Perspective from a 3 year old
 

I relapsed and have been drinking fairly heavily for the past two months...although, I have been active still with my kids and am not passing out or anything of that nature, I know I always have a wine glass in hand. I am getting ready to get back into rehab and turn things back around again.

It was interesting last night, though, because I was sitting there with my glass of red wine in hand, and my three year old pointed to it and said, "That's bad." He pointed to a game he wanted to play, and told me to put my drink down. I did, of course.

Seriously...is it the fact it is always in my hand that affects him? I know children are intuitive, but I guess I thought I could drink relatively undetected by a three year old. I can fool adults with my "facade"...how does he "know"?

That scares me and is sobering. Don't worry..I already have plans to address it. Just wondering how he picks up.

Jen, I doubt very much that you fool any adults, I found out after I quit, that they knew, but did not knowwhat to say, or had given up, saying anything.

As for the 3 year old, my son was very young during my drinking, and has told me that he remembers from a very early age, the smell, and the fact that i was " different", even at the tender age of 3. he no longer has contact with me, and he is 38 now. Dont let it go on long enough for that to happen to you.

They , and everybody else DO know.

HUGX
lee

Please don't be in denial any longer about what your child sees. I think part of what is wrong with a lot of us is that things went on around us while adults pretended to themselves that we did not see what was going on or too young to remember.

I realize things must be tough for you right now I send you goodwill.

Hey Jen,

He will only get wiser. So, your only option is to get wiser too. :)

I also have a theory that people don't really quit until they are truly ready. What makes this trip to rehab different? And while we're at it, I believe that you can quit without going. You have been there before, and here you are again.

Have you looked into teaching yourself to be permanently abstinent? There are some wonderful tools offered for free at SMART Recovery and Rational Recovery. And there is a great book, "Rational Recovery, the New Cure for Substance Addiction" that contains a powerful mental tool that can quickly and permanently end your relationship with alcohol. These things are practically free, and do not take you away from your family.

--Scott

I think your real concern is the fact that you are drinking while taking care of your child. Impaired while you are doing one of the things in life that takes the most attention. My brother drinks alot. His daughter (my niece) was with my mom one day at the grocery store. They went down the bread and chips isle and on the other side of it was the beer. She pointed to the beer and said "Daddy". So dont be so foolish. You arent hiding anything. From your child OR from adults. Children will say anything that comes to their heads. Thats why your child said "Thats bad" while pointing to your wine. Your child has witnessed enough negativity in your life due to the wine to know that the wine is "bad" and because he or she is a child, he or she said it without thinking. You think you are fooling adults because they dont say anything. They dont say anything because it would be awkward. Social protocol doesnt allow for confrontations on such a level. But believe me,....they DO know. Would you ever be able to live with yourself if your child got hurt while you were drinking and watching him or her???? :c016:

Hi Jen,
Glad you have decided to do something about drinking. I agree with Lee, I also thought I was fooling everyone when the only one who was in the dark was me. Old wisdom says, "There is no fool like a drunk fool."
Kids even babies, know what they like and don't like and express it very directly and simply, crying is the best example. They don't feel compelled to intellectualize it, our behavior when drinking is unstable and volatile and it makes them insecure at best and maybe even afraid.
Geez, even my dog would get a funny look, knowing that the uncorking sound or the smell of wine was going to be followed by loud music and potentially no dinner for her.
Make some plans and follow through, you will be glad and so will your family.
Hope to see more of you here at SR:)

SO TRUE!!

My cat used to hide in my apartment somewhere when I opened my whiskey bottles and popped my beer tabs. Loud music, no attention, no food, and letting the litter box go for days at a time. She knew. So do kids.

My dog used to creep off at the sound of beer tabs, and my son also used to shut himself in his room, how sad was that?

HUGX
Lee

Glad you've decided to take another look at sobriety.
Nobody is fooled.

I, too, regret drinking around my boys when they were younger. They knew, and as they got older, and learned about alcohol in school, I felt more guilty about it. They are all teens now, and last Jan I made a vow not to drink around them again, and it has been a good thing.

I guess I'm saying its never too late for any of us to change for the better

Take Care
S

My dog knows the word "beer". Using it has the same effect as using the word "bath". I'm afraid I may have given him a beer bath at some point. :(

DK

Haha...

So, it's safe to say, your dog didn't appreciate the beneficials results of fuller, thicker hair from the beer bath?

LMAO! Apparently not!! And why was I wasting beer? :09:

That's funny DK!

...but yes jen, kids know and are affected, pets know and are affected, everybody knows and are affected..the only person that doesn't is us when drinking.

Lucky our pets cant post on the internet or write tell all books,
they for sure have seen and heard it all!

Dear Master,
Last night while you were drinking and all the other humans were asleep I saw you..... :yikes:

aaaaaaaaargh ASH, that is very scarey!

My poor dog ate many a burt offering , that was supposed to be my tea, of course that was after the beer bath LOL

HUGX
Lee

Alcohol deprived me of enjoying my children, I would love to be able to turn back the clock and give myself that experience, BUT I can't. Anyway there is the future and I can enjoy the ups and downs of parenthood properly now!

I was the only one who didn't realise the pain of my alcohol addiction and although it affected everyone around me it affected me the most and I have suffered from alcohol and its poisonious effects.

Great to hear you want to stop, do it for you, the kids will of course benefit, but do it because you want to enjoy and experience life fully.

love Brigid :)

Hi there
 

You're the best, Brigid..!

Kids are very perceptive and intuitive. They pick it all up. At the age 3 however, they can not only express what they see, but they will start remember things for life.

I am an ACOA and remember in my deepest memories booze tainted breath. The really f'd up thing is that I associate that smell memory with feeling safe. Dad was near.

Sobering thought..
 

Thanks for all the input. I truly want to change so he has no memory of a mother like this.

I actually heard a quote the other day...in which someone said, "You've given up the right to self destruct when you had children." That is so true. If you want to hurt yourself, feel free..but once there are kids involved, your priority is them. Not yourself.

It was sobering.