Spangle

Well it's been a while since i last came here. I Feel a little bad about it but i 'm back now. i'm really searching for some truth out there, some guidance to the crumbled structure of my life. At least that's how i feel right now. Saturday night and i've just turned down a chnce to go out with friends to see a band in some country club. 2 years ago i would have jumped at the chance, what's the band called? doesn't matter, not relevent. Lets get pissed...
So that's how i saw things, my life revolved aroung booze, everything from going to see a film at the cinama to a quiet night in.
So now when my friend asked me, it just seems very dull and pointless even if the band was worth listening to. Sitting in a noisey room watching my friend's etc getting slowly hammered as i sip my controversial mineral water or gassy coke.
So here i am, used to feel bad about not going to such occasions' now i don't care. Yet still i worry where my life is going and my lack of social circles has now diminished to the odd friend here or there who i may see in the day at the weekend or work.
I went to the AA 2 months in. I'm going to be honest and say it's a good thing they do but it don't work for everyone. 2nd time i went i found myself joining hands in a circle and singing halaylouya. Don't get me wrong, i believe in God but the whole thing was a bit too spiritual and didn't thnk it was right for me.
The British drinking culture is everywhere. I once heard someone say at an AA meeting "It's not the not drinking that gets me, it's all the others who drink around me"
Seeing people pissed up bugs me, especially when they try to enage me in intelligent conversation by choosing long words to repeat and slur. falling around and farting and acting like dicks.......
Maybe i have become an antialcohol nut. Yet deep within i am lonely without it and the good times i had in my life with it. In moderation it made me, and in excess it broke me.
2 years from a shivering wreck out of there fragile mind going through delerium tremons, no drugs to stabalise me, not knowing what was realy happening and whether i was going to wind up in a phyciatric hospital for the rest of my life. From that to normality or as normal as it gets on Cipramil and zopiclone
I live alone. i have a girlfriend who is currently stuck in Russia.I work a lot, struggling to keep my head above water.
Drink nearly turned me into a fruitcake, it was the scariest thing i ever had to go through, it made a bad acid trip look fun. Tremons is bad, has anyone been through all that? Please let me know, i could realy do with talking to someone in the same boat.
I still take each day as it comes, some days are good others not so good.
AA i noticed that you're all hugging and evryone's you're brother but then when the hour is up they just disband.
What do people do if there like me and don't have families to go home to.
All my friends are drinkers or druggies. I just want happiness yet feel alone isolated. Is there any clubs or meeting that i can go to where events or outings are arranged?. i live in the UK, near London. It makes me sad that i know i'm a nice person with a lot of fun and love inside me. What's more i realy believe i could help some people.
2 years off the grog. Hip hip hooooooray.
Please feel free to check out 1st posting for details of my Delerium tremons and the begining and end of alcoholism.
God bless you all
Spangle

Justme57

Hi there ! Congrats on your 2 years sobriety , I am just over 2 years myself.

having said that , I don't think I could have kept sober, and faced life sober, if it had not been for AA. it is a pity that you did not persavere til you found a group which suited you .

i also live alone, and unlike you , do not have a boyfriend, but I do have a dog ! LOL He has been my lifesaver .

I work, and have formed a great group of friends in AA. We go bowling, have bar b ques, walk our dogs , have coffee, do "group" visits to meetings farther away. i isolated myself completely when I drank, went to work , came home and drank , alone. I drank for 37 years, and I am here to tell you , that it takes ACTION on your part to participate in LIFE. Working the steps of AA has given me the insight , and the tools to live a HAPPY sober life .

I might add, that I am a 59 year old woman, and I mix with all ages of friends , and it has given me a whiole new outlook. I have even been able to help some new people with rides ect . makes me feel good to help others

recovery is only achieved by ACTION..... it doesn't come by osmosis LOL

HUGX
Lee

TRISH1011

Dogs are wonderful company. I have two. THey are beautiful, and are always willing to offer you their love. Even if it comes in the form of a slobber and fur fest

Justme57

I had just had my blue dog , lucky ,put down , a couple of weeks before I quit, and when i was 3 months sober, i was offered the little morsel up there in my Atavar. he was tied to a clothesline ,, and destined to be abandoned. He was quite ill when I got him, so we nurtured each other , and has been a blessing ever since

Name of mr . Spot

HUGX
Lee

Spangle

Glad to here that you made it over the 2 years.

