Is depression part of it?
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 153
Is depression part of it?
I am 3 weeks sober today. I feel great physically, but emotionally, not so great. I'm depressed. I feel very empty and sad about everything. It's not a suicidal, devastating, "end it all" depression. It's just a dull gray that seems to have settled over my mood.
Duing the years that I drank, I lost my mother, my husband, my father my brother. . I remarried after being widowed only 15 months. The alcohol got me through it. I looked forward to the nightly "buzzed happy feeling". Now I don't have that. The events of the last few years seem to have come back to rest on my shoulders. I'm not the bubbley conversationalist I used to be. I kinda sit like and introverted "lump" in the evenings now. I just don't enjoy the new boring me. I'm a dud. Alcohol gave me a relaxed spontaneaity that I now lack. I just can't work up a good enthusiasm about anything.
I'm afraid this new sober me is boring and dull. I hope this is just temporary and my zest for life returns. This is not the me I've known. Who the hell am I now?
Duing the years that I drank, I lost my mother, my husband, my father my brother. . I remarried after being widowed only 15 months. The alcohol got me through it. I looked forward to the nightly "buzzed happy feeling". Now I don't have that. The events of the last few years seem to have come back to rest on my shoulders. I'm not the bubbley conversationalist I used to be. I kinda sit like and introverted "lump" in the evenings now. I just don't enjoy the new boring me. I'm a dud. Alcohol gave me a relaxed spontaneaity that I now lack. I just can't work up a good enthusiasm about anything.
I'm afraid this new sober me is boring and dull. I hope this is just temporary and my zest for life returns. This is not the me I've known. Who the hell am I now?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Boring and dull? Yeah, but at leasts its YOU and not the drunken you.
Who the hell do I have to 'entertain' these days? No one. I have no need to be exciting, fun, and charismatic.
Not saying I am not those things. They are just a small part of the wonderful life I have.
What I am saying is that boredom is just anohter thing to be overcome. Drinking is the easy way out that leads to death, madness, or misery.
Sorry if I sound harsh, but its just the way I see it.
Good luck!
Who the hell do I have to 'entertain' these days? No one. I have no need to be exciting, fun, and charismatic.
Not saying I am not those things. They are just a small part of the wonderful life I have.
What I am saying is that boredom is just anohter thing to be overcome. Drinking is the easy way out that leads to death, madness, or misery.
Sorry if I sound harsh, but its just the way I see it.
Good luck!
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 153
Thank you Carol.... that was a very interesting infomative article. I don't know if I can relate to it. I do not seem to have any of those symptoms. I do not notice any metal impairment or short term memory loss. I still fuction at work, but I am just bored to tears with it. I feel like I'm pulling around a huge boulder chained around my waist. Not worth the effort. I don't over-react to anything. In fact I think I under react. I just don't have any gumption left right now.
Five.... you were not harsh. I totally agree. I don't have to entertain anyone. But I am boring the hell out of myself. I'm not an interesting person now. Just a lump.. No excitement. no enthusiasm. No looking forward to anything. Life seems to be just one huge yawn.
I know I am blessed in many ways. But right now... who cares.
Five.... you were not harsh. I totally agree. I don't have to entertain anyone. But I am boring the hell out of myself. I'm not an interesting person now. Just a lump.. No excitement. no enthusiasm. No looking forward to anything. Life seems to be just one huge yawn.
I know I am blessed in many ways. But right now... who cares.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
Hi there. I think what you are experiencing is totally normal for where you are at in the recovery process. You've gotten past the physical withdrawals but now the emotions are waking up. You listed a lot of losses while you were drinking. You more than likely never processed those losses so now you have nothing in you to numb you out they are going to come out. Do you like to write? If so, grab a notebook or a journal and start getting everything out on paper. It is very cathartic. Perhaps grief counseling or a counselor trained in addictions could help as well.
