My Addiction... exploring the good and the bad... thanks to Don S.
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4. What do I think I won't like about giving up my addiction? List what you think you are going to hate, dread or merely dislike about living without your addiction.
a. This list tells you what kinds of new coping skills, behaviors and lifestyle changes you need to develop in order to stay addiction free.
b. It also serves as another relapse warning list.
To be honest, at this point, I do not think there is anything that I don't like about giving up my addiction. Life is 1000% better. The only "grudge" if you will is having to deal with the "VOICE" in my head that insists on drinking when the rest of me is like, "Nope, thanks, life is real good without that." I just remind myself when I hear that dreaded voice that "this too shall pass".
Alcohol never did anything good for me. It provided an escape from my own fears, but the fears remained and intensified underneath this escape. So alcohol really wasn't doing anything good for those fears, rather it was a like putting a bandaid over an very infected wound. While covered so no one could see the wound, that wound just festered and spread until it finally oozed out from under the bandaid (sorry, kinda graphic).
My options at that point, put a bigger bandaid on the wound, keep drinking, and let my spiritual wound turn to gangrene of my soul, OR deal with the wound itself. I have chosen to do the latter. The rest will all fall into place.
Peace Levi (you note if you rearrange the letters in Levi they also spell live!)
a. This list tells you what kinds of new coping skills, behaviors and lifestyle changes you need to develop in order to stay addiction free.
b. It also serves as another relapse warning list.
To be honest, at this point, I do not think there is anything that I don't like about giving up my addiction. Life is 1000% better. The only "grudge" if you will is having to deal with the "VOICE" in my head that insists on drinking when the rest of me is like, "Nope, thanks, life is real good without that." I just remind myself when I hear that dreaded voice that "this too shall pass".
Alcohol never did anything good for me. It provided an escape from my own fears, but the fears remained and intensified underneath this escape. So alcohol really wasn't doing anything good for those fears, rather it was a like putting a bandaid over an very infected wound. While covered so no one could see the wound, that wound just festered and spread until it finally oozed out from under the bandaid (sorry, kinda graphic).
My options at that point, put a bigger bandaid on the wound, keep drinking, and let my spiritual wound turn to gangrene of my soul, OR deal with the wound itself. I have chosen to do the latter. The rest will all fall into place.
Peace Levi (you note if you rearrange the letters in Levi they also spell live!)
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2. What do I hate about my addiction, what does it do to me (give specific examples)? List as many of the bad, undesirable results of your addiction as you can. Ask yourself honestly "If my addiction was a used car, would I pay this much for it?"
The mental and physical things that I hate about my addiction are as follows:
liver pain and kidney pain (that's right I could actually identify my liver and kidneys being in pain after some boughts of heavy drinking)
stomach pain and digestive problems (i'm not talking discomfort, I am talking very real daily PAIN)
headaches and grogginess (I am talking serious pounding headaches)
bloated sensation and constant fatigue
nausea and diarreaha (I'm talking daily)
shakes and the sweats (daily)
high blood pressure and nervousness (daily)
anxiety and depression (daily)
lack of self confidence, self worth and self esteem (dialy)
insomnia and general mental instability (daily in the end)
lack of common sense and the "insanity" (daily)
Feelings of hopelessness about my drinking (daily in the end)
Lack of interest in opposite sex and relationships ('nuff said)
Muscle pain and back pain (drinking heavily is one of the leading causes of both) (daily in the end)
muscle degeneration and muscle injury
The worst part of all of the above was that I had the apparent inability to remember the above consequences and to use that as a negative reiminforcement of why I MUST NEVER drink before picking up and drinking again. It was only after I quit that these became apparent to me. I also know absolutely as a result of relapse, that the moment I drank again, I again lacked the ability to make this connection.
The above does not even begin to deal with the financial, personal and social costs of my drinking. I think I will save that for tomorrow. I do know that living in Canada the financial cost seems to be a lot higher than in the US based on what I've read on this board. It appears that alcohol is not only more available there, it is also far less expensive.
