Losing it all
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: New England
Posts: 4
Losing it all
Hi everyone
I am new to this website and this is my first posting. I'll try not to bore you!
I am married with children. I have been a drinker most of my adult life. Over the last 3 or 4 years the amount of beer I consume has increased dramatically. In addition, I also take several prescription meds for blood pressure and panic attacks. These meds only increase the effect of the alcohol I comsume. I have had many, too numerous to mention, arguements with my wife over my drinking. She is a non drinker and cannot stand me when I drink. I repeat my self, talk, talk, talk, do stupid things, and act like an idiot. I have black out period and cannot remember who I spoke to or what I talked about. My wife has made many compromises with me and I break every one of them. I have tried "only drinking on the weekends", " only drinking 6 beers at a time", "only drinking at home, not at bars", etc...etc...
I am tired of the whole drinking thing. I really do want to stay sober and have a good life. I have problems just like other people, but all in all I have a good life and a good family.
I tried AA but just cant seem to relate to it. The steps seem really stupid to me and I just cant get into it.
Does anyone have any suggestions for me? I really do want to be sober and recapture my dignity and family while I still can.
Thanks for listening.
Cruiser
I am new to this website and this is my first posting. I'll try not to bore you!
I am married with children. I have been a drinker most of my adult life. Over the last 3 or 4 years the amount of beer I consume has increased dramatically. In addition, I also take several prescription meds for blood pressure and panic attacks. These meds only increase the effect of the alcohol I comsume. I have had many, too numerous to mention, arguements with my wife over my drinking. She is a non drinker and cannot stand me when I drink. I repeat my self, talk, talk, talk, do stupid things, and act like an idiot. I have black out period and cannot remember who I spoke to or what I talked about. My wife has made many compromises with me and I break every one of them. I have tried "only drinking on the weekends", " only drinking 6 beers at a time", "only drinking at home, not at bars", etc...etc...
I am tired of the whole drinking thing. I really do want to stay sober and have a good life. I have problems just like other people, but all in all I have a good life and a good family.
I tried AA but just cant seem to relate to it. The steps seem really stupid to me and I just cant get into it.
Does anyone have any suggestions for me? I really do want to be sober and recapture my dignity and family while I still can.
Thanks for listening.
Cruiser
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Welcome to SR crusier. In answer to your question, there are many alternatives to AA, though honestly, none are as established and organized. Some places you may want to look are www.unhooked.com (Lifering) www.smartrecovery.com (SMART) both of these are base on Cognetive Behavoiral Therepy (CBT) www.rational.org is another site you might want to look into. It is for Rational Recovery. Personally I think SMART offers most of the same philosophies without asking for the dollars that RR does, but that can be your choice.
I guess my point is that there are other solutions out there than AA, if AA is not for you. I would urge you to seek some sort of help though, even if you seek one on one counciling from a substance abuse theripist. It is hard to beat this stuff on your own. It ended up costing me my wife, job, etc. I hope you don't have to take it that far, my friend. You have taken a great step reaching out here. This is where I first got pointed in the right direction, though I'v certainly taken my merry time "finding my way"!!!! Take care.
I guess my point is that there are other solutions out there than AA, if AA is not for you. I would urge you to seek some sort of help though, even if you seek one on one counciling from a substance abuse theripist. It is hard to beat this stuff on your own. It ended up costing me my wife, job, etc. I hope you don't have to take it that far, my friend. You have taken a great step reaching out here. This is where I first got pointed in the right direction, though I'v certainly taken my merry time "finding my way"!!!! Take care.
Last edited by tyler; 04-24-2006 at 10:07 PM. Reason: edit link
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hi there Cruiser, welcome to SR 
As has been mentioned , there are other methods of recovery, rather than AA. I do hope you find the right one for you, because alcoholism is a progressive and fatal disease, it will get worse if you continue to drink.
congratulations on making a decision to stop
Keep posting, and let us know how you are going
HUGX
Lee
As has been mentioned , there are other methods of recovery, rather than AA. I do hope you find the right one for you, because alcoholism is a progressive and fatal disease, it will get worse if you continue to drink.
congratulations on making a decision to stop
Keep posting, and let us know how you are going
HUGX
Lee
BitSizeDayz
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Pretoria ZA
Posts: 56
Welcome Cruiser
you should find what you looking for here.
