Need Advice from YOU ALL- Please
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Thank God, there aren't any kids in the picture which brings me to another point. Place a piece of facial tissue between your knees and hold it there real tight to avoid that possibility.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I dumped my abusive drunken husband.
He went fishing...I packed my car and ; drove off.
Stopped on my way out of town, saw a lawyer and
emptied our joint bank accounts.
We had been married for 18 months and I too was a social drinker and we had no children.
There is no way I will ever tolerate living in fear.
He went fishing...I packed my car and ; drove off.
Stopped on my way out of town, saw a lawyer and
emptied our joint bank accounts.
We had been married for 18 months and I too was a social drinker and we had no children.
There is no way I will ever tolerate living in fear.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: coquitlam bc
Posts: 63
Hi,
I always told my wife that I would quit drinking, or control my drinking.
I didn't have a problem !!! I could quit when I wanted too. Well that is what I believed anyhow. I tried just sticking with beer, that worked for a little while, I also tried doing the non alcoholic beer when I was home, for a mask, I guess you could say, but when my wife was never around, I would drink the real stuff. I had a few episodes, and always apologized, and tried to control it better. She always said that I had a problem with drinking, but I thought for sure that I could manage it.
Well I started drinking a lot more, and come December 30, 2005 she left and took my son, and step son. I was really upset, and depressed and tended to get more intoxicated for the next couple of days. (I posted my story a couple of weeks ago).
I guess that my wife, felt the same way that you do, and I personally think that that was the best thing that happened. As much as it hurts to say that, and I mean it hurts. But if she never left me, I would still be drinking away.
On January 1/06 I attended my first AA meeting, of course hoping that that would solve all my problems and wifey would come home. Well it didn't. But I am now on day 52 of sobriety, and am doing it for myself.
I guess for me, I had to lose everything to gain everything (if you know what I mean) maybe for your husband as well.
I miss my wife and family, but I understand the hurt and pain that I had caused her, and if I where in her shoes, I would off left a lot sooner then she did. You have to take care of yourself.
Good luck
Mike
I always told my wife that I would quit drinking, or control my drinking.
I didn't have a problem !!! I could quit when I wanted too. Well that is what I believed anyhow. I tried just sticking with beer, that worked for a little while, I also tried doing the non alcoholic beer when I was home, for a mask, I guess you could say, but when my wife was never around, I would drink the real stuff. I had a few episodes, and always apologized, and tried to control it better. She always said that I had a problem with drinking, but I thought for sure that I could manage it.
Well I started drinking a lot more, and come December 30, 2005 she left and took my son, and step son. I was really upset, and depressed and tended to get more intoxicated for the next couple of days. (I posted my story a couple of weeks ago).
I guess that my wife, felt the same way that you do, and I personally think that that was the best thing that happened. As much as it hurts to say that, and I mean it hurts. But if she never left me, I would still be drinking away.
On January 1/06 I attended my first AA meeting, of course hoping that that would solve all my problems and wifey would come home. Well it didn't. But I am now on day 52 of sobriety, and am doing it for myself.
I guess for me, I had to lose everything to gain everything (if you know what I mean) maybe for your husband as well.
I miss my wife and family, but I understand the hurt and pain that I had caused her, and if I where in her shoes, I would off left a lot sooner then she did. You have to take care of yourself.
Good luck
Mike
One brief hour...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
2dayz- when he was using that old routine on me, I even told him, "if you think you can 'guilt trip' me, you are dead wrong." Secretly, I guess it kind of worked tho. After our talks, I found myself speculating on every possible negative outcome of me leaving in the book. Of course, they all involved him, b/c in all honestly, I would be fine. I am financially independent and love being on my own. I feel that I could be much more happy and successful as a single person. He's also made comments about "taking everything if we get a divorce." I KNOW that material possessions can be replaced and that he cannot really take family heirlooms and whatnot that I possessed BEFORE we were married. I just cannot believe that he even took on that attitude! That's what gets me. I do make a lot more money than he does so I wouldn't put it past him if he tries to go for "spousal support" which would be RIDICULOUS b/c altho I make more, it's not that much money by society's standards. I'm not the type of person that would seek to "ruin" someone if they decided they wanted a break-up. Been through it before and been very fair. I do understand the benefit of me leaving would be greater than a temporary financial loss tho. Those things can be overcome, but I have a feeling that he will put me through the misery of pulling every trick in the book.
