I need help,but AA again?
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pugetopolis
Posts: 2,384
I am fifteen years sober in AA, but I am not going to be arrogant enough to tell you it is the only way. For me, it has been the only avenue that has worked, but only after ten years of trying and three treatment facilities and chronic relapsing. I think if you are tired and want to stop, it doesn't matter where you go. Alcohol is the great persuader, not people.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Clover SC
Posts: 4
Thank you everyone for your posts.You have given me some hope.I did call detox today and was told no beds were open now.They will call when one ready.Has anyone,while still drinking,felt like they must have some sort of death wish?I do.I know what i'm doing to myself,yet i still have reservations about stopping.It's insane.Maybe tomorrow i can get a bed.Thanks again.Charles.
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hi again charles !
Yes , i know about having that death wish, I wanted not to be here, but was terrified that in a blackout, i would kill myself! I have come to realise that it wasn't death i wanted, i wanted the emotional pain to STOP!
it has now, and in retrospect i sure see the insanity of my thinking when I was drinking
Mind you , i dont claim to be sane now LOL but I am improving
HUGX
Lee
Yes , i know about having that death wish, I wanted not to be here, but was terrified that in a blackout, i would kill myself! I have come to realise that it wasn't death i wanted, i wanted the emotional pain to STOP!
it has now, and in retrospect i sure see the insanity of my thinking when I was drinking
Mind you , i dont claim to be sane now LOL but I am improving
HUGX
Lee
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: London
Posts: 1,229
I left AA for various reasons. Cultish behaviour is often created through fear, but people overcome there fears and relax. Maybe cultish behaviour keeps some people sober? I know sceptics who are so damn rational that they end up becoming the enemy that they preach against.
Priorities is important. Is it a priority to worry about "second addictions" when you are fighting for your mind and your life? Is it a priority to worry about what has happened to other peoples recovery? AA helps a lot of people stay sober (not all people) and, as far as I can tell, mostly they are just trying to enjoy life without booze. Surely thats a social set that can help you. If you find yourself at a total loss in AA, then no one in AA is going to chain you to the chair. They may fill you with fears they have, but there are other ways you can continue to live life. AA doest not deprive people of choices.
Get real about what is happening to you pal, and rise up! Go to AA, or dont go to AA, but rise up from the mess your in!
Priorities is important. Is it a priority to worry about "second addictions" when you are fighting for your mind and your life? Is it a priority to worry about what has happened to other peoples recovery? AA helps a lot of people stay sober (not all people) and, as far as I can tell, mostly they are just trying to enjoy life without booze. Surely thats a social set that can help you. If you find yourself at a total loss in AA, then no one in AA is going to chain you to the chair. They may fill you with fears they have, but there are other ways you can continue to live life. AA doest not deprive people of choices.
Get real about what is happening to you pal, and rise up! Go to AA, or dont go to AA, but rise up from the mess your in!
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: London
Posts: 1,229
Originally Posted by Peter
What you may be interpreting as cultist behaviour is nothing more than men and women who have seen the black underbelly of alcoholism and are now serious about saving their lives.
There was a time when I too grabbed and held on to meetings for dear life.There was a time when I too "lived and breathed AA."
I did what I had to do to stay alive. If you have seen the worse of what drinking can do to a man then you will know what motivates many of these so called "cultists"
AA gave me my life back. I no longer attend meetings 24x7, neither do many of my friends who came into the programme around the same time I did.
Many and most of us find sobriety and get back to the business of life.That's what RECOVERY is.
There was a time when I too grabbed and held on to meetings for dear life.There was a time when I too "lived and breathed AA."
I did what I had to do to stay alive. If you have seen the worse of what drinking can do to a man then you will know what motivates many of these so called "cultists"
AA gave me my life back. I no longer attend meetings 24x7, neither do many of my friends who came into the programme around the same time I did.
Many and most of us find sobriety and get back to the business of life.That's what RECOVERY is.
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: London
Posts: 1,229
Bill Wilson grapevine article about other ways to quit is often overlooked by AA hardliners. For some, AA is the only thing that worked for them. It was exactly what they needed at that time. What I object to is treatment proffesionals saying to peoples it the only way, which could have major repercussions. Apart from that, AA is a valid method, and so is other ways. I mean, if there is a God, jeeze, you would hope he would provide the chance for everyone to get sober, by anyway they want.
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: London
Posts: 1,229
Stanton peele talks about "the death wish". I know exactly what your talking about.
I didnt care about much toward the end, especially myself. I was in fantasy land, slugging it back, making my brain and internal organs turn to mush.
I didnt care about much toward the end, especially myself. I was in fantasy land, slugging it back, making my brain and internal organs turn to mush.