Peace, Levi
The mental and physical things that I hate about my addiction are as follows:
liver pain and kidney pain (that's right I could actually identify my liver and kidneys being in pain after some boughts of heavy drinking)
stomach pain and digestive problems (i'm not talking discomfort, I am talking very real daily PAIN)
headaches and grogginess (I am talking serious pounding headaches)
bloated sensation and constant fatigue
nausea and diarreaha (I'm talking daily)
shakes and the sweats (daily)
high blood pressure and nervousness (daily)
anxiety and depression (daily)
lack of self confidence, self worth and self esteem (dialy)
insomnia and general mental instability (daily in the end)
lack of common sense and the "insanity" (daily)
Feelings of hopelessness about my drinking (daily in the end)
Lack of interest in opposite sex and relationships ('nuff said)
Muscle pain and back pain (drinking heavily is one of the leading causes of both) (daily in the end)
muscle degeneration and muscle injury
The worst part of all of the above was that I had the apparent inability to remember the above consequences and to use that as a negative reiminforcement of why I MUST NEVER drink before picking up and drinking again. It was only after I quit that these became apparent to me. I also know absolutely as a result of relapse, that the moment I drank again, I again lacked the ability to make this connection.
The above does not even begin to deal with the financial, personal and social costs of my drinking. I think I will save that for tomorrow. I do know that living in Canada the financial cost seems to be a lot higher than in the US based on what I've read on this board. It appears that alcohol is not only more available there, it is also far less expensive.
Peace, Levi
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2. What do I hate about my addiction, what does it do to me (give specific examples)? List as many of the bad, undesirable results of your addiction as you can. Ask yourself honestly "If my addiction was a used car, would I pay this much for it?"
The financial costs of my drinking were tremendous and are as follows:
Being broke constantly;
Going from virtually debt free (not including student loans) to being so indebted that I could barely make ends meet;
Losing interest in my job and eventually losing my job;
Despite graduation and earning a high income, I had nothing at the end of each payday besides over draft and constant stress about money;
Reviewing bank statements all I had were debits to liquor stores;
Being unable to afford things like birthday and christmas presents;
Being unable to travel, which I had always wanted to do b/c all my money went to booze;
My local vendor gave me "credit" because I was a good customer;
My savings were liquidated to pay down debt and that then just got racked up again;
Couldn't buy new suits, which I really needed, because I spent it all on booze;
Constantly just making it each month b/c of the booze debts incurred between pay cheques;
Total loss of confidence in my ability to handle money or finances, which I had previously managed really well.
At the end of four years following graduation my personal debt went from around $4,000.00 to $30,000.00 (not including my student loans, which after seven and a half years of university were only $32,000). I also liquidated approximately $10,000 to $15,000 in savings.
I have now consolidated my personal debt and I am chipping away at it each month. Even if it is only $50.00, it feels good to know it is going down. It will take a couple years to pay off. I am reminded each month of the cost of that debt b/c it is in a credit line and the interest comes out of my chequing account. It is a good reminder.
Peace, Levi
The financial costs of my drinking were tremendous and are as follows:
Being broke constantly;
Going from virtually debt free (not including student loans) to being so indebted that I could barely make ends meet;
Losing interest in my job and eventually losing my job;
Despite graduation and earning a high income, I had nothing at the end of each payday besides over draft and constant stress about money;
Reviewing bank statements all I had were debits to liquor stores;
Being unable to afford things like birthday and christmas presents;
Being unable to travel, which I had always wanted to do b/c all my money went to booze;
My local vendor gave me "credit" because I was a good customer;
My savings were liquidated to pay down debt and that then just got racked up again;
Couldn't buy new suits, which I really needed, because I spent it all on booze;
Constantly just making it each month b/c of the booze debts incurred between pay cheques;
Total loss of confidence in my ability to handle money or finances, which I had previously managed really well.
At the end of four years following graduation my personal debt went from around $4,000.00 to $30,000.00 (not including my student loans, which after seven and a half years of university were only $32,000). I also liquidated approximately $10,000 to $15,000 in savings.
I have now consolidated my personal debt and I am chipping away at it each month. Even if it is only $50.00, it feels good to know it is going down. It will take a couple years to pay off. I am reminded each month of the cost of that debt b/c it is in a credit line and the interest comes out of my chequing account. It is a good reminder.
Peace, Levi
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Join Date: Mar 2006
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2. What do I hate about my addiction, what does it do to me (give specific examples)? List as many of the bad, undesirable results of your addiction as you can. Ask yourself honestly "If my addiction was a used car, would I pay this much for it?"
