daisy_j

For some reason, a lot of the people who work in the legal field also love their alcohol. I have noticed this phenomenon time and time again. Because of my alcohol habit, I have become "the life of the party". Everyone knows when they go out with me, we will just have a grand old time.

It is very difficult, but not impossible, to abstain in this environment. I know at some point I may need to switch jobs. Yesterday I was invited to two happy hours after work. I called in sick instead. Because it's just too easy, after a stressful day, to slip across the street to the bar. I happen to work in an area that has one on every street corner. I have an appointment with my doctor in June and she is considering giving me Vivitrol. If anyone has any information on this, I would appreciate it if you'd share your experience. It is very new so I'm curious to know if it can really help people like us.

I know that instead of going to happy hours, I need to be going to meetings. There are several in my area. I just need to get over that hump and actually make myself go.

Peace to you all,
GJ

leviathon

Hi DaisyJ and welcome to SR,

I am actually a lawyer and I can relate. There is a huge amount of addiction in law firms and the rationale is that "we work hard, so we play hard". It is extremely unhealthy, so much so that the Bar Associations in Canada actually have their own "Peer help groups" (essentially a form of AA of only lawyers for lawyers).

What I did to avoid the whole drinking thing was to focus on working out right after work. When I would get asked I'd be like, sorry have to go to the gym my partner is there waiting to train. The problem was this only worked in town. We would have lawyer retreats and stuff and that meant there was no "training session" to rely on. It also causes some harm to your career b/c you are seen as "not fitting in" or "not being part of the team". I guess what I am saying is see if there is an activity that you can arrange afterwork that will explain you not going.

Eventually I left the big firms in the big city and settled in a small town and work in a small firm where drinking is not "required". The only time it is even an issue is around Xmas when the staff parties occur, but that happens at all businesses in my general experience.

I wish you luck, and I hope something I've said will help.

Levi.

daisy_j

Thank you Leviathon! I am just happy that someone can relate to what it can be like to work at a law firm and NOT drink. So much so called bonding occurs at these social events that you are right, one is perceived to be "out of the loop" if you don't participate. I am embarassed to tell my usual drinking buddies that I am not drinking anymore because it is admitting that I have a problem, even though about a quarter of them are probably alcoholics too. When we were in seminars last weekend, I was in bed by 10:30 every night while everyone else stayed up and partied, and I never heard the end of it from my co-workers.

I am contemplating switching to a smaller firm sometime in the future so I can escape from this cycle. In the meantime, I like your idea about using the gym as an excuse.

Thanks much for your input and take care,
GJ

CarolD

Ah yes! Taking off my party girl clothes was really difficult!

I lived in a huge apartment house filled with singles in D.C.
I quit playing cards...going to the pool..hanging out and working in bars..dumped my still drinking lover..refused all invitations to anything where alcohol was served...took cabs rather than walk by my favorite
drinking places... found an office job with no stress and low pay.
And I told everyone I was now in AA recovery.

That is what I needed for me to keep in sobriety.
I do not regret those hard choices.

Saving my sanity was much more important.

Take care...keep looking for your answers...
Recovery is soo

daisy_j

Carol:

When you gave up basically everything, did you have a fear of loneliness? I too had my party girl days. I got married and thought for sure I would straighten out. Well guess what, here I am.

Giving up the many activities that I engage in that happen to involve alcohol makes me feel scared for some reason. As a matter of fact, I think one of the reasons I drink is because of fear. Just a generalized sense of it.

I used to work for a lady who drank 35 Miller Lights a day, no exaggeration. I used to think that I would NEVER be like her. And though I am nowhere near that many, my number does seem to gradually go up with each year I continue to drink. For example, there was probably a time (though i barely remember) that drinking four beers a night was enough to "get me there". Now I can easily put down 8 or 9 a night if I am so inclined. Makes me wonder where I'll be 10 years from now..

Anyway I appreciate the fact that you are here and helping people stay on track. I am amazed by the sheer numbers that visit this board.

GJ

CarolD

Here is my suggestion...find info on the disease of alcoholism.

