fxrrider

I just signed up on this site after getting online looking for some kind of relief for myself.At 48,i've now been in treatment for alcohol 2 times(one 28 day inpatient,one 12 week outpatient)and am thinking about trying again.However,i cannot control my urge/need to drink.I've never strung over 30 days of not drinking,even when going to meetings regularly,and never got the whole 12 step thing anyway.All the sponsers i've had just did'nt really help me much and the higher power thing i just can't wrap my mind around.I have several friends that are AA members/cultist who sometimes try to take me to meetings,but otherwise seem resigned to the prospect that i will drink myself to death.I'm going down and am not sure what to do.Any thoughts?

Justme57

Hi FX welcome to SR!

Have a read around the Alcoholism, and AA forums, especially the sticky posts at the top.

I personally , have only had experience with recovery through AA, but there are others here who have information on other programmes, and I am sure they will be along shortly , to share their ESH.

Whichever route you choose , it will have to be YOUR decision, and YOUR desire to stop drinking. recovery in any programme takes work, it doesnt happen by osmosis, but if you are willing to go to any lengths to attain it, you will!

i wish you the best in your recovery journey

HUGX
Lee

laurenlanai25

hello! the only experience on staying sober that i have to share with you is aa. it was very challenging for me in the beginning and i also did not understand the steps or the hp thing. i wanted my sponsor to keep me sober. then i learned my sponsor is there to help me through it not take away my pain. i really had to look at it one day at a time. the thing that really helped me in the beginning was doing a written 1st step. i made a list of how i was powerless over alcohol and i my life was unmanageable. so when i was finished i had a list 3 pages long of things i never wanted to happen to me while i was drinking and things i never wanted to do while drinking. each time i drank i never planned on any of these things happening to me but here i was with this long list. it really helped put things into perspective for me, no matter how much i tried to control it i couldnt. i came to the point where i was really willing to go to any lengths to stay sober. i didnt want to live the way that i was living. one thing that i remember from one of my first meetings that has always stayed in my brain was we are all alcoholics, we like to have fun, if it didnt get any better staying sober would we still be here. those people had lived both sides of it and here they were choosing sobriety. and for me that was what i wanted. when i did things my way it never turned out good so i had to try things someone elses way. and i found that worked for me and my life is amazing today! life still happens with the ups and downs but i have learned that whatever happens a drink wont make anything better, if i take that drink i will still wake up with the same problems plus the ones i would have created from drinking...that is my experience so that is all i can share with you. good luck

Peter

Welcome fxrider.

AA worked for me only because I was willing to work with AA. I called my sponsor. My sponsor did not call me.

If you do not believe that you are the "Greatest Power in the Universe" then the HP thing is not all that difficult to grasp if you try.

I am a happy sober AA member , 8 years sober and do not consider myself a "cultist" neither does the good people I associate myself with at meetings.

Maybe you were hanging out with the wrong (for you) type at meetings.

However if you feel the will to try other things bear one important fact in mind:

Whatever you decide to try to get sober, commit yourself to the effort and give it 100%.Half hearted attempts will reap naught.

Best of luck.

Music

I have plenty of thoughts, most of which you really don't want to hear at this point. But, I will say this. AA is not a cult. There's nobody that's going to make you believe anything you don't want to believe. Given time, I've come to my own conclusions about what I am and what I choose to do about it. But, if AA were to be a cult, it's done nothing but give me a positive outlook on life in general and my life in particular, not to mention that I haven't had a drink in oveer 29 years. There was a time when I couldn't not drink for 29 hours. The day I went to AA I started hanging around with a group of people who became my friends and who were instrumental in saving my life. So, I'd suggest to you that you stick with those friends of yours because they care about you and see the problem. Plus, give not drinking a little longer than 30 days. You just might have a change of heart.

inlandza

FXrider welcome
Here is the hard version as there is no soft way out. Even thuogh what i did and do may seem soft its not .
1st.....do the 90 in 90 not just 30 its a waste of your time
2nd.....The HP thing i still dont have one but what i do use is the gruop as my HP and i'm in the program 4years so dont be afriad and use thr HP as a way out.

CarolD

Welcome to SR!

