Five

Thanks for your story - its a long time since I was in that kind of mire. You have options now on how to rebuild your life. The stikys on the top of the forums are a good guide.

All the things you have gone through are part of what most of us have gone through. I was not an all day drinker, but I was an all day thinker about drink. Planning, scheming, working out how and when I was to get drunk. I was respectable looking, could talk a good talk, but that demon thing you talk about was eating me up inside. If you touched me back then, just on the arm, I would have shivered - I was that cold and hollow inside. I was a sitting mess, with nothing but fantasy and my CD collection to keep me occupied.

Feel the warmth of humanity again mate. Your life without booze starts...

Grasshopper

You are no longer all alone!!!
There is fellowship,solutions,in recovery rooms.Those who have travelled a similar path,and today live effective,sober lives,.
There is a solution.
I found it in AA.Where i eventually came to the point in my life,having worked through the 12 steps,that i longer wish to shut the door on my past,nor have regrets.it all happened,i cant change what happened.My past,is a tool,that can help others today.I have made amends to those i have hurt.Forgiveness for those i felt hurt me,.And i have changed,.In the BB,we will know new freedom.Its true.
keep on keeping on,

debsjsu

Sooon How are you doing today Grandguy.... Did you find any meetings in your area?? How are you feeling?? I am rooting for ya... You are in my prayers.. Love to ya Debs

Garandguy762

Mentally foggy right now. It sounds silly, but it feels as if I have a coat of fur. Like, fur growing out of my skin. Medicine head feeling.

Today I hear the whispers. I hear soothing words but they are coming from a liars mouth. Still, I cannot help but feel I am merely a child standing on a seawall, looking out to sea. I know there is a wave coming, and I fear it will blot the sun.

debsjsu

Keep hanging in there babe it does get better.... Find a meeting to go to .... Make sure that you are not having any physical withdrawal serious enough that you need to see a Dr. for ( Carol has a sticky up for this info check it out if you haven't already) Try to eat as healthy as you can, drink lots of hydrating things, water, juices, try to stay away from sodas and coffee if you can... It does take some time but it does get better a little every day... Keep comming back here and posting let us know how you are doing... We care.... My prayers are with you Love to ya Debs

NYCGirl

Are you still out there, stay with us!

Garandguy762

I am here. Today was hard, but I managed it. I have garnered the willpower to last 2 days so far. Cravings hit for the first time around 6pm, my normal witching hour. Steady, slow whispers and deals offered. Negotiations ventured. Absolutes eschewed. But I held fast.

How fascinating it is to hear my demon in its myriad of forms. Probing, testing, evaluating. I never knew it was so articulate, so convincing in its logic. Before, it simple said, "drink" and I did. Now it must work, and it knows it.

I am utterly disgusted with alcohol. My will is absolute, my word is shining truth. All my demon has are lies. Beautiful, compelling and utterly hollow lies.

I will continue to update if you wish me to.

Thank you again.

Tom

NYCGirl

Good for you, yesterday, you fought the Demon and won. You can do it agianto day. He (I assume it's a he) is going to be a whole lot pissier today. Try to find something to do around 6:00 that'll keep you mind body and soul busy.

I vegged for the first to weeks had no energy didn't go the gym, run, clean the house or nothing. But now I back stronger that ever ran 5 miles for the first time in almost 10 years, could never get past 31/2.

Don't try to do much yet, save your strength to fight the demon.

wishful

Welcome to SR and hope you're hanging on and riding that wave! We all have the waves, it's amazing how sobriety feels good, makes sense, etc. etc. UNTIL one hits then you feel like heading right back down into the bottle again (hey, drunkenness felt good, made sense, etc. at the time)! There's tons of tips on this site to help with every stage and sympton of recovery, but also keep your own post current - using it as a reminder of where you were (when the demon makes you forget and starts luring you in) can be invaluable! You sound like a great guy and I'm sure if you do decide to tell your girl she will give you a huge hug and stand up right next to you to help all she can! We're cheering for you!

NYCGirl

Just checking to see if youare still with us. don't like to lose anyone, ya know.