Power I decided 'oh no, that's not gonna happen'.

Marte
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Old 07-25-2006, 04:51 AM
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I don't go on a regular bases because I don't like going thru the doors alone. I don't like people looking or stairing (SP?)at me. I get anxious, nervous and my heart beats fast. My hand shakes if i get coffee. I dont like sitting close to people I dont know. I hate it when it gets extremely quiet when waiting for someone to speak. I hate it when call on people to speak. And i know they will call me and im not ready to share. I dont know what to say. What i say wont make sense. U will notice my voice shaking. How embaressing. I hate having to walk in and think i wont be able to find a seat. Then i have to walk in front of everyone. I hate having to read because i dont read well or cant focus on the words in the book because im nervous.

I do find however as time goes on and with going to meetings on a regular bases all the above seem to lessen and im a little more comfortable being there.

thanks for letting me share.
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Old 07-25-2006, 04:52 AM
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Hi Db

I've been in recovery for several years now. I've read everything I could find and tried every recovery method.. except AA

I have nothing against AA. I have read their methods and incorporate some of them into my own plan. It seems to help a lot of people. The face to face meetings appeal to me, I think peer support is very helpful. I had an uncle who everyone thought was a hopeless drunk, but he joined AA, turned his life around, and lived happily for over 23 years. I like coffee.

I may still try attending a few meetings for that peer support.

On the other hand, many people become sober without AA, or any recovery program. I think its most important to accept in your own mind that we have a problem and must not use.

I think that the biggest problem I have with AA is admitting powerlessness. This may work for some people, but for me, I feel that I'm responsible for myself, no one else. I have managed to put some long abstinence periods together and this is the evidence for me that I can do it. Everything in my life has been a direct result of my personal choices, and I see no reason why that should change.

You have 78 days, congratulations. Seems to me you have found what works for you and you can see the results. I think that continuing this, while still being open to deal with any new circumstances that come up will serve you well.

Keep well

Mongo
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Old 07-25-2006, 04:59 AM
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Congrats on your Sobriety Doodlebug. The 'recovery debates' are all over the internet. There are a lot of views out there at the moment.
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Old 07-25-2006, 05:13 AM
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I hope you don't mind me answering even though I have attended AA. I like the fact that there are other people with whom I can talk openly (I can't entirely with my husband because he doesn't "get it", and there isn't always someone here online when I REALLY need to talk). It feels good to get some things out of my head.

Aside from that I'm not sure I'm a huge fan of AA. I might stick with it for a while just to give it a fair shot, but the reasons that I hesitate to jump in full force are these:

I fear pulling all of these emotions to the surface through the steps and not having someone with professional experience to guide me (I could be proven that personal experience is better than professional)

I feel that many people join AA in order to make new friends who are sober, to have outlets for extra time in their lives that was taken up by benders etc., or to have a feeling of purpose in life. I have friends, I don't have lots of extra time, and I am working with several different groups at the school and volunteering at the library in order to feel useful.

I am intimidated, and even annoyed sometimes, with the rigid beliefs of some people who are staunch believers that AA is the best or only way to achieve happy, secure sobriety. I believe that I know myself better than anyone following all the rules and I know if my interpretation is working for me, and I really don't like being told that something that seems so benign is going to ruin my sobriety (following a rule instead of gut instinct).

I feel like my time would be better spent touring museums, taking a language class, or joining a writers group in order to feel like I'm finally taking advantage of being a stay-at-home mom. This would get me out of the house, put me in contact with people, work my mind - all the things that I haven't done much lately - AND boost my self esteem because I'm doing something special for ME.



Thank you for starting this thread. This was a fun exercise for me and I hope I didn't offend anyone. I'm sure my reasons can be turned on their head as proof that my sobriety is not very strong (it's not, I've only got 1 month).
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Old 07-25-2006, 07:13 AM
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Doodlebug:

"The 12 steps scare me. Especially 8 and 9..."

8 scares me to. It is:

"Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all."

I have a lot of people in my past that I know I hurt. I feel that contacting them would be opening up old wounds and disrupting their lives. I think it is selfish to do that to someone just so I can get better. The flipside of that is I feel eternally guilty for some of the things I have done to people. But these are people who have not heard from me in six years or more. There are some that I miss very much. It is a real catch 22.

