debsjsu

If you love something let it go, if it comes back it is yours to love, if it dosn't it never was. I heard this somewhere. What I didn't finish above. I went to counseling to "get healthy" for myself. My spouse followed, ( he had told me in the past that would never happen) I didn't go to counseling to save our marriage, I went to save my mind. We now have an awesome marriage. I had to give it up first and be willing to let it go, and work on me, not him. It was very hard. But we were not healthy people at the time. Now my spouse dosn't drink by his choice, he isn't the alcoholic I am. I will pray for you Debs

brigid

I am just in tears reading all the great posts here, thanks so much, it really helps to get other peoples opinions, I think I will just leave the counselling for him to work out what he wants to do and do it myself. Thanks heaps Music, Autumn, Debs, Ash, BSPGirl, CarolD, ***, c'est, trytrytry, hope4life, Bliss71 and Ngokpa. I am also going to go to the AA meeting here on Weds night, keep doing my jogging, uni, start eating well and sleeping well again.

Things in my home have settled a lot so I know that this was a good thing to do, something had to happen here. Yesterday Adam messaged me that he had made the appointment at the counsellor, I suggested that he make one with some substance abuse experience but he wasn't keen on that. Anyway to cut a long story short, after a couple of short emails he asked why I want the counselling if I was happy not to be with him. So then I found the honesty to tell him that it was mainly out of worry for him and the way he had been behaving. I didn't hold back but I tried to tell him how much I loved him at the same time. So I feel a little bit now like maybe I can let go, having tried to communicate with him about a lot of things that we didn't talk about before.

But then again, talk to me tomorrow, my mind might be in another place again.

Thanks for the letting go quote Debs, that is something that I just loved that my first husband used to say and I told someone the same thing recently. Just hard to be able to do that myself. It is hard. I have seen my first husband and my brother basically commit suicide through their habits and it is scaring me that Adam will do the same. Also, it is very hard to not be with him, he has a lot of great stuff that I absolutely adore. But then maybe I just am a control freak who has to learn to let go and stop being so judgemental ...

Life, life, life, life .....

Here we go again, another trip that is just very very painful.

Thanks again, everyone, I so appreciate it all.

love Brigid

debsjsu

love and huggs to you Brigid.. Wish I could ease your pain... I will pray for you for the strength and courage to do what ever you need to do to be happy and healthy in recovery and to have happy healthy children. Love to you babe..... Debs