Just need to talk this through...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 2
Just need to talk this through...
I just found this site today. I have been having bouts of depression and feelings of extreme remorse after drinking.... which started to make me think that I have a drinking problem. Last night's bender, and my subsequent absence at work today is what made me decide to actually deal with this problem of mine.
I have worked in the restaurant/bar industry for ten years now.... so that I could afford to finish my degree. But now that university is over I'm finding that my drinking is inappropriate. It is hard for me to quit, I can't recall how many times I have said that I need to stop drinking.... but the weekend rolls around and I just can't seem to say no. Everyone who works at the restaurant I work at drinks excessively, it seems normal to party all the time. Everyone talks about how much fun they had getting wasted and I was always right there with them. But I've started to have blackouts when I drink, and I'm so hungover the next day that I call in sick to my day job or I sleep all day. I feel guilty... like I'm wasting my life. I can't seem to just have a couple, I always end up binge drinking... I like to feeling of being drunk. Life is so stressful right now, I guess I'm trying to escape.
I need to actually quit drinking and not just think about doing it. It is going to be hard when all my friends drink and party a lot. Any advice???
I have worked in the restaurant/bar industry for ten years now.... so that I could afford to finish my degree. But now that university is over I'm finding that my drinking is inappropriate. It is hard for me to quit, I can't recall how many times I have said that I need to stop drinking.... but the weekend rolls around and I just can't seem to say no. Everyone who works at the restaurant I work at drinks excessively, it seems normal to party all the time. Everyone talks about how much fun they had getting wasted and I was always right there with them. But I've started to have blackouts when I drink, and I'm so hungover the next day that I call in sick to my day job or I sleep all day. I feel guilty... like I'm wasting my life. I can't seem to just have a couple, I always end up binge drinking... I like to feeling of being drunk. Life is so stressful right now, I guess I'm trying to escape.
I need to actually quit drinking and not just think about doing it. It is going to be hard when all my friends drink and party a lot. Any advice???
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hi there ! welcome to SR! 
You have found a great place for information and support. Also, you have taken a great step, recognising your problem, and seeking a solution.
how well i know the remorse and guilt that followed a night on the booze ! I used to think i drank cos I was depressed, but , for me, once I had been sober a while, my depression lifted!
For me , the solution was to ring AA and get to some meetings. I have been happily sober now for 2 1/2 years , through the fellowship of AA.after drinking for 37 years!
Whatever avenue you choose , i wish you the best in your journey of recovery
HUGX
Lee
You have found a great place for information and support. Also, you have taken a great step, recognising your problem, and seeking a solution.
how well i know the remorse and guilt that followed a night on the booze ! I used to think i drank cos I was depressed, but , for me, once I had been sober a while, my depression lifted!
For me , the solution was to ring AA and get to some meetings. I have been happily sober now for 2 1/2 years , through the fellowship of AA.after drinking for 37 years!
Whatever avenue you choose , i wish you the best in your journey of recovery
HUGX
Lee
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: delafield, WI
Posts: 86
:egg2 Hello IHAVEAPROBLEM...you've come to a great place. Welcome to SR..........I am not someone who can give you advice with this, but sit back and watch for all the great advice that will be coming your way soon. Many, many people here that will advise and give you tips on how to start dealing with your problem, or just help you decide if you really have one. Best of luck on your recovery journey however you decide to approach it. This site will help you sort it all out.
I have a son that is addicted to drugs, and that is why I am here. This is why I can not advise you. I found SR several months ago, and I am already beginning to feel like a new person. So.....hang in there and get ready for some major thinking !!!!
I have a son that is addicted to drugs, and that is why I am here. This is why I can not advise you. I found SR several months ago, and I am already beginning to feel like a new person. So.....hang in there and get ready for some major thinking !!!!
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Welcome to the forums.
Sounds to me like your days of "having fun getting wasted" are coming to a close.
I too can recall those early years when drinking used to be fun, but just like you I got stuck in an old pattern of behaviour that I found difficult to break.
