My Miracle
Coming out of my shell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: State of Denial
Posts: 100
My Miracle
My miracles name is Trish. I don't know her, she never knew me.
Why is she a miracle? I've been "trying" to quit drinking now since October 12th and I haven't been successful. My problem was I didn't really want to quit, but I had to quit. I liked the feeling of a good buzz and I thought I could be a social drinker, but we all know how that works for an alcoholic
. I even convinced my husband that I was ok with just drinking a couple of nights a week.... meanwhile on the nights I wasn't drinking with him I was sneaking around, pretending to work late, taking long baths drinking every night.
Trish's passing has hit me in the heart. I don't want to fight this and end up losing. I don't want to die. I don't want to put my family throught that much pain. I have - for the first time - found the want to quit. Trish may not have been able to battle the demon and win, but she's given me the strength. She is my inspiration to make myself better. I'm going to fight for her, I'm going to win. I've never had this much desire to stop, I don't crave beer, I crave life.
I've had a candle lit ever since I found out what happened and every time I look at it I think of her and remember why I'm not drinking.
Trish, may you rest in peace and take comfort in the thought that you've saved at least one person from this disease.
You won't be forgotten.
Kathy
Why is she a miracle? I've been "trying" to quit drinking now since October 12th and I haven't been successful. My problem was I didn't really want to quit, but I had to quit. I liked the feeling of a good buzz and I thought I could be a social drinker, but we all know how that works for an alcoholic
. I even convinced my husband that I was ok with just drinking a couple of nights a week.... meanwhile on the nights I wasn't drinking with him I was sneaking around, pretending to work late, taking long baths drinking every night. Trish's passing has hit me in the heart. I don't want to fight this and end up losing. I don't want to die. I don't want to put my family throught that much pain. I have - for the first time - found the want to quit. Trish may not have been able to battle the demon and win, but she's given me the strength. She is my inspiration to make myself better. I'm going to fight for her, I'm going to win. I've never had this much desire to stop, I don't crave beer, I crave life.
I've had a candle lit ever since I found out what happened and every time I look at it I think of her and remember why I'm not drinking.
Trish, may you rest in peace and take comfort in the thought that you've saved at least one person from this disease.
You won't be forgotten.
Kathy
Living and Loving.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Saratoga, California
Posts: 475
Turtle that's beautiful. Congratulations on your new-found seed of recovery. You really can do this and even though it is hard it is worth every minute of effort. The past is the past but your future is spotless and you really can make it what you want it to be.
Suga
Suga
Grateful recovering alcoholic
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Blissfield, MI
Posts: 814
Kathy,
Reading your post, made me cry. My hope for you is that you will always remember the guilt, shame, remorse. How you felt lying, sneaking, hiding. Remember the way Trish's passing has impacted you.
You can do this..one day at a time. That's all you have anyway. No one is guaranteed anything more than this second right now. I hope you stick with it today. Keep that candle lit, cleanse your soul and stay sober.
Blessings,
Jen
Reading your post, made me cry. My hope for you is that you will always remember the guilt, shame, remorse. How you felt lying, sneaking, hiding. Remember the way Trish's passing has impacted you.
You can do this..one day at a time. That's all you have anyway. No one is guaranteed anything more than this second right now. I hope you stick with it today. Keep that candle lit, cleanse your soul and stay sober.
Blessings,
Jen
Coming out of my shell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: State of Denial
Posts: 100
Thanks everyone, your support means a lot to me 
Day 4 today and I feel great! It's been a long time since I've had a clear head and no cravings - a very very strange feeling. I understand this is a minute by minute adventure, but for right now I'm sober and I don't see anything making me want to drink. Don't get me wrong, I do think of beer, but I don't need it. I look at my candle and remember and that's all I need to keep me on track. My future looks pretty darn good right now! 