The personal and social consequences of my addiction are as follows:
Personal consequences include:
deteriorating health;
loss of interest in life;
loss of interest in a profession I worked 8 yrs to become part of;
loss of curiousity;
depression;
unhappiness;
suicidal thoughts (never acted on or went that far, but they were there);
no self esteem;
general misery;
ruined personal relationships with longstanding friends;
ruined work relationships; and,
ruined my focus on working out and being healthy.
Peace, Levi
The personal and social consequences of my addiction are as follows:
Personal consequences include:
deteriorating health;
loss of interest in life;
loss of interest in a profession I worked 8 yrs to become part of;
loss of curiousity;
depression;
unhappiness;
suicidal thoughts (never acted on or went that far, but they were there);
no self esteem;
general misery;
ruined personal relationships with longstanding friends;
ruined work relationships; and,
ruined my focus on working out and being healthy.
Peace, Levi
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
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3. What do I think I will like about giving up my addiction?
Waking up without hangovers and being able to enjoy my first cup of coffee while watching my cats play and the sun rise. It is a really amazing thing!
Levi
Waking up without hangovers and being able to enjoy my first cup of coffee while watching my cats play and the sun rise. It is a really amazing thing!
Levi
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2. What do I hate about my addiction, what does it do to me (give specific examples)? List as many of the bad, undesirable results of your addiction as you can. Ask yourself honestly "If my addiction was a used car, would I pay this much for it?"
I just saw this phrase on another thread, "the years we wasted away being wasted", oh wow, the years wasted... four for me, two were the real bad ones barely functioning, the first two I was still functioning but I wasn't happy... geeeeezzzzzz, the wasted time... time I can never get back.
That is a real important thing to remind myself of if I am ever tempted.
Peace Levi
I just saw this phrase on another thread, "the years we wasted away being wasted", oh wow, the years wasted... four for me, two were the real bad ones barely functioning, the first two I was still functioning but I wasn't happy... geeeeezzzzzz, the wasted time... time I can never get back.
That is a real important thing to remind myself of if I am ever tempted.
Peace Levi
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3. What do I think I will like about giving up my addiction?
Well, today and a day or two ago I had an experience that has dumbfounded me. Two newcomers reviewed this thread and wrote me PM's to let me know that this thread has really helped them and that they appreciated my time and efforts and that I was able to share so openly about my ES&H. That was an amazing experience and I am deeply touched. To them I say thank you.
To the above question I answer: What I like about giving up my addiction is the wonderful people that I have met and the knowledge that through my own recovery I am able to help others as others have helped me. That is an amazing thing and I am so glad that I can be part of it. It is like the circle of life, you take from the pool of life, but you also feed the stream of life as it feeds the pool! Amazing stuff.
Thank you all and Peace, Levi
Well, today and a day or two ago I had an experience that has dumbfounded me. Two newcomers reviewed this thread and wrote me PM's to let me know that this thread has really helped them and that they appreciated my time and efforts and that I was able to share so openly about my ES&H. That was an amazing experience and I am deeply touched. To them I say thank you.
To the above question I answer: What I like about giving up my addiction is the wonderful people that I have met and the knowledge that through my own recovery I am able to help others as others have helped me. That is an amazing thing and I am so glad that I can be part of it. It is like the circle of life, you take from the pool of life, but you also feed the stream of life as it feeds the pool! Amazing stuff.
Thank you all and Peace, Levi
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Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Levi,
I first looked at this thread about a week ago and all the black doesn't bother me I am an avid reader. I admired it and it provoked my interest then, but regretably I didn't say anything..except to myself, that I wanted to really look into it. Tonight I read it all. I am glad that you have kept it up. I suspect it has far more power than you realize.
Thank you!
Today I am clean...but I think if I get any urge...I will come right here.
and laughing Levi,
I go by ...live
I first looked at this thread about a week ago and
all the black doesn't bother me I am an avid reader. I admired it and it provoked my interest then, but regretably I didn't say anything..except to myself, that I wanted to really look into it. Tonight I read it all. I am glad that you have kept it up. I suspect it has far more power than you realize.Thank you!
