Goodbye- Came here to feel better, not worse
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 66
Goodbye- Came here to feel better, not worse
Thank you to everyone who helped me on this site. I am over 60 days sober, and feel the help I received here was instrumental in my current success. Unfortunately there is an individual who insists on replying to my posts who only upsets me and makes me feel like crap. Even after I've told him that his posts are not helping me, and in fact making it an unpleasant experience to come here, he continues to keep posting. I don't know what his motives are, but I feel like I've been pushed off this website.
Best of luck to all of you. I will find help elsewhere.
Best of luck to all of you. I will find help elsewhere.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Garsh - please don't let one person push you off these boards. Please PM the mod on this forum - listed on the bottom. This situation can be resolved. Running away does not resolve anything.
I'm glad you're here and I hope you stay.
I'm glad you're here and I hope you stay.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Re: Wait....
Hi Garsh. I just read ur post. I would hate to see u go. I can't speak for others, but there may be others that may feel the same way as I. Im glad to see that you've collected over 60 days sober. That's nothing to sneeze at. I don't know much about u, but im sure u have lots of experience, strength and hopes to share with me and many new comers just starting out. Sharing how u have managed to stay sober those many days is important. Even how u made it thru the doors, what's keeping u sober and so on. I know there r people out there that may not like me either or like what i share. I don't know and would rather not know. All i do know is, they r intitled to their own opinions. And whatever is going on with them, it's their stuff and not mine.
We can't like everyone out there nor make them like us. All i can do is take care of myself just like hopefully u r doing for urself to keep urself sober.
Come back or stay here if u like. I would be interested in what u would have to say. You would help me stay sober.
New AA friend,
Sharon
We can't like everyone out there nor make them like us. All i can do is take care of myself just like hopefully u r doing for urself to keep urself sober.
Come back or stay here if u like. I would be interested in what u would have to say. You would help me stay sober.
New AA friend,
Sharon
Stronger every day!
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 191
No one can "make" us feel anything without our consent, my friend.....we choose to react to people and situations......this I had to learn the hard way. If there's something about this person that's pushing your buttons, that's a message. If the person's just an a-hole, then the moderators can help with that. I haven't been around much so I don't know the specifics of your situation, but I can tell you that there have been people at another forum I frequent who push MY buttons and I can finally own up to the fact that this is MY stuff...not theirs. If I let them get to me, they win. If I ignore them, I win.
And if they don't buy into my crap when I'm having a pity pot moment and they let me have it straight up, and I don't like it, that's STILL my stuff. I've been accused of being "too harsh" myself, not here but there. I'm not saying what's going on with you is any of those things, just sharing my experiences. Take what you need and leave the rest.
Love, Genie
And if they don't buy into my crap when I'm having a pity pot moment and they let me have it straight up, and I don't like it, that's STILL my stuff. I've been accused of being "too harsh" myself, not here but there. I'm not saying what's going on with you is any of those things, just sharing my experiences. Take what you need and leave the rest.
Love, Genie
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Quote Music.
"I'm not trying to upset you garsh. If I didn't care about you I wouldn't say anything. I learned early on that there's a good possiblity that if I get pissed when someone says something to me about drinking, it may be because they're doing something I wish I could still do and regret making the decision to stop. I'm not judging you as a person, I'm judging the way you're handling the situation. I thought opinions were what you were looking for when you posted. If you don't want me to be honest with you, that's fine but I'm not going to side with you and call the guy a "jerk" just because he asked you why you weren't drinking. Sure, he could have chosen his words a little better, but then maybe we all can, drunk or sober."
Unquote Music.
This was taken from your previous thread Garsh.
The way I see it you asked for feedback and you got a lot of support from some other members.
Not everyone will agree with you when you ask for feedback.
You say Music tends to target your posts but if his words above is anything to go by I cannot help feeling you might be misinterpreting what he is saying.
If you need some time out that's good. If you feel SR has outlived it's usefulness to you then I can understand that too, but please don;t go away feeling that you were "pushed out" by another member.