Music- I wish I could go to meetings. In a lot of ways, I do feel "sicker than him." In fact, when I brought up past issues which have numbed me to this point, my AH said, "I was a 'sick man' then, now I'm getting better." I said, "well, while you're getting better, I'm getting sicker." I really do feel like I'm cheating myself out of a good life by staying. I get so angry at myself sometimes for having stayed for so long.
It is VERY unlike me to endure some of the things I've endured. My level of toleration has disintegrated down to a pathetic level. "He broke my windshield, but has never hit me, etc.". It's really bad. I'm glad to hear that you never treated you wife this way when you were drinking. The verbal abuse I've withstood far outweighs anything that's happened in the physical. Most of the time, AH would not even remember having said those things to me the next day. I, on the otherhand, cannot forget them. "En vino veritas"- In wine speaks truth!
Music- I wish I could go to meetings. In a lot of ways, I do feel "sicker than him." In fact, when I brought up past issues which have numbed me to this point, my AH said, "I was a 'sick man' then, now I'm getting better." I said, "well, while you're getting better, I'm getting sicker." I really do feel like I'm cheating myself out of a good life by staying. I get so angry at myself sometimes for having stayed for so long.
It is VERY unlike me to endure some of the things I've endured. My level of toleration has disintegrated down to a pathetic level. "He broke my windshield, but has never hit me, etc.". It's really bad. I'm glad to hear that you never treated you wife this way when you were drinking. The verbal abuse I've withstood far outweighs anything that's happened in the physical. Most of the time, AH would not even remember having said those things to me the next day. I, on the otherhand, cannot forget them. "En vino veritas"- In wine speaks truth!
One brief hour...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
I admire you Carol! I've thought about the leaving while he's gone approach. It may very well come to that eventually.
Mike- welcome to sobriety and keep on your path. I understand your point of view completely and hope that when/if I do leave that my AH will get his "wake up call" and find the courage to do what you have done. My AH went in for bloodwork several months ago b/c he was not feeling well (wonder why???) and his liver function and pancreatic enzyme tests came back "abnormal." The Dr. even commented on the test results that "as I suspected, your drinking has taken its damage on your liver, lets get this under control." I told my husband, "You can choose drinking or dying, living or dying." I guess he's not too concerned about those tests anymore since he claims to "feel fine now." That's the kind of man I'm dealing with!
Mike- welcome to sobriety and keep on your path. I understand your point of view completely and hope that when/if I do leave that my AH will get his "wake up call" and find the courage to do what you have done. My AH went in for bloodwork several months ago b/c he was not feeling well (wonder why???) and his liver function and pancreatic enzyme tests came back "abnormal." The Dr. even commented on the test results that "as I suspected, your drinking has taken its damage on your liver, lets get this under control." I told my husband, "You can choose drinking or dying, living or dying." I guess he's not too concerned about those tests anymore since he claims to "feel fine now." That's the kind of man I'm dealing with!
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,525
Hi Meg,
I'm glad to see all the replies you've gotten. You take care of yourself, y'hear? It may be in the "virtual world", but you've got all kinds of support here! Plus, you seem like a strong woman at heart.
Hugs,
Jane
I'm glad to see all the replies you've gotten. You take care of yourself, y'hear? It may be in the "virtual world", but you've got all kinds of support here! Plus, you seem like a strong woman at heart.
Hugs,
Jane
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: southern U.S.
Posts: 153
well, I actually think it's good that he has attempted to set a limit of only a 6 pack a night, and start drinking at 9Pm rather than 2.
i've set limits like that before for myself and have been successful. but that's still enough alcohol to ruin your health and your perspective.
sounds tough, megamyst.
wren
i've set limits like that before for myself and have been successful. but that's still enough alcohol to ruin your health and your perspective.
sounds tough, megamyst.
wren
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Smyrna, Ga.