Today I am clean...but I think if I get any urge...I will come right here.
and laughing Levi,
I go by ...live
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Hey Live, funny enough you are the third person in the past two or three days to write along those lines. I actually have wondered if I am just writing to myself, but the fact that there have been over 800 people visiting suggested otherwise.
I am truly glad my sharing has helped you. It has helped me to. After all, it is by sharing our mutual ES&H that this whole recovery deal is possible.
You notice if you take "levi" and rearrange the letters it also spells "live"!
Again, many thanks. Levi
I am truly glad my sharing has helped you. It has helped me to. After all, it is by sharing our mutual ES&H that this whole recovery deal is possible.
You notice if you take "levi" and rearrange the letters it also spells "live"!
Again, many thanks. Levi
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Different drugs....but here is my small start:
My drug dulled me. In every possible way. I all ready had clinical depression, it made it worse. It dulled my personality to the point that I was a bare shadow of myself. It dulled my attitude towards everything, I had a careless mindset. It destroyed my motivation, competiveness, and energy. It made me lackluster towards my work and that felt shaming and embarassing, so I was always making excuses. It made me unsociable...with my family and even ambivalent towards my marriage even tho' I am a newlywed. It killed my libido. I lost my natural curiosity and interest in life. I basically checked out.
I no longer cared about my appearance and became slovenly. So did the house. I was never really happy. Or enthusiastic. I preferred to isolate.
What I like: every day that I am getting clean (tapering, benzos are too dangerous to cold turkey...but tapering on a different drug) I am getting pieces of myself back. I feel more well mentally and emotionally than I have in the LONGEST time. I am getting my sanity back. My self esteem is improving rapidly. And I don't feel like poop most of the time.
live
My drug dulled me. In every possible way. I all ready had clinical depression, it made it worse. It dulled my personality to the point that I was a bare shadow of myself. It dulled my attitude towards everything, I had a careless mindset. It destroyed my motivation, competiveness, and energy. It made me lackluster towards my work and that felt shaming and embarassing, so I was always making excuses. It made me unsociable...with my family and even ambivalent towards my marriage even tho' I am a newlywed. It killed my libido. I lost my natural curiosity and interest in life. I basically checked out.
I no longer cared about my appearance and became slovenly. So did the house. I was never really happy. Or enthusiastic. I preferred to isolate.
What I like: every day that I am getting clean (tapering, benzos are too dangerous to cold turkey...but tapering on a different drug) I am getting pieces of myself back. I feel more well mentally and emotionally than I have in the LONGEST time. I am getting my sanity back. My self esteem is improving rapidly. And I don't feel like poop most of the time.
live
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Originally Posted by liveweyerd
Different drugs....but here is my small start:
My drug dulled me. In every possible way. I all ready had clinical depression, it made it worse. It dulled my personality to the point that I was a bare shadow of myself. It dulled my attitude towards everything, I had a careless mindset. It destroyed my motivation, competiveness, and energy. It made me lackluster towards my work and that felt shaming and embarassing, so I was always making excuses. It made me unsociable...with my family and even ambivalent towards my marriage even tho' I am a newlywed. It killed my libido. I lost my natural curiosity and interest in life. I basically checked out.
I no longer cared about my appearance and became slovenly. So did the house. I was never really happy. Or enthusiastic. I preferred to isolate.
My drug dulled me. In every possible way. I all ready had clinical depression, it made it worse. It dulled my personality to the point that I was a bare shadow of myself. It dulled my attitude towards everything, I had a careless mindset. It destroyed my motivation, competiveness, and energy. It made me lackluster towards my work and that felt shaming and embarassing, so I was always making excuses. It made me unsociable...with my family and even ambivalent towards my marriage even tho' I am a newlywed. It killed my libido. I lost my natural curiosity and interest in life. I basically checked out.
I no longer cared about my appearance and became slovenly. So did the house. I was never really happy. Or enthusiastic. I preferred to isolate.
Originally Posted by liveweyerd
What I like: every day that I am getting clean (tapering, benzos are too dangerous to cold turkey...but tapering on a different drug) I am getting pieces of myself back. I feel more well mentally and emotionally than I have in the LONGEST time. I am getting my sanity back. My self esteem is improving rapidly. And I don't feel like poop most of the time.
live
live
Cheers, Levi
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3. What do I think I will like about giving up my addiction?