My favorite resource on alcoholism is
"Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"

Both can be ordered from Amazon.

Yes I was feeling lonly
until I found friends in AA.

daddysgirl29

Hi, Daisy, and another welcome to SR!

I worked in law for 10 years, and YES, I resonate w/ what you are going through.

About your concern above, if they're your REAL friends, they won't give it a second thought, and maybe seeing you give it up is what they're looking for, too, ya know?!

Be true to yourself and the rest will follow. I'm (and Levi, Carol, etc.) are proof of that!!

Congrats to you for wanting to make a healthy change. You can do it!!!!

Hugs,
DG

daisy_j

Why thank you Daddysgirl.

So if you don't mind my asking, did you give up law because of the pressure/stress? And if so, did you take a less stressful job? I often daydream about working in a vet's office and dealing w/animals instead of people.

Maybe you have a point about other people looking to give it up as well. I like to joke that we will all have a wonderful time in rehab together someday. They look at me like I'm crazy for saying so which makes me think they are either not at the same point in the addiction process or they are still in denial.

Anyway I am awfully grateful for you all and your willingness to share.

GJ

daddysgirl29

Awww - you're welcome!! (warm fuzzies...) Sorry for the delay- I went to the gym (which I highly recommend, btw!)

I got out of law b/c I realized it wasn't what I really wanted to do. The only way to REALLY move up is to be a lawyer, and I give lots of props to them (including Levi who is a ROCKIN' attorney!), but I couldn't do it... In D.C. there are too many politics invovled! So I realized that my true passion was writing, and I finally got into that. I'm a Tech. Writer for a high tech. company. There's still stress, but no one will act like a life has been lost if something is running behind!

So it seems like you love animals, huh? Man - you'll fit right in here!! Some of us are verging on being obsessed w/ our pets!! So I say, once you get sober (though I got into writing before I did...) follow what you really want to do. Once you get true gratification from your job, it's a lot easier to maintain sobriety, and things in your life get better, ya know?

And about your friends - well, like I said, if they're true friends, #1 - they'll be happy for you; #2 - they'll be supportive, and #3 - they won't tell a soul if you don't want them to! I weeded out a few bad eggs once I got sober, but the good ones have remainded and I cherish them. (and we can always be your friends, too - don't forget that!)

Good to see you, and thanks for the nice post back!

Hugs,
DG

cinderellawkids

Im a legal assistant, and this is the only field Ive been involved in (Previously involved in art and restaurants) That there is lots of alcohol at every function. Drinks at lunch, beer around the office Friday afternoon. Company work hour bbqs. Toast to celebrate trial victories (at 8 a.m.)

Every office Ive been in had liquor and or beer in the fridge, and if your ahving a rough day no one would give it a thought if you grabbed a shot of tequila.

Years ago, in Virginia I came across the DAs at a party doing worse witha criminal judge by there side. Substance abuse is everywhere.

ASH

Hi Daisy, Welcome to SR.
Where I worked everybody drank and I always ran with the big dogs from sales and marketing.
When I quit drinking it became obvious that not everyone drank, actually, I realized I was hanging with not only the drinkers but the ones who would stay and close the bar with me, no whimps allowed.
The reality with a sober eye was that most people were not even drinking, if there was a work function many people would clink clink with one drink and leave to go on to another activity. Many were there to make an appearence or to socialize and to my amazement not to drink excessive amounts of alcohol like me.
Do a test: tell people you are on medication and cannot drink, then keep a score card of how many people are not coming to the bar, or not drinking to excess. Gravitate towards them and make friends.
For sure alcohol and drug abuse are everywhere, but when we are doing it ourselves it is much more comfortable to exagerate how many are actually engaging in the unhealty behavior. Normalizes what we are doing.
This may not be the case where you work, but at least there has to be a few sober souls at a large firm you can make friends with.
As for being lonely, it is not necessary, but it beats going to rehab with all my friends.
Glad your here, SR is a great place for information to help you make decisions about your relationship with alcohol.
Hope to see more of you here, All the best

daisy_j

Ash & the others,

I read this site so often, and so often there are a handful of people who bother to respond to us lost souls looking for guidance.

