daisy_j

When I was drinking, I often dreamed of when I would sober up. I thought of how nice it would be to feel good when I woke up, to be in control of my faculties and my life. My health was really going to hell in a handbasket along with my life and I desperately wanted it all to stop. So I did it, with little fanfare. This forum is the most I have shared with anyone about this, including my husband who still drinks a lot (even more now that I am sober) and would not understand anyway. Scary huh? Anyway I am worried that my drinking was masking some real health problems. I’ll spare you all the details but I feel much more fatigued than I ever did when I was drinking. I went to the doctor and I am supposed to go back for blood tests. Being the great procrastinator, I have not done that yet. Not sure why. But I can’t concentrate at work. I feel like I am losing my mind. I get mixed up very easily and it scares me. I don’t have the kind of job where a person can do that. When I was drinking every night and coming to work hungover, I managed to get promoted. Now that I have cleaned up I can barely complete the simplest of tasks. I can barely even get out of bed. How can that be? I stopped taking all of my medications because I thought they were probably why I was feeling nauseated and tired all the time. I feel a little better, but still have never made it to the nirvana that I thought I would when I quit drinking. Someone on here mentioned that sobriety can be a letdown only in the sense that you expect all these great things to happen but really…life just goes on. Same as it ever did. Reading Don’s posts I think maybe he’s experiencing the same thing to a certain degree.
I'm looking forward to the day when I can feel refreshed and clear headed, excited about life and motivated to start building one. I want to be as jubilant as some of you sound when you write about your sobriety. Maybe I will look back years from now and see that it really was worth it. I hope so.
On the upside, I have no compulsion to drink. I desperately want to be happy, have already tried that road and know that it doesn’t work. I haven’t been drunk in so long (well, for me anyway) that I don’t even remember what was so great about it in the first place.
Has anyone ever hit rock bottom sober? If so, did you find your way back up?
Hope you are all having a good day today.

GJ

CarolD

See if this helps

http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm

Getting a medical opinion is wise.
Good for you!

Take care..

daisy_j

WOW...of course, PAWS. You had provided me with that once before when I was more into a honeymoon phase of sobriety. Yes, that is pretty much it to a "T". And the dreams..the other night I woke up and the hair on the back of my neck was standing up. I was more frightened than I've been in a long time but could not remember the specific dream. I was just scared sh*tless.

It does help to have an explanation. Thank you, Carol.

GJ

best

Alcohol does mask many things.

I had iron poor blood (caused by alcohol) and I was taking vitamins for a while.
Alcohol will pull many vitamins out of our system. Improper vitamin balance can be the reason why you are feeling all that you feel.

STILL... it is always best to check with your Dr on any and all health related issues.
We think the worste and procrastinate till we get over the false fear we place inside ourself. Go see your Dr and find out that the Dr will say... take a One-a-Day plus iron and in a couple of weeks time you will feel much better.

daisy_j

Best-Yep, the doctor felt I could be anemic which is why she wrote up a script for me to have those tests taken. So you pretty much hit the nail on the head there. It probably is some sort of imbalance. Thank you.

GJ

wideload

NEWCOMER! Bare with me. 45yrs of heavy,excessive abuse of alcohol & I never realized that alcoholism might be my problem. STRESS,EGOTISM,SELF- CENTEREDNESS,ETC. Those were acceptable faults, but a nasty disease like Alcoholism.Never, its not socially acceptable. I 've been sober for just 1yr. And fairly happy in recovery. The "Docs" have me on Lexapro,Effexor, & Depakote. I don't know if this is the reason I have been able to stay sober or the 12 steps.,GOD, or the fellowship in AA. But I'm greatful for everything I have so freely recieved.

Arura

Anemia is quite common when using/drinking.Lots of greens...Like Best said its a lack of iron in your blood.I and my son were anemic, at one time.

The doc,s should help. look at your diet...

Good Luck n just keep on going in the right direction.