I had to change my mind set from "I Can't"
to "I will"

Take care

doorknob

A few secular (no religious/spiritual beliefs necessary to participate) resources:

LifeRing Secular Recovery - http://www.unhooked.com/index.htm

Secular Organization for Sobriety - http://www.sossobriety.org/fastindex.htm

SMART Recovery - http://smartrecovery.org/

michaelj

You are going down but you are not sure what to do? It doesn't take a brain the size of Clover SC to work out what you need to do. It takes commitment and the simple desire to become sober. Use AA to get you started and once you have a few weeks / months of sobriety under your belt you can start to research other less "cultist" avenues.
Michael

fraankie

there are lots of ways to stay sober
it may seem like a drag
here i go again with Aa
but
i've seen a fewq friends
relapse constantly
and
they kept coming back

Chris
finally celebrated 1 year last month
so
it can happen

best
fraankie

fxrrider

What i meant by cultist is that when i was going to aa there were many who seemed to have traded one addiction for another,that being aa.It was likeaa or the highway.I don't want another addiction.o.k,i know my thoughts are scrambled,and i know aa saves many people,but i am trying to convince myself that i can do this.Can one attend aa and become sober and stay that way without "the program" consuming your intire life like alcohol has done mine?And music,why hold back.Maybe i need to hear it.

doorknob

I would think that would depend on what you have going on in your life outside of AA to keep you busy and help you feel connected and supported. Many people have nothing else.

fxrrider

Good point doorknob.I've been surfing recovery site all day and after finding this one and reading many posts,i find my feelings about aa softening somewhat.I have the phone # for my local detox on my desk and i belive im going to make the call.

doorknob

Sounds like a good plan!

Irish Virus

Yes. I understand exactly what the hell you mean about "cultist" and that mindset which exists among various AA members. With that being said, I still attend at least one AA meeting a week and I believe it helps me. The overall actual time that it consumes in my week is about two hours. Now if you consider spending 2-3 hours a week at AA meetings consuming your entire life, than meetings might not be for you. If not, then give an AA meeting a shot at least one time per week. What the hell is it going to hurt?

Go to open meetings at first, and if people start getting on your back about
getting a sponsor or that you are not working the program the way it is supposed to be, just say you are there to listen. Give it a shot. Maybe something will stick one of these days.

Chy

The best suggestion I can offer being that AA is not for you is to pursue the other options available. SMART recovery would be at the top of my list, SOS, and Lifering some others you may find helpful, maybe even a few different meetings in AA. You make of it what you want. Whatever you do find something that WILL work for you, something that you find beneficial. It takes some a few rounds to grasp the concepts of AA that's okay. It doesn't matter to me what works for you so long as your are making progress at finding something. Good luck.

Justme57

I agree with Chy, whatever works for you , have you made that call yet ?

Good Luck

HUGX
Lee

Little Missy

Welcome to SR!! Glad you are here.

One of the great things about AA is everything is just suggested. You don't have to do anything. If you want to be happy, joyous, and free then they have the answer. I just had to be willing to do whatever it took to stay sober. And let me tell you, that was the best decision I have ever made!!

Peter

What you may be interpreting as cultist behaviour is nothing more than men and women who have seen the black underbelly of alcoholism and are now serious about saving their lives.

There was a time when I too grabbed and held on to meetings for dear life.There was a time when I too "lived and breathed AA."

I did what I had to do to stay alive. If you have seen the worse of what drinking can do to a man then you will know what motivates many of these so called "cultists"

AA gave me my life back. I no longer attend meetings 24x7, neither do many of my friends who came into the programme around the same time I did.

Many and most of us find sobriety and get back to the business of life.That's what RECOVERY is.

Music

Ok rider. Here's what I'd tell you if you were sitting in front of me. Maybe you just havn't had enough to drink yet. Those "cultists" as Peter pointed out are people who are intent on saving their lives. I ate, talked, breathed, slept, read and did my best to live AA for a long time. I surrounded myself with people who knew what I needed and drilled it into me with every chance they had. There was a point however, that I heard someone say something about taking responsibility for other "life" things besides going to meetings and doing things with AA. I guess I was just ready to hear it because it all of a sudden made sense to me and I wasn't afraid to make a few changes. I started staying home a couple times a week and doing things with the family, which led to other things, which caused me to miss a couple more meetings once in a while. Gradually, I found myself getting back into the "mainstream of life" without fear of drinking. As Peter said, "that's what recovery is." That's the main goal of the AA program; to help me, over a period of time, get back into life without the fear of taking another drink. Sobriety isn't just not drinking! Not drinking is certainly part of it but a healthy mind and a new way of thinking, gratitude for the chance at a new life without alcohol, being a responsible member of society also enters into the mix. These things aren't possible as long as I'm walking around in fear of that next drink, and carrying all that garbage I accumulated during my drinking years. The 12 steps of AA gave me all these gifts and I trust and have faith in my Higher Power and AA today. I trust my way of living day to day because for a lot of years it's proven to work for me. If you want to call AA a cult, fine but I can't think of a more useful, positive cult to belong to. There was a time when I thought I could convince people that AA was the way because it worked for me. Today I tell people about AA who have a desire to learn about AA. If not, I suggest they go back out until they're ready to listen. AA isn't the only way but it's the way that worked for me and the only way I can speak to with any amount of knowledge and experience. So, do what you will, but do something. You're wasting your life and it's the only one you've got.