"I'm not trying to upset you garsh. If I didn't care about you I wouldn't say anything. I learned early on that there's a good possiblity that if I get pissed when someone says something to me about drinking, it may be because they're doing something I wish I could still do and regret making the decision to stop. I'm not judging you as a person, I'm judging the way you're handling the situation. I thought opinions were what you were looking for when you posted. If you don't want me to be honest with you, that's fine but I'm not going to side with you and call the guy a "jerk" just because he asked you why you weren't drinking. Sure, he could have chosen his words a little better, but then maybe we all can, drunk or sober."
Unquote Music.
This was taken from your previous thread Garsh.
The way I see it you asked for feedback and you got a lot of support from some other members.
Not everyone will agree with you when you ask for feedback.
You say Music tends to target your posts but if his words above is anything to go by I cannot help feeling you might be misinterpreting what he is saying.
If you need some time out that's good. If you feel SR has outlived it's usefulness to you then I can understand that too, but please don;t go away feeling that you were "pushed out" by another member.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hey ! Garsh ! sorry you feel as you do, as you know, I have been watching you get sober with much joy.
Must say, I agree with Peter re Musics post. I well remember Music and his HONEST advice to me , when I was about 5 mins sober! LOL I thought he was a meanie, but how I thank him now. As you are sober longer, you will find that things dont grate the way they do when we first are sober, and we see things differently.
I do hope you will reconsider, and stay with us, but if you cant , I wish you well in your journey of recovery
HUGX
lee
Must say, I agree with Peter re Musics post. I well remember Music and his HONEST advice to me , when I was about 5 mins sober! LOL I thought he was a meanie, but how I thank him now. As you are sober longer, you will find that things dont grate the way they do when we first are sober, and we see things differently.
I do hope you will reconsider, and stay with us, but if you cant , I wish you well in your journey of recovery
HUGX
lee
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Amen Lee. Early sobriety is such a bugger. The fog is still blocking our view.
I hope you stick around Garsh. Sometimes the things we don't like to hear are the things we need to hear the most. I know, I didn't like that saying when I first heard it either. Continue to take what you need and give back to others. Good luck on your sobriety. 60 days is a wonderful beginning.
I hope you stick around Garsh. Sometimes the things we don't like to hear are the things we need to hear the most. I know, I didn't like that saying when I first heard it either. Continue to take what you need and give back to others. Good luck on your sobriety. 60 days is a wonderful beginning.
Trying to Enjoy Life Now
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Sittin' on the dock of the bay
Posts: 275
For whatever it's worth Garsh, I don't want to see you leave. I've always enjoyed talking to you.
If somone is getting on your nerves for whatever reason just ignore them.
If somone is getting on your nerves for whatever reason just ignore them.
'55 Classic
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Waco, TX
Posts: 637
I am hoping that you will come back at least long enough to check this post. Honestly, I know what you are going through. I’ve been there. But let me ask you a question? Is it worth not being able to receive the support and good wishes extended here by all these other folks because you have one individual that has made you unhappy?<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
So, there I am, in the stands at Texas Stadium and I’ve got a crowd of people all around me. <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:City><st1:place>Dallas</st1:place></st1:City> fans have showed up out the wahzoo for this much anticipated game. But, so has this one particular fan from the opposing team (who will remain nameless lest I draw the ire of those folks henceforth) sitting in the seat right smack in front of me. This individual is very vocal and it is quite apparent that they are NOT a Cowboys’ fan. Now, I can do one of two things. I can sit back and enjoy the game and ignore this “one” individual… or I can totally focus on that individual the entire game and have a totally sucky day. Do I choose to ignore the fact that there are way more folks just like me in Texas Stadium, for the same purpose that I am or do I let this single person “get under my skin” and allow them permission to take time away from my life that I could have been enjoying? Which do you think I did? <o:p></o:p>
Look at all the responses you got from folks that showed true concern, even the person that annoyed you. Don’t turn your back on the good things available here. I think this person is now well aware that their input was hurtful to you and somehow I don’t think that was their intention. There are people out here that just don’t come across in writing as well as others. However, with few exceptions, I don’t think that anyone would intentionally be offensive or destructive to another member on this site. For any that might try to be truly malicious, they are usually dealt with in a swift and effective manner.<o:p></o:p>
Come back and try it again. I know that I have enjoyed your posts in the past. So I ask you to just try to focus on the positive. As I’m sure you’ve heard before, “Take what you can use and leave the rest.”<o:p></o:p>
By the way, the answer to my earlier question was that after a couple of "false starts" I enjoyed the rest of the football game. Oh yeah… I’m pretty sure that that mustard stain will have washed out of his jersey by now.