All I can say is God bless you all for your guidance and advice. Where do you find the strength? Is it just because you have been there and know

You are all here, even if those seeking help are just a flash in the pan.

Bless you all,

GJ

chip

I really like Ash's advice. I work in a field where it seems like everybody drinks. Two nights ago, I had a 'happy hour" business meeting where everyone was drinking. When it came time to nail down the deal, I took full control.

GJ, someone once gave me some good advice here: Sobriety is valued by society. Sobriety is seen as a strength, not a weakness. You will be seen as strong for choosing the gym over the bar. Getting into personal fittness is a great way to get yourself out of these bad scenes. Later, you will find that people don't really care what you are drinking at a party. Soda with lime in a highball glass doesn't look out of place at all.
chip

brigid

Yeh, I see this ... when I first quit drinking I was around a lot of big drinkers and over time, as they saw me continually NOT drinking alcohol, I did end up being looked up to by them. Interesting that drinkers look at people who don't drink as strong, with some sort of magical quality. I was thinking the other day about how I see people who have gotten to the next growth stage of life (where I am headed) have something fantastic that I don't understand, then I get there and realise that it was a bit of hard work and determination, not fantastic at all. It is all achievable, takes time to change habits and thinking, but we can have what we want if we work at it.

Get to a meeting ... go to the gym ... watch the drinkers at the happy hours (if you feel strong enough to go and not drink). Maybe change your occupation if you don't really love what you do. Money is not what life is all about.

leviathon

LOL, I see so much wisdom on this page... so many law firms and lawyers could really benefit from reading this wisdom.

I am not sure if it is the same with the Legal Bars in the States in the US, but here in Canada, every law society has a specific section in the Rules of Professional Conduct that deals with alcohol abuse... now they are adding substance abuse... It is pervasive in the "legal culture". It begins in law school where stressed out students are encouraged to "let it off" at the end of each semester. Then in practice, firms entrench this mentality and in a short time lawyers are falling into the cycle of addiction left right and centre.

Maybe what really needs to happen is for law to become a profession again, not a business and means to become supremely rich. I.e. bill 2000 hours per year (means you are likely working double that) at all costs or don't make partner. Money is the be all and end all determinant of whether you make partner, rather than your skill, professionalism, compassion, pro bonos work and commitment to the law.

Similar things are happening in medicine as it becomes a "business" rather than a profession. The ultimate outcome will be scary there too. Imagine being cut open by a doc with the shakes from too many the night b/f ... and on and on.

I am privilege to have found a place to work where drinking is NOT part of the culture and is not required to move up in the firm.

Levi

ASH

Good for you, and thanks for sharing

Don W

Daisy J. I understand you're problem. My wife works for lawyers and I've work for companies where Happy Hours after work was standard sop. I can only suggest to to plan healthy activities right after work. Like, I'd love to join you but, I've got an appoinment whatever.The less you make
yourself available they will stop asking. It's very hard but, from my experence everytime I hung arround with drinking our put myself in a place to drink I drank. This time after 3 years. I had to keep myself safe. Sometimes giving up friends is needed. The true ones will support you. Don W

Peter

I used to feel the same way about people in the construction industry(my field) but then I came to realize the "phenomenon" was more widespread than I originally imagined.

I used to think accountants and flight controllers were very high on the alcoholics list but the same is actually true for maritime ,military,priests and the security industries.

daisy_j

Yes getting myself out of the loop is the very first thing I must do. When you get to run with the "drinking crowds" it makes you feel more accepted, at first. But work is not a popularity contest and anyone who drinks to excess knows the vulnerability of drinking with the people you work with. When I get drunk, I become a very loose talker. And there are some stories in my past that belong just there. I am sure some of you can relate to this? Reading these posts, I guess you can say that many professions seem to attract drinkers, not just legal. Obviously the problem lies with the person, and not the career.

GJ