Steps ohh SH1T lets be honest 4years sober and loving ever min of it, but iam only on step 2 and then not totaly as my HP is still the home gruop that i attend. BUT at the end of the day iam sober and my family love me for it.
Remember this "The program works even if you dont SO work it you worth it"
you should find what you looking for here.
Steps ohh SH1T lets be honest 4years sober and loving ever min of it, but iam only on step 2 and then not totaly as my HP is still the home gruop that i attend. BUT at the end of the day iam sober and my family love me for it.
Remember this "The program works even if you dont SO work it you worth it"
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Congratulations for seeking answers to your drinking. ..
Alcoholism is a disease and it is progressive.
I suggest you get more factual info
My favorite book on alcoholism is
"Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"
Both can be ordered from Amazon...
Glad to see a new member...we do understand and you are not alone.
Alcoholism is a disease and it is progressive.
I suggest you get more factual info
My favorite book on alcoholism is
"Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"
Both can be ordered from Amazon...
Glad to see a new member...we do understand and you are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Green,green grass of home
Posts: 600
and Welcome!You say that you have tried AA and that the steps seem really stupid to you,and that you just cant get into it.
Thing is no matter what recovery program that you decide to go into,there will be things in that program that you may or may not agree with.
Recovery is all about change.Being teachable.Willing to learn,what ever recovery program that you decide to do.
keep on,keeping on
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 54
Here's my experience with AA. I did 7 months of sobriety last year with AA, going to 1-3 meetings a week. I was lukewarm about AA. It did help me not drink, just by knowing I had a meeting to go to and I didn't want to show up and restart my sobriety date. Peer pressure, I guess, even though AA members really don't exert much in the way of pressure.
After 7 months of sobriety I knew I was cured, could drink responsibly, etc. In other words, I was an idiot. I drank for another 4 months and got back to AA 2.5 months ago.
Now I love it. The difference? I found different meetings, and I got a different sponsor. I go to a 7am meeting monday through friday and the same people are there most days, so I have this great group of friends now. I look forward to that meeting so much. It really starts my day off right. I usually catch 2-3 meetings on the weekends, and maybe another meeting on the weeknights. Yes, we're talking 7-10 meetings a week. And my sponsor is just a wonderful man. We connect. He lets me take my time. He guides me, but doesn't tell me.
I don't need that many meetings, but I like that many meetings. I can tell you that I spent a lot more than 7-10 hours each week drinking, so I can go to my meetings and still have more time with my family than I had before.
The 12 steps are just principals that have been around for ages -- asking for spiritual guidance, doing a rigorous self-examination, confessing to another human being, trying to right the wrongs you've done to others through apology or other means, and then passing it on to others who need help. These things have been working for thousands of years. They seem to fufill some human needs we have.
AA is free -- free! And AA is full of people who successfully practice sobriety and are willing to help you do the same. I'd try some different meetings before writing it off completely.
Good luck no matter which way you go. And sorry if I sound like an AA junkie, ha ha. I guess I am.
After 7 months of sobriety I knew I was cured, could drink responsibly, etc. In other words, I was an idiot. I drank for another 4 months and got back to AA 2.5 months ago.
Now I love it. The difference? I found different meetings, and I got a different sponsor. I go to a 7am meeting monday through friday and the same people are there most days, so I have this great group of friends now. I look forward to that meeting so much. It really starts my day off right. I usually catch 2-3 meetings on the weekends, and maybe another meeting on the weeknights. Yes, we're talking 7-10 meetings a week. And my sponsor is just a wonderful man. We connect. He lets me take my time. He guides me, but doesn't tell me.
I don't need that many meetings, but I like that many meetings. I can tell you that I spent a lot more than 7-10 hours each week drinking, so I can go to my meetings and still have more time with my family than I had before.
The 12 steps are just principals that have been around for ages -- asking for spiritual guidance, doing a rigorous self-examination, confessing to another human being, trying to right the wrongs you've done to others through apology or other means, and then passing it on to others who need help. These things have been working for thousands of years. They seem to fufill some human needs we have.
AA is free -- free! And AA is full of people who successfully practice sobriety and are willing to help you do the same. I'd try some different meetings before writing it off completely.