Prior to my self absorption and eventual fall to addiction, I had been a very caring person who loved to help others, enjoy nature, and just have fun. Then the addiction hit, everything went to crap. I was drowning in a sea of my own contempt for myself.
Then I stopped. I have been making an honest effort to commit to my sobriety. My job has suddenly become interesting. I love what I do, where a year ago I was ready to give up on the profession I had worked eight years to become a part of. It was what I had wanted to do since I was sixteen, finally at 30 I had made it and then all I wanted to do was quit. What a change.
Recently friends have been going through a lot. I love the fact that I can see beyond myself and truly be there for them. Who'd a thought that by giving up my addiction, formerly believed to be the only thing keeping me sane, would mean I would not only be able to help myself, but to give back to the world around me.
Life is a truly amazing and beautiful experience.
Peace, Levi.
Prior to my self absorption and eventual fall to addiction, I had been a very caring person who loved to help others, enjoy nature, and just have fun. Then the addiction hit, everything went to crap. I was drowning in a sea of my own contempt for myself.
Then I stopped. I have been making an honest effort to commit to my sobriety. My job has suddenly become interesting. I love what I do, where a year ago I was ready to give up on the profession I had worked eight years to become a part of. It was what I had wanted to do since I was sixteen, finally at 30 I had made it and then all I wanted to do was quit. What a change.
Recently friends have been going through a lot. I love the fact that I can see beyond myself and truly be there for them. Who'd a thought that by giving up my addiction, formerly believed to be the only thing keeping me sane, would mean I would not only be able to help myself, but to give back to the world around me.
Life is a truly amazing and beautiful experience.
Peace, Levi.
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3. What do I think I will like about giving up my addiction?
I reviewed the totals on my work for the month, it was a VERY busy month. Despite all the stress and strain and ups and downs, I will like having exceeded the targets with ease.
In the past I would have been so stressed at times and likely never hit the numbers I did and would have been 1/2 to 1/3 as effective b/c of my drinking, this past month was a breeze. I will enjoy doing this every month!
Peace, Levi
I reviewed the totals on my work for the month, it was a VERY busy month. Despite all the stress and strain and ups and downs, I will like having exceeded the targets with ease.
In the past I would have been so stressed at times and likely never hit the numbers I did and would have been 1/2 to 1/3 as effective b/c of my drinking, this past month was a breeze. I will enjoy doing this every month!
Peace, Levi
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3. What do I think I will like about giving up my addiction?
I will like it when the "addict voice" finally fades into nothing more than a silent whisper that passes on a light breeze through the gently growing garden of my sober mind!
Peace all, Levi
I will like it when the "addict voice" finally fades into nothing more than a silent whisper that passes on a light breeze through the gently growing garden of my sober mind!
Peace all, Levi
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Join Date: Mar 2006
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3. What do I think I will like about giving up my addiction?
I will not miss out on anything important to me as a result of my addiction, including:
Spending time with family and friends;
Travel;
The Gym, biking, hiking, etc.
Important events (social, professional, etc.)
Work;
Laughing;
Vacation;
Life in general;
My health; and,
the list goes on.
Peace, Levi
I will not miss out on anything important to me as a result of my addiction, including:
Spending time with family and friends;
Travel;
The Gym, biking, hiking, etc.
Important events (social, professional, etc.)
Work;
Laughing;
Vacation;
Life in general;
My health; and,
the list goes on.
Peace, Levi
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
4. What do I think I won't like about giving up my addiction? List what I think I am going to hate, dread or merely dislike about living without my addiction.
a. This list tells me what kinds of new coping skills, behaviors and lifestyle changes I need to develop in order to stay addiction free.
b. It also serves as another relapse warning list.
The really big one for me is meeting people. I have always been very shy about meeting new people. If I am in my capacity as a professional I can talk to or meet anyone b/c I have a defined role. Take me out of that and I am awkward and insecure about why anyone could want to meet and talk with me.
In short, I need to develop social skills. As I was always on the "outside looking in", having been a very unpopular kid in school, I never really developed positive peer interaction skills. This poor self image was reinforced at home by my parents who routinely told me I was inept, unlovable, the source of all their problems, etc.
