Jackie36

I don't even know where to start...........so many problems....biggest one is I don't fit in anywhere.........................I am into my 4th year of this, but I have drank, probably less than10 times in the 3 1/2 years. BUT I am getting to the point where I can't stand it anymore, I feel so pathetic. I will be 39 this month and I don't even have 1 friend. How sad is that................And the older you are the harder it seems to be........I am almost at the point of what is use anymore, I have no one to talk to, no one to do anything with, just no one, and it has been almost 5 yrs of this...........I must be just that bad that I don't deserve friends, or that maybe I am paying my dues and this will be the way it is for a long time until I make up for all the bad I did?? I don't know................I don't even know why I am posting this, I guess I am wondering if anyone could give me some hope, and tell me it will be ok. I am such a people person, always have been, tried MANY things, and just no friendships made. I sound so pathetic! I guess I am.....................

2dayzmuse

Hi Jackie, welcome to SR. Tell us more about yourself. Do you work, are you married? I've made some good friends here at SR. This is a great place to be, to share, to laugh. There is hope and everything will be okay. Take a deep breath and relax. There are friendly people here who can relate.

Jackie36

I am not married, never have been. I will be 39 this month.......I have been in a couple of long term relationships, none of them good..........I have a beautiful baby girl, that baby will be 15 in Nov. I have had a problem with dirinking since I was 14, always the escape. Was brought to the ER Christmas day 2002, and quit....... except for the handful of times I have drank, including right now............i am so sad.........I have always been a people person, and I have had no one to TALK to in 5 years. Same ole drama as alot of people on here, disfunctional family, caos, bad relationships, blah blah blah blah, I know there are people so MUCH worse off than me, but I don't know how to fix ME. I have tried AA, tried sports, tried to get involved, and still no friends. I have to think its just me?? Then I think, if ANYONE were even interested in me, they would have to think, what the hell is wrong with this person, she has no friends, and no social life, how do you explain that at my age................lol I just have to kind of laugh at this, cause I would have NEVER thought I would be in this boat at my age.............sad

2dayzmuse

Don't give up Jackie, try again.

Jackie36

don't give up, try again??? forgive me, but that just sent me down.......I don't know how much more down I can take. I know you mean well, but 5 years of no one to talk to, don't give up and try again, just sinks me...........

Anna

Hi Jackie,

I know you probably don't have a lot of spare time, but have you tried volunteering. I got involved in something just as I stopped drinking and it was such a blessing in my life. It got me outside of myself and my problems and helping other people and I've made good friends as well. There are lots of things you can do to help out in the community you live.

aasharon90

Hi Jackie, Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

Thanks for sharing how u r feeling.

How to fix u?

For me, i couldnt fix me by myself. I tried countless times with NO SUCCESS.

I felt the same way as u do with no real friends.....well my real friends i thought were those that drank like i did and found them in clubs. Then when i finally got sober by family intervention and spending 28 days in rehab....it was suggested that i get rid of those people, places and things that reminded me of alcohol.

So that meant, that long list of so called guy friends i thought i had, had to go....No more fun times. No more drinking. No life. : (

Thank goodness i have a loving spouse that is not an alcoholic that took all the alcohol out of the house when i went to rehab. He also respects me enough to not drink around me. Which he doesnt anyway unless it's ever so often with his job.

Sure my noraml friends and family can drink successfully, but i know i cant. Sure that makes me sad and different from them. Because i am DIFFERENT. Im an Alcoholic. And i have a disease that if i take one drink of alcohol i will become drunk, go crazy or end up dead. In which i have come close to death and they thought i was crazy.

Anyway....upon suggestions...and u will hear lots of suggestions when u attend AA meetings....that u get u a temporary sponsor to talk to, call upon and guide u thru ur recovery. A sponsor is someone u see in them that u want. You see their happiness in recovery. U see how they live one day at a time. Going to meetings and sharing their own experiences, strengths and hopes with many. and most of all some kind of service work.

My sponsor loved to bring baked things to her meetings and people repected her and admired her kindness and her
willingness to go to any lengths to stay sober. That is what i wanted more than anything in this world.

So i baked things and enjoyed it and brought them to most all my meetings. Because i was the shy one going to these meetings and would hide out....i still went to many many meetings, just suiting up and showing up. This allowed others just to see me at many meetings even tho i didnt speak much.

