Today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Charleston S.C.
Posts: 1,461
Today
I was at the V A hospital in Bedford Mass today. I'm a Vietnam Veteran. I've had to deal with having to kill woman and children. Many of these people use them. Today, I was asked by a Veteran just returning from war. How do I deal with it. Other than drinking, I just don't know. I understand that we were following orders. However, we both had to kill somebody. This has been the most difficult task. trying to seperate the 2 Don's. The one that wouldn't harm anyone, from the one that was trained and, sadly learned, how to kill.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
My oldest son was a Marine for 5 years. My youngest son just signed on with the Navy. My FIL and my own father were both Navy in WW2 and Korea.
What each has done or will do is protect those who are at home and that protection has costs.
Just as the Navy slogan says..."Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of All Who Threaten It"
War stinks but it also regains the peace for the masses.
What greater good is there then that of giving oneself for others?
Don you and all other vets have gone above and beyond for the freedom of so many. You have nothing to be shameful for and I thank you.
What each has done or will do is protect those who are at home and that protection has costs.
Just as the Navy slogan says..."Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of All Who Threaten It"
War stinks but it also regains the peace for the masses.
What greater good is there then that of giving oneself for others?
Don you and all other vets have gone above and beyond for the freedom of so many. You have nothing to be shameful for and I thank you.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Don...My family tree is filled with Vets...
from 1776 to my youngest Grandson now in Basic.
My Dad was 100% disabled
as is my son and his son is rated 50% presently.
I have lived with them and cared for them
and volunteered at Walter Reed in the burn unit.
I am so very proud of you and all who serve for freedom.
You are an inspiration to so many!
"some gave all and all gave some"
Blessings and Hugs...
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Wow Don. Your challenge in sobriety makes mine seem kinda small. I've never been in a situation remotely similar but I can imagine the difficulty in accepting that there was a Don in the past that did things, that was required to do things, which he would not have done given an alternative. I am reasonably sure that I would seek to forget through alcohol and drugs because I've done that for much lesser reasons. It's inspiring to me that you are not taking the easier, softer way.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Rainsville, Alabama
Posts: 189
Wow Don .. I am almost speachless.. The only thing I can say is that I know that my family, parents, myself, children, and grandchildren owe our lives to you and the others like you... The price that you have paid for our lives is high.. We have no human right to have asked such a high price of you. You gave so freely for us.. How can we ever repay you for what you have done for us?? I could not even remotely imagine what it must have been like for you. Or what it must be like for you now... I can tell you that I thank you for your sacrifice and respect you for your courage and bravery in your most difficult task in ensuring freedom for our country. My prayers will be with you through your journey. Love and Respect to you Don Debs
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Don, I've said before and I will say again, THANK YOU for serving our country and myself. I respect, admire and am thankful to you everyday. I hope one day you can be as proud of yourself as so many of us are.
What would it be like for you, if you just threw away your guilt? You have so much filled in your head, What about thinking of all the wonderful amazing things you did for all of us, instead of thinking of the bad. I know that is easy for me to say, very easy, and much harder to actually do. But it IS what we want for you. Good thoughts and and a Happy Healthy Don. None of us want you to feel bad, upset, etc. about anything.
You know, you are not a murder, not a baby killer, none of that. You are a Vietnam Vet. You really should stand tall and proud when you say that. You didn't choose to do anything but defend our country, and you did a damn fine job in doing that.
Have you ever thought about the fact that possibly your efforts may have saved 1000's++++ of lives here in our country?
In 'Reality' you may have saved a few lives here on SR if you think about it. You defended our country and that is something you should be damn proud of.
As always, I'm behind or beside you every step of the way.
What would it be like for you, if you just threw away your guilt? You have so much filled in your head, What about thinking of all the wonderful amazing things you did for all of us, instead of thinking of the bad. I know that is easy for me to say, very easy, and much harder to actually do. But it IS what we want for you. Good thoughts and and a Happy Healthy Don. None of us want you to feel bad, upset, etc. about anything.
You know, you are not a murder, not a baby killer, none of that. You are a Vietnam Vet. You really should stand tall and proud when you say that. You didn't choose to do anything but defend our country, and you did a damn fine job in doing that.
Have you ever thought about the fact that possibly your efforts may have saved 1000's++++ of lives here in our country?
In 'Reality' you may have saved a few lives here on SR if you think about it. You defended our country and that is something you should be damn proud of.
As always, I'm behind or beside you every step of the way.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
((don w)) just the fact that you have guilt shows that you are NOT what others say you are. i can never step into your shoes nor could i do the same with my late husband who was also a vietnam vet. just know with every sober day you have under your belt that i am thinking of you and my husband who could not find sobriety. you ARE loved!
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
((((Don))))
You are loved....never forget it.
Thank you for all you've done, and all you continue to do...
Please be good to yourself. You deserve good because you are good. Never mistake what you've done for what you are...
Shalom!
You are loved....never forget it.
Thank you for all you've done, and all you continue to do...
Please be good to yourself. You deserve good because you are good. Never mistake what you've done for what you are...
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hilton Head Island, SC
Posts: 51
Hi there. I just read your post and have been thinking very hard about something I learned in recovery... First of all, I cannot say that I know how you feel because I surely don't - I can only try and imagine. My father and grandfather were in WWI and WWII and they did what they had to do - I am proud to have known them both and proud for their part in protecting our country.