Well done for getting sober.!

stringer belle

i have a feeling that i'm going to hit mine, or something very comparable to a "sober rock bottom" very soon. it's my fault because i continued alot of deviant and... "wrong" behaviors following my getting sober.. lying being the main one. i sometimes wonder if i'm one of those "inconstitutionally incapable of living an honest life" people.. although AA worked for me for the first several months of sobriety, i gotta admit that i shied away from it because the idea of the moral inventory, amends, basically coming clean about everything... scared the **** out of me. i've been sober for almost 6 months now, the last 3 having been without AA.. and really, it's a miracle to me that i haven't picked the drink back up, nor wanted to do so to numb the "wrong"... it's like i know it won't work this time, and it has to eventually all come to an ugly head, and it has to happen with me not drinking.

i'm also wondering more than ever if i, "stringer belle", am not just my biggest problem period.. not alcohol.. me.

scary.

and i'm sorry for going off topic, if i did.

edit: lol@ my "smiling in earnest" custom title coupled with this post. yeah it sounds like i'm smiling in earnest doesn't it! hahahaha

ahem..

leviathon

"I'm looking forward to the day when I can feel refreshed and clear headed, excited about life and motivated to start building one."

I know when I quit sobriety was initially quite amazing, but I was off work, etc., once I returned to work I had a real hard time functioning for the first while. It took several months for everything to even out completely. Do not give up hope.

In terms of the health issues, sounds like you are procrastinating b/c you don't want to know b/c you are worried it will be something bad. That's your choice. Sort of like knowing a nuclear warhead is coming your way and instead of running for the shelter you stick your head in the sand. Sorry, not trying to be mean, but the bottom line is that you can't deal with it unless you know what is causing your symptoms. You may be pleasantly surprised and find out that it is something readily treated and resolved.

I do know this, as long as you keep avoiding life, including your health, you are at risk for relapse. That's your choice.

I know also that since i have decided and actively do meet life on life's terms, life has improved incredibly. I didn't want to go for the blood tests b/c I already suspected I had high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I buckled down and did it and have since adjusted my eating and become more active... I am on meds and they are expensive, but I would rather know than not know.

In short, my quality of life has improved a hundred fold by being honest with myself and everyone around me... including about my health.

Peace, Levi

debsjsu

Dito what every one else said especially Levi.... GO TO YOUR DOCTOR GET YOUR TEST DONE>>> FIX WHAT EVER THE PROBLEM IS , IF THERE IS ONE, AND THEN YOU WILL FEEL BETTER....... I know it sounds simple but we alcoholics tend to awfullize everything,,, exaggerate everything,, run from everything that scares us,,,, Recovery is about dealing with life on lifes terms... It really does make life so very much easier and simpler..... Love to you Debs... ( I had to take vitamens)

daisy_j

Levi-I know. Strangely absent so far is the urge to drink but I find it hard to believe that it could be buried forever. It is partly not wanting to know and another part just having a hard time getting motivated to do anything. Just this intertia I seem to be suffering from. I already know that I probably have high cholesterol too, but my blood pressure is probably ok because it's been a long time since I had a drink.

Has your BP and cholesterol gone down? How long did it take for your body to respond to respond? I'm happy not to have that nasty bloated feeling anymore. I feel like I'm losing weight but the scale doesn't reflect that. Damn scales. Maybe they're all wrong!

If I make it through this with my job and marriage intact it will be a small miracle.

Peace to you too Levi. Thank you for writing. I always appreciate your input.

GJ

daisy_j

Debsjsu-Drama queens, all of us!! lol. I know exactly what you mean. What simple logic. Go, find out what it is, get it fixed. I get in the habit of assuming the worst so I'm not disappointed. Kind of hard to change my way of thinking after 32 years but if I don't I probably will end up in the exact same place again. I take vitamins too, when my tummy can handle them. Especially Vitamin B because drinking really diminishes that.

Love and hugs to ya,
GJ

daisy_j

Stringer Belle-Congrats on 6 months! You know, it is still fairly early in your sobriety. There is still a lot to learn about yourself and I think it will take a while for the negative patterns of thinking to diminish. There's always that voice trying to convince you that you're just your own worse enemy, etc, etc, but I really think that is the alcoholic talking, trying to lure you back for one more drink. Don't be fooled! You are your own best friend since sobering up. No one else can do it for us. I know exactly what you mean when you say that you know the drinking is just not going to work. When and if it does all come to a head, maybe it won't be as bad as you think. It won't be as bad as it would be if you were still drinking, that much I can just about assure you. And if I'm wrong, you can pummel me about the head okay? But think of every situation in our lives that was made worse by drinking. And then think of the ones that were made better. I think I know what the short list will be.

Hugs to you. I won't give up so don't you give up either!

GJ

stringer belle

you're right. and also very sweet. thank you