NYCGirl

Okay I blew, I wasn't going to tell anyone but i've never been a good liar. Stopped and the liquor store yesterday and bought three of those little bottles, for no apparent reason. As I was drinking them I kept asking myself why am I doing this I don't want a buzzI like being sober. Drank them got just a liitel buzz and then spent the rest of the evening mad at myself.

NO Drama I just have to try harder now. I know I can, I know I can, I know I can.

So here it is July 1st Day one.

CarolD

Congratulations on a fresh start!

What do you plan to change to make this one last?

NYCGirl

I realized last night that it is stronger than me ---right now. But I am learning in my evolution class how species adapt to be survive. I will adapt I fought the addiction to nicotine, after 3 slips. I am determined to do better this time I will become stronger than the addiction. I will not drink today!

debsjsu

I am a member of AA and in this program we get a "white chip" ( they are really just poker chips used to symbolize sobriety time) in my group for a "desire" to begin sobriety. You don't have to have any sobriety time just a desire to be sober.. So in the beginning, every time I decided I was going to quit I would go to a meeting and "pick up" a white chip... Well after 5 yrs, you can imagine the joke was that I had enough white chips to build a coffee table.. ( don't freak out it dosn't have to take you 5 yrs that was just me). Anyway don't beat yourself up, were certainly not going to. Ive done much worse than that... Just remember what we keep secret grows in the dark. Don't ever be afraid to "tell on your disease" that takes the power away from the alcohol and gives it back to you... Love and huggs to ya Debs

NYCGirl

Thanks, The one thing that bothers me is that when someone slips it's okay. It not okay for me. if it was just okay then every time I wanted a drink I would just slip and it would be okay. that's not going to help be get where I want to be. Sober everyday. Maybe you can exlain

miss communicat

NYC Girl

I know you can
I know you can
I know you can

keep it in the day. its more manageable that way.

just for today.

Lots of good INDEPENDENCE thoughts going out to you from me,
CT Girl!

miss communicat

Oh, I had not seen your most recent post, and I was just responding to the first one you opened with.

Let me get caught up here: How is it "okay" if we slip?

The way I understand this is to get past the remorse and self loathing, which in itself is a totally negative groove in our thinking.

It is an invitation to be in the solution, not in the problem

Cheers!

NYCGirl

I am over that, I can't move on if I worry about yesterday. But I certainly don't want a little voice inside telling me it's okay if I slip. It's too easy

debsjsu

It is ok to come back when we slip Or I actually don't personally like the word slip it makes me sound like I just had a "little" accident. To me ( just my opinion) every "slip" is a relapse. Anyway the deal is that every relapse causes ME PAIN... It is perfectly ok for me to continue abusing myself as long as I want to.. But pretty soon hopefully I will get tired of punching myself in the face.....We are not going to beat you up for your relapse b/c you put your self through enough pain by continuing to drink.... Just keep comming back... eventually you will get tired of punching yourself in the face... I don't know if that made any logical sence to anyone but me... I hope it helped explain it ..... Love to ya Debs

Don W

NYCGirl, I've found that alone with admitting a problem, learning to be honest to others is also important. However, being honest to our selves is best of all.
Not being up front hurt me most of all, because most times I was the only one that knew. There was a time even here at SR I lied about drinking. Today I and you understand that it isn't needed. We're accepted for what we are today. Just remember, we are non perfect people trying to do the best we can. Did you feel the same relief and pride I feel when we are honest--even to strangers that won't know? Well, I'm proud of you.

CarolD

I don't care what you name the action
you wanted to drink and you did.

And you got the buzz you wanted.
If you decide to quit you will.
voices or not,

Take care...

debsjsu

Thanks Carol I stand corrected It really dosnt matter what you call it .. I guess for me I use the name "relapse" to "scold" myself b/c to me it sounds more harsh........So in effect I am doing what I tell others not to to "I am beating myself up" Strange how I always have more to learn if I just keep an open mind and am willing to listen.... You are a wise woman of few words Carol... I always have many words but not so sure they are wise???? Love to all Debs

Lollipop

NYC......

Congrats on realizing your mistake and moving forward!!!! Today is a new day and tomorrow wont count until we get there!!!! One day at a time remember?

So you screwed up......is it a bad thing???? YES.......Why.......because YOU realize it and YOU WANT to get better!!!!! No beating yourself up over it, the point is, you realize what you did and you are moving FORWARD!!!!!! Someone said in a recent post......you did not become an alcoholic over night, you will not be cured over night either, hence the One Day At A time!!!!! If you ever need someone to talk you through the voices, pm me, Ill give u my number........you can call me anytime.............or pm my mailbox until its full!!!! I am here for you!!!!!
Love Liss

CarolD

In early recovery..AA members talked about HALT
I considered Halt and Stop were the same!..
It was weeks before I knew what they were talking about.

I know many SR members are not following the AA life
When we sometimes share in 'Program speak' it can confuse.

The beauty of on line recovery is the varied way sharing is done.

Malcolm

If there's one thing I'm familiar with, it's letting myself down by drinking again. What I try to tell myself is that I stumbled, which is often true, but then that leads me back to where I was. I'm inspired reading your post - I can feel your determination, that's what I'm working toward. You're doing a fantastic job just by acknowledging it. My thoughts are with you in this difficult time.

2dayzmuse

Slips happen, yes they do. They are not okay. I don't think. They lead to bigger slips. That is the way it was for me anyway. My last slip was huge and it about killed me.

I finally realized just how much bigger the disease is then I. The key to focus on is what are you going to do to prevent a slip from happening again? Willing yourself to try harder and to be stronger isn't going to work without tools. You need to work a program of some sort. You need to learn to recognize your triggers and to figure out how to prevent yourself from following through on them. It can be done. Educate yourself about alcoholism and on how to stop drinking.

As alcoholics we know how to drink. We do that very well, or very badly for most. What we don't know how to do is to quit and to stay quit. It was more than I could handle on my own. I got sober in AA. Not so popular around here these days, but I don't care what others think about the program. It saved my life. If you truly want sobriety you will find it. Good luck...

NYCGirl

Personally, I simply f***ed up, and by the time I decided that I really did want it had already done it. and like I tell my own kids you must live with the consequences of your actions. I now have one more thing to fall back on if I ever try that again

Malcolm

Progress!

Kellye C

I can understand about not feeling that a slip, relapse whatever is OK. It's really not OK if you're serious about getting sober and as has been pointed out a slip often leads to a slide and a lot of people don't make it back. I've known people that did this who are now 6 feet under.

So, why would we tell someone who slips that it is OK? Because what's done is done, you cannot undo it, and to sit and beat the h*ll out of yourself over it is useless. All that does is give you thoughts of "it's useless, I'll never be able to quit, why even try, etc. etc." All the crap our disease loves to feed us so that we will quit trying.

If you slipped, relapsed, drank, whatever, as long as you have a sincere desire TODAY to pick yourself up and try again then today is OK and you can be OK if you want. A member of my group calls it a "slippie-poo" and I hate that because it seems to trivialize it so I totally understand the questioning there but bottom line is not what you did but what you plan to do that matters.

Don't give up! Get back on track! You can do it if you really want to.

Hugs,
Kellye

Arura

Try not to beat yourself up about it, i Had a slip, n yes it is'nt right but im human, sometimes i get things worng. But I have just got to pick myself up again dust myself off, n be even MORE determined to keep on trying...!

Dont give in