As for the boring. I kinda felt that way at first. I used to love to go out dancing, singing kareoke etc. I have found that I can still do those things but I do them sober. I have more fun and I remember everything that happened and don't have to worry about who's bed I'm waking up in, what did I say or do that may have hurt or offended someone, who did I give my number out to etc. I have a fairly large AA group and we go to AA sponsored dances, we go out to the river in the summer and swim, grill, play dominoes and cards, we have a member who races so we'll go out there and support him. My life is far from dull these days and I have more friends now than I ever did before. I was out of town on a business trip from Wed - Sat and got several calls from members just making sure I was ok.
I couldn't see any of this at the beginning. It was all I could do to focus on staying sober that day. Meetings are what got me through those times.
So, just be easy on yourself. It will get better with time. Meanwhile work on the things you buried while drinking, get them out on paper and see if that doesn't help. If you have something that you like to do such as reading, needlepoint whatever then do that too.
Also a trip to the doctor wouldn't be a bad idea. You may need an antidepressant. You may have been depressed all along but kept yourself numbed out. Or you may just need the temporary boost of an antidepressant.
I hope something I said helps. Take care of you, you are worth it!
Kellye
As for the boring. I kinda felt that way at first. I used to love to go out dancing, singing kareoke etc. I have found that I can still do those things but I do them sober. I have more fun and I remember everything that happened and don't have to worry about who's bed I'm waking up in, what did I say or do that may have hurt or offended someone, who did I give my number out to etc. I have a fairly large AA group and we go to AA sponsored dances, we go out to the river in the summer and swim, grill, play dominoes and cards, we have a member who races so we'll go out there and support him. My life is far from dull these days and I have more friends now than I ever did before. I was out of town on a business trip from Wed - Sat and got several calls from members just making sure I was ok.
I couldn't see any of this at the beginning. It was all I could do to focus on staying sober that day. Meetings are what got me through those times.
So, just be easy on yourself. It will get better with time. Meanwhile work on the things you buried while drinking, get them out on paper and see if that doesn't help. If you have something that you like to do such as reading, needlepoint whatever then do that too.
Also a trip to the doctor wouldn't be a bad idea. You may need an antidepressant. You may have been depressed all along but kept yourself numbed out. Or you may just need the temporary boost of an antidepressant.
I hope something I said helps. Take care of you, you are worth it!
Kellye
If its any comfort, things will change - its almost impossible for them to not...think about it...just dont drink???
I know from my own experience that I have to - like all other humans - take the rough wiht the smooth.
By not drinking, I get a chance to be in control of my mood more, my emotions, my life. And its a very good thing - the best thing!
You may like Cognitive Behaviour Therapy - it is excellent at challanging bad reasoning, negative thoughts, and problematic things like boredom.
Take care, 5
I know from my own experience that I have to - like all other humans - take the rough wiht the smooth.
By not drinking, I get a chance to be in control of my mood more, my emotions, my life. And its a very good thing - the best thing!
You may like Cognitive Behaviour Therapy - it is excellent at challanging bad reasoning, negative thoughts, and problematic things like boredom.
Take care, 5
The phase will pass
As alcoholics we tended to demand more than our fair share of bliss.
We abused alcohol in an attempt to transcend our brain's own capacity to experience joy. Our brains simply are not designed to experience prolonged levels of ecstacy which drugs and alcohol gave us.That's why we "crash" when the drugs are gone because the brain cannot maintain the "high" on it's own.
The new phase of "adapting" may take a while but it helps to inform yourself as much as you can about the recovery process.
Bear in mind too that we live in a world that forces us to believe that if we are sad it means something is wrong with us.
Sadness is another part of the spectrum of human emotions which we all share and helps us to fully appreciate joy when we experience it.
Unless sadness becomes chronic depression we can assure ourselves that as long as we hold on to our will to survive we will begin to feel differently in time.
I no longer "demand" happiness in my life nor do I seek it in a bottle. My quest today is more a search for inner peace.