If you are serious about quitting then I am afraid your lifestyle may have to change.That will include avoiding your drinking buddies for a while.
Becoming a non drinker is a major change in your life and I happen to know from my own experience that in order for this change to remain in effect then certain aspects of your life may have to change as well.
You say you have completed your degree and that is an accomplishment you can be proud of. Perhaps the time is right now for you to move on to greater things.
Sounds to me like your days of "having fun getting wasted" are coming to a close.
I too can recall those early years when drinking used to be fun, but just like you I got stuck in an old pattern of behaviour that I found difficult to break.
If you are serious about quitting then I am afraid your lifestyle may have to change.That will include avoiding your drinking buddies for a while.
Becoming a non drinker is a major change in your life and I happen to know from my own experience that in order for this change to remain in effect then certain aspects of your life may have to change as well.
You say you have completed your degree and that is an accomplishment you can be proud of. Perhaps the time is right now for you to move on to greater things.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 2
I think you are right about the avoiding some of my friends for a while. The thing is a lot of them are really great people... but they don't seem to have the same problem that I do with alcohol. And some of them are much worse than me. But it is a lifestyle change, and it is hard because I still need to work in the industry because right now I need the money... catch 22. There are so many things I want to accomplish in life and I feel like alcohol is a road-block that I need to move past before I can achieve my goals. Thanks for all of your responses, it just helps to know that I not the only person dealing with these issues.
Originally Posted by Peter
Welcome to the forums.
Sounds to me like your days of "having fun getting wasted" are coming to a close.
I too can recall those early years when drinking used to be fun, but just like you I got stuck in an old pattern of behaviour that I found difficult to break.
If you are serious about quitting then I am afraid your lifestyle may have to change.That will include avoiding your drinking buddies for a while.
Becoming a non drinker is a major change in your life and I happen to know from my own experience that in order for this change to remain in effect then certain aspects of your life may have to change as well.
You say you have completed your degree and that is an accomplishment you can be proud of. Perhaps the time is right now for you to move on to greater things.
Sounds to me like your days of "having fun getting wasted" are coming to a close.
I too can recall those early years when drinking used to be fun, but just like you I got stuck in an old pattern of behaviour that I found difficult to break.
If you are serious about quitting then I am afraid your lifestyle may have to change.That will include avoiding your drinking buddies for a while.
Becoming a non drinker is a major change in your life and I happen to know from my own experience that in order for this change to remain in effect then certain aspects of your life may have to change as well.
You say you have completed your degree and that is an accomplishment you can be proud of. Perhaps the time is right now for you to move on to greater things.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi and Welcome!
Alcoholism is a disease and it is progressive.
I suggest you get more factual info
My favorite book on alcoholism is
"Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"
They are carried at Amazon
I did stop working in the hospitality industry to stay sober.
I took an office position for a kot less moneu and made it just fine.
I also found new sober friends in AA meetings.
I know it all depends on how much you desire to find a better way of living...Choose wisely.
Take care...
Alcoholism is a disease and it is progressive.
I suggest you get more factual info
My favorite book on alcoholism is
"Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"
They are carried at Amazon
I did stop working in the hospitality industry to stay sober.
I took an office position for a kot less moneu and made it just fine.
I also found new sober friends in AA meetings.
I know it all depends on how much you desire to find a better way of living...Choose wisely.
Take care...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Escondido, CA
Posts: 8
I know exactly what you are going through right now and can completely empathize. I'm thinking that if I stop hanging out with several of the people I used to, and avoid some of the social gatherings that seem to center around alcohol, my life will be much easier and sobriety will be more achievable.
The question is, am I strong enough to do this? We both need to make some major changes in the way we spend our time.
The question is, am I strong enough to do this? We both need to make some major changes in the way we spend our time.
Michael
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: London England
Posts: 291
Ihaveaproblem,
Your name says it all. You have a problem and only you have the solution to it. I felt the remorse you are suffering, and just like you I searched for, and found, any excuse not to give up. The excuses ran from losing drinking buddies to there's a wedding in a few weeks, I'll give up after that. There is alway an excuse not to give up, there is always a tomorrow....except for the chronic alcoholic your tomorrows are numbered.