I think i need a a dog, if it weren't for the fact i live in a flat i would have got one a while back. Maybe i'll get a cat again.
On the AA subjct, Well as far
as i know, in my area there is only one, but they have different venues which are different in method, maybe i will go again. Although they don't as a far as i know do excursions etc out of the circle. I think there couild be people there who may want to. For me i am over the temptation, it's like drinking scares me, makes me think i'll loose me mind if i touch one drop again. The drink gave me horrendous panic attacks leading to a breakdown then quitting then severe DT'S. I drank for about 15 years wasn't till the end it all happened
I know have to make more effort getting out and meeting people on similar paths.
I'd like to think that someday i could have a few beers with frends or drink wine with my dinner at Christmas. My doctor says i can but then my dotor neglected to see me when i was delerious and close to being sectioned as i went through delerium tremons unaided.
I'm feeling good today, i was pleased that you replied "Justme57".
Id there a sight or a forum for people who have experienced Delerium Tremens? God knows i 've looked

CarolD

for your 2 years!


AA + a hobby + a cat
is my answer to your plight.

michaelj

Spangle,
Welcome to SR from a fellow Londoner. I can relate to a lot of what you say, it does seem very difficult to take part in anything that does not include alcohol. The drinking culture in the UK is all pervasive and makes you feel like a cpmplete outsider. I have a grown up family with a grandchild on the way and a job that involves meeting a large number of people so I get a fair amount of contact and mental stimulation. I am sure that I would be lost without it.
Like you I can't do AA but I am quite happy doing my own thing as far as sobriety is concerned. Have you thought about sports and pastimes that would bring you into contact with others without the necessity to booze along the way? What about voluntary organisations such as the Samaritans?
I don't know the first thing about delerium tremens, I hope you find the information you are searching for.
Best wishes
Michael

Spangle

Thanks Carol i think i'll try the cat thing. i used to have one , i do miss it.

Spangle

Thankyou for you're words Michael. It's nice to talk to someone who see's things the same. You're right about going and joining a club or something. Sumaritans? i'm not so sure. I could talk someone away from drinking but when it comes to suicide there is little margin for error. It's a generalisation of what little i know about them......Maybe i'll look into it.

Delerium tremens......seems like if anyone has had them are either dead or in a phychiatric hospital. i'll stick around anyways, this is a good place to be right now.
Thankyou Michael and Carol

Spangle

Anna

Spangle,

The thing that saved me when I first got sober was volunteer work. I had just moved to a new city with my husband, but had no job and didn't know anyone. I immediately got involved with volunteer work and it has been a godsend. When I started, I thought I would be offering something to this group, but it turns out that I have been given far more. Get outside yourself and do something in your community to make a difference. You won't have to look very far.

Ideal

Congratulations on 2 years Spangle!!

Regarding withdrawal....check out the link below. There's a lot of good information there on PAWS. Not sure if this is what you're looking for - hope it helps.

Take care...

http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm

brigid

Congratulations on being sober for 2 years, that is great! I don't much like being around drinking at all anymore either, socially things aren't all the rage in my life. But I have my precious friends that I love to see, and I have a number of things I like to do. And for these things I am grateful.

I don't know much about DTs but there was a thread ... I will see if I can find it ... ok ... click the link below

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-82573.html

love brigid

Spangle

Very true Anna, i'm giving this a lt of thought, Thankyou for te positive feedback

Spangle

Thankyou Brigid, it was comforting to read that we share similar circumstances. Big thankyiou for finding that link. Did you read it you're self.
I went through the full Dt's alone, no hospital treatment. I'm amazed i am here looking back on it. I realy am amazed.
To anyone who's trying to give it up and worries about getting the shakes and coping with high anxiety etc. That ain't dt's nor is the sweats, nor is the confusion and the depression.
What could scare someone enough to stop completelely? Liver damage? no
high bood pressure? no. How about falling into complete terror and insanity for 2 weeks with a chance you might end up in a psychatric ward for the rest of you're life? That's what i've been through and it still traumatises me.
If you drinking as soon as you get up and all through the day, you could be close t it. Especiallly if you're panic stricken without . Cut right back and then detox, Don't just go cold turkey like i did. If you do let you're gp know and get you'rself into a clinic or hosptal. Trust me. I did it without this and i wouldn't wish this on any soul.
Some may read this and be detered from the whole idea of packing it in. But if you're drinking for an underlying reason ., Or like me as a guaranteed temperary escapism from lifes problems, or underlying problems.
In short, see it through a be strong , next time round if you give in too it again and go on a wild drinking bender and stop again, it might not be so easy to go straight.
Ever seen loathing LosVegas, that was me times 10. except i lived.
A rather extreme read i know, maybe not quite appropriate for this forum.
I meant not to use scaremongery, i meat it with sincere concern for others.
I'm quite new on here.......Brigid did i go too far?