Opps!<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
So, there I am, in the stands at Texas Stadium and I’ve got a crowd of people all around me. <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:City><st1:place>Dallas</st1:place></st1:City> fans have showed up out the wahzoo for this much anticipated game. But, so has this one particular fan from the opposing team (who will remain nameless lest I draw the ire of those folks henceforth) sitting in the seat right smack in front of me. This individual is very vocal and it is quite apparent that they are NOT a Cowboys’ fan. Now, I can do one of two things. I can sit back and enjoy the game and ignore this “one” individual… or I can totally focus on that individual the entire game and have a totally sucky day. Do I choose to ignore the fact that there are way more folks just like me in Texas Stadium, for the same purpose that I am or do I let this single person “get under my skin” and allow them permission to take time away from my life that I could have been enjoying? Which do you think I did? <o:p></o:p>
Look at all the responses you got from folks that showed true concern, even the person that annoyed you. Don’t turn your back on the good things available here. I think this person is now well aware that their input was hurtful to you and somehow I don’t think that was their intention. There are people out here that just don’t come across in writing as well as others. However, with few exceptions, I don’t think that anyone would intentionally be offensive or destructive to another member on this site. For any that might try to be truly malicious, they are usually dealt with in a swift and effective manner.<o:p></o:p>
Come back and try it again. I know that I have enjoyed your posts in the past. So I ask you to just try to focus on the positive. As I’m sure you’ve heard before, “Take what you can use and leave the rest.”<o:p></o:p>
By the way, the answer to my earlier question was that after a couple of "false starts" I enjoyed the rest of the football game. Oh yeah… I’m pretty sure that that mustard stain will have washed out of his jersey by now.
Opps!<o:p></o:p> Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 727
Garsh,my dear you do whats best for you,sorry that youre leaving.
You remind me so much of myself,in early soberiety.I can really relate,to you .
Thing about recovery,is change.To change,my thoughts,which brought about my feelings.I was my own worse enemy,for i use to be very senitive,negitive,and expected others to be very careful how they spoke to me.Yup,i was again trying to control others,just like i did when,i,was drinking.Only to learn,that,It was never others that upset me.It was the things that i was telling myself,about others that upset me.Putting down the drink,was only the beginning to my recovery,for i had a living problem.No matter that others treated me well,{my own perspective},,i only focused on the few who i decided didnt{my own perspective}.And in learing a new way to live,in recovery,i learn that others also,do the best that they can,given the moment,from where they are comming from,just like myself.The jerk that you speak about in the other thread.This is coming from you,and your thoughts alone.,that he is a jerk.This person is un-informed,about alcoholism.,or has not travelled your path.Maybe he is an alcoholic too,who knows,if he is,he,s in denil,could be sick ,he,meant no harm to you.It was your own thoughts about him,that did cause you harm.The hurt,the pain,and all that yourve gone through,with alcoholism,he does not understand,or know.,or regonize.If he did,he wouldnt have said anything to you about not drinking.for he still see,s it as fun.He didnt know,,your new behaviour,if he knew you before,or just thought that everyones wants to drink,and have what he thinks as fun...Takes time to teach others,that we have changed.There are no bad guys,no good guys,its all in my own mind,how i decide,what, another is.When i learned to look for only the good,in others,this is what i saw.When i was a newbie,and didnt know how to do,this,i only saw the negitive.,and felt threatened.
Therefore i was a runner to.Kept away from folks.The more negitive things that id tell myself about others,the more i stayed away from them,and in doing this i was learning nothing,and i was not changing.Until i got tired of it all.I wanted to learn how to live,life on life terms.I wanted to learn tolerance,of others,i was judging others way to much.In other words i wanted recovery.Peace,joy back into my life.I did this by going to recovery programs,for me it was both AA and Al-anon.Learning a new way to live.And this is whats change my life!!!Live and let live,..I see folks not as they are,but where im comming from.