As a result, I have always felt less than confident that I am an attractive and worthwhile person that others will want to be around. Much of my experience as a kid was that of the "geek" or the "nerd" in class who was picked on, ridiculed, and beat up. I am often loud, over bearing and even somewhat obnoxious when I am in social settings b/c I am trying to overcompensate for my insecurities.
I have changed considerably since those days, but I still lack the social skills and confidence that I am a likeable and interesting person that my peers will want to know and be friends with.
It is funny how our "past experiences" can create a fundamental attribution error in that we see ourselves as we one were, rather than as those around us actually see us. Where I was once the smallest, most awkward boy in class, I am now one of the largest, strongest, and most athletic people that I know. Yet I remain that awkward, scared little boy inside. In terms of being able to deal with life on its own terms, I have overcome things that most cannot believe, but inside I remain emotionally fragile.
The problem, I believe, is that I haven't been able to shake off that "ineptness" associated with my youth and to fully realize the changes I have made.
An area of real concern for me in daily life is meeting and dealing with women that I find attractive. I generally feel awkward and inept around them. In the past, when I worked in bars and women wanted to meet me b/c of being a bouncer or bartender, I relied on that role, much as my professional role now allows me to get beyond my insecurities. The problem is when I find a woman attractive and I want to get to know her, I get a great deal of anxiety about this process and have difficulties talking to her and feel like I am making a fool out of myself.
I am not sure yet how I will overcome this, but I do know I will over come it.
Peace, Levi
a. This list tells me what kinds of new coping skills, behaviors and lifestyle changes I need to develop in order to stay addiction free.
b. It also serves as another relapse warning list.
The really big one for me is meeting people. I have always been very shy about meeting new people. If I am in my capacity as a professional I can talk to or meet anyone b/c I have a defined role. Take me out of that and I am awkward and insecure about why anyone could want to meet and talk with me.
In short, I need to develop social skills. As I was always on the "outside looking in", having been a very unpopular kid in school, I never really developed positive peer interaction skills. This poor self image was reinforced at home by my parents who routinely told me I was inept, unlovable, the source of all their problems, etc.
As a result, I have always felt less than confident that I am an attractive and worthwhile person that others will want to be around. Much of my experience as a kid was that of the "geek" or the "nerd" in class who was picked on, ridiculed, and beat up. I am often loud, over bearing and even somewhat obnoxious when I am in social settings b/c I am trying to overcompensate for my insecurities.
I have changed considerably since those days, but I still lack the social skills and confidence that I am a likeable and interesting person that my peers will want to know and be friends with.
It is funny how our "past experiences" can create a fundamental attribution error in that we see ourselves as we one were, rather than as those around us actually see us. Where I was once the smallest, most awkward boy in class, I am now one of the largest, strongest, and most athletic people that I know. Yet I remain that awkward, scared little boy inside. In terms of being able to deal with life on its own terms, I have overcome things that most cannot believe, but inside I remain emotionally fragile.
The problem, I believe, is that I haven't been able to shake off that "ineptness" associated with my youth and to fully realize the changes I have made.
An area of real concern for me in daily life is meeting and dealing with women that I find attractive. I generally feel awkward and inept around them. In the past, when I worked in bars and women wanted to meet me b/c of being a bouncer or bartender, I relied on that role, much as my professional role now allows me to get beyond my insecurities. The problem is when I find a woman attractive and I want to get to know her, I get a great deal of anxiety about this process and have difficulties talking to her and feel like I am making a fool out of myself.
I am not sure yet how I will overcome this, but I do know I will over come it.
Peace, Levi
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
What I liked about my addiction:
I could treat my body like a machine. i.e. if I wanted to take a nap...pop a couple pills, bedtime....time to go to sleep (early) so I can get up early....pop a couple pills.
If I wanted to do something that made me feel anxious and scared, my version of feel the fear and do it anyway was pop a couple pills.
I could use the justification that I have an anxiety disorder that disrupts my ability to function and these are prescribed for me because I need them.
If I was upset...pop a couple pills.
Frustrated with my research (job)...pop a couple pills.
Place under tongue and drink hot tea....instant results.