What I have learned is that the hardest person to forgive is ourself. I had to deal with things in my past that I would have given anything to have changed. I loathed some of the things I did, especially when I was drinking, and I had the hardest time learning to forgive myself. Finally, a wise sponsor told me that by not forgiving myself I was playing God. If God, she believed, had forgiven me, then who was I not to do the same? I believe that your Higher Power has forgiven you for doing what you had to do - for following orders. The process of forgiving yourself is hard - but so important. When you move past this, you can be there for others who need your experience, strength, and hope. After reading all the responses here, I hope you will see that others respect and understand your role in a very difficult war, and are grateful for you in serving your country. Thank you for sharing tonight. I look forward to getting to know you better.
God bless,
Leslie
What I have learned is that the hardest person to forgive is ourself. I had to deal with things in my past that I would have given anything to have changed. I loathed some of the things I did, especially when I was drinking, and I had the hardest time learning to forgive myself. Finally, a wise sponsor told me that by not forgiving myself I was playing God. If God, she believed, had forgiven me, then who was I not to do the same? I believe that your Higher Power has forgiven you for doing what you had to do - for following orders. The process of forgiving yourself is hard - but so important. When you move past this, you can be there for others who need your experience, strength, and hope. After reading all the responses here, I hope you will see that others respect and understand your role in a very difficult war, and are grateful for you in serving your country. Thank you for sharing tonight. I look forward to getting to know you better.
God bless,
Leslie
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 153
Don... I have nothing more to add other than MY "Thank You" I am your age. I watched "the war" on television at 10pm while I gave my baby his nightime bottle. I didn't appreciate the enormity of it back then. I was busy having my family and being a new mom.
Now that same baby boy has served 2 tours in the Middle East. He is home and safe. But now I know. Now I understand. Not about war, as I could never begin to image the horror of what our men faced and are facing. But I understand the helplessness of being home praying for a loved ones safety.
I have often felt guilt over not fully "paying attention" back in the late 60's and early 70's. I was fortunate to have all my friends that fought there return home. I listened to them talk about it...... Or not talk about it. It was a very odd time... a very very difficult war. I am shamed by the way our returning men were treated. I have gone to the "Wall" in DC to pay homage. I have thanked the Vets I met there. There is nothing more I can do except hold you all in my heart.
Now that same baby boy has served 2 tours in the Middle East. He is home and safe. But now I know. Now I understand. Not about war, as I could never begin to image the horror of what our men faced and are facing. But I understand the helplessness of being home praying for a loved ones safety.
I have often felt guilt over not fully "paying attention" back in the late 60's and early 70's. I was fortunate to have all my friends that fought there return home. I listened to them talk about it...... Or not talk about it. It was a very odd time... a very very difficult war. I am shamed by the way our returning men were treated. I have gone to the "Wall" in DC to pay homage. I have thanked the Vets I met there. There is nothing more I can do except hold you all in my heart.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Green,green grass of home
Posts: 600
Don,there is no issues,that cannot be healed through God,s Grace.He is bigger than all of it.Trust Him to heal you .
Only the folks who have been there through the many wars that we,have had,[solders]are in knowledge if war really is the answer,and gets results.,in my humble opinion.Don do you feel that there is another way,to have peace,on our earth?If so,talk to the politions,get your views out there.We do better when we know better.Is there a better way?Or is there no other way,than war?Should we be putting more efforts/money in weapons,or peace talks?What do you think Don?Youve been there.
Only the folks who have been there through the many wars that we,have had,[solders]are in knowledge if war really is the answer,and gets results.,in my humble opinion.Don do you feel that there is another way,to have peace,on our earth?If so,talk to the politions,get your views out there.We do better when we know better.Is there a better way?Or is there no other way,than war?Should we be putting more efforts/money in weapons,or peace talks?What do you think Don?Youve been there.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
Don I have no experiene with war and none in my family... being Canadian, there is little involvement in war for the most part... my brother was in the military and missed being sent to the middle east by a few short months... his service ended. His view is that he is forever thankful for not having had to go and do what was required of him... his duty. Without a doubt, he would have, that is the type of man he is. He would have also had the many issues that you have to deal with if he had.
The thing that strikes me the most is that without reservation you acknowledge what you have done. You don't dwell on it as some form of acceptable violence, but rather acknowledge that there is a very brutal and traumatic aspect to war... you have done what you have done as part of your service but took no personal pleasure in doing your duty. You are a good man. Forgive yourself and let go of the past as best you can.
Peace Levi
The thing that strikes me the most is that without reservation you acknowledge what you have done. You don't dwell on it as some form of acceptable violence, but rather acknowledge that there is a very brutal and traumatic aspect to war... you have done what you have done as part of your service but took no personal pleasure in doing your duty. You are a good man. Forgive yourself and let go of the past as best you can.
Peace Levi
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: SomeWhere, USA
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by Don W
I was at the V A hospital in Bedford Mass today. I'm a Vietnam Veteran. I've had to deal with having to kill woman and children. Many of these people use them. Today, I was asked by a Veteran just returning from war. How do I deal with it. Other than drinking, I just don't know. I understand that we were following orders. However, we both had to kill somebody. This has been the most difficult task. trying to seperate the 2 Don's. The one that wouldn't harm anyone, from the one that was trained and, sadly learned, how to kill.
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