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless,and take care!!!!
You remind me so much of myself,in early soberiety.I can really relate,to you .
Thing about recovery,is change.To change,my thoughts,which brought about my feelings.I was my own worse enemy,for i use to be very senitive,negitive,and expected others to be very careful how they spoke to me.Yup,i was again trying to control others,just like i did when,i,was drinking.Only to learn,that,It was never others that upset me.It was the things that i was telling myself,about others that upset me.Putting down the drink,was only the beginning to my recovery,for i had a living problem.No matter that others treated me well,{my own perspective},,i only focused on the few who i decided didnt{my own perspective}.And in learing a new way to live,in recovery,i learn that others also,do the best that they can,given the moment,from where they are comming from,just like myself.The jerk that you speak about in the other thread.This is coming from you,and your thoughts alone.,that he is a jerk.This person is un-informed,about alcoholism.,or has not travelled your path.Maybe he is an alcoholic too,who knows,if he is,he,s in denil,could be sick ,he,meant no harm to you.It was your own thoughts about him,that did cause you harm.The hurt,the pain,and all that yourve gone through,with alcoholism,he does not understand,or know.,or regonize.If he did,he wouldnt have said anything to you about not drinking.for he still see,s it as fun.He didnt know,,your new behaviour,if he knew you before,or just thought that everyones wants to drink,and have what he thinks as fun...Takes time to teach others,that we have changed.There are no bad guys,no good guys,its all in my own mind,how i decide,what, another is.When i learned to look for only the good,in others,this is what i saw.When i was a newbie,and didnt know how to do,this,i only saw the negitive.,and felt threatened.
Therefore i was a runner to.Kept away from folks.The more negitive things that id tell myself about others,the more i stayed away from them,and in doing this i was learning nothing,and i was not changing.Until i got tired of it all.I wanted to learn how to live,life on life terms.I wanted to learn tolerance,of others,i was judging others way to much.In other words i wanted recovery.Peace,joy back into my life.I did this by going to recovery programs,for me it was both AA and Al-anon.Learning a new way to live.And this is whats change my life!!!Live and let live,..I see folks not as they are,but where im comming from.
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless,and take care!!!!
Last edited by Cap3; 03-13-2006 at 07:20 AM. Reason: adding to.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Originally Posted by BSPGirl
Best of luck but isn't there an option to just ignore all posts by a certain individual if they upset ya?
Love Vic
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
garsh:
I don't post here much b/c of some folks who become over-zealous and lash out. However, some posters who appear to lash out are just being brutally honest. If you read their posts, they can help you see the honest truth, if you strip away ego, pride, etc. Plus, you must remember you are on the internet here -- ANYONE can respond to your requests.
I fully understand -- you're newly sober, and searching to find a way. I believe in being honest with folks as well, and I will not sugar coat things for you or anyone else. But if SR helps your sobriety, stay here and deal. If it's hurting your sobriety, then leave. I had to take a break from SR for a while, but I maintain my involvement in AA, and do not rely heavily on SR for my sobriety.
Regarding your earlier post -- boy, it's tough going to customer events --sober. I am in the same boat, but have learned to re-train my customers into not expecting happy hours. You may not be able to do that. Many people ask me why I am not drinking any more -- and believe me, if you looked up "beer" in the dictionary, my picture was right next to it. I tell them "hey, I'm trying to get healthy..." or something generic. Now folks on my sales team, customers, etc. have associated me with a "non-drinker," and their image of me has changed. Now instead of being a "beer drinker," they know I'm an "athlete." And yes, it is my job to help change that perception. Now, if they don't get it, that's not my problem. People will continue to drink and be boisterous -- whether I'm drunk or not. ACCEPTANCE of other people, places and things has to be the key to my program....
I have to stick up for the person you are referencing in your post -- when I first got sober, I took offense to his statements and brash manner. Once the 'fog lifted' and I decided to just do what I'm supposed to do, his comments made sense (and still do) to me -- especially when I need a good swift kick in the butt. "To thine ownself be true..." Sometimes I don't always see the objective side of things, especially when I'm involved, so I need people like this, as well as my AA friends and sponsor, to help me stay honest. That's why we all need each other....