Good luck no matter which way you go. And sorry if I sound like an AA junkie, ha ha. I guess I am.
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Everyone single person I know that went to AA had some kind of aversion to it at first myself included.
Give it a good try before you make a decision. Otherwise you can try out one of the other programmes. Either way you need to make up your mind to do something positive about quitting and go for it.
Drinking is not worth the misery it seems to be causing you and your family.
Give it a good try before you make a decision. Otherwise you can try out one of the other programmes. Either way you need to make up your mind to do something positive about quitting and go for it.
Drinking is not worth the misery it seems to be causing you and your family.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pipe Creek, TX
Posts: 3
Hey Cruiser, just wanted to say what you put in your post....Thats me too. I am new to this site and I have also tried all of the same things to slow down. My wife is the same as yours also, and I know that they do not and prolly never will understand what we are going through when it comes to drinking. Just know that there are people just like you going through the exact same thing. Your not alone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Mesa, AZ
Posts: 6
Hi Cruiser --
Have you considered checking yourself into a treatment program to get yourself detoxed and on the recovery road? It can be very helpful to someone who is just embarking on the sober life to have a jump start like an in-patient program, where they can be educated on alcoholism while at the same time receiving a medically supervised detoxification period. If that's not possible, there are lots of out-patient programs that you can attend, most of which hold their meetings in the evenings so as not to disrupt your work life. You might want to contact your insurance company to find out what your benefits are and to possibly obtain some referrals to programs in your area.
Sometimes it's really hard to make the leap from heavy drinker one day to completely abstinent and getting yourself to meetings the next day. (Not saying people don't do this all the time, but for some it's difficult.) If an in-patient program is possible for you, it might be just what you need to get you started down your path to sobriety for good.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck and peace whenever possible along the way.
Kathie
Have you considered checking yourself into a treatment program to get yourself detoxed and on the recovery road? It can be very helpful to someone who is just embarking on the sober life to have a jump start like an in-patient program, where they can be educated on alcoholism while at the same time receiving a medically supervised detoxification period. If that's not possible, there are lots of out-patient programs that you can attend, most of which hold their meetings in the evenings so as not to disrupt your work life. You might want to contact your insurance company to find out what your benefits are and to possibly obtain some referrals to programs in your area.
Sometimes it's really hard to make the leap from heavy drinker one day to completely abstinent and getting yourself to meetings the next day. (Not saying people don't do this all the time, but for some it's difficult.) If an in-patient program is possible for you, it might be just what you need to get you started down your path to sobriety for good.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck and peace whenever possible along the way.
Kathie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: New England
Posts: 4
Thanks to everyone for their input and support. Today is my 2nd day without drinking. I am doing fine. I have tried to stop drinking many times before. I guess I am lucky... I dont really have any major withdrawal symptoms. Ususally just dont sleep well. Anyway, as mentioned above, its the triggers and the HUGH amount of time I seem to have on my hands that I have to fill with some other activity other than "arm curls". I really do want to be sober and hope and pray that I can do it. Not only for my family and friends, but for myself. After only 2 days sober I already feel so much better. No waking up in a fog, or feeling like crap. I have noticed that I have already replaced drinking with eating... not a good thing, but alot better than beer...
I just dont understand why I have to have this problem, but you have to live with the cards you are dealt. I have a great wife, and loving kids and want to have them WANT to be near me, not avoiding me when they hear the "pop" of the beer can.
I'll keep posting and keep reading.. I am very glad I found this site.
Does anyone know how to get on live chat in here? I would love to have that kind of support from others.
Thanks for listening and take care.
I really do want to be sober and hope and pray that I can do it. Not only for my family and friends, but for myself. After only 2 days sober I already feel so much better. No waking up in a fog, or feeling like crap. I have noticed that I have already replaced drinking with eating... not a good thing, but alot better than beer...I just dont understand why I have to have this problem, but you have to live with the cards you are dealt. I have a great wife, and loving kids and want to have them WANT to be near me, not avoiding me when they hear the "pop" of the beer can.
I'll keep posting and keep reading.. I am very glad I found this site.
Does anyone know how to get on live chat in here? I would love to have that kind of support from others.