The only other reason why I have not become involved in AA is because I tend to be a private person and feel self conscience sharing experiences in person. If I ever decided to go back, I think this is something that would get easier with time. I don't know why I don't give AA more of a chance. I guess the main reason is getting through some of those steps.

GJ
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Old 07-25-2006, 07:39 AM
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To begin with, I don't like meeting of any sort, I do attend a few "PTA" type meeting, staff meetings at work, Commnity metings if the topic is of a concern. Let me tell you I dread it, I can't wait for them to end I often slip out early or bring papers to grade or something to read. Maybe partils because I don't like to sit still for too long, heck I don't even like movies for that reason.

Secondly, I am not going to give up my current life style, I like my friends, they are not he reason I drank (I gave the pushers up) I am the reason I drank . I like my concerts, my parties and my life. I am determined to live my life just with out the booze and AA don't wanna hear that.

Oh and I alomost forgot, Full time job, Mom, husband business secerataty, grad classes, house cleaning, laundry, taking two kids to activities at different places at different time, exercise routine, grocery shopping, cooking, sleeping, oh yeah I am reallly going to find time for 1 meeting let alone 90 meetings in 90 days lol. The last this I need right now is something else to do ....more stress.
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Old 07-25-2006, 07:46 AM
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I have a therapist, a big family, and friends as support. I am willing to explore AA. However I also have my own religion and am highly skeptical of using God as God to me is a pretty personal thing (I don't discuss my religious stuff with people unless it's sharing that's all).

I don't like the powerless stuff. I think if I believed I was powerless then I wouldn't have been able to get to Day 21 (not that far but still...) Especially when the voice is going off in my head after work. Being powerless would be going to the liquor store on the way home instead of fighting it.

Plus I've never been a follower of any kind - I was taught to questions things so I'm not sure the whole following a book like a bible would work.

Also my therapist has told me that for some people AA replaces drinking sometimes for them. I don't want a replacement for drinking. I also am not just an alcoholic - I am a friend, photographer, climber, runner, daughter, manager etc.

Hope that makes sense. I'm not putting down AA. If it works for some people it works.
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Old 07-25-2006, 07:49 AM
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I have a lot of people in my past that I know I hurt. I feel that contacting them would be opening up old wounds and disrupting their lives. I think it is selfish to do that to someone just so I can get better. The flipside of that is I feel eternally guilty for some of the things I have done to people. But these are people who have not heard from me in six years or more. There are some that I miss very much. It is a real catch 22.
I don't think these are flipsides of each other. I absolutely can relate since my past is littered with people I hurt. The way I look at this is that I can ask forgiveness from God for my sins. If my relationship with God improves, I forgive myself (a very difficult thing to do), and I become a kinder person in this world then my actions moving forward should speak volumes.

I don't believe that going back and asking forgiveness is the right thing to do because 1) it's opening old wounds 2) I'm not even in contact with most of the people 3) If I believe that another person saying "I forgive you" makes me all better, then I put the power of God in that person.
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Old 07-25-2006, 11:25 AM
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Very interesting shares...

I do hope we continue to be respectul in this thread
otherwise

please note that posts refuting other members
ideas/feelings/opinions
will be removed.

Thanks...
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Old 07-25-2006, 11:45 AM
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I hope we don't keep you too busy, Carol *wink*

I was wondering about how this thread would work out, and I'm glad you put a forewarning before any mud was slung.
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Old 07-25-2006, 01:45 PM
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I love the group experience, even crave it. But I find it disheartening that almost every topic and every share relates to 'God'. For me, a secularist, AA is religious in too many ways.
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Old 07-25-2006, 01:55 PM
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Doodlebug,
First of all well done on 78 days sobriety. That is a massive achievment and clearly indicates to me that whatever you are doing to stay sober is working for you. I am sober now and I have been for 18 months to the day. I started my path to sobriety by attending AA. I knew of no other way and I persisted for about six to eight weeks. I am grateful for the kick start they gave me but I found that AA was not for me for a number of reasons.
First and foremost I am an atheist and could not reconcile my "beliefs" to the quasi-religiosity of AA. Secondly I could not allow myself to shift my responsibilities by espousing powerlessness. I got to be a drunk and I needed to get myself sober.
This is my first post here in afew weeks as I find sobriety sits more comfortably with me now. I am as it were a free agent. I have no dues to pay to any organisation and I am happy and content with that.
That said I realise and accept that there are people who need greater or lesser support than I do. Whatever works to keep you sober is OK by me.