Kathy
Day 4 today and I feel great! It's been a long time since I've had a clear head and no cravings - a very very strange feeling. I understand this is a minute by minute adventure, but for right now I'm sober and I don't see anything making me want to drink. Don't get me wrong, I do think of beer, but I don't need it. I look at my candle and remember and that's all I need to keep me on track. My future looks pretty darn good right now! Kathy
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Nottm Nottinghamshire
Posts: 217
I think that's beautiful Kathy. I don't know if anyone knows but I've been drinking again too. I had the same feelings as you have put so eloquently that I can't physically do something for Trish right now but I can think of her the next time I want to drink. Not as a 'warning' but as a tribute. So that her influence will live on in the behaviour of others and she will continue to save lives even tho she is no longer physically with us.
you put it so much better than I did. God bless you and good luck to all of us.
Coming out of my shell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: State of Denial
Posts: 100
So I had a tough time yesterday. I had to fire an employee and it was my first time. I thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest, but I got through it. Hubby and I are also fighting and that always makes me want to drink. But I sat in my office last night with my purse and keys in my hand ready to leave to go get a few beers before I went home and I thought about why I wanted to drink, what good would it do, why I would enjoy it. I thought about how I would be drowsy, not pronounce words right, eat more than I wanted to, and probably start a fight with my husband. There would be no good, no pleasure. So I blew out the candle I have lit at work and went straight home. This is the first time I've had a craving and dealt with it and won. 
~Author of My Life~
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't....
Posts: 4,796
(((((((((((((((turtle)))))))))))))) Bless you.....you are experiencing true growth in recovery my friend..........warmest hugs ever!! You're doing awesome.............keep it up! It only gets better and better.
Living and Loving.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Saratoga, California
Posts: 475
Oh Turtle... I'm so proud of you. That is the key... think your craving out to the end and you know where it will lead you - to misery. I'm proud of you for holding onto your vision for your future. Hang in there you are doing so well.
Suga
Suga
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Focus
Posts: 687
Originally Posted by Turtle
So I blew out the candle I have lit at work and went straight home. This is the first time I've had a craving and dealt with it and won.
if its working keep doing it, one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
Kathy, so, so glad Trish is helping you... just keep doing, stay positive... Faith, and Faith that all is as it should... you will be ok, and walk through the rest of your life becoming a new, improved you... as Trish would say... peace, bless and teach only love.... as i say, all good wishes to you my friend... May God bless you, and keep you... until then....xxoo Pattee... ps, i send her the message when i talk to her tonight... she gunna say, go girl, go................
Coming out of my shell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: State of Denial
Posts: 100
Thanks everyone 
. Pattee, I honestly don't feel alone, I know she's with me giving me strength I never had before.
I've talked with my husband about this and we're making a lot of changes in our lives. He never had a problem but he's not going to be drinking anymore. He would have a glass of wine at night, which I'd rather eat dog poo than drink, so I didn't care if it was in the house, but he's going to stop that. We're also going to be doing more things together at night, getting out away from the TV, and away from boredom. I'm so glad spring is here! I'm a motorcyclist and now that riding season is here I'll have that to take up my time. Things are looking up in my life!
Kathy
. Pattee, I honestly don't feel alone, I know she's with me giving me strength I never had before. I've talked with my husband about this and we're making a lot of changes in our lives. He never had a problem but he's not going to be drinking anymore. He would have a glass of wine at night, which I'd rather eat dog poo than drink, so I didn't care if it was in the house, but he's going to stop that. We're also going to be doing more things together at night, getting out away from the TV, and away from boredom. I'm so glad spring is here! I'm a motorcyclist and now that riding season is here I'll have that to take up my time. Things are looking up in my life!
Kathy
Coming out of my shell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: State of Denial
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by Gary2140
May I ask who Trish is?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
Gary2140 ... Trish is a person in recovery... Trish gave strenght, hope, and inspiratation to many, many in recovery... the only problem was that she couldn't win the battle for herself... Trish is my best friend, my girlfriend of over two years... wonder around Gary, Trish will help you, even tho she is gone, her soul is here forever... good wishes Gary... xxoo, Pattee
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