El Gato

I've only had time to read a few posts and comprehend them so far. But I want to make it clear that I am not leaving here, I'm not unhappy in fact I am the happiest I have ever been. For Mr. Music : I don't think I am unique or a drunk at this stage, much less a 'garden variety' drunk. I'm just a person living life to the best of my ability.

So... I'm inclined to look inward when ever I see a problem in my life. It could be that I am unlikeable or unloveable, but I don't believe that is true. So, what could I change about me to connect to other humans in a way that I want to without changing who I am? That is the $64 question.

But about this site... I find it a bit too conservatve maybe? People seem to walk on egg shells. Take themselves too seriously? I dunno, an analogy I thought of is like in football (soccer) when a team plays the whole match and has zero off-sides calls against them. Off-sides calls are not good but it shows that a team is at least trying. Same here with most if not all threads. I have never seen a thread hijacked. Which to me indicates a police state.

Anyhoo, I'm off my soap-box. I sincerely appreciate everyone's input, concern and the like.

El Gato

Well it's like I don't know how to be social or something, which makes sense since I truly never learned any social skills before I started drinking and during the drinking years. But you know I try to come up with a good topic to start a conversation, for instance and not just here, and um it doesn't go like I prefer I guess. Then there have been times that I didn't have energy or time to respond to anyone. So a mixed bag, I guess.

aloneagainor

That post, from Earlybird's "Oh the Anger" in early June resonates in my head to this day. Etimizzle (Etimee) tried to inform me izzle-speak (or whatever it's called) while we bided our time waiting for Earlybird to return to his thread.

Your introversion/ intuition surely does affect the way you relate to others. That's not a negative and it doesn't mean you can't connect with other humans (safe to assume you DO relate to animals? Cats in particular perhaps?) Humans are so unpredicatable and complex, I'd all but given up on them, save for a few (unbelievably patient and enduring long time friends) who were willing to keep reaching out to me and trying to remind me that I too am human, and if we want to connect we have to find common ground. But I'd had it. Moved far into the woods, bought a small farm, got a couple hundred chickens and some horses and pigs and cats and dogs and goats, and decided that would be that. Hermit bound! Where I could use my drugs and read and explore the inner workings of my own head to my head's content. That didn't satisfy my HEART though.

Such is why I'm here. Trying to find some common ground. Perhaps you too?

El Gato

Oh yeah, I am a cat lover. One cat at a time, tho. And funny enough I have considered that I might be happiest as a so-called loner, living in the woods like the uni-bomber. Society frowns upon that loner idea. But who are they to say what is best for me?

aloneagainor

I READ the uni-bomber's Manifesto. My conclusion: that the man spent TOO MUCH time inside his own best thinking. MUCH better insights to be found here. I'm serious.

(one can live in the woods and be a loner-type, so long as they're willing to put forth the extra effort to remain connected. Whatever "society" thinks is questionable from the start, you know.)

El Gato

This will prove that I am socially ******** : Are you wanting to know my marital/relationship status? Or could it be that you are refering to my recovery situation? Living arrangments, as in home or homeless? Paper or plastic? I don't know what you mean for sure so I'll just assume for self-esteem sake that you asked me out.

El Gato

And probably better off than people who have never had an alcohol or drug problem.

El Gato

Yes that sounds familiar. Did you, like me, ever think that social anxiety disorder was your main problem?

El Gato

Alright, the PC is starting to smoke from my rapid posting! Plus, I'm down to 5 minutes of 'puter time at the good'ol library.

Thanks to everyone who replied. For some reason starting a thread about not connecting has struck a connection with me. Cheers!

c'est la vie

I'm glad you started the thread. It sure has taken off. You see how many weird people there really are when you start to shake them out of the bushes.

I have such a weak self esteem that I used to drink just to hang out with my closest friends. As if I wouldn't be the good ol' Ang without being tipsy or drunk. Then I ended up drinking so much I couldn't be around anyone. I really have been struggling with the connection issue. It sucks, but I'm working on it.

I also know what you mean about walking on eggshells. I've seen people doubleback on their post to make sure they didn't offend anyone. I see it as a good thing though since most of us here have extremely fragile egos. It's safer to be cautious.

kali ma

Ditto...There have been many times that I have written a whole post, and decided that the whole thing should be scratched. I think that many of us are very vulnerable right now, and a lot of things said in writing can often be taken too literally, or not literally enough.

"The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well!" _ Joe Ancis

Five

Pal, I think most are familier with them thoughts. Its often part of the thing we go through.

Open up, its easy once you get the hang of it. Thaw out.

Peace, 5

rose petals

hey gato
i never considered social anxiety problems--its more just being on a different wavelength i know im a bit different--also i guess i dont feel comfortable being close to people even thogh i want to be--like when people always want to give me a hug at aa --i dont like that but i wiould like to like that --lol

paulmh

El Gato said:

I know precisely what you mean. The fact that this site is more conservative, and people take the whole issue of addiction more seriously, is what drew me to the place. For the last year I had been going, off and on, to a site which was much more social, mainly I think because there were no AA people there -it was more like an RR site, though it's not affiliated to any organisation. I found I wasn't getting what I needed, which is focussed discussion of recovery. I found I was also taking other people's inventory. But maybe it might give you some of what you need just now.

It's WQD/Netwarriors

Five

If you think about it Gato, it maybe you who has the problem, and not everyone else.

I dont think it too conservative here, nor to liberal. It just is.

I find the best way of soliving something is to adapt to it.

Stick around.

brigid

I think getting attention may be a normal human need and we all go for it in some way. Being social used to be a lot easier because there were ceremonial type occassions and social conventions to follow, smaller communities and everyone accepted the various quirks of individuals. The bigger our cities and populations the easier it is for us quirky people to feel like no one loves us. Well I have found lots of other lovely quirky people and they are great!! Talking about important things and analysing stuff is fun, may not be for some people but for me it is.

I am the same as people in lots of ways and different in my own ways and generally I like sharing my profound wisdom with someone just to find out I am not the first person to think it or sometimes I am even wrong about something. Now there is an eye opener, and that is good fun.

People are fun!!

love Brigid

Five

That was such a nice message Brigid.

Sobriety1st

El Gato, I don't think you are socially ******** , and i am happily married, and i was referring to your recovery, and how you got to where you are today, sorry, didn't quite explain myself very well..i neither am very sociable other than with my husband and daughter, sorry if that question sounded insulting, never meant for it to be..best wishes to you..Self esteem? I have very little of that too but am learning in recovery to add some to my life..Have a great weekend..

El Gato

Oh yes, this like every other thing that has bothered me is my problem. I'm glad I started this thread tho as it has helped me to work thru some issues. Like, what I want is to conversate about life after the bottle at a place I would feel comfortable doing that, which would be here. But, this place is first and foremost about drinking and drugging. I think that is the issue with me (STC).

El Gato

You weren't hitting on me? Bummer!

But seriously, you didn't insult me or anything like that. I was just having fun, maybe too much fun.

I have 6 months or so sobriety for what it's worth. Following my own program called 'Drinking is Insane : Don't Do It!!' So yeah, if you liked to know more about this 'grounbreaking technique', PM me. Have a great weekend too!