Kellye C

Good morning everyone! I received a phone call this morning from an acquaintance who knows that I have gotten sober. She is starting to think she MAY have a drinking problem and wanted my suggestions. She wants to try to handle it on her own but says if she cannot then she will let me know and I will help her find some meetings. From what she has described of her pattern she may or may not have passed that line where you can no longer stop. She will drink wine for about 4 days straight (in the evenings) and suffer through feeling horrible in the mornings and then she will quit for a week or two only to start it back up again. I asked her how she felt while she was stopped and she said she felt great, much better and liked how she thought clearer etc. But then she'd decide to drink again and it would be 4 more days of wine drinking. Other than hangovers I don't think she has yet suffered much in the way of consequences.

Anyway, she asked me for some things she could try before seeking outside help. People, my mind went blank! All I could think of to suggest is to try to go 30 days without a drink, see how difficult that is for her. She said she would try it but what else can I share with her? Are there any links or any information that she might find helpful. I know what it says in the Big Book about trying controlled drinking, having one and abruptly stopping but what else?

All I know is AA for that is what saved my butt when I conceded finally that I could not control alcohol, it controlled me. Most of my sharing is within the context of AA and newcomers in the room. I feel like I have let my friend down by not being able to suggest more so that is why I'm here asking for more suggestions and educational material.

One more thing I want to add. This lady had gastric bypass just like I did which means our bodies process alcohol differently. It goes straight to our intestines and is worse on our livers than "normal" people. I became an alcoholic and hit rock bottom in 3 1/2 years. She's already been doing this for a year. Just wanted to give that info too.

Thank you!
Kellye

Music

I'm an AAer and I believe that what's said in the Big Book is all I need to know. That's how I got sober. I choose to share what I did. Nothing more, nothing less. If the other person doesn't want what I have, he can find the answers his way.

I think you've done all you can do. No reason for you to worry any more about it. The Big Book also states that John Barleycorn is the best convincer. My son was the same way. He was exposed to meetings, and the Big Book but still wanted to try other methods. He hit bottom, went into treatment followed by a halfway house and has been sober almost 17 years. I'm not God. I have no business standing in the way of someone else hitting their bottom. Just let go!!

Kellye C

Thank you Music. You're right and I needed to see that.

Don S

I'd suggest she read Sober for Good, by Anne M. Fletcher.
Also, you might email her some of the links to different recovery programs and suggest she just read about them so she is aware of the alternatives that are available, including AA.
Here's the one from the top of this forum about alternatives:
alternatives link
She can read the 12 steps via links over on the AA forum.
I'm not saying a quick read of any of these things is going to persuade her of anything. It'll just plant a seed for when (if) she decides to quit.
Finally, this is an essay that I've always found really useful. It's called Who Controls You?
Who Controls You?


Don S

CarolD

This is my suggestion...

My favorite book on alcoholism is
"Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"

Both can be ordered from Amazon...

Kellye C

Thank you for your responses. What I ended up doing was a combination of the suggestions. I sent her an e-mail with the various links. I then told her that for ME, I could not control my drinking, it controlled me. I told her that AA worked for me and that if she got to the point where she wanted to consider that to let me know.

You guys (and gals!) are great!
Kellye

Music

That's the way to do it Kell. Now the ball's in her court. What she does with it is her business. Just be available is she needs you.

Justme57

Hi kellye , I just saw this thread , and like you , I have felt inadequate at times when people have asked me the same thing. All I know is AA as well, and as Music ( who is right again ! LOL) said, we can only share the AA message and leave it up to them .

I do think it was a great idea to e-mail the other links to her too. You just never know .

I used to beat myself up when "newcomers" I had taken to meetings , either did not come back, or chose to do more research. But I was told , all I was responsible for was to give them the message. i am on the local 12 step roster, and was wearing myself out LOL

HUGX
Lee

Don S

What a great friend you are!



Don

Five

Yes, yes.

fraankie

yep, that's the best you can do
carry the message
and
then let go
also, too much info
may draw them away

you can offer to take her to a meeting
but
don't hedge her


best
fraankie

NoMoBeer

Music, you're the best....

Kel -- ditto to Music. My brother back in NY realized he had a problem. I told him my experiences and gave him my cell number (who knows if he had it already). Told him to call me 24 hours a day, I'll be here if he needs me. That's all I can do. I'm powerless over other people, places and things....

I prayed for him as well. He could use the prayers, and I can use the practice.

Ken

Kellye C

I realize that I've done all I can do at this point other than pray and live by example. I'm doing that at work as well as I have a co-worker having problems and on the fence about getting help. She also knows that I will go to a meeting with her when/if she decides to. I will not take it personally if either of these ladies does not take me up on it. I know for me I am stubborn and had to hit a fairly big bottom before I became willing to accept the idea that I was powerless and my life was unmanageable. I've told them both that there IS help and hope if/when they want to reach out.

Hugs,
Kellye

leviathon

Why not give her this site. Let her read for herself and maybe that will assist her in coming to her own conclusions about forms of treatment, how others view their addictions, etc.

Just a thought.

T.