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Old 07-20-2006, 12:04 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Location: in a better place
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Originally Posted by Don S
I traded a healthy habit (SR) for an unhealthy one (drinking).
Heck, you've got to find something else to do with those long, lucid evenings!

Ain't that the truth!
c'est la vie is offline  
Old 07-21-2006, 07:28 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
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Hi CS, when I first attempted sobriety after relapsing after more than 10 years, I slipped and fell repeatedly. I was under a great deal of stress and I really was struggling. My world was falling apart.

All started when I graduated law school and moved to a new city where I didn't know anyone. The firm I articled with had us working 12-16 hours a day five days a week and more often weekends too. I was lonely, wasn't comfortable meeting new people b/c I am somewhat shy... I started drinking a few beer a day. That then increased once in a while on weekends.

I could no longer work out as a result of a rotator cuff tear that left me without my "normal" stress relief activity and the thing I loved to do most in the world (ya, weird I know). I became depressed and started to drink more frequently.

I then left the firm I articled at and joined another firm. My work at this firm was incredibly stressful. The partners bought out another firm and dumped about 150 more files on me, but I didn't have a legal assistant to assist me (most lawyers will not handle more than 70-100 files without an assistant, I now had over 300). The senior partner's idea of "constructive criticism" involed the use of words such as "moronic", "infantile", "idiotic", all of which was often prefaced with "F@#%ing". As a result of the stress, I would drink to "escape" ... bad idea, don't try it.

I was then fired after being there for some three and a half years (during my stint there the entire support staff (20 ladies) turned over (most were fired) and all of the associate lawyers (again, most were fired) ... not b/c of incompetence or alcohol just the partners way of ensuring they didn't have to pay ever increasing salaries. I was fired too, not because of alcohol use although it was becoming a problem, but because I followed the instructions of the senior lawyer and they turned out to be incorrect and when the other sides lawyer freaked, he blamed it all on me and fired me as his scapegoat. I know this to be the case b/c I received a copy of the email sent by the other sides lawyer and turns out my instructions from the senior lawyer were wholly lacking and were not what was agreed upon. In short, I was sandbagged. C'est la vie.

The situation was compounded by the fact that my father then committed suicide on July 1 last year. I spiralled bad. I tried, but couldn't deal with it. It was brutal.

Now, I am much happier in my new job now, my new life and my new town and house. Life is wonderful. Have friends and family close by. A great job and a possible new relationship.

What I am getting at with all of this, the alcohol abuse is normally a multi causal problem and needs to be addressed in a multi causal manner. AA works for some, it did not work for me... that may be b/c of the situation I was in before I moved here. I can't answer that, I only know that it did not work for me. I also had problems with the sponsor I developed a relationship with. He was a really bad fit for me... he actually thought a big book reading was him sitting and reading the book to me... very little discussion... besides, I am fully capable of pre reading the passages myself and then reading an excerpt and discussing it as part of the study, which did happen at a big book study I attended (very helpful by the way). We would read excerpts and then have round robin discussions amongst the group... really got a good understanding that way... having a single person attempt to impose his views on me was not helpful.

So, long and short, don't give up. If it is a problem for you, keep trying until you find the solution that works for you. Mine was to take anta abuse for a while to terminate the cravings and get my mind right. Then to get some counselling. To develop new hobbies and interests and to get healthy again... though gotta work a bit harder on the "health" stuff as I've let it slide in favour of golf lately. Develop a strong social support network. Get happy with myself again!

Cheers, and Good Luck. Remember, so long as you are alive, hope is always there.

Peace, Levi
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Old 07-22-2006, 05:36 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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Originally Posted by Candy Scratch
First of all, I bow down deeply and hand you each a long-stemmed red rose and my most gracious appreciation -- in honour of you.

I don't know how you all do it.

I have been here for a few weeks -- I thought I did really well, then I relapsed. Got right back on board, then relapsed. Got right back on board, then relapsed. I don't see a lot of hope for myself right this instant.

Yet, I keep coming here and I keep seeing the "regulars" -- responding to each Newcomer to Recovery, offering inspiration and the same good advice over and over and over again. The Newcomers come and go and you remain.

And I must wonder -- how do you do it? How do you not get depressed at the numbers of newcomers coming every single day? How do you not let yourselves get down at all of those, like me, who fail a hundred thousand times while trying to gain sobriety? I certainly am not giving up thanks to you all, but I am so puzzled by your tenacity, and I wish I had the same thing.

Alcohol is still such a bloody "fun" thing for me, in every sense of the term. Attempting to be an oenophile (sp?) and discovering stuff about different wines. Alcohol and meals. I started "theme nights" at home a while back -- let's say Japan. I made Japanese food, spoke to my kids about Japanese history and customs, encouraged all guests to speak a few words in Japanese. Hung a map. And served the kids juice and the adults Sake. I know the sake didn't "make" the meal, but it was part of the portrait. I'm still not at that place where I can say, screw it. I don't need the damned sake. It is alcoholic and I don't drink. I can't say that. I want to try it, to taste it. Sangria on my Spanish nights. Mojitos when I grill tuna with a Cuban theme.

I'm so sorry - even for writing about drinking specific types of drinks in this venue. I know that doesn't help anyone else. I am very sorry. I'm just a little depressed tonight by the whole topic and by my inability to commit and stay committed.

I feel like AA is not for me but I feel pressured to at least try AA. I am just feeling a little down this evening. (and good Lord, my daughter is watching Futurama in the background and the topic is alcoholism. Is that a sign?)

Thanks for listening and sorry for being a pain in the butt.

Candy Scratch

Many Spanish, Mexican, Japanese, Italian, and a host of other people sit down every night and eat there countries cuisine without drinking alcohol, ya know.

You are still fighting it. Still telling yourself that its the alcohol WITH the food you will miss,.....not JUST the alcohol. Even though you know it is. How many of those nights did you "not get a chance to eat" so you kept on drinking your sangria, or tequila, or sake' til you were bombed? The reason you relapse lies in the fact that you still really glorify drinking in your mind. You link it to 'foriegn lands'...and adventure. Bottom line is thats its booze. You are addicted to it and if you dont stop lying to yourself, its going to get alot worse. Believe me,.....you DONT wanna know how bad it can get.
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Old 07-26-2006, 05:29 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Location: Minneapolis MN
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Originally Posted by Music
One think that helped me to stay sober was to decide whether or not I wanted to stop drinking. When I made the decision to do whatever it took to stay sober, instead of whatever it took to get drunk, success!!
See above
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