Even if I never experience happiness again I can still push on with the curiosity I have to see what tomorrow will bring.
As alcoholics we tended to demand more than our fair share of bliss.
We abused alcohol in an attempt to transcend our brain's own capacity to experience joy. Our brains simply are not designed to experience prolonged levels of ecstacy which drugs and alcohol gave us.That's why we "crash" when the drugs are gone because the brain cannot maintain the "high" on it's own.
The new phase of "adapting" may take a while but it helps to inform yourself as much as you can about the recovery process.
Bear in mind too that we live in a world that forces us to believe that if we are sad it means something is wrong with us.
Sadness is another part of the spectrum of human emotions which we all share and helps us to fully appreciate joy when we experience it.
Unless sadness becomes chronic depression we can assure ourselves that as long as we hold on to our will to survive we will begin to feel differently in time.
I no longer "demand" happiness in my life nor do I seek it in a bottle. My quest today is more a search for inner peace.
Even if I never experience happiness again I can still push on with the curiosity I have to see what tomorrow will bring.
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 153
Peter.... your words made so much sense, and I want to thank you. I have always said that one of the reasons nearly 50%+ marriages end in divorce is that people EXPECT to be happy all the time. And they expect another person to give them that. Marriages lasted in the olden days because people didn't ever "expect" anything... especially to be happy all the time. They just went on with life struggling and surviving and demanding nothing.
So now I ask myself, what difference is this that I am experiencing? Very little. I expected and demanded more "bliss" as you put it, than should normally be expected in life, or at least a respite from my problems. When it didn't come, I found it in a bottle. You are so right. My brain is looking for the blissful "buzz" of each evening that alcohol gave me. I am learning to survive again. This time on my own. It's very difficult and taking a drink is very tempting.
So now I ask myself, what difference is this that I am experiencing? Very little. I expected and demanded more "bliss" as you put it, than should normally be expected in life, or at least a respite from my problems. When it didn't come, I found it in a bottle. You are so right. My brain is looking for the blissful "buzz" of each evening that alcohol gave me. I am learning to survive again. This time on my own. It's very difficult and taking a drink is very tempting.
Yes, depression has been a part of my recovery at times. It should pass, however, if it continues consider seeking help with it. This is just my case but, I have depression and PTSD. I found in my case that both need to be dealt with but, there are different treatment for each. Don't be afraid to talk to your doctor about it. Just be honest with him about your drinking and attempt to stop. We can help each other yes but, sometimes some of us need to call in the professionals. Welcome back.
Please keep in mind that alcohol is actually a very effective depressant. The "happy buzz" you described is actually just the release of stored energy that alcohol is good at doing. It is not actually a permanent situ as alcohol acts directly on the central nervous system as a depressant and causes serious depression over time.
As alcohol also causes an imbalance in the serotonin levels in your brain (think happy receptors), when you take it away after long term use, your body has to adjust to that and it takes time.
Most alcoholics were living in long term depression b/c of the alcohol. Once that is taken away there is a period of months that your body will be readjusting all the chemical levels and you can expect depression. What can you do to change that? Keep sober, exercise (walking anything), eat well, drink lots of water and keep yourself busy.
Peace, Levi
As alcohol also causes an imbalance in the serotonin levels in your brain (think happy receptors), when you take it away after long term use, your body has to adjust to that and it takes time.
Most alcoholics were living in long term depression b/c of the alcohol. Once that is taken away there is a period of months that your body will be readjusting all the chemical levels and you can expect depression. What can you do to change that? Keep sober, exercise (walking anything), eat well, drink lots of water and keep yourself busy.
Peace, Levi
I found when drinking that my highs and lows were more extreme than they are now. I have thought that life seems pretty boring without alcohol. I have worked through it by looking for less extremes and a better level.