Posts: 1
I was married to an alcoholic for 14 yrs. he made all the same promises and never kept a one. Needless to say our marriage ended with me having to go to the hospital with several broken bones. Then I began to live my life and have never been happier. He is now in prison due to an alcoholic vehicular homicide accident. Think of yourself believe me he won't. I wish you all the best.
Nisey
Nisey
One brief hour...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
Thank you so much Nisey. Sorry to hear about your ex and your broken bones. I'm glad you left him and are much happier today. My AH has a temper himself and is probably capable of hurting me if he is drunk and angry enough.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
All good points, yours and others
our marriage has been tainted from the get-go
My AH has a temper himself and is probably capable of hurting me if he is drunk and angry enough
My level of toleration has disintegrated down to a pathetic level.
As an alcoholic, no time is a perfect time. Any time, this time, that time will give him an excuse to go on a bender. If it rains we drink, if the sun shines we drink. I'm sure you have noticed that pattern at this point. You need to start thinking about yourself. You can not help your husband or your marriage alone. Focus on yourself. That is all you can do at this time. Your husband will do what he will do.
New things have come to light
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Downtown Nashville , TN
Posts: 306
Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self- deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum.
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum.
i tried some controlled drinking, i dont even know how long it lasted, but i know it wasent long. after that last drink all i could think about was the next one.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 131
meg,
my alcoholic bf was violent when drunk. and angry when drunk, and angry when hung over. lets see... broken finger for me, tried to choke me, tried to break my arm, kicked me, tore off all my clothes and threw me out of the house in a cold rain, cut the phone wires, broke my possessions, oh and yes, verbally abusive also. the worst words, bitch being one of the nicer ones. he is no longer in my home. i put up with it for seven years. i put up with the apologies and also the blame that he put on me for his behavior.
oh and did i mention every single holiday ruined? and so many broken promises i lost count.
i was so sick myself in the end my doctor almost hospitalized me as i was an emotional basket case. a complete breakdown.
i am getting better now. it will take time.
i too can take care of myself. i too always had a good job (he just made enough to get by. always had enough for beer though, even though he often couldn't give me anything for household expenses.)
you have one life on this planet. make a clean break.
rider
my alcoholic bf was violent when drunk. and angry when drunk, and angry when hung over. lets see... broken finger for me, tried to choke me, tried to break my arm, kicked me, tore off all my clothes and threw me out of the house in a cold rain, cut the phone wires, broke my possessions, oh and yes, verbally abusive also. the worst words, bitch being one of the nicer ones. he is no longer in my home. i put up with it for seven years. i put up with the apologies and also the blame that he put on me for his behavior.
oh and did i mention every single holiday ruined? and so many broken promises i lost count.
i was so sick myself in the end my doctor almost hospitalized me as i was an emotional basket case. a complete breakdown.
i am getting better now. it will take time.
i too can take care of myself. i too always had a good job (he just made enough to get by. always had enough for beer though, even though he often couldn't give me anything for household expenses.)
you have one life on this planet. make a clean break.
rider
One brief hour...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
Thanks for the posts everyone. Yeah Slowbriety... cutting down is not the answer for him and it will not last. Waiting for the shoe to drop...
Rider, I'm sorry to hear about all you went through, but am sooo happy for you that you got the Hell out of there. I feel pretty stressed out and basketcasey too these days. It is so difficult to work and be "out in the world" when you have all this personal turmoil going on inside you. I almost feel like I can't function, but I have to make myself function!
Yep- I agree with the one life sentiment and I feel like I'm wasting mine right now. I will do something about this, but it will be a matter of time. Thank you so much.
Rider, I'm sorry to hear about all you went through, but am sooo happy for you that you got the Hell out of there. I feel pretty stressed out and basketcasey too these days. It is so difficult to work and be "out in the world" when you have all this personal turmoil going on inside you. I almost feel like I can't function, but I have to make myself function!
Yep- I agree with the one life sentiment and I feel like I'm wasting mine right now. I will do something about this, but it will be a matter of time. Thank you so much.
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