Hope you do OK no matter what your decision. And no matter what, don't drink today.
Ken
I don't post here much b/c of some folks who become over-zealous and lash out. However, some posters who appear to lash out are just being brutally honest. If you read their posts, they can help you see the honest truth, if you strip away ego, pride, etc. Plus, you must remember you are on the internet here -- ANYONE can respond to your requests.
I fully understand -- you're newly sober, and searching to find a way. I believe in being honest with folks as well, and I will not sugar coat things for you or anyone else. But if SR helps your sobriety, stay here and deal. If it's hurting your sobriety, then leave. I had to take a break from SR for a while, but I maintain my involvement in AA, and do not rely heavily on SR for my sobriety.
Regarding your earlier post -- boy, it's tough going to customer events --sober. I am in the same boat, but have learned to re-train my customers into not expecting happy hours. You may not be able to do that. Many people ask me why I am not drinking any more -- and believe me, if you looked up "beer" in the dictionary, my picture was right next to it. I tell them "hey, I'm trying to get healthy..." or something generic. Now folks on my sales team, customers, etc. have associated me with a "non-drinker," and their image of me has changed. Now instead of being a "beer drinker," they know I'm an "athlete." And yes, it is my job to help change that perception. Now, if they don't get it, that's not my problem. People will continue to drink and be boisterous -- whether I'm drunk or not. ACCEPTANCE of other people, places and things has to be the key to my program....
I have to stick up for the person you are referencing in your post -- when I first got sober, I took offense to his statements and brash manner. Once the 'fog lifted' and I decided to just do what I'm supposed to do, his comments made sense (and still do) to me -- especially when I need a good swift kick in the butt. "To thine ownself be true..." Sometimes I don't always see the objective side of things, especially when I'm involved, so I need people like this, as well as my AA friends and sponsor, to help me stay honest. That's why we all need each other....
Hope you do OK no matter what your decision. And no matter what, don't drink today.
Ken
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Toronto
Posts: 98
Garsh,
Ignore who ever is irritating you. You wouldn't leave a lovely garden because of one weed, neither should you leave this forum because one person bothers you. The key is to focus on the people here you like and add value to your posts and thus your life. You have as much right to this forum as the next person why allow one single person to drive you away? Think in terms of percentages, what percentage of the people here do you like? What percentage of the people add value to you? What percentage don't irk you? I am betting it is a pretty good number. That is what you should focus on not the very small percentage that irks you.
Ignore who ever is irritating you. You wouldn't leave a lovely garden because of one weed, neither should you leave this forum because one person bothers you. The key is to focus on the people here you like and add value to your posts and thus your life. You have as much right to this forum as the next person why allow one single person to drive you away? Think in terms of percentages, what percentage of the people here do you like? What percentage of the people add value to you? What percentage don't irk you? I am betting it is a pretty good number. That is what you should focus on not the very small percentage that irks you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: here and now
Posts: 94
I really wasn't going to post on this thread but...
Well put Taiman!
Take what helps you and leave the rest. Not everyone will agree with you...nor will you always agree with them. It's a place to bounce ideas off each other, nothing less, nothing more. It's a message board...lol Come on, keep posting! You seem to have benefitted for the most part. You yourself said so.
(((Garsh)))
Well put Taiman!
Take what helps you and leave the rest. Not everyone will agree with you...nor will you always agree with them. It's a place to bounce ideas off each other, nothing less, nothing more. It's a message board...lol Come on, keep posting! You seem to have benefitted for the most part. You yourself said so.
(((Garsh)))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
Garsh, I reeeeally hope you check this thread, because I have a question that I wanted to ask you (you're the only one I feel comfortable asking). I think I'll PM you anyway in case you sign on at all.
I would like to keep learning from your experience here since I'm following in your footsteps, although I'm not doing nearly as well as you. I hope you take all this advice and stay with us.
I would like to keep learning from your experience here since I'm following in your footsteps, although I'm not doing nearly as well as you. I hope you take all this advice and stay with us.
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