Alcohol programmed me, my mind, my body and my emotions. It took time for me to regain control and I have experienced a number of down times. Trying to think positively helps ... have you heard the saying, "If you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all", I try to (not always successful) change it to "If I can't think of anything nice, think of nothing at all."
I agree with Peter, the whole gamut of emotions is to be experienced in life, the boredom, the sadness, the gratitude, the happiness. Without these perspectives how could we really know true happiness, inner peace and harmony.
Stick with it, I grew out of it, mind over matter.
love Brigid
Alcohol programmed me, my mind, my body and my emotions. It took time for me to regain control and I have experienced a number of down times. Trying to think positively helps ... have you heard the saying, "If you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all", I try to (not always successful) change it to "If I can't think of anything nice, think of nothing at all."
I agree with Peter, the whole gamut of emotions is to be experienced in life, the boredom, the sadness, the gratitude, the happiness. Without these perspectives how could we really know true happiness, inner peace and harmony.
Stick with it, I grew out of it, mind over matter.
love Brigid
Originally Posted by Doodlebug
I am 3 weeks sober today. I feel great physically, but emotionally, not so great. I'm depressed. I feel very empty and sad about everything. It's not a suicidal, devastating, "end it all" depression. It's just a dull gray that seems to have settled over my mood.
Now that the fog is lifting, I find that I'm the same person I was three years ago. I actually woke up this morning, felt the old depression again (different than alcohol depression for me) and said "Oh, you again." So now on top of trying to stay sober, now I have to deal with this stuff again.
This is gonna be hard. I don't want to live my life hung over or drunk all the time and I equally don't want to live my life feeling like this. It’s what drove my drinking to start with.
I know I need help with the depression, but jeez, so much stuff to deal with. I didn’t expect it to come back so fast. I’ll hang in there for a while to see if its PAWs-related, but I guess I’d better start preparing for another battle…
GL Doodlebug. You’re not alone.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
My long term depression is why I began AA recovery.
All my depression fled at around 3 months sober.
This happened with no more doctors or meds.
It has never returned in 17 years.
While I know this is not true of everyone..
Please wait and see if it is for you.
In AA I learned a new way of living
full of joy and with a purpose....
All my depression fled at around 3 months sober.
This happened with no more doctors or meds.
It has never returned in 17 years.
While I know this is not true of everyone..
Please wait and see if it is for you.
In AA I learned a new way of living
full of joy and with a purpose....
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by Doodlebug
I totally agree. I don't have to entertain anyone. But I am boring the hell out of myself. I'm not an interesting person now. Just a lump.. No excitement. no enthusiasm. No looking forward to anything. Life seems to be just one huge yawn.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Boone, NC
Posts: 1
i also understand your feelings of depression..thanks for sharing this ..the bradshaw article was good and i do have some of these symptoms..I am approximately 45 days in recovery and i to feel the dul gray you are speaking of ..hang in there and know that you arent alone:
Xmasad
Xmasad
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 57
From what I have read, your feelings are perfectly normal and expected after only 3 weeks of sobriety. Your brain chemistry is nowhere near back to normal--it is imbalanced. During this period of imbalance, the neurotransmitters in your brain are producing too much of the chemicals that make you anxious and sad and not enough of the chemicals that make you feel happy and calm (like GABA). The brain chemistry should rebalance itself eventually, but it takes time. Here is an article on this issue:
pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/arh21-2/144.pdf
I have been sober for almost 3 months, and things seem to be getting better for me, but I still feel some level of depression at times. I am looking down the road 6 months or a year to see if I truly feel better. So don't give up so soon on being happy--just be patient. I assume you were drinking for more than 3 weeks, so don't assume all will be better in 3 weeks.
pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/arh21-2/144.pdf
I have been sober for almost 3 months, and things seem to be getting better for me, but I still feel some level of depression at times. I am looking down the road 6 months or a year to see if I truly feel better. So don't give up so soon on being happy--just be patient. I assume you were drinking for more than 3 weeks, so don't assume all will be better in 3 weeks.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Orange, Ca
Posts: 28
I am 3 weeks sober today. I feel great physically, but emotionally, not so great. I'm depressed. I feel very empty and sad about everything. It's not a suicidal, devastating, "end it all" depression. It's just a dull gray that seems to have settled over my mood.