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: London
Posts: 1,229
See it as a start of a new life. See it as a chance to make yourself happy without the booze. See it as a so many things.
Whats drink? Ecstatic feelings, fantasy, brain damage, and seedy behaviour - and fear. Fear as well.
Imagine strolling down teh street without fear.
Whats drink? Ecstatic feelings, fantasy, brain damage, and seedy behaviour - and fear. Fear as well.
Imagine strolling down teh street without fear.
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
"I need help,
BUT.... I heard it said once that whatever is said prior to "BUT" isn't the truth. So fixer, maybe you need help, but do you WANT help? If you really want help, you'll take it wherever you get it. There's another old saying. "Beggers can't be choosers."
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: pittsburgh, pa
Posts: 1
Rational Recovery Works!
AA is not the only way. If you really want to quit for good you can. I did it after years of battling my addiction. You are not sick...you have an addiction. There's a difference. If you are willing to lose the "I'm helpless" mindset, and take responsibility for the choices you make in your life, you can beat this. Good luck to you.
I did it...and so can you.
All the best to you!
I did it...and so can you.
All the best to you!
Last edited by CarolD; 04-18-2006 at 12:40 PM. Reason: Incorrect Link
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Virginia
Posts: 111
Jack Trimpey's 'The Small Book' and an RET book helped me lose the fear of quitting. To think and believe that NO MATTER how much pain I'm in, I will not drink! I don't have to drink! 92 days so far on my first real attempt at sobriety. Now I just need to find motivation to work a program lol
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 29
That book, RR-The New Cure for Substance Abuse was worth it's weight in gold for me. It made total and complete sense.
There are lots of different personality types on this board, and there is no "one size fits all" recovery method. We need to keep all options out in the open. I wonder why more people don't know about RR or SMART?
Haven't they been around for a while?
--Scott
There are lots of different personality types on this board, and there is no "one size fits all" recovery method. We need to keep all options out in the open. I wonder why more people don't know about RR or SMART?
Haven't they been around for a while?
--Scott
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Salisbury Wiltshire
Posts: 1,904
Originally Posted by fxrrider
Thank you everyone for your posts.You have given me some hope.I did call detox today and was told no beds were open now.They will call when one ready.Has anyone,while still drinking,felt like they must have some sort of death wish?I do.I know what i'm doing to myself,yet i still have reservations about stopping.It's insane.Maybe tomorrow i can get a bed.Thanks again.Charles.
yup...been there...I too ama member of AA for 5 years...I have reached a point now whereby i feel as if I am being molded into something I cannot fit into....
AA was my life blood for 3 years, the last two years i have lost the ability or whatever to love it.....I feel lost and unconnected to the principles and the steps, but I think that has something to do with this thing called depression...I felt that the big book and all the other literature was making a complete mockery of the person I am...I too have seen people so damned wwrapped up in AA it has indeed become a second obsession, they will openly admit that it is thier obsession...and even at the price of personal realtionships they go off out there bangin thier tambourines shoving the message down other peoples throats...i have seen peple scared right off because of some of the mad obsessive behaviour of some AA members....yes i can see where you are coming form onthe view its cultish!!!
I stopped drinking for my family...NOT for me...but after a couple of years i thought actually i do feel better...I still dont drink becaue i know im an alcoholic and i know that it will get me hooked again in no time....i hated that feeling of being hooked into it...like i had no escape and how it was destroying everything i held dear...
i guess you want to stop but do you have reason to? is there a burning desisre that makes you want to live? could you not stop for someone? or something else?...thats what i did at first...then as the clouds lifted i realised it was for me too.....
All this stufff about life getting better and the promises and stuff...that just happens as a result of getting off the booze, lets face it could it ever get worse?!!!
the thing is it has taken great courage to get on here and write this stuff and I am so glad you did, becaue i was beginning to feel a bit awkward about feeling crappy thoughts towards AA...I have stopped going...its not the people, its just the big book bashing that goes on, its out of date, there are many people who have other problems...things that just were not understood back then whenthe big book was written.....
if AA was a good all rounder and a design for living lets all go out and buy a horse and cart......
sorry.....
but some of you really MUST understand where we are coming from?....
AA was good for me for 3 years...the last tow have been hell....
I can drink anytime i want to...the thing is i dont want to......
FX, please try and get some help to stop....once the fog of alcohol is lifted then mybe you can regroup and decide what it is you have to do this life?......
the reason i drank was to escape from me....
to blot out the pain of life
to run away
to be in constant oblivion because i could not cope..
what are your eaons for drinking?
apart from addiction?
What are your easons for stopping???
get some perspective on that and be courageous my freind...start being honest with yourself....
