Malcolm

My apologies for creating a second thread, but it's been hitting me. I saw Extreme last night and they played one of my favorite songs: "Am I Ever Gonna Change."

It had me thinking since last night if I can change. Many folks here will tell me that it's possible, but can also relate to my feelings of dread in looking forward. Certain actions of mine last night also make me wonder. I knew at the time that I should just let it go, but I refused, preferring to clear it all up in the morning. I don't know, am I reading too much into things? Should I just relax a bit?

Thanks for reading, and here's some lyrics from said song:

Am I ever gonna change
Or will I always stay the same
If I say one thing then I do the other
Same old song song it goes on forever

Am I ever gonna change
Well I'm the only one to blame
I think I'm right, I wind up wrong
It's a futile fight gone on too long

MNGirlyGirl

Thanks for sharing Malcolm. This made me think about how I do really want to change and in order to do that we have to do things differently and make different choices. Sometimes change comes from going through difficult times.... like today. It is surviving the tough days that will make me into the new and improved person I want to be!

(That gin and tonic would taste like $(#t, I just know it).

Malcolm

I’m tired of being me,
And I don’t like what I see,
I’m not who I appear to be
So I start off every day,
Down on my knees I will pray,
For a change in any way
But as the day goes by,
I live through another lie,
If it’s any wonder why

Am I ever gonna change
Will I always stay the same
If I say one thing,
Then I do the other
It’s the same old song,
That goes on forever
Am I ever gonna change
I’m the only one to blame
When I think I’m right,
I wind up wrong
It’s a futile fight,
Gone on too long

Please tell me if it’s true,
Am I too old to start anew,
Cause that’s what I want to do
But time and time again,
When I think I can,
I fall short in the end
So why do I even try,
Will it matter when I die,
Can anyone hear my cry?

Am I ever gonna change
Take it day by day
My will is weak
And my flesh too strong
This peace I seek
Till thy kingdom comes


Thought I'd post the full lyrics so it made more sense. Interpret them as you choose.

lulu70

Hey Malcom--You can post as many different threads as you wish. No rules about that here!

As far as your question, I'll tell you what others told me when I first got sober. I didn't become a drunk over night, and I am not going to become magically better over night either. Sometimes the change is hard to see, but it is there. I am certain you have already started to change. Most likely, others will see it before you do. At least that is the way it was for me. Be patient with yourself. Treat yourself with lovingkindness. It will get better.

Hang in there!

MNGirlyGirl

Is Extreme a Christian group?

FriendofBill

Can you change? Absolutely.

Dont believe your own thinking. Its disease affected thinking. believe those who have gone thru it and come out changed.

Sobriety is possible. Get help, you cannot do it alone. And people are just dying to help you. In helping you, they get helped themselves in staying sober another day.

CarolD

I did and you can too!

Shakur

Thanks Malcolm. Keep posting.

Be Well,
Joe

Malcolm

Not really. They do make some references, but are mostly rock and haven't put out anything new since the mid-90's.

Thanks to all for the support as I try to change.

paulmh

Hi Malcolm.

In recovery in the UK people often say -

"change or die".

Most of the time when I was trying to "change", what I was actually trying to achieve was staying the same but without the sh!t. When I kept trying to stop drinking "forever" it was pretty much as ridiculous as deciding that today I'm going to get all my life's haircuts, just so they're out the way. There's only one drink I can avoid - my next one. There's only one time I can avoid it, which is now, today. When I finally picked up the gift that is "don't pick up that first drink, one day at a time" I then began to change. I can't solve all my life problems before I get sober. I can't undo all my defects of character and bad habits of behaviour and then pick up some good ones. I have to start practising a new way of being to displace the old ways. And the first, simple part of that for me, in my desperation was -

don't pick up that first drink, just for today.

Lots of us don't know what "change" really is. I do, now. "Change" is when we start something, with no idea how it'll finish. It takes courage and the faith that allows one to take on the genuinely unknown, borne either of a rational and wise assessment of our current path, or of utter desperation. I was the latter.

Have a good day.