brdlvr

Last night at a meeting someone brought up the fact that in the beginning, they would compare themselves either with or against those that were in AA. They thought they were different, others were not like them others were worse, or they tried to find ways that proved they were not as bad off. Is this common? I'm trying again to get it and I still have thoughts of hmmm, I only drink beer and don't drink liquor ( too scared - had an ex who drank vodka and alcoholism ruined his life), don't drink during the week (only because I can't stop at one and got tired of being late for work or hungover), never hid my drinking (I live with my sister - no kids or hubby so nobody cares if I drink), I have nobody to quit for except me (which is who I'm quitting for!) etc.

However, I can so relate to the compulsion, the fact that one beer triggers something in my head to want more etc.

How did you compare yourself in or out?

Brdlvr

Anna

I never did compare myself to others.

I just knew that I was killing myself spiritually, emotionally and physically and I wanted to live.

lulu70

I've also heard that described as "terminal uniqueness."

It does me no good to compare myself to other people. I know there are similarities and there are differences. There always will be. What is important is how different I am now that I have stopped drinking and started working a program of recovery. The improvement is almost immeasurable.

aasharon90

Hi im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

By the grace of my Higher Power and you people in these rooms I havent had a drink of alcohol since 8-11-90 and for that and u im truely grateful.


I did the comparison bit for a long time. Im Italian and i thought we normally drank lots of alcohol. I drank like my Grand-father and never became a falling down drunk. and i could drink u under the table.

I sat in meetings in early recover at 30 yrs old. I felt like i was the youngerst person in there. Young in my mentality. I later learned that that at whatever age u picked up ur first drink is when u emotionally stop growing. So actually i was just a teenager when i started drinking.

I sat in meetings comparing myself to the way looked, dressed, if they had a family or not, a car or not, money, house, education etc. See i didnt lose any of those material things.

The longer i stayed sober and went to meetings and listened to others share their ESH with me and others i began to relate. Before i knew it i began to hear their life stories similar to mine.

It didnt matter if u drank just wine, or beer, or in the morning, afternoon. Whether u stayed at home to drink or traveled the roads. I realized that ALL alcohol affected us in some way or another. U know i never heard a person sitting in those meetings say they loved alcohol so much that they enjoyed getting into trouble. That they like getting DWI's or loved the accident they had or tried to committ suicide because they thoroghly enjoyed drinking.

It was all the bad things that happened after they had consummed alcohol.

I know i was like all those people sitting in those meetings because we all tried to control our drinking habits and we couldnt. We failed soo many times that we couldnt get sober on our own.

Many had interventions done on them where family or loved ones needed to step in to help them. Some came in because of DWIs and the courts ordered to go to AA. Some realizing they need help just walk thru the doors of AA.

Me i couldnt do it on my own.

I compared myself and yet I am just like them, u. Im glad i have many people to turn to in recovery and that we r all in the same boat dealing with the same disease. I know today i never have to go thru anything alone.

I dont have to compare myself to u because i see myself in each of u as u post ur shares here in SR.

Thanks for letting me share.

slacker

I think it can be beneficial.
Looking at how others have managed (or not managed) their alcoholism gives you an idea of what your life might be like if you go down one of the two paths.

"possible future self"

When I look at a successfull alcoholic that has maintained sobriety and gotten their life together, that is inspirational and can be motivating for me to keep sober.

When I look at an alcoholic that has gone further down he path of self destruction, it is also inspirational. It reminds me of why I should quit drinking, before it becomes too late and I dig a deeper hole for myself.

Erin

Hi
I've spent months trying to figure the best way - including things like I will only drink these nights (weekends) and not the work weeks. After months of reading and searching I reached the point a few weeks ago that enough was enough. Quitting forever was way to big but the whole one day at a time and one moment at a time has helped.

I'm not for or against AA. I am for having a great life without alcohol and being free!!!! I am looking into AA at the moment because it can't hurt to try. But I also have a bunch of other stuff that helps every day like something to look forward too (especially at night) as small as juice to this weekend where I'm going rock climbing for the first time in a couple of years. I'm coming around to the fact that if I have things in my life that I truly love sober for me then alcohol isn't going to happen. However, I'm also struck with humility that it's so easy to slip (was around alcohol for about two nights this week at family functions and I was downing soda/cranberry juice). Plus having a therapist and a very supportive doctor helps a lot as well.

So as far as comparisons... the only person you can live with is yourself so who cares who's better or worse. Whatever methods help.

