PaleRider

Hi all:

I 've been alcohol free for 4 or 5 months and Xanax free for almost 2 months.

I went to 90 in 90 and do my best to work a program, But I'm not feeling or getting tangibly better only worse.

I have too much fear to get a job even though I have a excelent edu

What the FF is wrong with me and where can I go for help.

This is why I used, but w/o the chemicals it's not getting better only hurts alot more.

Thanks in Advance!

Doodlebug

Well Palerider, I suspect you, like I, expected the act of getting sober to be the cure. It isn't. The problems and reasons for drinking still exist and drinking only was a way to hide from them.

Now that we are sober, we see all the things we may have been numbed from. No more anesthesia! Time to face some issues huh? Big issues. I know this is true for me though I don't like to admit it. It was easier in a way to blame the booze for all my troubles and shortcomings. I need to do some major work on myself, and what pi$$es me off is that at my age... 57, I should have these things solved by now. I guess we are never to old to learn. Especially about ourselves.

PaleRider

Thanks for sharing Doodle!

I'm 47 so I believe our age does affect us in the eyes of our suckie scummy capitalist system...

That's the "real" prob for me is that w/o employment i will not only feel bad but will eventually become homeless and all the other ills that may come, there is no way to "hide" from this!

Islandchild

You are experiencing early recovery, and sometimes things DO feel much worse before they get better. I had a very hard time in the beginning. I cried off and on for months. Don't give up and don't let your disease tell you that things are worse. It WILL get better!! Talk to others in recovery and be up front with how you are feeling!!!

PaleRider

'

PaleRider

BTW I want to LIVE Right...
Work, Love and contribute!!

PaleRider

Poll Says:
Go to more Meetings--sounds plausible

Get other help--What kind?

CarolD

Have you considered an addiction counselor?

Jobs?
I finally quit drinking at 52...
went back to school... retrained ...began a new career.
All that was sparked by a friend in AA.

Comtribute? Do volunteer work.
Do AA service work.

You may not know of PAWS...here is info

http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm

Just keep in focus...things will work out in sobriety

PaleRider

Thanks for the suggestions Carol

paulmh

If I could put my two pennies worth in?

I'm really sorry to hear that you're suffering today. Might I suggest that you get hold of a copy of the "Just for Today" card? A big part of recovery for me was learning to control and change the things I could, and learning to accept the things I couldn't - and also being able to properly identify which is which. There are things I can't change today, but which may change over time. Keep it in the day my friend, do your best with what is in front of you, accept that you are feeling off and in time, in it's own time, things will get better. Whenever my head goes off to worry about the future or to panic about things which haven't happened - I have no peace.

Hoping you have a peaceful day.

Paul

Ngokpa

At that point in my recovery, I ended up saying the Serenity Prayer to myself a lot, even though I didn't particularly believe in God. My mind was driving me nuts, and it gave me something else to put in there. And it helped open my mind to doing things I wouldn't otherwise--being a secretary at meetings, service work, a little meditation, and to go to as many meetings as I needed to. Eventually it meant joining a spiritual group I saw eye to eye with, doing a fourth step, and getting into therapy. It's not like there's only one way to do it; there are a lot of options, but we have to become willing to try them out.

Music

One of the things sobriety has taught me is to stop whinning about being a victom and learn to take responsibility for my own actions. There's one way to hide. Jump back in the bottle.

brigid

There are so many things that I can start to concentrate on and feel "hard done by" or really down about where my drinking has taken me. I can feel like I should be some place else and that I am not there and all these things start weighing me down.

Then I find that if I just do one thing that is a good thing for myself I feel better. I can do some exercise, clean the bathroom, sort the cupboard out, any job that I have been avoiding. If I just write my feelings down, or ask/talk to someone else or look for someone worse off than me - I start to sort it out a bit.

I have been through lots of different stages and they all keep taking me to a better place.

Peace!!! You still have a great number of good years in your life, you still have all the skills that you were born with, you now also are able to not drink for the day. Not drinking has been a huge challenge for me to overcome and I pat myself on the back for being able to do it.

Good on you for not drinking and good on you for being able to come here and post honestly. It gets better!!!!! I remember there are people in this life who have a lot less than me and they have a more positive outlook than me and get somewhere, so I can too.

lots of love,
Brigid

Don S

Seek some other help. Consider the alternative programs. See a counselor, and use your existing program for peer support while you deal with your other issues more directly. Work on realistic goal-setting.

Cathy31

hi there

If I could make a suggestion and I'm surprised that it has not come up...or as one of your options.

Meetings are great, and a real help. They are the 'fellowship' of AA.

But going to meetings is not the program of AA. The program of AA which is what assists us to LIVE HAPPILY and JOYFULLY and FREELY. It is contained within the 12 steps and if you want to work the program you need to get a sponsor and start with step 1.

Read the Promises of AA in the big book.

So much joy and freedom awaits you if you do this. I felt like you did too when I was only attending meetings, as opposed to working the steps.

I hope this is helpful.

CAthy31
x

2dayzmuse

Right on Cathy. I was going to say the exact same thing. Going to meetings may help you get sober, but it doesn't get to the issues that caused you to drink in the first place. I would suggest to get a sponsor and work the steps.

nocellphone

When the anesthesia is removed, the pain inevitably returns. The good news is that, with the chemicals out of the way, that pain can now be processed, lessened, and let go of.... where it could never have been while under the influence.

During my first year in recovery, I was MORE depressed than I'd ever been in my life, and I had been depressed for as long as I could remember. I came to understand that the reason for my new acute feelings of depression was that I had begun to let go of those denial mechanisms that had kept those feelings stuffed where they couldn't be felt or dealt with. When we keep all that poison inside for so long, we begin to rot from the inside out.

It's eleven years later now, and my life is better than I could have ever imagined. Mostly, the betterment has been internal...

This too shall pass, PaleRider. Keep taking suggestions and following in the footsteps of those who've recovered before you. This stuff really works.

Lilya

Hi Palerider,

My experience was similar to Nocellphone. I was depressed for some time after I got clean and sober.

It took me some time to get financially sober and I´m still struggling at becoming emotionally sober, but I have at least learned one thing: Adversity is a gift. Most of all it brings you clarity. Later you will recognize the gift of having gone through some bad time right now. It will pass.

My 2 centimes: Think of what you want to do in life. Visualize a goal one year into the future. Write the steps needed to achieve your goal for the next 6 months, then one month, then the next 4 weeks and the next week. Keep every step of the way small, manegable and simple. Use reason against emotions during that time.

I have nothing more to add to all this good advice you got from these good people, but best of luck.

Love and light,

mikee

Knowing and not doing is equal to not knowing at all

Just for today, Im not going to indulge.

Im praying a special prayer for you Palerider.

God bless.

Don S

That is a wonderful bit of advice, Lilya! Excellent goal-setting strategy.