Rough day = Rougher Day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: St Louis, MO
Posts: 189
Rough day = Rougher Day
Hi everyone,
I am still kind of reeling emotionally from today...and it all hit me like a ton of bricks.
I didn't drink though , and in my "previous" life I would have.
For that I am grateful.
I will share this in hopes of someone needing the message I have. I am 36 days sober.
I have started to meet so many women in the program, even went to a big book study with my sponsor and other sponsees,.
Her sponsor puts it on at her house, and so anyway it is about 12 women. It was a really good experience for me last night.
I got up today with my regular new routine of prayer and meditation, which is still lame...and I will work on it. I read some SR post and faced my challenging day.
My boss just got back from a 10 day ski trip (fun & frolic) but she came home with guilt (justified) about her business. unfortunately this woman has many issues (believe me I will leave those alone) but anyway started tearing down the work we did for her while she was away, never positive...and the business did not fold while she was gone. Actually it was rather peaceful. anyway...I let her do her insult thing and blah blah blah all day with very little emotion...( she might have read my mind which had (YOU BITCH) all over it. She knows what I am doing with my sobriety and I am wondering if she isn't a bit....jealous maybe. Anyway, i left and I live 3 miles away and in the 5 minute trip I started OBSESSING about a drink. I went into full blown panic and started searching for my sponsors number. Got a hold of someone in the program...and just talking to them for five minutes made me calm down. i cried and shared and listened. This was an incredible learning experience for me in sobriety. I am exhausted and drained. Thank you for letting me share.
Anne
I am still kind of reeling emotionally from today...and it all hit me like a ton of bricks.
I didn't drink though , and in my "previous" life I would have.
For that I am grateful.
I will share this in hopes of someone needing the message I have. I am 36 days sober.
I have started to meet so many women in the program, even went to a big book study with my sponsor and other sponsees,.
Her sponsor puts it on at her house, and so anyway it is about 12 women. It was a really good experience for me last night.
I got up today with my regular new routine of prayer and meditation, which is still lame...and I will work on it. I read some SR post and faced my challenging day.
My boss just got back from a 10 day ski trip (fun & frolic) but she came home with guilt (justified) about her business. unfortunately this woman has many issues (believe me I will leave those alone) but anyway started tearing down the work we did for her while she was away, never positive...and the business did not fold while she was gone. Actually it was rather peaceful. anyway...I let her do her insult thing and blah blah blah all day with very little emotion...( she might have read my mind which had (YOU BITCH) all over it. She knows what I am doing with my sobriety and I am wondering if she isn't a bit....jealous maybe. Anyway, i left and I live 3 miles away and in the 5 minute trip I started OBSESSING about a drink. I went into full blown panic and started searching for my sponsors number. Got a hold of someone in the program...and just talking to them for five minutes made me calm down. i cried and shared and listened. This was an incredible learning experience for me in sobriety. I am exhausted and drained. Thank you for letting me share.
Anne
But Very, Very Bruisable...
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Palm Springs, Ca.
Posts: 548
Whether you believe it or not, that is PROOF, absolute proof, that this thing can work. Don't ever forget this part of your story. It will help many others, today and in the future.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Australia
Posts: 610
Oh, I hear ya!
AWESOME job Anne! Thanks for sharing that.
I find that the old 'fake it til you make it' ie hiding emotions and being all 'serene' lol works well for me...sometimes. Other times my asset becomes my liability and it just piles up on me. I am hoping there is a stage in recovery where I can be all 'serene' yet totally honest to myself about my true feelings as well. Hope so. Anyway, you almost described what I went through, similar anyway.
Have also found it hard to tell sometimes if certain people are jealous of my new found freedom when they act differently towards me, but even then it's their problem eh?
I think you are doing great
Love
DolphinBlue
I find that the old 'fake it til you make it' ie hiding emotions and being all 'serene' lol works well for me...sometimes. Other times my asset becomes my liability and it just piles up on me. I am hoping there is a stage in recovery where I can be all 'serene' yet totally honest to myself about my true feelings as well. Hope so. Anyway, you almost described what I went through, similar anyway.
Have also found it hard to tell sometimes if certain people are jealous of my new found freedom when they act differently towards me, but even then it's their problem eh?
I think you are doing great
Love
DolphinBlue
Last edited by DolphinBlue; 01-07-2003 at 12:24 AM.
Paused
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 18
Hi Anne,
Quite a day, Anne. You handled it beautifully. I was happy to read the comment
you made at the end.
"This was an incredible learning experience for me in sobriety."
I remember when I started realizing that same thing. After a few of those types of
incidents, I learned that sobriety is a total learning experience. And in addition
to being grateful for not drinking, I could also be grateful for the event that made
me so crazy.
One thing that helps me is out of the Big Book. It is two paragraphs long, begins
at the bottom of page 66 and starts "This was our course." It talks about the
seemingly sick people that we will encounter in our lives. The Big Book gave me
another way to view these people and, at the same time, taught me one of the
ways to achieve serenity. However, I still have to be on guard because sometimes
I just react and revert to old ways of thinking. I try to always thank God for the
things I like as well as the things that I perceive as being bad. As it turns out,
the bad things were just perceptions because I didn't have any other way to handle
them.
Thanks for reminding me about this. You made my day.
Take care.
Quite a day, Anne. You handled it beautifully. I was happy to read the comment
you made at the end.
"This was an incredible learning experience for me in sobriety."
I remember when I started realizing that same thing. After a few of those types of
incidents, I learned that sobriety is a total learning experience. And in addition
to being grateful for not drinking, I could also be grateful for the event that made
me so crazy.
One thing that helps me is out of the Big Book. It is two paragraphs long, begins
at the bottom of page 66 and starts "This was our course." It talks about the
seemingly sick people that we will encounter in our lives. The Big Book gave me
another way to view these people and, at the same time, taught me one of the
ways to achieve serenity. However, I still have to be on guard because sometimes
I just react and revert to old ways of thinking. I try to always thank God for the
things I like as well as the things that I perceive as being bad. As it turns out,
the bad things were just perceptions because I didn't have any other way to handle
them.
Thanks for reminding me about this. You made my day.
Take care.
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Fantastic Anne.Absoloutely fabulous.
Your sharing is a classic example of programme at work.I got goose bumps reading it.
Please dont feel your efforts at prayer and meditation are lame.You have planted a small seed that has just started to grow.The mighty oak was once just a small seed too but it was never.....never lame.
Peter.
Your sharing is a classic example of programme at work.I got goose bumps reading it.
Please dont feel your efforts at prayer and meditation are lame.You have planted a small seed that has just started to grow.The mighty oak was once just a small seed too but it was never.....never lame.
Peter.
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