garsh

Please do not read on if you're offended by too much information :-)

I've been sober for 48 days now, and though I have lost some weight (which I needed to do) and feel healthier than ever, somehow my sex drive is not as strong as it used to be. My husband is so proud of me, and says I look sexier than ever, so I'm trying to get in the mood, but it's taking some work.

Is this just a phase? I general, my mood is very good. I'm not axious anymore, and don't feel depressed, I just don't feel particularly sexual right now. I feel so guilty because I'm extremely attracted to my husband and our sex life has always been fantastic in the past. Has anyone else experienced this??

garsh

I want to thank the people who sent me private messages- I guess we have some shy folks on this board! Thanks for your input and suggestions!

best

Fake it till you make it?

*LOL*

ok You are being serious. I shouldn't joke. I just remember comeing home one day and my wife said with a suprise tone... You wanna? WOW!
I don't remember anything except that the desire was there and I wasn't aware that it was missing till that point. A few years later, she wanted the old me back. *LOL* How do you turn him off must have been her inner question.

A suggestion... Make a list in your mind or on paper if you like.
List all the qualities about your husband that you like. Think on them and add to the list. Things big and small get listed. make the list as long as you can and see what happens with your feelings. *Smile*

When we magify the positives in life, we see goodness. See what happens.

garsh

Thanks for the suggestion I appreciate it. But it's not a problem with my husband at all- he is very hot, in great shape, and rocks my world. I just don't feel sexual about anyone right now. Even when we are "intimate", the same things that used to really get me going don't at all. It's like that part of me has shut down.

Chy

...give yourself time. Given your having to go through all the emotions in life sober you'll have to re-learn what will be your turn ons all over again as well. This is very hard I think for most recoverying women, present company included. Don't rush it, like best said one day it's just going to happen!

laurie6781

Garsh, Chy is right. Yes it is a problem early in sobriety and not just for women. Men have a problem also.

I believe it does not only get better in time and the desire returns, but the feeling are more intense with out booze and drugs clouding them.

Like all things regarding recovery, it just takes times.

Oh and WOW on your 48 days. Based on your posts we all know how hard you have worked to get this far.

Love and (((((to all))))),

Peter

Don;t worry about it your libido will return and if the old tricks dont work anymore try some new ones.

angelsoul

Hi there, Garsh.
Congrats on your 48 days sober.Just a thought.....and I am by no means thinkin' that I'm Dr. Phil or anything but is it possible that there could be some unchecked shame or feelings of guilt/unworthyness.These are so common in early recovery and could absolutely affect the way you think about sex and we all know, the brain is our most powerful sex organ. Just speaking from my own personal experience, I REALLY had to work hard at resolving these negative feelings myself before I felt sexual again. god bless!

bikewench

Hey Angelsoul...

A warm welcome to SR...

.. true words about the sexual us and shame and being real and all that...

garsh

thanks- but I'm positive for me it has nothing to do with shame, guilt, etc. I have a very healthy and fairly liberal attitude toward sex. Always have, just now I'm not all that interested....ho hum.....

stringer belle

sometimes it takes awhile to rediscover ourselves sexually as sober human beings. i also experienced some uncomfortable feelings about sex after getting sober.. i was so used to boinking while drunk and emotionally numb... that it took/is still taking some time to adjust to how sex is for me sober. i think what you're going through is very normal. also, if you are taking an antidepressant of any kind, that can also affect your sex drive. i say this because many people begin taking an antidepressant when they begin a recovery program.

don't lose heart. you'll get back to your old self soon enough, i believe.

angelsoul

Thanks for the welcome, bikewench. I am 24 days sober - fresh out of a treatment center and very happy to have stumbled upon this site....seems like a very warm and helpful atmosphere.
A great day and another 24 to all!