I have seen people die from this disease...telling me the stuff you have written here
please please dont be another 'tom' (my dear freind tom) who died on the streets without a posession to his name...died, cold, hungry, loenly sad perosn..I once wrapped my arms around this poor creature during his last months onthis earth and begged him to stop.....he simply couldnt....the thing is this decsion HAS to come from you...I would love to take your pain away but we have to grapple in the dark for a while until we realise its us who are in control WE can make this descison we have to or we will die...just like TOM...
He was A lovely looking, kind hearted gentle soul.....why ? at the end he was bloated, yellow, all beat up, i still used to cuddle him...i wanted to save him but i couldnt.he kept going to AA it didnt work for him....
please dont be another victim FX dotn be another TOM.....please
love purrdyxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Originally Posted by Peter
Welcome fxrider.
AA worked for me only because I was willing to work with AA.
...
Whatever you decide to try to get sober, commit yourself to the effort and give it 100%.Half hearted attempts will reap naught.
Best of luck.
AA worked for me only because I was willing to work with AA.
...
Whatever you decide to try to get sober, commit yourself to the effort and give it 100%.Half hearted attempts will reap naught.
Best of luck.
I've always been pro AA but in the past few months was conscious that I was not 'working' the program to my best ability. I know that I am doing it now and I've never been happier, more peaceful or more grateful - and sober! YAY!
AA does work if you work it..but then that is probably true for any program of recovery - SMART/LIFERING, there are loads of alternatives.
You have to want it though, and you have to work it. The consequence for me of not doing these things IS to die a drunk - and prematurely!
Do keep posting and reaching out, this website was a huge positive support for me in the beginning stages of my recovery.
Cathy31
x
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Salisbury Wiltshire
Posts: 1,904
Originally Posted by Music
BUT.... I heard it said once that whatever is said prior to "BUT" isn't the truth. So fixer, maybe you need help, but do you WANT help? If you really want help, you'll take it wherever you get it. There's another old saying. "Beggers can't be choosers."
of course he wants bloody help.......
Dont turn your back on this person...because...you think he has to try some more 'controlled drinking' ..he is addicted for gods sakes...addiction...get that out of the way and he can make up his own mind...right now he cant he needs help not patronising......
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Salisbury Wiltshire
Posts: 1,904
Originally Posted by Cathy31
I second what Peter has said.
I've always been pro AA but in the past few months was conscious that I was not 'working' the program to my best ability. I know that I am doing it now and I've never been happier, more peaceful or more grateful - and sober! YAY!
AA does work if you work it..but then that is probably true for any program of recovery - SMART/LIFERING, there are loads of alternatives.
You have to want it though, and you have to work it. The consequence for me of not doing these things IS to die a drunk - and prematurely!
Do keep posting and reaching out, this website was a huge positive support for me in the beginning stages of my recovery.
Cathy31
x
I've always been pro AA but in the past few months was conscious that I was not 'working' the program to my best ability. I know that I am doing it now and I've never been happier, more peaceful or more grateful - and sober! YAY!
AA does work if you work it..but then that is probably true for any program of recovery - SMART/LIFERING, there are loads of alternatives.
You have to want it though, and you have to work it. The consequence for me of not doing these things IS to die a drunk - and prematurely!
Do keep posting and reaching out, this website was a huge positive support for me in the beginning stages of my recovery.
Cathy31
x
this is exactly the stuff that makes me GAG!
we know we are alkies...we know we have to stop and stay stopped but honestly...work it?...work at pretending you are something you are not?
he is an alkie...he needs to decide if he wants to stop or not...AA wont do that...my family made me WANT to stop...not AA......
FX hope youre doing ok mate.........go see you r GP and get advice there....for your ADDICTION.....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by Purrdy
of course he wants bloody help.......
Dont turn your back on this person...because...you think he has to try some more 'controlled drinking' ..he is addicted for gods sakes...addiction...get that out of the way and he can make up his own mind...right now he cant he needs help not patronising......
Dont turn your back on this person...because...you think he has to try some more 'controlled drinking' ..he is addicted for gods sakes...addiction...get that out of the way and he can make up his own mind...right now he cant he needs help not patronising......
Well said Cathy. I totally agree that whatever program a person decides to work, the key word is action. None of the programs work, including AA, if the person sits in his sh*t waiting for something to happen. Recovery is a VERB!!
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Colton, CA
Posts: 1
Yes AA again
believing in aa, cult or not it has kept me sober over 8year now. Higher Power to take over where I can not has halped me very much. I had a rough time for the first 18 months. Not knowing what i was gaing to do to myself. Buy working the AA programs. Your most precious dreams will be true.
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