This allowed me to eventually stay a tad longer for others to thank me and tell me how much they appreciated what i was doing for them. THIS KEPT ME SOBER AND KEPT ME GOING TO MEETINGS.

I did this for 6 yrs until i transfered here to Houston with my spouses job.

I havent baked in a long time and dont have the same support like i had back home. I could if i wanted to, but fear keeps me from growing sometimes. I know what i need to do to keep my sobriety and that is to GIVE IT AWAY. That is what i have been doing here in SR with others.

Sharing my experiences, strengths and hopes with newcomers in hopes
they learn from our suggestions how to stay sober one day at a time.


For u, all u have to do is pick up the WILLINGNESS ans DESIRE to begin staying sober by putting down the drink for good. Get the alcohol out of ur house. If its not there then u wont drink it. Try going to 90 meetings in 90 days. Bring some cookies and before u know it, u will have more friends then u know what to do with. It will be a network of new sober friends helping each other stay sober.

Feel free to message me anytime u need an AA friend to talk to.

I can be ur FIRST AA friend helping u begin a new life sober right here and now.

Thanks for letting me share.

FriendofBill

Someone reaching out to you with encouraging words sent you down and you lash out? Maybe thats why you cannot establish friendships.

Make a choice to get off your self pity pot, and get up and take some action.AA, rehab..something. Whatever your doing obviosuly isnt working, right?

So do something different.

When I entered recovery 3.5 yrs ago, I had not ONE friend. I had plenty of obsessions and a sh!tload of horrific misery.

I decided to let go of all make fabulous choices and let the 12 step people who looked damn happy to me, help me save my life. I dont care if you tried AA before...try it again. It only works to the level of which you are willing to work it.

Its out there...get going.

Sugasnaps

When you are depressed and down even the smallest effort seems monumental and out of reach. I'm not a Doc nor am I trying to diagnose you as depressed... but your post sure sounds like you are suffering from it.

With a 15 year old daughter you have a lot to live for that's for sure.

I am married but I don't have a single girlfriend and haven't had one for a very long time. I've been sober for 7 months now and your post has me thinking now of what can *I* do to change my own friendship situations. Sure, I know folks at AA and from work but it's not the same as a "talk about tampons and why the hell are guys so obsessed with hummers" kinda girlfriend. I really miss that... a ton! Someone to just be a girl with and pal with and bitch with... someone who totally gets it when all you want to do is have a wonderful bitchfest but not change a dang thing in the end cuz you just need to vent.

Maybe we can figure something out together. Maybe map out a plan. Not a plan to get friends. I think the friends part will just come naturally as I start living life more.

If I were to do it for me it would look something like this...

1. I am my number one priority in health - mentally, spiritually and physically.2. My friendship life sucksass. What can I do to make it more interesting?3. I love cooking. I'm setting a personal goal to attend a cooking class at William Sonoma's kitchen at least once! It sounds like a ton of fun and I have been too lazy to get off my deadarse and do it.

Anyway... you get the gist of it. What do you think? You won't hurt my feelings if you think it's a crap plan. hehe You just really got me thinking about this and wondering what it is that I could do to get out of my darn house other than to pick up groceries and let my 2 wonderful dogs outside to poop!

Hang in there and thank you for posting. You got my head moving in a good direction I think. Lemme know what your thoughts are?

Suga

CarolD

Hi Jackie...you are depressed and by drinkiing,,
adding to the depression.

Life seemed dark and drab to me when I drank
That is why I started AA recovery.

Have you considered counseling?
A mew hobby? Voulenteer work?

Jackie36

I lashed out......good friggen lord, no wonder i fear saying what I feel, to you that was lashing out, the one time in 4 years I reach out, and that is what someone tells me, I am lashing out, well thanx for that, now I know what I rally am, and why I don't have friends, thanx for beining honest............................I am done.................

Sugasnaps

Naw Jackie... blow it off and take a deep breath. I know what Carol means when she says life seeemed so dark and deeply painful when I was in the grips of my drinking days. Stick around and see what you can relate to and just blow of the stuff that get's under your skin. Most of the time (at least for me) I discovered later it was just me being a little too sensitive cuz of my own insecurity. Keep readin... there's bound to be something you can relate to up here. We're a plethora of opinions.