2dayzmuse

It did me no good to compare myself to anyone else. I knew without a doubt that I was a real alcoholic. There were no if, ands, or buts. I crossed every line I told myself I would never cross. I broke every promise I promised I would never break. I broke every rule I made to myself. I lied to myself and others. I was that person that others looked at and would think I was never that bad. At least I never did that. Yeah, that was me. I was pretty well snockered every day by 11:00 AM and that was my goal for the day. It would do me no good to compare myself to anyone else. I was the one living within my insanity.

CarolD

I think this is also an interesting thread...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-meetings.html

I ditto slacker...

nocellphone

Two things I've learned in my recovery:

Comparing my insides with someone's else's outsides is a pointless waste of time and energy.

The only vaild comparison I can make is between the "me" of today and the "me" I used to be. This will tell me all I need to know...

Still Trying...

Realized comparing myself with others with a worse problem gave me a sense of being better than I was. Realized comparing myself with others who seemed to have it together better than me just made me feel worse than I probably should, and was likely an illusion anyway.

Just deal with you - you know you best!

NYCGirl

I hope I am not off topic here.

Where I run there is an ontarage of homeless people, this morning as I ran by, I thanked God for opening my eyes to my disease before I "moved in" with them. I watch a woman maybe even younger than myself, but to far gone to tell, walking (barely) with a bottle in a paper bag, mumbling something to herself. It was like I was looking at myself if I had continued on my drunken way. I wondered how I managed to make it this far, I wondered how I kept my head above water or should I say alcohol for this long, I can home and re-read footsteps and thanked the Lord. As I type the tears roll down my cheeks, but for once in a very long time they are truly tears of joy. joy that I have realised how bad my drinking had become, and that I have found the strength to stop.

leviathon

You are a unique individual... you are also a unique person in terms of your drinking... while others may be similar, your drinking is all your own... don't compare... face your issues. Find those similar to you that you relate to well... that is the key. Avoid those that you cannot relate to at all, but listen to their words... sometimes they strike truer to home than those just like you. Most of all, take care of yourself and learn to be happy.

Peace, Levi

brigid

We all compare ourselves to others I am sure of that. But dwelling on it is not healthy, there will always be someone better and someone worse off. I get more happiness by doing things I like to do and understanding that others get happiness from different things, and that is ok.

I am sure that there are alcoholics that have been further "down" in life and drunk more and done more out there things than me, I am also sure that there are alcoholics that have not done half as many things as me nor drunk as much. But at the end of the day we all share the same challenge in life and that is to live life without drinking.

I like knowing that I am not the only one, I like talking about this stuff to other people who really know where the hell I am coming from. I love that alcoholics don't think that I am a second rate citizen (?S) just because I can't cope with alcohol and it makes me into someone that is not very nice or respectable.

We should not judge each other, just share.

love Brigid

Doodlebug

Being one of the "high end" alcoholics, may I venture a concern that I have for myself and other "high enders". My concern is that it may be easier to take that 1st drink. The disease is a master manipultor and I find myself rationalizing drinking again. My disease tells me all kinds of things, like "hey you never embarrassed yourself in public or missed a day of work, what's the big deal about having a few in the evening to relax?" Or "Lot's of people have a few drinks on the weekend or at parties, it's normal and it's ok for you to do it too!" I drive by my old liquor store on Friday evening and see the packed parking lot with people carrying out their "refreshments" for the weekend and I get real nostalgic.... Why can't I? What's the harm?

For those of us that never woke up in jail, or a hospital, lost a job, house, or spouse, or damaged our health, we may be a little more tempted to take that 1st little drink. I know I am. But I haven't and intend to keep it that way. I believe that I was in danger of becoming hard core if I didn't stop. I don't have such a high opinion of myself that I think it could never have happened to me. I don't want to tempt fate. I will remain sober.

2dayzmuse

Wise words Doodlebug, don't tempt fate. You bring up a very interesting point. I admire those who can get it early on in the stage. You don't want to fall deeper into the hole. Quit while you are ahead.

El Gato

Hey! That's brilliant!

nocellphone

...and my ego would looooooove to take credit for those wise words, but I'm simply repeating what I've heard in meetings and read in Al-Anon literature...

hoobie

This thread is really insightful. I'm new here and keep reading over peoples' stories of addiction and recovery and wondering if my problems are better or worse than theirs. I keep finding reasons not to call myself an alcoholic.

I keep thinking that a true alcoholic is someone who has lost so much and hurt themselves and others in the process. For me to call myself an alcoholic would be insulting to those who have experienced those things, since my life has remained pretty stable despite my drinking.

However, do I want to keep drinking until I become a "true alcoholic" before seeking help?

I'm glad I'm here

2dayzmuse

That's it, there, in a nutshell. Most of us were where you stand now. We took it to the next level. I wouldn't recommend it.

El Gato

Well give your memory credit then.