Duing the years that I drank, I lost my mother, my husband, my father my brother. . I remarried after being widowed only 15 months. The alcohol got me through it. I looked forward to the nightly "buzzed happy feeling". Now I don't have that. The events of the last few years seem to have come back to rest on my shoulders. I'm not the bubbley conversationalist I used to be. I kinda sit like and introverted "lump" in the evenings now. I just don't enjoy the new boring me. I'm a dud. Alcohol gave me a relaxed spontaneaity that I now lack. I just can't work up a good enthusiasm about anything.
I'm afraid this new sober me is boring and dull. I hope this is just temporary and my zest for life returns. This is not the me I've known. Who the hell am I now?
Duing the years that I drank, I lost my mother, my husband, my father my brother. . I remarried after being widowed only 15 months. The alcohol got me through it. I looked forward to the nightly "buzzed happy feeling". Now I don't have that. The events of the last few years seem to have come back to rest on my shoulders. I'm not the bubbley conversationalist I used to be. I kinda sit like and introverted "lump" in the evenings now. I just don't enjoy the new boring me. I'm a dud. Alcohol gave me a relaxed spontaneaity that I now lack. I just can't work up a good enthusiasm about anything.
I'm afraid this new sober me is boring and dull. I hope this is just temporary and my zest for life returns. This is not the me I've known. Who the hell am I now?
Doodlebug
Thanx for your post and all those who responded. I am 97 days C&S and what you described is something I've been going through. Major lack of motivation, loss of interest in many things that I love doing - bicycling, guitar, reading and now, skiing.
I looked into the PAWS thing too, and felt that I was OK in the concentration, coordination, and other symptoms and therefor PAWS didn't resonate with me.
I do feel that I was self medicating with alcohol, and sleeping pills. Neither of which I now make available to myself. LOTS of bad sh*t happened during the years that I was using pretty heavy.
Through some reading, but more importantly, AA involvement and my sponsor, I have been getting rid of some resentments I have, and, I am really starting to get acceptance that I have a disease. These breakthroughs are allowing me to start to forgive myself. I still have some work to do there, maybe a lifetime's worth, but I can see how far I've come...
I am having more good days lately. Do I still have urges and a frequent feeling that something is missing? - yea... Also, I have this anxious feeling that resides in my stomach, even when I am feeling good otherwise. I may see a doc about it if it doesn't improve.
What you're going through is what I have gone through - I am better, you will be too. Hang in there!!
Mark
Thanx for your post and all those who responded. I am 97 days C&S and what you described is something I've been going through. Major lack of motivation, loss of interest in many things that I love doing - bicycling, guitar, reading and now, skiing.
I looked into the PAWS thing too, and felt that I was OK in the concentration, coordination, and other symptoms and therefor PAWS didn't resonate with me.
I do feel that I was self medicating with alcohol, and sleeping pills. Neither of which I now make available to myself. LOTS of bad sh*t happened during the years that I was using pretty heavy.
Through some reading, but more importantly, AA involvement and my sponsor, I have been getting rid of some resentments I have, and, I am really starting to get acceptance that I have a disease. These breakthroughs are allowing me to start to forgive myself. I still have some work to do there, maybe a lifetime's worth, but I can see how far I've come...
I am having more good days lately. Do I still have urges and a frequent feeling that something is missing? - yea... Also, I have this anxious feeling that resides in my stomach, even when I am feeling good otherwise. I may see a doc about it if it doesn't improve.
What you're going through is what I have gone through - I am better, you will be too. Hang in there!!
Mark
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