jch4078

Hello all, nice to be back. Im not really sure how i should feel right now but I feel kind of shell shocked. While on the one hand I now have the most sobriety Ive had in my life (16 months) I am facing some of the most difficult amends of my drinking ever. Back in March of 2012 I had maybe 9 months and relapsed for a short time before crashing or bumping rather into the back of a police cruiser. Neither of us where hurt thank god but I was arrested for my fourth DUI, I have already had 2 convictions one I beat in court. I was out on bail and drinking again instantly for another month until April, it is not the dui's and never has been that gave me desire to get sober. It was the fact that the booze was killing me literally in a physical sense and in a spiritual sense i was dead along time already. Things have gone well for me this past year and some odd months staying sober I have found a peace I have never had in any previous attempt at sobriety and one i have never experienced even on the best drugs or any amount of alcohol. I worked the 12 steps and they worked for me! Now I am normally a pretty conservative and silent guy at my meetings and my close support group I feel I am wearing them out with my anxiety. The deal is I have a jury trial coming up August 12 for felony dui, 3rd within 10 years. The state prosecution has offered me to plead guilty and to go to prison for a year. However I feel they do not have a very good case due to many aspects of the investigation. I decided not to take the plea offer and to exercise my right to challenge it in court. It would not be the first time I have spent time behind bars but it will be the last. Right now the looming possibility of prison and more so the penalties afterward have me anxious and thinking of the what ifs. I can not imagine how I will make a living with no license for ten years or how I would get a job being a convicted felon. If it were not for these things I think i would just take the plea and go to jail. Anyways I have been saying the serenity prayer allot and been praying and meditating allot. I am amazed at how I am able to handle the pressure without a drink or a drug when in the past I had to drink because if i even so much as stubbed my toe. I just worry about how this will affect my mother. I am 29 and she is getting older and she has some health issues of her own. She does not handle anxiety well and I worry for her. When this incident happened she was happy I was in jail because I was actively drinking at the time and it was actually safer for me there. Now that she has seen me sober for the longest time in my life I can already see how much it will crush her to see me go to jail for a long time, (possibly up to 5 years). I know she is happy and proud of me for getting sober and I am doing the best I can moving forward but its hard knowing I hurt her so much. I have a very aggressive lawyer who feels optimistic about trial and that there is definitely a shot to win but I need prayers and no matter what I am responsible for my own peace. I live in a pretty nice suburban area and I feel like I do not relate to people in my meetings they are all so happy and prosperous after becoming sober and my problems are just starting. I feel like for most of them the worst thing alcohol has done was get their wives to threaten divorce. No crazy arrests and incarcerations, no alcoholic girl friend suicides, no hospitals and asylums. Can anyone relate? I know I have to face my past and not run from it, I know thats the price to pay to play.

BarbieKen

I'm new to AA, but I do know that the best thing is to step aside and give this up to your Higher Power. Pray for,what I call, right action to take place. Yes, the Serenity Prayer is one I use daily too. My thoughts and prayers to you. Bobbi

sugarbear1

maybe help some newcomers or attend some different meetings, say hello to others and ask how they are doing

get out of self right now

I've seen miracles happen in AA

zjw

maybe a diff aa group. One i go to is it he polar opposite people out on parole people on narcotics etc.. people in and out of jail etc.. I feel out of place because my drinking never got that bad. But then agian i did some stupid stuff and am just plain lucky it never got that bad.

You gotta be careful how much screwing around your going to do in life. I think theres various levels people have gone some are able to hold it together to a degree with some corporate job and fancy car and nice bank acct. Others work at mcdonalds can barely hold that job and cant wait till quiting time so they can go get high.

There really isnt much difference between the 2 accept the financial coushin one may have and the other may not have. Eventually that coushin wont be there for those eventually if you keep drinking the story always ends the same.

Your worried about your mother and her anxiety etc.. You should stop drinking. DUI's fees fines wont stop you worry about your mother wont stop you. What will? You have to reach deep and You have to stop you.

My opinion is this. The damage is done at least with what you've done so far. Try not to let it get to you move forward in life quit drinking. stay sober. Now your worried about where you will work being a felon etc.. or no license tc.. Not much you can do about this now you cant reverse it. But you can start accepting things for how they are and learnign to work / live within those boundaries.

You'll find a job felons find work every day. If you cant get to work you can move closeer to the job or hitch a ride in the mean time. I know people who cant drive becuase of DUI's that ride there bikes all over and love it as it keeps them healthy and in shape etc.. theres a bright side always is.