I could treat my body like a machine. i.e. if I wanted to take a nap...pop a couple pills, bedtime....time to go to sleep (early) so I can get up early....pop a couple pills.
If I wanted to do something that made me feel anxious and scared, my version of feel the fear and do it anyway was pop a couple pills.
I could use the justification that I have an anxiety disorder that disrupts my ability to function and these are prescribed for me because I need them.
If I was upset...pop a couple pills.
Frustrated with my research (job)...pop a couple pills.
Place under tongue and drink hot tea....instant results.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
Thank you Live and Shady, these self examinations are really informative to me. I appreciate your contributions.
Live, I hadn't thought about the treating my body like a machine. Although in fact it was true. I could ignore how I felt about any issue and just forge ahead knowing that when I got home I could just drink my issues into oblivion. I could resolve the conflict b/n doing right by the client and billing the max each month. Just drink it away afterwards.
Shady, I have found this process very difficult. However, with time it has improved incredibly to the point that I rather enjoy this self assessment. I learn greatly and as I am opening up about my fears and self doubts, self limitations, I am also open to finding solutions that I would never have otherwise been able to see. It is truly wonderful.
Again, thank you both for sharing. This is wonderful stuff.
Levi
Live, I hadn't thought about the treating my body like a machine. Although in fact it was true. I could ignore how I felt about any issue and just forge ahead knowing that when I got home I could just drink my issues into oblivion. I could resolve the conflict b/n doing right by the client and billing the max each month. Just drink it away afterwards.
Shady, I have found this process very difficult. However, with time it has improved incredibly to the point that I rather enjoy this self assessment. I learn greatly and as I am opening up about my fears and self doubts, self limitations, I am also open to finding solutions that I would never have otherwise been able to see. It is truly wonderful.
Again, thank you both for sharing. This is wonderful stuff.
Levi
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
Today I am going to post about life, not about the aforementioned four categories.
What did I do today, I drove to another town two hours away to appear in court as scheduled. Little did I know the Crown stayed the charges and didn't bother to tell me. C'est la vie I can bill the travel and mileage and that's life. While there, I took the opportunity to help a fellow that needed a lawyer but couldn't afford one. After all, drive two hours, may as well do something while I am there.
I got back to the office. Rather than be bent, I let it go. I have had some 'personal' issues that have found there way to the office. Not happy about that, but it really isn't an issue. Some people in the community (well actually only two) have an issue with me and my boss finally told them, the issue occured outside of work, why are you coming to his work. This is not an employment issue don't come back. At which point he threatened to beat me up... lol, this is a crack head... six feet tall and about 140 lbs... good luck with that... water off a ducks back... so let that go too.
Finished up my day knowing all is well at work and then came home to find out one of my roommates may actually no longer be a roommate and forgot to tell me... no worries, I own my house, I have to pay the bills anyway, so what.
I then went and played ball. I saw some people that I really enjoy. We had a great time. I came home. Life is great.
The point to this, a year ago any of the foregoing could have set me off into my downward spiral and ultimate excuse to drink excessively... now, so what, no big deal.
Peace, Levi.
What did I do today, I drove to another town two hours away to appear in court as scheduled. Little did I know the Crown stayed the charges and didn't bother to tell me. C'est la vie I can bill the travel and mileage and that's life. While there, I took the opportunity to help a fellow that needed a lawyer but couldn't afford one. After all, drive two hours, may as well do something while I am there.
I got back to the office. Rather than be bent, I let it go. I have had some 'personal' issues that have found there way to the office. Not happy about that, but it really isn't an issue. Some people in the community (well actually only two) have an issue with me and my boss finally told them, the issue occured outside of work, why are you coming to his work. This is not an employment issue don't come back. At which point he threatened to beat me up... lol, this is a crack head... six feet tall and about 140 lbs... good luck with that... water off a ducks back... so let that go too.
Finished up my day knowing all is well at work and then came home to find out one of my roommates may actually no longer be a roommate and forgot to tell me... no worries, I own my house, I have to pay the bills anyway, so what.
I then went and played ball. I saw some people that I really enjoy. We had a great time. I came home. Life is great.
The point to this, a year ago any of the foregoing could have set me off into my downward spiral and ultimate excuse to drink excessively... now, so what, no big deal.
Peace, Levi.
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