mygirls_mylife

Where to start? First, I am Star and an alcoholic. Well,I have 2 children with the same man we have been together 6 years and are not married. He is also an alcoholic, but has no desire to quit drinking.

We have not been happy for a very long time. It's like oil and water, i suppose. We just don't mix. I am outgoing, excitable, hyper and sometimes a little over sensitive. He is moody, withdrawn and just darn right hateful. In attitude, tone of voice, words everything.

Well, things have been drawing to a head, lately. I think especially since I quit drinking. He thinks that all of a sudden since I am not drinking, I am thinking every thing should be golden. He could not be more wrong. We have alot a bad stuff between us. Alot of harsh words, resentments and general bad feelings.

To make a VERY long story a little shorter, we had an argument before I went to work. I told him something had to give, that I could not live miserable anymore, it wasnt fair to us or our children. I come home from work and there is a magnum of wine on the counter (he's a beer drinker, mostly). I ignored it, however, I thought it might be his attempt to draw me back into drinking. I let it go. I went to the hot tub with my friend and all of a sudden he is there, checking it out. (jealousy, I suppose, checking up on me, Im not sure) However, he had left the children (young) at home alone, they were sleeping. He went home and I followed a few min later and of course we ended up "talking" again. I told him I was sorry he is so miserable and that I cant help him make it better. He replies that it is me who has made him this way. Again, I apologized and said that I was truly sorry for him and his unhappiness. We cut it short (unlike me, now) and went to sleep. I prayed to My God that he do something with our relationship as it is healthy for noone. That I was leaving this to Him to do what he thought needed to be done.

He wakes this morning and tells me to put the girls on child support. I wish that I could be 100% upset, but I am not. I think we have been self destructing ourselves for years. Maybe, if we split up we can start to heal. Our girls will be devastated, I can only hope that he will take an active part in their life. :-(

Throughout this whole thing, I still did not even think about taking a drink, pill or smoking a joint. Wow, how far have I been allowed to come in 11 days. I hope this feeling stays.

I regret my disenegration of our relationship, but, honestly it was "over" a long time ago. We have just been going through the motions, and not very well at that.

Im sorry so long, I just had to get this off of my chest.

Staying sober and loving it!
Star

fraankie

..........our relationship as it is healthy for noone

that says it all
be strong
make a meeting


best
fraankie

CarolD

It is sad when our dreams die...

Check out...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/

Stay sober Star...that way you can deal with this situation
Blessings...

Arura

Im so sorry to hear that, Star, i do hope that the girls are O.K, n your keeping yourself safe.Its horriable when Love comes to an end.Been there too.!It sounds like it might be a good thing in some ways,? Maybe he will see his drinking is a problem to you and the girls..?Maybe you and your girls will get over this hurdle and be a stronger family for it...!

Wishing you Well,Star....

Doodlebug

I'm sorry Star. Sometimes there just are no fairytale endings. Sometimes we need to move on in order to put ourselves (and our children) in a healthier place. I wish you peace and strength.

FriendofBill

Perhaps this end is really just a beginning....in disguise?

Hang in there, higher power wont let you fall.

Islandchild

Hi Star, My name is Leslie and I am new to the board. I have been sober a while and have seen relationships with other recovering friends end just for the reason you described. I can tell you this - your recovery is the most important thing you can do for yourself and your children. The example you are setting will give them the firm foundation they will need in their own lives. You can do this and you are not alone.
Wishing you peace and joy,
Leslie

debsjsu

Children are so very resiliant... give them a home where people are not drinking, fighting, and there is love and attention given to THEM and sobriety.. They will grow and florish like you would not believe... It seem as if you have already come to a place of peace with the decision to seperate with your spouse, (not really my buisness and Im not an expert but) given the discription in your post I think this is a VERY wise decision... Healthy relationships come from healthy individuals.. If a healthy person lives with a sick person the chances that the sick person will "get healthy" are very slim. The chances that the healthy person will "get sick" are much higher. You are on a path of becomming a healthy person, your spouse sees this as a threat right now, if he can't keep you "sick" then he must go.... "God never shuts one door without opening another" I also truly believe that ALL endings are truly NEW BEGINNINGS in desguise..... You are headed for a wonderful new life you never dreamed possiable.. Yes there may be some bumps along the way but nothing you wont be able to handle.....YOU CAN DO THIS... The very first thing I noticed that made me KNOW ( or at least in my opinion know) that you were on the right path was that you allowed Your Higher Power ( you called God ) to make the decision for you... How awesome is that..... Keep the faith GF...... Love to ya Debs

miss communicat

Hi Star,

I am so happy for you, and I don't even know you! This sounds like the answer to one of many prayers on the parts of all concerned.

Becoming free of a toxic relationship is the doorway into greater recovery and healing, which includes a life of happiness for you and your children.


Keep focusing on the solution, not on the problem, in your relationship with your partner. And keep letting it go to be worked on by your god or highest power. It will get better~~

Salsa

Hi Star......stay strong! My parents were both alcoholics and fought for a few years before finally divorcing. I was so relieved! Your girls will be just fine. So will you! Sounds like you're on the right path and have the strength to make it though this!

mygirls_mylife

Thank you all for your kind words. He is kinda acting like he never said any of the stuff, but we know that they are there hanging over us. Things have been very stilted today. He has gone now, and I am sure will not return until he is drunk. I would have hoped he would be spending some quality time with his girls, but....Enough of that. Again, I say thanks.
Star