Anyone please feel free to comment

Regards
Spangle ,

Chy

Hi Spangle and good to see you back. Congratulations on your two years! I to found it difficult to socialize. I still do. I guess for me personally I am content with my family, work, school, and other activities. I had to force myself to take action in getting out of those dooldrums. I use AA as my program of recovery and there are always activities of some sort going on. I go to the big ones with my sponsor but for me the majority of people are single so other then the program we have very few interests in common.

It doesn't bother me being around social drinkers but drunks like I used to be just can't do it. It's been several years since I've been to a bar and I just don't have a desire to do so except occasionally because my husbands a musician. But I always opt out. It's something I've just got no interest in. There is so many things you can be doing to meet new friends. The gym, churches, boys and girls clubs, humane society; and even ways to enhance your education like going back to school and taking courses of interest. The hard part I think is making those first calls, going to the first event or activity isn't it? You won't know unless you try and only you can take those first steps. When it's all said and done though, your still sober so you have to be doing something right!

Spangle

Hi Chy, Thankyou for you're reponse. Sounds like we're on a similar wave length. I despise having to talk to people who are smashed, social drinker are fine though.
I will join something someday soon, it's just knowing what. I've been looking around since i have come back on here. I'm glad i did come back, all you people are a pillar of strength and are helping me get back to positive thinking.
Talk soon
Spangle

brigid

I found that I just jumped into a few things and just tried to make the most of them for a period of time. I got a lot out of doing dancing classes with my girls, but we have changed now and do other things. I got a lot out of getting into a uni course and have stuck with that.

I wouldn't stress too much if it is the absolute right thing for you, just have a go, if you don't like it just change down the line. But I have always found something is gained from everything I have had a go at. Just go in with an open mind and accept whatever it is that you get from it.

Sounds like you had a pretty traumatic experience getting sober, me too (not physical trauma but a very traumatic experience) but worth it in the end. I am sort of thankful because it really helped me to stop drinking and try to live life sober.

Nice to have you here Spangle!
love brigid

Spangle

Thanks Brigid, i was thinking i might go back to college, maybe Art or Music as i used to do both of these quite well. It may not be the ideal but it will get me meeting new people and broaden my horizons. I'm also good with pc's maybe i'll look at things down that road. work keeps me occupied most of the time, but it's weekends that are the hardest. Christmas was realy tough, real annoyed with people trying to force me to drink and looking at me like i had leprasey when i declined and told them i didn't drink. There's a big drink history in my family and friends. My Dad had to stop a couple of years back because of a heart attack and i stopped because of the uncontrollable anxiety attacks. If we both hadnt suffered these things we'd probably be still drinking now. I see my trauma to quitting as a warning, and it realy was a blessing.
Brigid did you read my 1st thread "My story"?
Talk soon
Spangle

Spangle

Thanks for the link , very interesting , a little shocking but quit enlightening at the same time.

Cheers
Spangle

Taiman

Spangle when I first got sober I had the DT's, the whole convulsion thing. I was unable to concentrate or hold a thought. I couldn't concentrate long enough to follow the plot in a 1/2 hour tv show. My motor skills were horrific. I too envisioned spending the rest of my life in a mental hospital, I suffered from a truly horrible clinical depression. I spent the first 6 months in hospital but still not able to get sober then I went to a treatment centre, it took a while to stick but eventually I got sober. I changed many things in my life, my friends, where I lived, new job. I stayed away from heavy drinkers and bars, I choose activities that didn't centre around drinking. Sports - hockey, soccer, baseball,skiing, social clubs - not drinking clubs, I even went to church and joined in on some of their social functions. After a while I started to build up new friends whose primary concern in life wasn't drinking.

I am sorry I don't live in England so I can't suggest any specific clubs. Maybe start with your local municipal government and see what programs and clubs they offer?