garsh

I am 54 days sober, and my husband has also quit drinking to be supportive of me. Which, by the way, has helped a lot. We still socialize with friends who drink- our friendships go way back, and let's face it, most people drink. We have no intention of dropping our friends or becoming non-social.

We had dinner last night with another couple. They know we have quit drinking, and we reassured them they could feel free to drink (I really am ok with it). The awkward part came with the bill. Normally, we just split the dinner bill in half. Well, now that my husband and I are not drinking, it seems unfair for us to pay half since they both had two glasses of wine at $10 a glass (San Francisco prices!)

We didn't say anything, and they didn't offer to pay more, so we left feeling a little bad about it. Should we have said something? Next time should we just ask the waitor for separate checks? One of the benefits of not drinking is all the money we're saving, but at the same time I don't want to appear cheap.

equus

I stopped drinking with my hubby and the same thing has happened with us! BUT these were old friends and they wouldn't have focused on drinks the way we did and in time what's gone around will come around. The favour trade is timeless and I don't think it's ever been neck and neck - one or other is in front, but we aren't getting used and that's what matters.

I suppose it depends on how good friends they are, either way like as not they didn't think but the reaction to that might want to be different if you know inside they wouldn't have set out to take more than's right.

Music

If it bothers you that much, ask for separate bills.

Sweet Thursday

I agree with the guy above. Ask for separate bills. That way you won't have any resentments. I also agree that since you've quit drinking, you should enjoy all the good things that come with sobriety (cost, plus a lot of other things).

AndrewBeen

I am in the same situation and I continue to split the bill and not ask for separate checks. I think when people go out together they should get what they want and splitting is a nice way of everyone taking eachother out. That's just me.

Sheryl85

I agree with Andrew. What price can you put on true friendship?

Justme57

Hi garsh

I kind of agree with Andrew. They probably did not even think of the cost of the drinks, it would not mean as muchto them as it would to you . I dont think "normal " drinkers even think about it .

If it really bothers you, you could ask for separate bills, but I reckon your friends would be surprised that you did

HUGX
Lee

Etimee

Hi Garsh!

I agree with the fact that asking for separate bills is a little awkward for the friendship.

Friendships are give and take. You will always get it back one way or another with true friends.

Etimee

Timebuster

Congratulation on your decision to stop drinking.

Am sure in the past that when you went out with your friends that you might have had a couple more drinks then your friends, did you split the bill then.

Just asking…

Peace and Love
Ivan

requiredfield

It's better to give a resentment than get one, as far as I'm concerned.

If you don't want to pay for someone's alcohol, then don't. If they have a problem with it, then it's their problem, not yours. You can't control what people are going to think/do. If they're truly your friends and you say it in the nicest manner possible, then it should go smooth..

OVERIT

My vote would be seperate checks, but that's just me.

Glad to hear you are not drinking!

xoxoxoxo

Ang

soberking

Separate bills and an understanding that you are not drinking...they should understand this

ASH

Hi Garsh,
I would probably go with the flow for awhile and later your friends may notice they need to put a bit more on the check. You and your husband not drinking is new so it just probably has not hit their radar yet. Was this your first time out with them since you stopped? The really good news is they did not seem to make a bunch of rude unecessary comments about you drinking or not drinking, that was important to me.
As for me, I stopped splitting checks years ago.
It started in my college days because I just could not afford to go out as often and order everything I wanted like my friends could.
Later I had the opposite situation and my real problems with splitting checks started when I was drinking way more than my friends and could not have them paying for my expensive wine or drinks.
Usually I just carry cash, put my share in the check wallet and put it back in the middile of the table. I make sure I dont make any mistakes calculating all my food, drink, tax and a 20% tip,
I do not want to under pay or under tip.

Wait and see, or maybe do other activities that don't involve drinking at all for awhile.
Congrats on your sober time,
the rest of all this is not as important as that for sure!!!

BSPGirl

I agree. Cuz you just decided to split the costs anyway at the start of the evening. If you think that's unfair or whatever you prolly should discuss this in advance...oh and 10 bucks per glass is crazy.

Sheryl85

By now I think you can see that the answers here have been pretty well evenly divided. Probably the best thing to do is to sit down with a sponsor or another trusted individual (a counselor perhaps) and go over it with them. In the end the decision will be made by both you and your spouse and it needs to be one you can live with. You two know the depth of the friendship and what boundaries need to be put into effect for the future.

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Good luck and keep in touch on how you are doing.