Thanks for listening and take care.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Calgary
Posts: 12
Hey Cruiser.
Boy am I in the same boat as you! I can drink like there's no tomorrow. I went to a major sporting event last night where I consumed probably close to 25 shots of rum + a few beers. It's funny when you say try to keep it down to 6 beers as 6 beers is usually when I start to get a decent buzz. The difference between you and me is my wife does drink and also wants to stop. My weight has gone through the roof and I don't even want to think about my general health. I have a wonderful family (wife and 2 kids), and I want to keep it that way. When I'm drinking copius amounts, my wife gets pretty upset as well. I have such a love hate relationship with alcohol. I tend to put it in the highest priority in my life. Does that make any sense??? I wake up in the morning either with a hangeover, or really thirsty thinking about how stupid I was the night before and yet by noon, I can hardly wait to have my next drink. I find myself planning my day around it. If you happen to be looking for a "non-drinking" buddy... I might be willing to go along. I need to do something and I need to do it quick. I can't just go for lunch, or go golfing, or sit outside without thinking about alcohol. Nothing quite as refreshing as sitting in a golf cart with a beer in hand. Is it healthy? Hell no. Is it what I look forward to... Hell yes! I can't help but think that I'm going to die a young man. I just turned 38 years old and feel like I'm 100. I've had a massive lack of energy lately and the sad thing is, I know that all of my problems stem from alcohol.
Sorry to bore you, but I feel out of control as well. I am also quite a competitive person and that's why I suggested this buddy system. If you're interested, we can see who goes the longest.
Just a thought,
FMARIO
Boy am I in the same boat as you! I can drink like there's no tomorrow. I went to a major sporting event last night where I consumed probably close to 25 shots of rum + a few beers. It's funny when you say try to keep it down to 6 beers as 6 beers is usually when I start to get a decent buzz. The difference between you and me is my wife does drink and also wants to stop. My weight has gone through the roof and I don't even want to think about my general health. I have a wonderful family (wife and 2 kids), and I want to keep it that way. When I'm drinking copius amounts, my wife gets pretty upset as well. I have such a love hate relationship with alcohol. I tend to put it in the highest priority in my life. Does that make any sense??? I wake up in the morning either with a hangeover, or really thirsty thinking about how stupid I was the night before and yet by noon, I can hardly wait to have my next drink. I find myself planning my day around it. If you happen to be looking for a "non-drinking" buddy... I might be willing to go along. I need to do something and I need to do it quick. I can't just go for lunch, or go golfing, or sit outside without thinking about alcohol. Nothing quite as refreshing as sitting in a golf cart with a beer in hand. Is it healthy? Hell no. Is it what I look forward to... Hell yes! I can't help but think that I'm going to die a young man. I just turned 38 years old and feel like I'm 100. I've had a massive lack of energy lately and the sad thing is, I know that all of my problems stem from alcohol.
Sorry to bore you, but I feel out of control as well. I am also quite a competitive person and that's why I suggested this buddy system. If you're interested, we can see who goes the longest.
Just a thought,
FMARIO
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Mesa, AZ
Posts: 6
FMario --
I know what you mean about the love/hate relationship with alcohol. It's all love when you're in the middle of it, and then it's the exact opposite the next day when you're feeling like crap and wondering what offensive thing you said or did the day before that you should be concerned about today. That unEASY feeling doesn't go away until the next drink and then we forget all about it.
It's oftentimes, I think (at least for me), harder to achieve sobriety when your mate drinks. My husband drinks but has never had the issues with alcohol that I have. He's one of those people who can seem to do what needs to be done with his day and if there's no time to drink, no biggie. I am, on the other hand, rather protective of my drinking hours (usually between 4 and 7 pm), and since I gave up drinking and driving fifteen years ago (not due to any accident, I just finally grew up), I don't usually plan activities for the evenings.