When you decide to give up there is any amount of help and support here and elsewhere for you to depend on. There's AA, SR SMART, there's family and friends and of course there's you.
Your call.
Michael
Your name says it all. You have a problem and only you have the solution to it. I felt the remorse you are suffering, and just like you I searched for, and found, any excuse not to give up. The excuses ran from losing drinking buddies to there's a wedding in a few weeks, I'll give up after that. There is alway an excuse not to give up, there is always a tomorrow....except for the chronic alcoholic your tomorrows are numbered.
When you decide to give up there is any amount of help and support here and elsewhere for you to depend on. There's AA, SR SMART, there's family and friends and of course there's you.
Your call.
Michael
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Originally Posted by Ihaveaproblem
I need to actually quit drinking and not just think about doing it. It is going to be hard when all my friends drink and party a lot. Any advice???
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
I know exactly how you feel. On a typical dinner shift, you've worked probably like 4 or 5 hours, the restaurant is starting to slow down, the waitstaff is all abuzz about what bar everyones going to. You start getting anxious for the supervisor or manager to come by and cut or close your section so you can hurry up and get through your sidework. Sometimes maybe you even steal someone elses rolled silverware JUST to save time. Then, you dont even bother going home. Nope, ....straight to the bar. Sometimes with even your apron on still. The whole staff sits there and gets loaded. You end up closing the place. You go home (if you make it home) pass out, and wake up late as hell the next day,....guilty as hell that you've, yet again, blown through, like, $140 tip money from a $200 dinner shift the night before. Nothing to show for it except a hangover. Its almost like your waitressing job is solely FOR party money. You work,...then blow it THAT night. On alcohol. On drugs.
I waited tables for 8 years. I know the drill. Let me tell you something that Im sure you probably know already. Waiter and waitress jobs are full of nothing but partiers. I have NEVER heard anyone ever tell any stories that were different. Every restaurant is the same. Its a party lifestyle career. Get out of it,....if you want to stop drinking. And I read that you said you needed to get away from these friends for a while. Uh,...no,....not a while. Forever. You have to change your entire lifestyle if you want to quit drinking. That means,...cutting out all alcohol abusing friends. All of them. For good. Theres no,.."I'll get sober for a while,..and then hit you guys up" Its severed for life. Or else you are setting yourself up for failure. Quit that job. Or work at a restaurant that doesnt serve booze and only work lunch shifts. Im telling you,...working as a waitress or waiter when you are trying to quit drinking, is almost impossible. If the booze doesnt kill you, the lifestyle will. Nothing changes, if nothing changes......
I waited tables for 8 years. I know the drill. Let me tell you something that Im sure you probably know already. Waiter and waitress jobs are full of nothing but partiers. I have NEVER heard anyone ever tell any stories that were different. Every restaurant is the same. Its a party lifestyle career. Get out of it,....if you want to stop drinking. And I read that you said you needed to get away from these friends for a while. Uh,...no,....not a while. Forever. You have to change your entire lifestyle if you want to quit drinking. That means,...cutting out all alcohol abusing friends. All of them. For good. Theres no,.."I'll get sober for a while,..and then hit you guys up" Its severed for life. Or else you are setting yourself up for failure. Quit that job. Or work at a restaurant that doesnt serve booze and only work lunch shifts. Im telling you,...working as a waitress or waiter when you are trying to quit drinking, is almost impossible. If the booze doesnt kill you, the lifestyle will. Nothing changes, if nothing changes......
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
Newbie, I went through the same thing when I worked in the bar. Everyone, except a couple, did that nightly. Solution from me was to get out of the bar. Alternative that worked for a friend was to switch restaurants and to indicate he didn't drink at time of start. Problem with former restaurant was everyone knew he drank and thus, when he quit, they wouldn't support him by not encouraging him to drink.
T.
T.
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