Mongo

Hello all

After many days of sobriety I'm drinking again. At 4 AM I phoned in to work sick and left a voice-mail. I fell last night and think I broke my nose. There was blood everywhere and my right knee is badly bruised.

Today I'm going to try to not drink. Even though my job is in jeopardy I'll use today to try and recover(again)

Why do we abuse ourselves like this? I'm not sure why I'm posting here but perhaps it will help.

What happens at 10 am when the liquor store opens? I haven't eaten in 3 days and I need to take care of myself.

What a sob story. I'm just a useless jerk.

Mongo

CarolD

Ok... Eat...Take aspirin for your aches. Drink a lot of water.

No caffeine. Shower... Call your local AA and ask for help.

Starting sobriety again is a wise move.

Cap3

Your lieing to yourself,as i did to when drinking,and believing the lies that you are telling yourself.You are NOT,a useless jerk,no one is.When,balanceing yourself out,in your thinking.,you will see both what needs to change,and those great qualities that you have.Can only do this when sober.You have many good qualities,you just dont see them in yourself,when drinking.Drinking blocks out the focus of who you really are.Booze is a depresent.Alcoholism is a disease,that tells one lies about ourselves.No wonder ya dont feel good about yourself,i didnt either when i was drinking.You are no longer all alone.There is hope,help in recovery,folks who have been there to,and found a solution.Being with folks who felt,just like i have,and have recovery today in their lives.I found recovery in AA.I came through the doors of recovery,lieing to myself to.I felt hopeless,and helpless.Those in the rooms helped me,with working the 12 steps,of recovery,and loved me until i could ,learn to,love myself.,sober.
keep on,keeping on,
God Bless,and take care!!!

BigPicture

You don't have to consider yourself a failure and a loser just because you slipped up. So you slipped up for a few days, but before that you had many days of sobriety so it is not a total loss. But now you realized you are falling back into old habits and know what has to be done to stop because you have done it before.

You are already reaching out for help and advice by posting here.You should probably take Carol and Caps advice and Pick up the yellow pages and call AA.

Music

I believe it's because in the beginning, we don't know hot NOT to abuse ourselves. I had to learn how to deal with life things that made drinking seem like a good idea. I tried not drinking so many times on my own and just didn't have a clue how to handle some things that came up. Wasn't in my mindset. So, I went to AA and hooked up with some people who I could call and get suggestions from when problems arose. I spent time with them talking, eating, drinking coffee, and just plain sharing. The Big Book says that we need to experience a psychic change. To me this means that I had to learn how to change my thinking. There's nothing supernatural about it. I just had to learn from people who knew. Some people go to counseling or therapy which was part of my recovery also, but most of my changes came from people who drank just like I did. Bottom line is I couldn't do it by myself. I NEEDED HELP!!!! Maybe you're smarter and more clever than I am but how much more pain do you need to experience? It's up to you!!

Steve58

Hi Mongo,

You are in the right place. Many people you meet here did not get it right the first (or second or third etc time). But keep trying, remember every day you dont drink is a good one, hopefully you will soon have more good than bad.

Please dont be too hard on yourself. I'm sure you have lots of good reasons to pick up the pieces and go on!

For all it's worth, I fell off the wagon last weekend, after a great month+, I know how you feel. I was so sick yesterday. Today is better.

Take Care!

S

ASH

Hi Mongo,
Please do whatever you need to do to take care of youself.
Can you get help from a friend or can you call AA? Do you think you should go to a detox?
Not eating for three days and falling is not a sob story to me. We have all been in similar situations,
(just change the name and a few details of the story),
and its a scary place.
And, you are not a jerk, its just time to stop.
How did you do it last time?
Please check in soon Mongo

Peter

I did it because I believed some lies about alcohol & drinking.

I believed alcohol would fix my problems
I believed I could consume more than 1 drink and control it.
I believed if I could "fix" other areas of my life my drinking habits would improve.

I did it because I did not know any better.

I did not know I had lost control of drinking and would never again regain it.
I did not know my problem started with the first drink and not the seventeenth.

In my dementia and misinformation I used alcohol to abuse myself.

AA taught me a few things about getting sober.

Mongo

Thank you all for your kind responses.

I'm doing better now, no booze.

Starting again.

I can do this, the past is evidence.

Maybe, just maybe it's time to start AA. My way has not been working and I feel that taking the plunge may give me back my life again.

Mongo

jmhs002

Hey Mongo
Cool name. Now get to an AA meeting OK? It will help.
JMHS

myrain

Hey Mongo,
Hang in there. Been where you WERE, so many times. Don't beat yourself up. We are good people, we have a disease that controls us. For me without HP, you guys, AA meetings, Big Book, etc., I don't where I would be today. I relapsed during Hurricane Katrina, after 7 years of sobriety.

ONE DAY AT A TIME,
Shell M.

AndrewBeen

Mongo:

Part of your disease are the lies that "you" are telling yourself about how worthless you are. In fact that is the disease talking, not you.

Justme57

Hey Mongo!

Hope you are now feeling better.

Get to an AA meeting and get yourself some close by help. Learn the tools to "keep sober" and not only that , to be happy about being sober

Good Luck

HUGX
Lee

ps 'my way" did not work for me for 37 years, dont leave it that long

mary85

sounds like one day down... AWESOME!!!!... feel good about that!!!!... you can get back on track and realize you are worth the wonderful life that is out there waiting for you when you get that ugly voice of alcohol out of your head telling you different. The folks at AA were amazing for me.. I found myself where you were and without the energy to pick myself up and get to the computer to get input and help much less to AA for a very long time but once I did, I thank God for every day and find hope and happiness in every new day!!!!!

ASH

Hi Mongo,
Glad you stopped. One day at a time works for me, and heh,
go ahead and go to one meeting, it doesnt have to be such a big plunge,
you can check it out, get some information and maybe meet some great people.

BLackshirt

Mongo:

Listen to the advice of the people that have posted here before me and after me, they all have wisdom and insight into what you are going through. You are not a useless jerk, like someone said before that is the booze/disease talking. Get to an AA meeting, get a big book and a sponsor and start working the program. You can do this!

Scott

ASH

HI Mongo,
Hope things are going ok for you today and you have time to check in

mary85

Mongo??!! just checking in to see how you're doing..... hope to hear from ya here soon...hope and prayers are w/ ya!!!!

Mongo

Thanks Everyone

After a couple of Very busy works days, I'm still sober.

My pattern for the last couple of years has been going from drinking every day to excess, to abstaining for days, weeks, months. Then, I'll go on a binge period where I drink every day again.

Good news is the abstaining periods get longer and the binge periods get shorter. For instance my last episode of drinking lasted 5 days. In the past these would last weeks or even months.

Bad news.... What if my next binge results in something awful. I can't predict that and I think I'm playing with a loaded gun.

So, even though improvement is there, this is not acceptable to me. I must do better.

The evidence is there. I have no control over alcohol after the first drink.

Keep well, all

Mongo

mary85

we all can understand the lack of control after the first drink!! but understanding that it is out of your control is key.... key to realizing the potential disaaster of that first one... If you could go to a mtg. when that urge hits you it could take you one more day... everyday.... it may just bring you the strength through the fellowship you never knew you had!! My higher power coupled w/ AA, has been my lifesaver!!