cruiser

Thanks to everyone for their input. Today begins day 5 for me and Im getting very edgy. No withdrawal symptoms, just dont know what to do with myself. I work a swing shift and have this Saturday, Sunday and Monday off. We have a seasonal camper that we go to every weekend and this is opening weekend. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to if I cant have my beer.
Does that sound stupid? Its like I know how much trouble the drinking causes, yet, I want to look forward to that next drink.
WHY cant I be like others and control the drinking? WHY did this happen to me?
Does the urge ever go away for a drink? Does it ease some with time?
Ive never really gone this long before (sad isnt it, 5 days) and hope the urge subsides soon.
Any suggestions out there?
Thanks!!

earlybird

Yes it does ease with time. In fact, that feeling of not having anything to look forward to without booze, is the number one thing heard from ALL alcoholics new to recovery. And yes, THAT TOO, eases in time. In fact, it disappears entirely. I rocked back and forth on my couch like a crazy person chanting over and over again, "I cant live without booze". I couldnt imagine a life without drinking. Nothing would be fun. Camping, concerts, ballgames, cookouts, NOTHING!!!! Boy, was I wrong. That drinking lifestyle wasnt always our lifestyle. We had to learn it. While learning it, it became all we knew. While doing that, we came to really really love it. Well, NOT drinking is the same. You live it, learn it,...and come to really really love it. Trust me. I know this sounds like BS to you now. But you WILL see it soon. And no,...you dont sound stupid. You sound normal. There are so many other things out there to love besides drinking. We were just too busy drinking to notice them. Nows your chance to notice!! Also,...remember one thing. "Normal" drinkers dont 'control' their drinking. You mentioned in your last post "Why cant I control it like others?" They dont. They dont need to. Its just NOT an issue for them. They dont have to consciously "control" it. So, dont think that other people are able to do something that you arent. We just used alcohol for every purpose that it was never intended. To escape. To enhance. To forget. You are right where you should be in recovery. Five days is OUTSTANDING !!!! You should be very proud of yourself and soon,...your family will be too. You have just begun to scratch the surface of feeling better. I'd give AA another try, too. I know the steps seem really stupid at first. They did to me as well. Also, maybe try another form of recovery. Smart Recovery for example. You have avenues to try. Congrats and God Bless!

cruiser

Hi everyone...
Day 6 and struggling!! Thanks for that posting earlybird.... It actually helped me a little.
I dont even want to camp this weekend because my best friend... my beer cant go with me.... LOL
I hope you are right about things turning around for me. But I do feel like I have nothing to look forward to anymore.
I know it will pass, and I do believe you.. .the question is will I hang in there that long?
I have even been coming up with creative ways to drink and keep it from my wife and family. buying non alc beers, emptying them and filling them with the real stuff. pretty sad that my mind is in overdrive coming up with ways to get my "friend" back...
I can only take it a day at a time. For today... I wont drink... tomorrows another day.
Take care everyone and keep the posts coming... You dont know how much I appreciate them.
Thanks
Cruiser.....

Chy

Congrats on day 6, good for you. One piece of advice. Quit trying to ask "why me". Nearly took me out again. We may never know that answer but what I've learned is because it's your experiance, your unique story that someday someone else walking through those doors to sobriety will relate to and help realize they to can overcome this aspect of what makes us, us. We are what we are because we are.

tantricblaze

Not everyone agrees, Frito.

Step One: Admitted powerlessness.
(this can also be a negative for folks who become capable of self-direction and self-responsibility.)

Step Eight: Make a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
(this step may increase guilt. the concept of making amends can be therapuetic, but before one can achieve harmony with others, they must be at peace with themselves.)

Step Nine: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
(Personally, I found that folks just didn't really care all that much about amends, they wanted to see me living with integrity today.)


Unhooked.com has an article on their website written by a therapist who has a different take on the twelve steps, and some suggestions for folks who don't necessarily resonate with them.


--Scott

doorknob

I really like Unhooked.com. My mom found it for me before I had a computer, and printed out some material for me. It let me know that there really was other options out there, because everywhere I turned..... and I was feeling really discouraged.

Arpeggioh

Unhooked.com? Oh great, another recovery website for me to read obsessively!! Thanks a lot!!

No, I'm kidding: the more input from other addicts, the better. My last drunk (1.5 days ago) very nearly killed me, and included nearly 24 full hours of active poisoning. I hope to NEVER forget the feeling of waking up from that experience, because death seemed honestly preferrable at that point...

I read and post at SMART online, here, and OzRecover, but now it's off to Unhooked to see what's happening over there! I know I should be getting out of the house, getting busy, getting better...just not strong enough yet for that, so I'm glad these online communities are so numerous, and so supportive.

Thanks, y'all,
Arp

Arpeggioh

But before I go......!!.......

I've decided that last drunk I just described was my last drunk, seriously enough that I'm changing the "Sobriety Date" in my profile right now, from "Tomorrow" to yesterday's date. I have the entire "drunkalogue" saved in several emails I've sent, and simply referring back to it should do wonders toward recalling the genuine horror of it...

Enough already,
Arp