I'm in a fairly good place right now and have managed to moderate my drinking for awhile... usually about three glasses of wine per night. This from drinking 8 shots of tequila mosts nights. I'm feeling better physically and mentally doing LOTS better... but my relationship with alcohol has been long (I'm 42... and I've been drinking for more than twenty years, to one degree or another... but not *seriously* until about 13 years ago). I've waxed and waned as the years have gone by, but I've had some health issues (major chronic migraines), and I've figured out that tequila (my favorite drink, best friend at times, and worst enemy most of the time), is a major factor in these headaches. I think, in many ways, it's a blessing because now I know that I can't drink it or I'll have a whopper migraine the next day and be useless for anything. It's like a break-up, though. I couldn't understand why Jose Cuervo just decided, one day, that he'd had enough of me, but he had, and every time I kept coming back he'd slap me really hard in the head. It became an abusive relationship, so I've had to give it up. <sigh> In the long run it's for the best as now I've managed to bring my drinking into a manageable place (at least for me)... and I'm not doing the black-out, who-did-I-call-last night, can't deal with the day kind of drinking anymore.
Isn't it weird that one certain type of drink can turn you into a raving madwoman? I mean -- I have a full liquor cabinet of all types of alcohol, but unless it's tequila, it's safe in there. I can control myself around all other types of alcohol, but not around the big T. Don't know why that is.
Be careful about the "white-knuckling" thing. Most of the time when we do that we end up back with our old habits and usually they're worse than they were before. I think it's good you're looking for new non-drinking friends and finding ways to spend your time. If you decide to quit drinking, will your wife quit as well? This makes a big difference as it can be very hard to sustain sobriety when you are living with someone actively drinking. Thankfully my husband has never had a problem putting down the beer or glass when I've decided I've had enough.
Anyway, best of luck to you and Cruiser, too, of course, who started this thread. Do what you can today to lessen the harm for tomorrow.
Kathie
I know what you mean about the love/hate relationship with alcohol. It's all love when you're in the middle of it, and then it's the exact opposite the next day when you're feeling like crap and wondering what offensive thing you said or did the day before that you should be concerned about today. That unEASY feeling doesn't go away until the next drink and then we forget all about it.
It's oftentimes, I think (at least for me), harder to achieve sobriety when your mate drinks. My husband drinks but has never had the issues with alcohol that I have. He's one of those people who can seem to do what needs to be done with his day and if there's no time to drink, no biggie. I am, on the other hand, rather protective of my drinking hours (usually between 4 and 7 pm), and since I gave up drinking and driving fifteen years ago (not due to any accident, I just finally grew up), I don't usually plan activities for the evenings.
I'm in a fairly good place right now and have managed to moderate my drinking for awhile... usually about three glasses of wine per night. This from drinking 8 shots of tequila mosts nights. I'm feeling better physically and mentally doing LOTS better... but my relationship with alcohol has been long (I'm 42... and I've been drinking for more than twenty years, to one degree or another... but not *seriously* until about 13 years ago). I've waxed and waned as the years have gone by, but I've had some health issues (major chronic migraines), and I've figured out that tequila (my favorite drink, best friend at times, and worst enemy most of the time), is a major factor in these headaches. I think, in many ways, it's a blessing because now I know that I can't drink it or I'll have a whopper migraine the next day and be useless for anything. It's like a break-up, though. I couldn't understand why Jose Cuervo just decided, one day, that he'd had enough of me, but he had, and every time I kept coming back he'd slap me really hard in the head. It became an abusive relationship, so I've had to give it up. <sigh> In the long run it's for the best as now I've managed to bring my drinking into a manageable place (at least for me)... and I'm not doing the black-out, who-did-I-call-last night, can't deal with the day kind of drinking anymore.
Isn't it weird that one certain type of drink can turn you into a raving madwoman? I mean -- I have a full liquor cabinet of all types of alcohol, but unless it's tequila, it's safe in there. I can control myself around all other types of alcohol, but not around the big T. Don't know why that is.
Be careful about the "white-knuckling" thing. Most of the time when we do that we end up back with our old habits and usually they're worse than they were before. I think it's good you're looking for new non-drinking friends and finding ways to spend your time. If you decide to quit drinking, will your wife quit as well? This makes a big difference as it can be very hard to sustain sobriety when you are living with someone actively drinking. Thankfully my husband has never had a problem putting down the beer or glass when I've decided I've had enough.
Anyway, best of luck to you and Cruiser, too, of course, who started this thread. Do what you can today to lessen the harm for tomorrow.
Kathie
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Posts: 59
I tried AA but just cant seem to relate to it. The steps seem really stupid to me and I just cant get into it.
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