Michael

PS to CarolD,
Was there any need to warn posters about respectfulness? If a debate is being followed with honesty and integrity there is surely no need for a warning. I absolutely support your right to delete/.remove offensive replies but if there haven't been any then reading the riot act may be seen to be heavy handed.
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Old 07-25-2006, 01:56 PM
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I'm not against AA at all but I just don't feel like I click there. I'm like doorknob, I love the group experience. I also get a little uncomfortable about the God thing because.......well, I'm just not very comfortable with it. I've had lots of people actually "dislike" me for my beliefs. I consider myself very liberal and egnostic, by the way. I just don't want to be judged and I feel like there is a potential there. Of course, no matter where I am, there is a potential.

My head isn't very clear today - so that's my rambling answer. Thanks for the thread Doodlebug. It's nice to have a civil conversation about this. I'm crossing my fingers that it stays this way. I know lots of people have really strong feelings about AA on both sides and I understand it but I hate to see a great discussion like this turn into an argument and get totally off topic.

Peace,
Doll
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Old 07-25-2006, 02:34 PM
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Hmmm...
PS to CarolD,
Was there any need to warn posters about respectfulness? If a debate is being followed with honesty and integrity there is surely no need for a warning. I absolutely support your right to delete/.remove offensive replies but if there haven't been any then reading the riot act may be seen to be heavy handed.
How do you know what actions I did
before I posted the "Fair Warning"?

And this was the in the beginning of the thread..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please.... Please.. Do NOT use this thread to fight or debate AA vs no AA. I am really only interested in those who choose to Not attend AA meetings and their reasons
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Old 07-25-2006, 05:06 PM
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Thank you all for responding honestly and respectfully. I appreciate all the input. I hope I didn't offend the people who attend AA by asking to hear only from people who did not. It was not my intention to exclude anyone or their views. I only thought it best to separate the two sides in order to get some real reasons stated.

I can see valid reasons on both sides. What I have heard for the most part on this thread are these main reasons

1. Shyness and embarassment or the dislike of large groups and/or fear of
speaking in front of them.

2. Fear of, or disagreement with, one or two... or perhaps all of the 12 steps,
particularly admitting powerlessness

3. The peception (right or wrong) of being pressured to accept views that do
not feel comfortable.

4. Uncomfortable with the religious/spiritual aspect.

5. No time in a busy life to fit in meetings.

OK... These are all valid reasons and are important to those that own them. Not everyone will agree, however and that's ok. Just know that holding different views does not make another's invalid. Usually when people feel strongly about something, argument or debate will not alter anyone's opinion. It will only strengthen it and cause animosity. Pretty soon the argument becomes personal, and not really about the topic originally disagreed on. So people like me... a newbie... don't really get the picture of what people were arguing about. Only that there was an argument happening.

None of the above reasons look to me as being sinister or wrong. They are just indivdual perspectives. The main thing is that we continue working at staying sober and be here to offer support to those that need it. I know I have gained so much from this forum. You are all a great bunch of people.
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Old 07-25-2006, 11:45 PM
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I think this thread was a useful exercise because even though all the reasons are usually mentioned at some point somewhere (and often in the arguments/discussions) it's hard to get a clear picture of why someone would choose to not accept the most widely accepted choice of recovery program.

This puts it very concisely, and like you said, it's an individual choice based on individual reasons, and in no way invalidates AA or the people who choose AA. It certainly helped me to clarify in my own head. Thank you.
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Old 07-26-2006, 06:28 AM
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Because of the religious thingy, and I just can't make a motorcycle, tree or keychain into my "higher power". Because of the "powerless" part, which is counter-intuitive to me...only I have the power to change my habits. Because of the long, sordid "drunkalogues" that seem to be the hall mark of each meeting and which I cannot relate to. Finally, because it does have a "cult-like" atmosphere that causes me to run like the chill autumn wind in the opposite direction.
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