Jackie36

Thank you Carol and Sugar, I didn't see your posts until I refreshed, I love my daughter and wouldn't change what I have accomplished, for nothing, I have gotten promoted 3 times in the last year and a half at my job, but I am just so lonely, emotionally especially. I have a post like the one above and it shuts me down, I have not talked about my feelings in over 5 years, I reach out and in 3 replys I get that, it just shows me I still can't talk about what I feel to anyone...................I thank you for talking to me, I truly appreciate it......................I just can't even trust telling how I feel here, cause its not right here either.......

Peter

Perhaps you need to see a doctor. You might be clinically depressed.

Also I looked at your profile it says you have a 12 year old daughter but above you say she will be 15 in November. Which is accurate ?

You say you like to: " golf, coach my daughters volleyball and softball teams, love to play both of those sports, walking/running, movies, being on the lake, fishing, boating, bonfires and want to be introduced to more fun things that I haven't tried yet!"

Do you do all of this stuff while depressed?

Surely all of this activity must bring you in contact with people of similar interests. If you are unable to make or keep friends perhaps there are some things about yourself that needs changing.A therapist might be able to help yopu with that.

2dayzmuse

What's not right here? Jackie all I did was tell you to keep trying, don't give up. I'm trying to help you, but obviously not doing a very good job.

It sounds as if you are doing well at your job. Is there someone there that maybe you click with that you could invite to lunch sometime? Maybe a movie, shopping?

Jackie36

My profile is old, its when I first go sober, I haven't updated it. I apologize.......She will be 15 in November. I do appreciate your replies, I really do, I am just so down at the moment. I don't mean to get so defensive, but I think that since I have had do that with my feelings since I was very little, I guess I haven't outgrown that, I really do appreaciate all of your feedback.......its just that..

here I go, this will help, I am a doer, a people person, a fixer, always have been, I went thru intpatient 3 1/2 yrs ago, have done well, except for the handful of times I relapsed......God, doesn't even sound good....anyway, I have a fabulous relationship with my daughter, she is the ONLY one I am close to. No family that I am close to, NO friends., which all my life I had many. Since getting sober, I don't have any, I have coached a few yrs of sports for my daughter, I manage at my current jobe, I volunteer, I even joined a softball team this yr to get myself involved, I just don't have any friends, and if you could see my now, you would laugh!! I am almost 39 yrs old and I don't know how to make friends, let alone go on dates that don't involve all night drinking....... I have been to many many meetings, but I just don't connect. Its totally me isn't it, maybe I do need counceling or something. I just am such a people person, and I feel so dead not having that connection. Do I sound like a total freak??? lol Cause after typing all of that, I can't even imagine what you all must think.............

2dayzmuse

I think you sound like someone who is lonely. We all get lonely and go through tough times. I'm having a tough time myself. One thing I do know is drinking will not help solve anything. You already know that, I'm sure.

Peter

Ooops pardon me. I don't know why I thought you were a newcomer.

I dunno Jackie. Maybe you're trying too hard to make friends. If you are coming across as "needy" you could be turning people off.

Perhaps you could try focusing on yourself and your daughter more and stop trying so hard.

I am a codependent and there was a time when I thought that if nobody loved me then I was a worthless person.

Nothing is further from the truth.

Friends are nice sure. But one thing I am certain of is that I can love and accept myself even when others stop loving me. I am enough.

Unfortunately we live in a world where we are constantly bombarded with people telling us we are not pretty enough, rich enough, popular enough, happy enough. We compare our lives and it pales next to some ideal in the media that is next to impossible for me to achieve.It can get me down if I think about it too much.

Try shifting your focus. You have a healthy child who loves you and there are few things in this world more precious than that.

Keep posting here.I know that in here you will find tolerance and acceptance.

Change your thinking and you can change your life.

CarolD

My saddess birthday was 39...

My hormones were a raging
Mood swings amok
I was starting to look less atractive
My job was a dead in
My kids turning into people.

So...I got married!!
Geez!! a freaking disaster

Just sharing how desperate things can seem
then you jump into the fire.

Glad to see you here Jackie!
There is life after 39!!

Autumn

Your kids turned into people? Lol Carol, you're a real hoot.